Blame

Much of what I remember is so contradictory to what everyone says happened. Although I am convinced of what I know, I am still left doubting. It is hard not to doubt when everyone else believes otherwise. But I guess it is understandable that what I remember and what really happened is a bit obscured, I was very young when it all happened after all. However, every time I close my eyes, the imprinted images play over and over again in my head, building and creating a version of truth I can neither deny nor doubt. My brother made sure of it.

Itachi, forever the bane and reason for my existence. My hatred of him drove me like a demonic force, constantly pushing, at times even enticing me deeper into my hatred. Yet, my love for him makes believing everything that much harder, it makes keeping my hatred against him near impossible. My preternatural love for him turns my hatred into a noose, slowly tightening around my neck.

I miss him and I hate that I do. That seems to be the norm with my brother. His name, his existence, seems to be synonymous with hatred. He is the beginning of it and my hope has always been that he would be the end of it too. Killing him was meant to be my happily ever after, if I dear be so cliché. However, after killing him, I found that my hatred was not extinguished but rather deepened. It grew vast and beyond the neat four walls Itachi had created within my head.

Is this greater, deeper hatred what he was trying to protect me from by tormenting me with imagines of my parent's slaughter? Was he forcing down my throat the lesser of the two evils?

Does this mean that I hate him less now?

I have always wondered why he allowed only me, of an entire clan, to live. Well maybe not always. I realise now that I had been naïve, believing everything my dear big brother said. But now that what I knew to be truth has been shattered – leaving gaps in my mind, I cannot help but fill those gaps with a resounding "why".

I was so blinded, my childish mind used against me. I should have asked why when I had the chance. I should have seen this coming. I have prided myself on being a prodigy in falsehood. A real prodigy would have never allowed themselves to be strung along. The Sharingan has been praised as the all-seeing eye yet it revealed to me nothing of this. I should have seen this coming. If I loved my brother, the way I claim to, I should have suspected that these accusations against him were not true, and yet I was the most active advocate against him. Had I not been so blind or so stupid, I would still have a brother and my hands would not be stained with my kin's blood. Maybe even Itachi's hands would have not been stained a guilty red.

But would I have been able to do anything? If I had been able to see as I keep hoping, would I have been able to change Itachi's mind. Was it even my place to try to change his mind? Am I just fooling myself? Am I doing to myself what Itachi had been doing to me all this time - being made the fool?

Maybe I was never meant to know or see some things. Even with the Sharingan, some things remain hidden for a reason. Maybe it was fate, perhaps I was never meant to know a brother's love – to know the feeling of belonging. I guess emotional destitution has always been my fate. Fate has been a master that I have slaved under since my conception - having been born into the cursed Uchiha Clan. Cursed to be feared, used and disposed of.

That is, after all, the reason for the massacre of the Uchiha; out of fear of the upcoming coup, Konoha used my brother to dispose of the problem. Leaving my brother forever branded a traitor.

Konoha is in the middle of everything. It was on their careless orders that I lost everything - everyone.

Of course, I should have seen it all along. I did not need my Sharingan to see because it has been clear as day form the very beginning. This was never the curse of the Uchiha. It has always been Konoha's doing, Konoha's curse. They used you, Nii-san. They took you away from me.

For the deep betrayal under which they have subjected you, upon your blood cooled by death, I promise I will not allow this disgrace to continue. Nii-san, I know you had some unfounded loyalty towards that accursed village, but I will not let this injustice remain with impunity. No deed goes unpunished and I will yield to my punishment just so you will be avenged.

He was too trusting, too forgiving, and those foul people scavenged off it. I don't know how they got you wrapped around their finger so tight that you would do their bidding, but whatever it is, I cannot accept it.

For a time I thought I was ready to go back to the village, ready to let my revenge thirsty heart die with you. But when I found out that you killed everyone on the order given by the Konoha council – that I despised you for something you were never responsible for – I refuse to let sleeping dogs lie. Konoha will pay for this, with the only currency they best understand - blood and death.

Well, this took me longer to write than I expected but it is done nonetheless, finally.

SweetHeaven, Thank you so much for being my first ever reviewer, I appreciate it a million. I probably would have not pushed myself to write something remotely audience worthy without your support :)

To every- and anyone who happens to stumble upon this fic, thank you for taking the time to read, I hope you enjoyed it. Please do drop me a review or a private message; I would really love to hear from you.

.o0 -Nanri- 0o.