Disclaimer: Of course I don't own the characters.
A/N: I figured I'd go ahead and put this out there even though it should be set in May sometime.
Cindy made her way to the door, she knew it was one of three people so she didn't bother to look. She pulled the door open with little enthusiasm, "hey."
"Hey yourself." Jill responded.
Not moving to allow Jill to enter Cindy simply leaned against the door frame. "What's up?"
"Just checking on you."
Cindy scowled and moved into the apartment, "of course. Better check on little Cindy."
Jill followed her into the apartment, although the tone of her friend's voice almost had her regretting her decision. Lindsay and Claire both suggested they leave the girl alone for today, but Jill just had to see her.
"Just a little weird to not see you at a crime scene. I mean, nobody ducks the tape like you." Cindy turned to glared at her and Jill took the meaning immediately. This was not going to be one of their light and teasing conversations. "And you weren't returning anyone's calls," she added seriously.
"I sent Claire a text and told her I was taking the day off."
Jill shook her head. "I know what you're doing," she accused.
"I'm not allowed a day to myself once in a while?"
"Not today. No."
Cindy could feel her frustration building, but tried to keep it at bay. "What's it to you?
Jill was almost too stunned to respond. "What's it to us? Dammit Cindy, this is not a great day for us either."
"I'm the one that got shot." Cindy yelled, finally losing control of her emotions.
"I know that." Jill yelled back.
"I'm the one that should be dead."
"No. Don't say that. That wasn't supposed to happen."
"I'm alive because of millimeters."
"I know that." Jill's voice was barely a whisper.
"And I'm the one that has to live with it every day. It's one of the first things I see in the morning and one of the last at night." She ran her hands through her hair trying to calm herself. "When I got up this morning I just couldn't look at it, so I'm taking the day off. From all of it."
Cindy turned her back to Jill and let out a ragged breath. "Sometimes I just don't feel alive," she admitted as she looked back at Jill. "You know how many dates I've turned down this year? The thought of somebody else seeing the scar and asking questions, I just couldn't deal with that. Talk about a mood killer."
Jill moved forward to stand directly in front of her, and she looked up questioningly when Jill's hands moved to the buttons of her pajama top. She put her hands over Jill's, "don't"
"I want to see it and I won't need to ask any questions."
"Jill?" Cindy's voice shook with nerves.
"Do you know how many dates I've had this past year?" Jill asked as she kept working the buttons.
"I don't know, I lost count by July," Cindy smirked.
"How many second dates then?" Jill returned. "I didn't want an actual relationship with anyone else. I wanted you." To take away some of the disbelief in Cindy's eyes Jill dipped her head and gently kissed the mouth below hers. "I wanted to do that a year ago. But when I realized how quickly it, how quickly you, could be taken from me I chickened out."
Cindy sighed. "When you were sitting with me in the hospital, I really wanted you to," she admitted.
When Jill finished with the buttons she pushed Cindy's top off of her shoulders and let it fall to the floor. "God, you are beautiful," she whispered as she lowered her head and kissed the scar in the middle of Cindy's chest. "I want this to be the first thing I see in the morning and last at night." She looked up and locked eyes with Cindy. "Not as a reminder that you almost died but to remind me that you are still here...with me."
As the tears streaked her face Cindy put her arms around Jill's neck and pulled her into a deep kiss. Feeling truly alive for the first time in a year.