This story is dedicated to my best friend - she really loves Pokemon, and she loves Serena. I really appreciate her friendship and never wavering support :)
I can actually relate to Serena, as I had a similar experiences. Childhood best friend, meeting him again after 10 years, falling in love... It didn't go so well from there on, but it's still hope for Serena, right? :D
The book 'The Only Alien On The Planet' by Kristen Randle is forever a source of inspiration for me, especially the writing style. I listened to a lot of a-ha while writing this (I love Morten Harket's voice), thus both 'Summer Moved On' and 'Crying In The Rain' have sneaked themselves into this story - it just fit too well to not do it. And weirdly enough 'I Feel Pretty' from West Side Story also made an appearance. Naturally, I own none of them, neither do I own Pokemon.
I hope you enjoy this :)
You'll Never See Me Complain
The sun is really beating down. I never knew Kanto could be this hot. I'm the odd one out in this picture, though. Small fairy tale houses seem to fit right into this little village, blossoming in the summer while I'm wilting. Like that woman – comfortably smiling inside layers of clothes, while still working with her rose garden without even breaking a sweat. Hot and melting, that's how I feel.
Surreal, bizarre, that's me walking down this street. In his hometown. But I've decided to not let this faze me, after all, I have my own life. Even though the lab will be filled with his pokemon, and memories of him. I can handle that. I'm prepared this time, no longer a naive little girl. I can surely do this.
It's not a big deal anyway. I have my own pokemon, my partners. They will support me no matter what, just like I will do anything for them. They will not leave me.
I feel sticky, while not in the least witty and gay. It's strange how one person can have such influence on one's self esteem, to the point where the meanings of others are completely eclipsed.
I want to feel stunning, and charming, and wanted. By him. But the need is greatly reduced, I'm taking back my life, bit by bit every day. Even those as hot and scolding as this one. Maybe I could take a swim in that little bay? I wouldn't want to present myself in this condition to the professor. A rest would do me good anyway.
The grass is soothing against my feet, but the water is better. I let myself sink down in it, and it's cold, fresh, with a surprising amount of Magikarp hiding behind the surface. They look calm, free of all burden in their little school, occasionally splashing each other affectionately. Did our group look like that? Bonnie, Clemont, it's been so long.
It was the worst shock I've ever had the displeasure of experiencing. It should not surprise you so, Iris had said, after all, you know him, and you've been aware of his history. She was right, sickeningly so, but somehow I had never regarded the situation in quite that way. Maybe I believed I was special? Stupid girl as I was, I must have thought life would always stay that way. And even as he said goodbye, I didn't actually realize what was happening before I was suddenly very much alone.
If only I could be one of those serene Magikarp.
My legs carries me sluggishly back up. For a moment I close my eyes, just to feel how the water rushes past me, frothing white as it breaks against rocks. I let the droplets on my skin evaporate into the warmth, leaving me fresh. I will start anew, I will. If he could do it, so can I.
The grass is cool and soft. Laying here, smelling the summer, my thoughts drifts to the Flabebe at home. They would always hide between the lily-of-the-valley, sometimes peeking out from behind a petal. There is no such shy blossom creatures here.
"Pika!"
No... No way!
"Chuuu"
I bolt upright, and snap my head in the direction of the sound. Too late. A distinct, retreating shadow disappears behind some trees. Pikachu is skipping happily after. I shout. Well, I try anyway. Suddenly no sound will come forth. My mouth feels dry, and my heart is beating its way out of my chest.
He is gone. Perhaps that's for the best. What could I have said to him anyway, in this messy state? I can just see myself blurting it out. Stay. Don't just walk away. Don't leave me again. Don't let me be alone another day. Great. And then what? Oh, yes, forever for you Serena! Right. Nope, better get my stupid hormones under control. It's only chemical reactions anyway, a string of signals and receptors. Nothing to warrant this cocktail of dread and happiness. I remind myself: I'm done.
Done, done... Done. Done?
Definitely. I was taken by surprise, but I'm all right now... Nevertheless, perhaps it's best to keep my distance – just to be safe.
We had been the perfect fairy tale story. Childhood friends, separated for years, unexpectedly meeting again. Forging the friendship anew, falling in love... I think I fell for this idea, maybe as much as I fell for him. Still my heart does this stupid stunt just at the sight of his shadow. And the heaviness in my chest has a hard time fading. Stupid. He regards me as nothing more than a friend, in fact, I think he's in love with someone else.
The truth is, there is no one like him. Who could possibly hope to compare?
Still I'm getting better.
I start to collect my things. I'm no good just sitting here, wallowing in self pity. I'm done digging myself down the drain.
My feet drags a little in the dust, and I have to reprimand them into walking properly. I do have my dignity.
Professor Oak is warm and welcoming, and secretly, I regard him as an on-my-journey grandpa. Tracey smiles friendly, but he's a strange one – later on I catch him sketching me. I let him, though. His pokemon surrounds me for a while, and good graces, is there many of them! Some cuddles affectionately, others are just curious. All along I smile, always, as Aria told me to. I'm pretty good at hiding behind a cheerful face by now. My visit is short, just enough to let the professor prepare me for my Kanto adventure, and long enough to not be rude.
Slipping out, my eyes have to adjust to the orange glow of sunset and shadows stretching, reaching for the horizon. And I see him again, some distance in front of me. The unmistakable shape of Pikachu waggled comfortably on his shoulder gives him away. Under the cap, this strange light somehow brings out an auburn hue in his hair. It's beautiful. Or maybe the sun actually is this strong around here? I should perhaps acquire sunscreen and a broader hat. Maybe one of those made of straw, with a ribbon of silk attached. And he will look at me, and think... Nothing. Because I'm not doing that. I'm definitely not.
"Ash!"
He stops. His head moves, as he looks around for the source: Me, immediately regretting it and scolding myself. Me, finding myself hiding in a bush, all sense of dignity apparently thrown to the wolves. I don't even dare peek out of here now. This is too embarrassing.
He is soon gone, and I start walking again, breathing in the evening air. I pass all the homes, and wish for a moment I could stay inside one such fence, in my own separate world. Me and my friends. The smile I flash to the old lady on the porch slips effortlessly off, as I enter Viridian Forest.
It's dark in here, perhaps I should have taken that offer at the Professor's after all. But I was so strained back there. The well-meaning outsider might make things worse – I would not be less lonely at the lab. I miss the cheery siblings, even their bickering could have kept me company. Clemont would have revealed an invention 'precisely for a situation like this'. And we would set up camp together, and Bonnie would share my tent, grinning from inside her Tyrantrum pajamas.
A drop of water touches my nose. Another one soon follows. Somehow the clouds gathered in the horizon have razed over to my above, bringing the wet curtain.
Alone.
A new drop slips down my cheek, of the salty kind. More follows. There is pain. The heartache he left me with. And the emptiness. He will never see the tears. No one will ever see me complain. Because – I do my crying in the rain.
Everywhere are droplets, hurling themselves from the sky and my eyes alike. Pain. Tears. Rain. They merge. A shiver wrecks through my body, snapping me to attention, Fumbling and hurriedly I set up the tent, to hide inside. At least I won't get sick.
Softly the drums sound on the roof of my tent. They intensify, as the wind picks up and pulls at my little hideout. Thus time can pass, and so does the clouds. Outside the earth is moist and damp, washed clean, a new beginning. I call out Braixen, and she helps me set up a bonfire. I pull out that smile, she deserves better than to worry about me. The flames brings out early autumn colors, red, orange and yellow, in the flowers scattered on the forest floor. I want to join that carefree dance of fire. Turn wild, leave all expectations of behavior and smile behind, in the deep night.
"Hey, are you ok?" A warm hand comes to rest on my shoulder from behind.
"Pika?"
So, he found me anyway. "Hi Ash." The hand retreats as if burned. Deep breath. Turning around, I see my boy crouching in front of me, Pikachu on his shoulder and cap on his head. And I nearly fall backwards, squealing in shock. Wide blue eyes looks back, the owners face splitting in a wide grin.
"I thought you were-"
"You know Ash!" The boy fixes me with those intense eyes, cutting me off abruptly.
"We traveled together in Kalos." I'm sort of in a daze. Really I should have expected this, meeting his old acquaintances in his own region. The boy nods in understanding, and his amazingly dark ocean gaze starts to wander over my little campsite.
"Me and Ash go way back. I thought I heard someone calling for him earlier today." I hope my face don't show how jumbled I feel inside. "We have always been very similar, I understand your confusion." His grin has taken on a teasing glint, and I get busy fighting off a blush. Thankfully he is a boy of mercy. "I'm Ritchie. This is Sparky."
"Pika Pikachu!"
"Nice to meet you both. My name is Serena." I grip the outstretched hand. He's warm, it feels nice.
"Do you mind if we join your campsite? We haven't really settled for the night, and it's getting pretty late." His easy smile reaches me, and I can feel my shoulders release their tension. Somehow my own smile makes its way out on its own, and stays without force. A confirming nod from me, and Ritchie starts unpacking and setting up his own tent. Sparky helps the best he can. "So how come you're in Kanto, alone?"
I flinch a bit, but maybe it goes unnoticed. My smile, however, dies. Deep breath. "I wanted to see the region, after hearing so much about it."
He gives a throaty sound, like contemplating my words, locking his gaze on me again. I get the feeling he can see right into my core. Those blue, smoldering eyes.
"I miss my friends." I sort of blurt it out, fast and fierce.
His expression turns gentle, sympathizing. "I know the feeling."
We sit in silence after that, watching the flames reach up for the rustling leaves above. They cast his eyes in the shadows, whilst his hair is set to glow. I think he disappears to his own thoughts, perhaps pondering over distant memories. I try to stay in the present, just feeling, observing everything.
Morning breaks, waking us both with the chirping of happy Pidgey, and a leafy curtain which lets the light gently through. He greets me good morning, and easily my smile appears again. We make breakfast together, eating in a comfortable companionship like old friends. But we're not. Which becomes painstakingly clear as we both pack our things, getting ready to go separate ways. Strangers, barely acquaintances, at the best. A heavy something has settled inside me, waiting to sink me the moment he is gone.
As he straps his backpack, Ritchie gives me a long, thoughtful look. He sports a small, all-knowing smile. "Say, do you want to travel with me?"