Link's Revenge: An OOT crack-fic
Disclaimer: I don't own Ocarina of Time. If I did the Cuccos would be Link's dinner.
I was on a 5 hour flight and bored out of my mind, so I wrote this fic. It's rated M to play it safe.
…
It was midnight in Kokiri Village. The entire population was asleep, with the exception of one Hylian warrior and a horse. That warrior was Link the Chosen One of course. What was he doing?
Why, he was delivering a package. As soon as he arrived at his destination, he gently placed the parcel next to his target's front door.
"That ought to teach Mido not to falsely blame me for the Deku Tree's demise." Link whispered before hopping onto Epona and returning to Goron's domain.
The next morning, Mido noticed a package with a note on his doorstep. The note read "Happy Birthday. Signed, Dr. Octorok."
Mido raised an eyebrow. "Today isn't my birthday. Oh well, I'll take the gift." Mido then opened the package to reveal a baby Cucco.
"What is this? I didn't ask for a pet! Get lost you cock!" Mido shrieked as he stupidly kicked the poor Cucco. The Cucco called upon the Cucco Revenge Squad, who arrived within 10 seconds. The army of Cuccos subsequently pounced on Mido.
"AAAAAAAA!" Mido screamed running around Kokiri Village as the Cuccos pecked his testicles and took acidic shits on his tunic.
Word broke out about Mido the Nude Eunuch, the new laughingstock of Hyrule. King Harkinian was watching the news on a 69-inch TV at Goron Hot Springs. He was especially pleased about Mido getting his well-deserved dose of comeuppance.
"Mah Boi! This vengeance is what all avengers strive for!" The King exclaimed expecting a response from Link. "Link? Are you okay?"
Link was apparently knocked out from Zelda breaking a wet Farore's Wind on his face. In other words, he was not okay.
The fucking end.