Q was getting tired of 007's constant habit of bringing things back in one piece. More like one whole piece, even pieces. Or not at all for that matter. The Aston Martin for example was brought back in just one whole piece with dents and more wear and tear damage than necessary after the Skyfall incident. Just a shell of a once magnificent car. His jaw dropped when he saw it being brought in. Let's not forget to mention the new model that was meant for 009. Drowning before its time.
It really became a nuisance for the MI6 Quartermaster.
"Hello?" The bespeckled man asked while receiving a call from a blocked number.
"Good day to you Q."
"What is it now 007?"
"You know that gun you gave me. The one that could shoot poison darts?"
"Yes, what are you implying?"
"You see…"
"You lost it...didn't you?"
"I wouldn't say I lost it...It's just in the hands of a 5 year old." Q swore that he would've spit his tea at the comment if he was drinking it at the moment.
"And why is it in the hands of a child?"
"I dropped it while jumping over fences to dispose of someone."
"Right...please tell me that it's unloaded." He stated pinching the bridge of his nose.
"It's...BLOODY BOLLOCKS!" Q flinched at the yell and could hear shuffling on the other end.
"Shit….well as long as you don't have any red plumed darts…"
"My god he shot the cat."
"Fluffy wake up, it isn't nap time." Q could hear the voice of a small child.
"Please tell me the plume isn't red…." he mumbled.
"Sorry but Fluffy needs to go on a much needed mission." 007 stated whilst picking up the cat from the ground. "Would you mind giving me that gun back?"
"Why? What kind of mission?" The boy asked clutching the gun close.
"One that requires the Queen's services." The child looked up at Bond gobsmacked. He handed the gun back without hesitation.
"Will I ever see Fluffy again?" He asked after getting over the news.
"I'm sorry but Fluffy is needed to help save the world. You may never see him again."
"All right, just make sure he doesn't do anything dangerous." The child replied.
"Of course."
"Good bye fluffy." The boy stated. He then started walking up a trail back to his home.
"You didn't." Q mumbled.
"Oh I had to."
"You just lied to a child!"
"It was absolutely necessary. I'm on a mission and I lie when I must. This just happened to be one of those instances. Besides the cat's bloody dead anyway."
"Please remind me to never leave my cats in your care…."
"It's not my fault the child shot his own cat."
"Well it's your fault for dropping the gun. Speaking of the gun, do you have it?"
"Yes I have the gun in one hand and a very dead moggy in the other."
"For cripes sake 007." Q sighed exasperated.
"I never meant for it to happen. Now I must dispose of….Fluffy."
Not even a week had passed when 007 returned from his mission. Another car totalled beyond repair and another 300 or so thousand pounds gone to waste.
"How's the dart gun I gave you?"
"Smashing….or smashed. However you'd like to put it." The agent in question pulled out black pieces of what looked nothing like the gun he'd given him. There was a large chunk that looked like it was bitten by some unruly beast.
"How did you even…" He looked at the smug expression on 007's face and immediately perished the thought. "Never mind, I don't want to know what kind of christ forsaken shit you had to go through to cause this much of a mess." He scooped up the pieces and raised an eyebrow at the older man. "What, no darts?"
"I ran out of them while pursuing the enemy."
"Right…" Q replied rolling his eyes. "Now leave before you make a mess of something else. Come back when you need equipment for the next mission."
"Good day to you then Q." 007 smirked, walking away from the young man.
"Likewise 00." Yet Q couldn't help the nagging feeling that this was only the beginning of Bond's ridiculous antics.