The League was in an absolute buzz that day, but not in the institute. With the day's matches done, every champion who was able stopped by to watch the newest member into their ranks move through the training ground. The previous champion, a corpulent but very well spoken catfish, had not attracted nearly as much attention from the seasoned fighters as this one did.
This new champion was a personification of certain death, a fact made more interesting by the lack of attendance of the Shadow Isles representatives. The champion called themselves Kindred, but also identified separately as Lamb and Wolf. Lamb was a white furred creature, humanlike in appearance but possessed many animalish characteristics, such as cloven hooves. She wore no clothing, save for a black mask in the visage of a wolf which concealed her face. Her eyes shown a piercing blue through the holes of the mask, with many other markings on her body also glowing the color.
Wolf, on the other hand, lacked a body to speak of, and seemed to be a black mist with a wolfish face. Despite his ethereal appearance, he is capable of making his teeth quite substantial to rip targets to shreds. Like Lamb, Wolf also wore a mask over his canid face. This one bore the face of a goat, with shining azure eyes.
The two did not function separately, as two halves of the same whole champion. Even the league's prominent duo champions, Nunu and Quinn, had to acknowledge that the eerily precise synergy of the two seemed otherworldly. And as rumors spread of the Eternal Hunters, each champion of the League of Legends came to watch, study, and plan for when they entered the rift.
One champion in particular devoted her entire attention to the duo…but not for any of those reasons.
Ekko, the Boy Who Shattered Time, was a reasonably recent champion to enter the league himself. Having stopped his own demise with his time altering device, he had taken a champion who was death incarnate with a grain of salt. But as he grew bored of watching the same flips and attacks, his eyes wandered to the girl at the other end of the viewing platform pressing her face against the window. This girl was named Jinx, and she had something of a proclivity towards odd and unusual behaviors such as pressing one's face against a window. But something didn't sit right with Ekko about her behavior.
Jinx had not moved in a whole 60 seconds. Something was terribly wrong.
Ekko took a step back, and ran out the door. If he wanted to help Jinx with whatever she was dealing with, he wanted backup. Turning around the corner, he found what he was looking for. A support.
"Ouch, careful where you're going Ekko. You could have hurt yourself." Said the floating woman in front of him.
This was Janna, a support with the power to control wind and a shield that could turn the tide of a fight. She was unbelievably beautiful, and she and Ekko got along well enough having both grown up on the streets of Zaun.
"Oh, Janna! Perfect! You know you may not have been who I was looking for but I think you are the person I was looking for!" Ekko said as he got up.
"Oh, well you could always call the hotline if you need to talk to me." Janna said with a wink.
Ekko stared for a second and shook his head. Chicks man. "No that's…not what I needed you for. It's Jinx. She's acting weird. Like weird for her. And I figure since you lane with her a lot, you could see what's going on. I mean, we are pretty cool with each other, but I think she'd tase me with her zapper if I interrupt her."
Janna thought for a moment. Then she nodded. "Just tell me where she is."
"Right through here," Ekko said, walking her through the door. He pointed at the immobilized terrorist who was slowly waterfalling drool from where her mouth touched the glass. Janna paused for a second, and took a calming breath before approaching her.
"Um, Jinx dear. You are not behaving like yourself and I am beginning to worry about you. Is something wrong."
Jinx's eyes trained on Janna, and she pulled herself from the window with a popping noise.
"You're darn right there is something wrong here! My entire identity is at stake. Just look at this new champion they pulled in here! That flippin', floppen pair of pre-socks out there has a secret that could ruin me! And I aim to find it!"
Ekko and Janna looked at each other. Ekko then turned to Jinx.
"Are you talking about Lamb? Well, she is pretty mysterious and from what I've heard people say about her she likes to speak in poems. That seems kind of 'out there' from your 'make everyone hear me' and 'bombs speak louder than words' style." Ekko said, moving his arms and making quiet screaming sounds to imitate what Jinx leaves in the Pilty's wake. "Why would you think she has a secret that could rob you of your identity?"
Jinx rolled her eyes and grabbed his head, rapping it with her fist. "Hello? Runeterra to Ekko! Use your teenage boy powers to see what every other dignified woman in the league, minus Annie, has that I don't! I'll give you five seconds to answer. A whole five. Starting now! Think time boy!"
And so Ekko thought. And his timer went up for nothing and Jinx punched him. Rewind time with a new bruise. This process repeated until his nose was bleeding, which Jinx noticed.
"Crimeny you are hopeless! How many times did you try, dude? Like ten…twenty? Ok. Here's a hint. Look at Sheep's chest." Jinx yelled.
So Ekko looked, and really didn't see anything of note.
"I didn't see anything of note." Ekko said.
"DING DING DING! We have a winner. Janna White, tell him what he's won." Jinx shouted, turning back to the window.
Janna seemed to be at a loss. "Jinx, are you talking about Lamb's…bosom?"
"I'm talking about boobs, yes."
"And you are watching to try and see her, boo-ahem, bosom?" Janna said.
"If those nips slip I'll be the first know," Jinx responded, looking Janna dead in the eyes.
All was silent for a few moments. Ekko stood there quietly wishing his Z-drive could still go back far enough to leave well enough alone. Janna wore a face of shock and seemed a little more conscious of her own attire. Jinx was a crazy girl, but neither of them had pegged her for a…
Janna spoke up first. "Wow, Jinx. I didn't realize you swung that way. Although in hindsight it should have been obvi-"
"Oh please, weathergirl," Jinx interrupted, "The only swinging I do is on wrecking balls. Nah, I just wanna see who's bigger. Me or her."
"So you are comparing sizes? Is that what women do?" Ekko said nervously.
"Of course not. I mean, not usually. It's not like there is a ranking for biggest or anything. I mean, we do notice but it's not like-" Janna said quickly before Jinx cut her off.
"You can't go asking girls like Janna here about their boobs, time boy. Dang, that's just so disrespectful. Someone call Hat-lady, we got a pervert on the loose!"
"Like you can say anything! It's not like I've been watching Lamb all day just to see her boobs!" Ekko said, realizing how loud he just was. A quick glance around showed that at least no one else was there to hear him say that.
"Nah, nah, nah, homes. When a girl looks at another girl's rack, that ain't perverted. That's a girl sitting there like, 'Wow what a respectable rack that woman has. Probably doesn't even need a push-up bra or nothing." Jinx said with a fake posh accent reminiscent of a certain officer.
She continued. "Like I could say that Janna here has got herself a good set of gazongas and that ain't perverted. I could say that Leblanc's boobies are holding themselves really well for a woman of her age and that ain't perverted. I could say that Sona's got some luscious milky tits that belong on statues in Demacia and that ain't-"
"Janna are you hearing this?" Ekko said, letting the psychopath go on about how if Rek'Sai's dorsal fin is somehow a giant titty, she is completely allowed to view it for as long as she pleased without a hint of perversion.
"I solemnly wish I was not," the Storm's Fury replied, her left eye twitching.
"-and furthermore, as we omit Annie from the running as that most certainly would be perverted. But she has not yet reached that stage so the point is-"
"JINX!" the poor audience yelled. The Loose Canon was startled by the shouting but quickly recovered.
"Ok, got a little off track there. But the point is, the white one down there has still not let a single boob fly free and that may mean my worst fears have come true…" Jinx said, her gaze shifting to the floor.
Ekko broke the silence. "I can't imagine what that poor spirit's boobs could possibly do to inspire any fear at all, but what is it. Like it or not, we are all ears."
Jinx looked up at them, a tear rolling down her face.
"I might not have the smallest chest in the League anymore."
Ekko's eyes bugged out of his head and he saw Janna cough to keep from laughing aloud. This was what she was so worried about! And here Janna said there was no ranking but honestly, who would have thought anyone would keep track of sizes starting from the smallest. This was so unbelievably "Jinx" that he honestly felt silly for worrying about her.
As Ekko began to speak and Janna tried desperately to avoid cracking up, a voice rang over the intercom.
"Victory"
Kindred's match had finished and only a second later, the two appeared out of the summoning platform. Lamb seemed to be in conversation with Wolf, who had managed to snag a long-tailed squirrel from the rift before winning. They began walking for the door when Ekko noticed Jinx was no longer next to him.
"STOP!" A fake-sounding posh voice shouted.
At the door was Jinx wearing what appeared to be Akali's nurse uniform and a fake mustache. The outfit seemed a lot droopier than normal, especially around the chest. Ekko's hand found his face, but he could not bring himself to stop the debacle Jinx had set in motion. Janna, on the other hand, had shielded herself in a sound-proof bubble as she could no longer hold back her laughter.
"Jou are ze new League of Legends champion, yes? I vas vatching you and vaiting for you to finish. I haf somfing very important zat concerns you, eh, Goat is it?" Jinx said in a horrible portrayal of Heimerdinger's signature accent.
"It is Lamb, actually. Is there something you require of me?" the spirit said in a voice that seemed to reverberate in the surrounding area.
"Jes, senorita! You see, uh, we have certain tings that you have to do with the championitas. You followin' me, ese?" She had switched accents and this one was a little racist.
"I believe I follow. Tell us what you need me to do."
"Well, eh. You see, eh, we have to have all female champions over forty receive a mammogram. Shoot! Hold on! Eh, Eh, Eh. There, that should do it." Whatever accent that was, she had butchered it terribly.
After a moment, Lamb replied. "I see. Very well then, if those are the rules, I will comply."
"Sugoi! Now if you forrow me to the croset over here, we can begin the exam, Ramb-chan!" Jinx said in what was certainly more racist accent than the second.
"I will just be a moment, Dear Wolf." Lamb said, entering the closet.
In the awkward silence that followed, Ekko turned his attention to Wolf. The specter seemed to be busying himself with his snack, but met Ekko's gaze.
"What, child?" Wolf growled.
"Um, dude, do you know what's going on?"
"Yes. The blue haired child has been watching us like a hunting hawk all day. She waited a long time to try to make Lamb her prey, but her ruse has not fooled either of us. Lamb jests."
"Well, dawg, you're kinda right. But you're also kinda wrong. You see she really just wants to-" Ekko stammered before the closet door opened.
"Yo, homies. Dis shawty got herself a clean bill of health in her titties. Can a get a shout out from my brotha and sista over here!" Jinx yelled, pointing and Ekko and the recently composed Janna. Now Ekko kind of felt a little angry at this voice, but Janna was sent into a new round of silent hysterics.
Lamb for her part, simply walked out of the closet to her partner. As she came close to Ekko, she whispered, "Cherish her," into his ear. Wolf began to chat with Lamb once more and the Kindred left the room. Ekko looked at his friend, who was wearing a beaming smile on her face.
"So I'm guessing you're still the tiniest chest in the league?"
"Yes-sir-ee! Ain't no one gonna go flatter than me any time soon. I still got my niche market guys!" Jinx yelled, wrapping the two in a hug.
"So if the child did not try to hunt you, why did she stare?" Wolf asked, perplexed.
"I am not fully sure, but perhaps she was simply comparing mountains to mole hills." Lamb replied.