AN: This is a tie-in with my fic called "identities" but can be read on its own.
Just to let you know, this is a Kara/Oliver/Barry story, but it's just towards the end.
Barry's mother was killed much earlier compared to that of the show, Francine never left, Barry wears glasses and doesn't become the Flash.
Yep.
3 years old
Mrs. Helena gives him a big smile as she hands him a piece of paper that has A's in every box. She pats him on the head.
"You've done wonderfully this semester, Barry," she says kindly.
He doesn't know what "wonderfully" means, or what "semester" means, but he does know that if he's made his teacher proud somehow then he's also going to make his Mommy proud too.
"Tank-oo, Miss Hewena!" He says back cheerfully, big grin that shows off his toothless endeavor, upper front teeth to be exact. "Can' wai' to tew Mommy!"
He's practically bouncing on the spot. He can't wait to go home and show Mommy the A's in the boxes because the A's mean good job!
"Hey, Bear!"
He turns. It's his bestest friend in the world.
The little girl grabs his hand that isn't occupied with the paper. "My Daddy's here! Wanna come and play?"
"Yeah!"
He looks up and finds Iris' Daddy in the doorway, but Iris' Daddy looks sad.
They both run over to him.
"Hi, Daddy!" Iris squeals, letting go of his hand to hug her Daddy's leg.
"Hey, baby."
"Can Barry come home and play?"
"Of course."
"Yay! C'mon, Bear! Race ya to the car!"
"Wait, baby, I need to talk to Barry for a second all right? Your mom's outside."
Iris smiles. "Mommy!"
Iris' Daddy watches as Iris runs to her Mommy, arms hugging her Mommy's neck. Then Iris' Daddy faces him and gets down on one knee.
"Barry... something happened to your mom."
#
His Mommy is gone. She's joined Grampa and Gramma in Heaven. She's singing with the other angels but he wishes she isn't. She wants her singing next to his bed just before he falls asleep. He's scared of the dark; Mommy chases away the monsters.
His Daddy is gone, in a place where bad people go. He's happy his Daddy is gone. He's always been a bad man, especially to Mommy. The screaming always woke him up at night.
He wants his Mommy but Iris' Daddy says she can't come back. She has to stay with the angels. Forever and ever. But she still loves him.
He falls asleep in his new room in Iris' home with Iris' Daddy there at his side, promising to take care of him now and to keep the monster — his Daddy — away.
4 years old
Iris' Mommy — his Mommy now too — has a big tummy.
"Do you guys want a sister?" She asks softly from the coach.
On the floor in front of Mommy, he and Iris look at each other and shake their heads.
"Hmm... How 'bout a brother?"
"No!" Iris shouts, which is quickly followed by his own "No," that's less angry.
"Well, what do you guys want?"
"Brownies!"
"Pizza!"
Iris' Daddy — his Daddy now too — bursts out laughing and shuts off the camcorder.
5 years old
He and Iris get a brother. He's so small. Daddy doesn't let him or Iris hold him.
"Can we name 'im?" Iris asks. "I want Kyle!"
Daddy laughs a little. "Sweetie, he already has a name."
"Is it Kyle?"
"No. It's Wally."
"Wally. Ooohhh! We gotta tell Mommy!"
"Wait, Iris—"
Iris is already running.
Daddy doesn't run after her but he looks like he wants to.
There's tears in his eyes. He hates it. It makes him feel like a baby. "Mommy's gone, isn't she?"
Daddy sighs. "Yeah, Bear... Mommy's... gone."
7 years old
Daddy comes home after a hard day's work.
He's playing video games on the TV, Iris is drawing something on the table, Wally's playing with some blocks next to him.
"What'cha drawing there, Iris?" Daddy asks as he looks over to see.
"It's a wanted poster."
Daddy raises a brow. "A wanted poster?"
"Yeah. I'm trying to sell... stuff."
"Then that's not a wanted poster. It's an ad."
"Oh. Yeah. An ad!"
"What kinda stuff are you selling?"
"My brothers."
Daddy tries to cough away his laugh. "You're selling your brothers?"
"Yeah! Five whole dollars." Then Iris leans forward and whispers loudly to him, "We can split it!"
"But aren't you selling Wally and me?"
"Well, yeah, but you can run away and come back. But don't put Wally in a backpack! Just carry 'im."
Daddy chuckles and settles on the coach. "You know I can hear you both."
9 years old
It's Christmas!
And it's Wally's birthday. He's four.
There's snow outside.
Dad lets them play in the snow.
Iris makes snow angels. He makes a snowman. Wally stays by his side 'cause he's scared of the snow.
Until Wally somehow makes a snowball and throws it at Dad's shoe.
By the end of their war, Wally decides he likes snow.
14 years old
Dad sighs when he closes the door to the principal's office behind him.
Iris and Wally are sitting on either side of him; Iris has an ice pack pressed on her right hand.
"You're all grounded," Dad decides. "For a month."
"Oh c'mon! You didn't even hear our side!" Iris complains.
Dad raises a brow, shoves his hands in his pockets and stands straighter. "A bunch of jerks decided to pick on Wally so Barry came and tried to defend him, only to be their next target. Wally shoves them. The bullies shove both of 'em back, Barry's glasses broke and then you came and broke Tony Woodward's nose."
Iris is stunned, mouth open but no words come out. She leans back and glances at him.
He simply shrugs, blinking a bit too fast because his vision really is horrible without his glasses. "I mean, it's basically what happened."
Dad sighs again and brings his hands up to massage his temples. He bends down on one knee to meet them eye to eye.
"Listen. I raised you three to stand up for what you believe in."
"We did! They called Mom—"
"I know."
"And they called Barry a—"
"I know but that does not give you the right to punch people."
"Technically, it was just Iris that punched people—"
"Wow, Wally, thanks for throwing me under the bus."
"Point being," Dad interrupts, "is that you have to control your emotions. And tell somebody! Tell an adult that there's a bunch of punks saying mean things. I always tell you three to never start a fight."
"But—"
"But if you do come up against somebody you know you can't beat, be smart. It's okay to run the other way." He stands and points behind him with his thumb. "Let's go. The grounding starts now. That means no sleepovers," — Iris groans — "no TV," — Wally moans — "and no video games."
His head lolls forward in defeat but he hides a smile Dad can't see. Sure, he needs a new pair of glasses (he's going to have to break his piggy bank) and he can't touch his N64 for a month, but it was totally worth protecting his little brother and watching his sister throw a punch so perfectly that he heard Tony's nose snap.
15 years old
As soon as the bell rings, he's able to spot Wally jump out of his seat and shoot out of Mr. Montgomery's English class. Wally is quick to see him waiting for him.
"Did the Barry Allen skip class?" He asks. "Also, please don't lean against the lockers as if you're cool. You're in the Anime club."
He pushes himself off. "No, I didn't skip; I had a study hall. And you say 'in the Anime club' like it's a bad thing."
"It is when you're in the Astronomy club and Yearbook too."
He rolls his eyes. He knows Wally's just teasing since he knows Wally wants to be on the Astronomy club too, wanting to be an astronaut when he grows up. If anything, Wally's just as big a nerd as he is, just more tamed.
They know they're both avoiding it because confronting it means it's real. But they have to breach it eventually so he goes on to say, "I called Dad. He's already on his way here to pick us up before heading to the hospital."
Wally's posture sags in relief. "Okay, good."
Kids push past them, backpacks fling their way. It's their fault for standing in the middle of the hallway like a bunch of jackasses but they don't care. To them, the rest of the world don't matter. The world's long decided that it doesn't like them simply because they find their family too strange to fit their conventional box so they ignore them. Who needs them when they've got each other?
He doesn't realize he's visibly trembling when Wally puts a steady hand on his shoulder. "She'll be fine, Bear."
He laughs once, humorless. "Shouldn't I be telling you that?"
"What? Just 'cause you're the older brother? That's ageist."
"Is that even a thing?"
"It is now." His phone dings from his hand. "That has to be Dad."
He flips his phone open. "Yeah. He's parked in the entrance. Let's go."
#
Iris' fingers twitch before her eyes flutter open with some difficulty. It's a relief to see such movements when she's remained unmoving for the past hour since she's been released from surgery.
"Hey, guys," she says weakly with a small smile to match.
"Please don't ever scare us like that again," Dad says, inching closer to his Iris' forehead.
Iris frowns. "It's not like I intentionally made my own appendix burst!"
17 years old
"Dad's gonna kill us," Wally says from the backseat as he buckles himself up.
"I'm going to have to agree with the kid," he says from the front seat, also buckling up albeit a tad robotically to cover up the fact that he's a bit terrified.
Wally raises his hands in annoyance. "Five years. You're older than me by just five years."
"Aww c'mon, you guys!" Iris exlaims as she adjusts the rearview mirror and starts the engine to Dad's convertible. "Where's your sense of adventure?"
Without even blinking, he answers, "In the coffin where I'll be buried in 'cause Dad's gonna kill us."
"Or you're gonna kill us. Why can't Barry drive us?"
"'Cause this loser failed his driving test." Iris revs the engine. "Hang on, boys."
#
"We made it five blocks..."
"In my defense, if you're going to jaywalk at night, at least wear bright colors!"
"We're in Fairmont Drive! We barely got anywhere!"
"You kids stole my convertible and crashed it?!"
"Crap! Run!"
"Where?"
"C-Canada!"
18 years old
It's a few weeks till graduation and he's made the decision to come out.
He approaches Iris first because, above all else, she's his sister and his best friend.
(And maybe he's using her as a sort of dry run for Wally and Dad.)
"What?" Iris says, still skirting the end of her laugh when he'd just blurted it out.
"I'm..." He cringes, hating to say the word so he improvises with, "I like girls... and... guys."
There's a look on Iris' face and he can practically see the cogs of her minds spinning. It takes her a few seconds before she breaks into a grin and lightly punches his shoulder, saying, "Dude, I always kinda knew."
He jerks back a little in surprise. "What? What do you mean you always knew?!"
"Remember eighth grade? When you had the biggest crush on that sophomore guy?"
"I did not have a crush on Leonard Snart. He was a jerk."
"Yeah, but remember when he was still on the football team and—"
His cheeks are probably tinged pink. "Okay, you can stop now."
But then she grows quiet, smile melting into that of disappoint. His breath hitches. This is it; he's never going to be her best friend anymore, because of this part of himself that he can't—
"I'm sorry," she says so quietly that he would have missed it if he hadn't been so close to her.
"What are you sorry for?" He says slowly, carefully choosing his words.
"For..." She sighs. "God, Barry, you're my brother and we're best friends. I... We tell each other everything. I ran to you first when I lost Mom's engagement ring. I was the first person you told when you had your first kiss with Linda... I-I'm sorry for not creating an environment where you can talk about this with me. I'm sorry."
By the end of it, he's shedding tears with her. He inches closer and wraps her up in an embrace that comforts them both.
#
Wally's response is less reactive. He doesn't pat him on the back or throw him a thumbs up or say "Cool!"; instead, he asks questions.
Wally asks if he's sure. Wally asks if he's always felt that way. Wally asks if he's seeing anyone right now. Wally asks if he's ever been with a guy.
The more questions Wally asks, the more his fidgeting stops and gets more comfortable freely talking about what's been stuck on his mind for years.
Just as Wally's about to ask presumably another question, Wally's phone dings.
"Ah. That's Dick. I'm heading to his house to finish that science project. See you later, Bear."
He can't help the smile that breaks out on his face when he watches the front door close on his brother.
Things are still the same with Wally.
There's only Dad left to tell now...
#
When he catches Dad one Saturday morning, lounging in the living room, watching his favorite sports channel, he joins him.
He catches his breath so many times just when he's about to tell him but the words keep getting stuck to his throat.
Eventually, Dad sighs and shuts off the TV.
"Okay, what's wrong?" Dad asks. "You've been shaking as if I've had my gun on you so you better tell me right now or so help me—"
"I'm bi."
Pregnant pause.
"What?" Dad asks, leaning closer as if to make sure he heard right.
There's no way to take it back. His shoulders hunch over a bit in defeat.
God, he hates having to say it. The word itself just feels so awful to say and just all around uncomfortable.
When he can't bring himself to say it again, Dad says, "So you're... into both?"
He nods, probably too much. "Y-Yeah."
Dad sighs, but it's more like a relieved sigh than anything. Then Dad leans back and laughs. "Geez, Barry, I thought you'd done somethin' bad."
He laughs along too, just a little; he's still a jittery mess. "What, like crashing your ride?"
"Worse." Dad sighs again. "Listen, Bear, I don't care who it is you choose to love. I only care about if they love you back and that they treat you right."
"Are you... Are you really not mad?"
"Mad? Why would I be mad at you for being who you are?"
"'Cause... 'Cause I'm different. 'Cause I'm letting you down..."
"Barry, look at me, son. I need you to hear this. You like guys and girls, okay, but you're still the same Barry. You're still my son who can't drive a stick. You're still Iris' brother who tries his damnedest to keep her out of trouble, and you're still Wally's brother who encourages him whenever he needs it. Even when the world made fun of you, you pushed through it all. You've conquered so much in your life, Barry, and you've achieved so much more. You've seen more darkness than any man will in a lifetime and you never let it dim your soul."
Dad pushes himself off the coach to walk over to where he's sitting.
He swipes at his traitor tears as Dad puts a comforting hand on his shoulder and squeezes.
"Don't lose that light, Bear. Don't ever think any less of yourself because it doesn't change who you are."
He clutches at his father's hand like a lifeline he never knew he needed.
"I love you, son."
"I love you, too, Dad."
And just like that, he can finally breathe.
19 years old
"Do you really wanna die so quick?" He says through gnashing teeth. He snatches the bottle from Wally's hand and immediately dumps the bottle's contents down the drain.
"Hey!" Wally complains, slurred.
"What the hell were you supposed to do when Dad came home?" Iris yells.
"Guess he'd have to arrest me. Oh wait. I'm a minor."
"God, Wally, you're fourteen."
"So? I'm a man now, right? S'what you told me when you graduated and hightailed it outta here."
"What do you think Mom would—"
"Well Mom's not here, is she? Hey, Mom! Where you at? Oh right, she's gone, dead, buried six feet in the ground!"
He exchanges glances with Iris, both their arms uncross and drop to their sides.
"Is that what this is?"
"This isn't anything! Just leave me alone!" And with that, Wally marches himself up the stairs, straight to his room.
"Hey, come back here—" The door to Wally's bedroom slams shut. "God, it's barely been six months. How the hell did he pick up drinking?"
His hand comes up and he rubs his face in thought. "We left, Iris. He already doesn't have friends in school. None of us did. Then we graduated and moved out to college. We left him alone."
23 years old
"You're dating?" Iris says, complete with faux shock.
Wally gets in on it. "Who would date such a loser? I pray for them."
Iris elbows him in the ribs. Wally doubles over. "Okay, you took it just a bit too far."
"What?" Wally says, light glare on their sister. "We were all thinkin' it! Right, Dad?"
Dad chuckles into his drink. "I don't wanna start any beef with you kids."
Wally grins triumphantly. "See?"
#
Iris hastily pulls him from the living room and into the hallway. She slaps his shoulder.
"Ow! What are you doing?"
"You did not tell me that you're dating Oliver Queen!" She accuses in a hushed voice, peeking into the living room where Oliver Queen stands in his glory, champagne glass in hand as he chats with their Dad.
"I'm dating Oliver Queen." His eyebrows knit, feeling incomplete when he doesn't say it. "And Kara Danvers."
"And how the hell did you keep from me that you're dating Oliver Queen and Kara Danvers?"
He shrugs. "It never really came up?" Iris levels him with a glare. "All right! Maybe it did... I just... I didn't want to make a big deal out of it—"
"You're dating the mayor of Star City and National City's best reporter."
"—Like you're doing right now."
Iris raises her hands in surrender. "Okay, okay, I'll chill... god— Oliver— You know he's on my three list! And now here's here, in our house..."
"Stop ogling my boyfriend!"
"I can't help it!"
Wally comes up to them in the hallway with a huge grin on his face.
"Hey, man, can I borrow your Xbox controller?" Wally asks him, excited.
"What, why?"
"Uh, 'cause your girlfriend's totally awesome? She plays Halo, dude!"
He grins widely. "Oh yeah, she's great. You should see her play Mortal Kombat. She's brutal."
25 years old
He opens his eyes to harsh lights that dig into his eyes, and music that makes him want to bang his head against a car door.
"Who are you?" He demands the pair of people he's never seen before.
"Oh my god, he's awake," the male with the long hair says with wide eyes.
The female shines a light in his eyes with no warning. "Your pupils are equally reactive to light. Blood pressure: one thirty over ninety. Pulse: one twenty."
She goes on to list his vitals verbally but he pays no mind to her.
"Who are you?" He asks again, to the man directly this time since the woman seems to be in a trance.
"Don't worry, dude," the man says calmly, adopting the tone one might use in a friendly banter. "I'm Cisco Ramon and this is Doctor Caitlin Snow."
"Doctor..." he repeats, dazed. "Why? Where am I?"
"Bro, you were struck by lightning. You were in a coma. You're in STAR Labs."
"STAR Labs..." STAR Labs? As in his nerdy little dreamland, as Iris put it? Iris. "W-Wait. I need to call my—"
"Don't worry. I'll call your family. Just relax, okay? Just let Caitlin here— I mean, Doctor Snow do her thing."
Coma. Christ. "How... How long...?"
It's the woman, Doctor Snow, that answers him this time. "A little over nine months."
A pair of people enter, bearing coffee and sharing laughter between them. He can't see all too well without his glasses, but he can recognize those hazy silhouettes anywhere.
"Barry!" Kara exclaims, thrusting her cup of coffee into Oliver's empty hand to run forward. "Oh my god. You're awake. You're actually awake."
She kisses every inch of his face, as if making sure she's not dreaming. He lifts a weak hand to touch her face. "I'm awake. I'm alive."
Oliver comes up to his other side.
He just realizes that Doctor Snow and Cisco have left the room. Talk about stealthy.
Oliver bends down and kisses his temple. "I'm sorry," Oliver whispers against his skin.
He looks at him in confusion. "What for?"
"It's my fault you were there in the first place. Had I—"
"Okay, no. We are not having this conversation," Kara says. "He's awake now, Ollie. Just let that sink in first."
Nine months.
He missed nine months.
27 years old
Once he wakes from passing out and allows the reality of Wally — his brother — being the Flash settle in, his first thought is that Dad's gonna kill Wally and him.
"Does Iris know?"
"She's actually the first person to find out."
Okay, scratch that, they're all dead.
Shameless self-promotion: come say hi/follow me on tumblr at temmie-loony. I post WAY TOO MUCH Karivarry stuff on there that I can't really put into fics.
AN: Thank you.