Eye On The Prize
Note: This is a Christmas gift for my good friend Leira. Merry Christmas, love. I hope you like it.
It was cold. So very, very cold. Even with three layers of clothing, Daisuke could feel the biting chill of winter deep in his bones. It didn't help that he had been standing outside of a cram school for three hours now. He must be crazy doing something like this. He was going to catch his death, and Ken was going to kick his ass for having to miss work. But Daisuke couldn't help but wait. He had to wait. It was either wait here in the freezing cold or slowly lose his mind.
He had to see Yamato again.
Daisuke's body warmed instantly at the thought of the blond. The urge to giggle was slowly starting to over take him, making him feel like silly school girl. It was embarrassing but the feelings were real, only becoming stronger since he had met Yamato a month and a half ago.
It had been instant, Daisuke remembered. His attraction to Yamato had been instant and absolute. Not that it was a surprise. Ishida Yamato was gorgeous–all that blond hair and those intense blue eyes; tall and elegant. Daisuke had felt like he was looking at a model from one of those fancy clothing magazines. So it had been a great surprise when Ken had introduced Yamato as busboy at the café Daisuke worked for.
"Motomiya Daisuke," Ken had said. "This is Ishida Yamato."
Yamato had nodded his head in a gesture of greeting. His hand extending out for Daisuke to take for a handshake. "Nice to meet you."
Ken had been forced to discreetly kick Daisuke, effectively getting him out of his stupor and quickly taking Yamato's hand in his.
"Uh, heh, nice to meet you too," Daisuke had stuttered blushing and shaking Yamato's hand enthusiastically. It had been so hard to finally let that hand go.
Daisuke wasn't sure why he hadn't asked Yamato out immediately. Maybe it was the strong sense of professionalism that Daisuke hadn't been aware that he had or maybe it was just because Yamato was intimidating. Not that Yamato was nasty, more that Daisuke was well aware that Yamato was way out of his league. If he compared it to high school life–Yamato was prom queen and Daisuke was the lonely geek.
Not that Daisuke had ever been that far down the social ladder but in comparison to Yamato, he might as well should have been.
In the end, Daisuke couldn't just ignore or get rid of his crush. As the weeks progressed, it had become worse and worse until Daisuke forgotten about being professional, or fear or whatever, and began to prepare himself to ask Yamato out.
"Hey, how you doin'? Yeah good! You want to have lunch with me?" Daisuke said, staring at his reflection in the mirror.
Practicing. How lame is that? He asked himself now as he stood outside the cram school, shivering. He really was a loser.
"No, I can't just say it like that. It's gotta be... better?" He remembered staring hard at his own reflection as if waiting for it to give him a good pick up line. Unfortunately for him, his reflection was just as stupid as he was.
Daisuke had really wasted way too much time trying to find the right way or the right time to ask Yamato out. He wasted enough time that when he finally got frustrated and decided to just do it–storming into the café and making Ken give him the oddest look–he found out that Yamato had quit.
"He what!" Daisuke yelled. His whole body feeling like a balloon that had just been punctured.
"He quit," Ken said, looking at Daisuke with a mixture of confusion, worry and just a tad of humor. "He came in this morning and told me he couldn't continue to come in."
"I can't believe it!"
"Neither can I. He didn't even give me a two week notice, the jerk."
Daisuke had felt like crying. He had waited too long and now he would never see Yamato again! He would be forced to live forever alone, carrying a torch for the beautiful man. Forever. Forever. Forever...
Putting melodrama aside, he had sulked for two days. Switching between kicking himself for waiting too long and pinning for Yamato. Ken, frustrated with him, told him to just get over Yamato. He told Daisuke that there were plenty of fish in the sea and that his continuous sulking was hurting business. That last one had been more of a threat but Daisuke knew that deep down inside, his best friend was still worried about him.
"You can't go on like this Daisuke," Ken had said, one night after closing. He had been sitting in front of his desk, going over the books while trying to simultaneously pull Daisuke out of the depressive funk. Daisuke was supposed to be helping Ken but Ken had stated that Daisuke was too miserable to be of any use to him and shooed him away.
"I know, I know–plenty of men out there," Daisuke said miserably, voice muffled since his face had been buried in his arms. Arms which had been resting on the desk, over papers that Ken probably needed to look at.
He opened his eyes, lifting his head a little as Ken continued to speak with him. His brown eyes, idly wandering over the paper he had been resting on. It was a filled out job application...
"Dude, can this guy live any farther away from here?" he asked as he read the address hastily scribbled on the application.
Then an idea struck him. It was just so obvious. Why hadn't he thought of this before!
"Do you still have Yamato's application?" Daisuke asked, staring eagerly at Ken. He didn't even wait for Ken to answer before continuing, "Can I see it? Let me see it please!"
Ken frowned. "Are you insane! That's a total infringement of privacy rights!"
Daisuke was happy nonetheless. Ken's answer meant that he did still indeed have Yamato's information. Somewhere in that room was Yamato's address, phone number... Daisuke tried to keep calm. "Just for a minute–just to get his–"
"No!" Ken interrupted. His arms were folded across his chest, back rigid enough that he didn't have to speak for Daisuke to know that he wasn't going to change him mind.
"Just a peak!"
"No!"
"Okay, fine. Then you just read it and tell me!"
"How is that any better. No!"
"But Ken, I really like him!" He begged, using every trick he had learned over the years to convince Ken.
"Absolutely not!"
"I'm going to die if I don't see him again!" He tired the puppy eyes. The puppy eyes always worked on Ken. Ken always hated it because Daisuke looked like an old pet he had when he was a kid. It never failed.
"Please Ken," Daisuke pleaded."I just want to talk to him. Just once. I gotta try. I gotta. He might be it. He might be the one I've been waiting for. You saw us together. You saw how we got along. I'm sure there was a connection You must have seen it. It was like we understood each other–more than just verbally, Ken. Different than best friends!"
Ken had just stared at him. They had been friends for so long that they could finish each other's sentences. Yes, they knew each other that well. Daisuke had always said they were two halves of the same whole and for Daisuke to say it was more than that... he was showing Ken that Yamato meant that much to him.
"You're an idiot," Ken frowned."You barely know him. It just puppy love. I'm not going to put my ass on the line for puppy love, Daisuke. I can't tell you. I'm bound by law, Daisuke."
Daisuke had never felt so let down in his life. He had slumped back into his chair, shocked and hopeless. Ken was always there for him. When Daisuke really needed Ken, he was there, he'd do anything for Daisuke. That had been the first time Ken had really denied him something that wasn't frivolous, and Daisuke had felt betrayed.
Daisuke moved, planning on getting up and out of there. He didn't even think he could stay in the same room with Ken at that moment. He was beginning to feel the burn of anger and wanted to get away before he lashed out.
Ken had other ideas. "Daisuke--"
"I don't want to hear it, Ken!" Daisuke interrupted, glaring at him.
Ken looked upset, apparently bothered by Daisuke's outburst. He remembered a grim pleasure from seeing his best friend's expression. But it didn't last long before Ken was frowning at him again.
"Yes you do," he said. "Now be quiet for a second and let me speak."
When Daisuke did nothing but stand there frowning (why had he even listened!) at Ken, he sighed and decided to just plow on.
"I can't tell you," he began, making Daisuke turn to leave. "I can't tell you any of the information I have in his folder." He paused for barely a second. Daisuke had heard Ken sigh as he headed for the door. Any other time he would have questioned that sigh, it sounded so miserable, not resigned or annoyed.. And considering what Ken had said after the sigh, it was strange for it to sound that way, like Ken was losing something.
"But I can tell you something he told me during normal conversation."
Daisuke stopped, no he froze in his tracks. It took a moment for Ken's words to sink in, really sink in before he turned around. He didn't dare get his hopes up but this was Ken. Ken wouldn't get his hopes up just to bring him down again. He waited, bitting his lower lip nervously.
"He decided to go to University," Ken said started. "But since he's been out of school for a couple years he thought it would be helpful to go to cram school. Y'know, to prepare for entrance exams."
Daisuke's eyes became impossibly wide. "You know, don't you?" And he was going to tell him! "You know where he's going!"
Ken nodded quietly, looking at the spot just above Daisuke's head. "Yeah, it's the same one I went when we were in high–"
Ken had not been able to finish his sentence because Daisuke had hurtled over the table and tackled him, effectively making the chair and both its contents spill over. Even with the taller man groaning and complaining under him about bruises, Daisuke didn't let go for a long time.
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Daisuke had asked when he finally pulled away from Ken.
"I didn't want to get your hopes up," Ken said, taking Daisuke's hand and standing up. He pulled his hand from Daisuke's quickly and rubbed it idly as he continued to speak. Ken really had been acting weird that day. A strangeness that has morphed in outright crankiness, especially when Daisuke goes on about finding Yamato. Daisuke didn't let it bother him however, just thinking that Ken was tired of hearing about a cause he deemed hopeless.
"I still think it's a waste of time, Daisuke. It's not like you know when he's there."
It was true. Yamato could have been going there at any time, on any day. It would be almost impossible to track him down. Ken was only being sensible by not mentioning it to Daisuke. But Daisuke refused to give up. He had always been stubborn and his stubbornness would do him well.
However, Ken refused to give him time off to stake out the school so after weaseling more information about the cram school and whether Yamato said he already started taking courses there (luckily he had), Daisuke dug up copies of the cafe's work secluded. Once found, he used all the information to calculate the most likely hours for Yamato to be in attendance at the school.
"Why aren't you this tenacious when it comes to work?" Ken had complained once, watching Daisuke who promptly told Ken to shush and let him think.
And so here he was, waiting. This was the third day of his stake out. He stood across the street from the cram school, watching the entrance like a buzzard watches a dying animal in the desert...waiting. Daisuke was well aware that maybe that wasn't the best analogy to use for this situation but he really couldn't think of anything else. Hell, he was almost circling the school anyway.
This really was sort of sad.
There was no going crazy. Motomiya Daisuke was completely aware that he was already totally and utterly out of his mind. He had lost it over a egocentric busboy with eyes like sparkling sapphires and a warm fuzzy feeling in his stomach when those eyes were directed at him. But this was practically stalking! Yeah, 'cause it matters at this point, he thought sardonically. He needed one more chance, just one more, or he would be plagued forever with maybes, haunted by the memory of Yamato's fleeting, friendly touches.
A blond came out of the school and Daisuke instantly became tense, like a cat ready to spring on a mouse, but upon further inspection he realized it wasn't Yamato. Sighing, he slumped back against the wall and closed his eyes in frustration.
For all his tenacity, Daisuke was losing hope. What if Yamato changed schools? What if he went to school when Daisuke wasn't there to catch him? What if Ken was right and this was nothing but a really dangerous obsession, a crush gone bad...
Shaking his head, he opened his eyes stubbornly, continuing his vigilance. Daisuke hated feeling like giving up, feeling like there was no hope, no chance. He wished he could ban negative feelings forever from his mind, no matter how logical they might be. No matter how those thoughts kept him firmly planted in sanity.
And then, there he was. Daisuke's eyes widened at the sight of Yamato, face half-buried in a beige scarf and shoulders hunched in reaction to cold as walked out of the front door. For a moment, Daisuke could do nothing but watch the man, watch as the winter sun turned his hair almost golden, how his cheeks became rosy from the cold.
This was what it was all about. Seeing Yamato again. All that work, all that frustration and heartache was all for that moment. Seeing Yamato made everything worth it, made everything all right. He felt replenished, like recharged battery or something like that. His body tingled with energy.
Daisuke started after him, swiftly walking so as to be able to catch up with Yamato. His eyes never leaving that tall, lean form.
Yes, finally... finally! He reached out, about to tap Yamato on the shoulder when he stopped. What do I say to him?
Daisuke froze. Well as much as his energized body would let him. All that time trying to find Yamato and he never once thought about what to say to him when he found Yamato again. He felt like screaming. He couldn't just say anything! He had to say something that would make Yamato interested in him, interested in the same way that Daisuke was interested in Yamato.
Daisuke stood there, in the freezing cold, wracking his brain for something... anything to say. Desperately searching as he watched Yamato walk farther and farther away, unaware of him. Completely unaware that Daisuke was behind him, needing him, going crazy with desire.
I want him to see myself reflected in his eyes, Daisuke thought, biting his lip and starting to walk after him again.I want him to remember me, not to forget me.
"Ya-Yamato!"
Worrying about silly things like what to say was too late now. All that mattered was that Yamato knew Daisuke was there, that he knew that Daisuke wanted to be with him.
What the hell does it matter what I say, as long as I'm in your presence.
"Daisuke?" Yamato asked slowly as he turned to face him. He smiled and Daisuke felt his heart thud faster. "Hi, what a surprise!"
Daisuke grinned, feeling his face start to color. It was probably thirty degrees but Daisuke felt hot. He was glad he had such dark skin to hide his flush with. "Yeah, I was just passing by and I saw you..." He rubbed the back of his head. "So how you been?"
"Good, good..." Yamato replied
"That's good..." Daisuke said, smile flattering.
What was with this idle chatter! If this kept up Yamato was going to leave him!
"Hey Yamato–"
"Daisuke–"
They both paused, chucking in embarrassment.
"You go first," Yamato offered kindly. The warmth in Yamato's blue eyes kept at bay the cold that had been gripping Daisuke's body.
It was now or never. "Do you want to go have a drink somewhere?" Daisuke asked. He wondered if the hope he felt was clear on his face. Ken always said Daisuke was an open book. "It's cold out here and I want to spend sometime with you."
He tried not to look away, keeping eye contact had to be important. He wanted to look secure, confident but he doubted he looked anything of the sort. Nothing like what Yamato's usual suitors were probably like.
"Spend time with me?" Yamato asked, raising an eyebrow. Daisuke was just happy it wasn't an instant rejection, even if having to clarify himself was absolutely terrifying. He was glad his hands were buried in his pockets so Yamato wouldn't have to see him fidgeting with his clothes.
"Yeah, like a date..." Daisuke refrained form saying 'or something' so as not to look like he was lacking in confidence.
He felt so shy and frightened, feelings, that to be honest, Daisuke was never very familiar with. Daisuke was always confident and headstrong. He never thought things through, he never worried about what he might seem like, he just did what he wanted to do, to hell with everything and everyone. However, with Yamato, all he did was think and worry now. It was so strange, so alien, this worry about messing up and losing the blond.
It was never liked this with the other people I've gone out with. Daisuke realized. See Ken, Yamato is special.
"Okay," Yamato said. Daisuke's eyes widening in surprise, happiness, and excitement. He knew that was bad. He should have acted confident, like he knew that was going to be Yamato's answer. Or nonchalant so as not too look too needy and frighten Yamato off. But, damnit, he was so happy. It turned out okay! It was a mantra in his head. He felt like jumping and whooping but he refrained from doing so.
Instead he reached out and grabbed Yamato's hand. It was impulsive. Daisuke was always better at acting impulsively. It was refreshing after all that worrying he had done. Though he was prepared for Yamato to pull his hand away so held it a loosely.
"C'mon, I know just the place!" Daisuke said as he lead the blond down the street.
"Lead the way," Yamato laughed softly, letting their fingers intertwined. Yes! It was a pleasant surprise.
He felt his cheeks warm up again. No, not just his cheeks, his whole body was heating up like if he were under the summer sun. Daisuke didn't remember ever being this happy before. He wanted to hold on to this feeling forever. He wanted Yamato to feel like Daisuke was feeling right now. Yes, that was what he wanted and he would work hard for it.
Stubborn and tenacious. Ken was right to call Daisuke that. Daisuke was going to prove just how right Ken was with this new blooming relationship.
I'm never going to let him go.
Owari