Don't ask, I just had a very boring day at school and somebody ((Not mentioning any names)) was being anoying and made me write. I know it's very short but meh! read if you wish...Xx
((I apologise now for mistakes))
((Disclaimer:...I no own...Kay?))
It hurts, it really does.
To see him flirting with whomever he sets eyes on in front of me. He has told me many of times that it doesn't mean anything, that it's just cover and if he ever stops doing it people would presume some thing but it still hurts it makes me feel like this is just a game.
Apparently people already suspect us because of our sudden change of attitude towards each other but we can easily cover it, we always just explain whenever asked that he has been "tutoring" me for the past year and we have grown close. Though there are people like Melchior who think they know better, but of course it wouldn't be so bad if Melchi found out...I think he'd be all for it!...But he doesn't like Hanschen very much. I'll always remember the day he came up to me after class and warned me about Hanschen, that he is bad for me and I should stay away from him and when I said I didn't know what he was talking about he leaned close and whispered in my ear "You know Ernst, you do…Just don't get your self hurt". Hanschen would never hurt me; Melchior doesn't know him like I do.
He only knows Hanschen Rilow…He doesn't know my Hansi, the one who whispers his love to me in my ear while we are together, the one who is content with just holding me through the night. I just wish we lived in a day and age where he wouldn't need to flirt with others, where we could be just hold hands in public, kiss each other with out constant paranoia…Or with out fear of being hanged for crying out loud! I know I shouldn't think like that…It's a sin, but if I'm going to hell than I'll go happily if I have a life with Hanschen, but even I'm not that stupid enough to have the delusion that we can be together forever. One day Hanschen will be forced to marry a girl of the same social status for them to produce the next Rilow heir. I myself will most likely not be forced to, but given a little push for me to grow up and get on with my life as Hanschen once put it.
I don't think I can.
Hanschen is the only person I have ever loved like this, I don't want to get to the age where we are not sheltered by our parents, and yes I love the more pleasurable things you experience as an adult but I just want to freeze time and be with Hanschen forever. I love him and I think I've loved him from the start, even if he does flirt with every one I find peace in the fact that in the night he shall be thinking of me, he will be holding me, he will be making love to me and only me…for now.
*Sigh*...Meh!...I really don't know why X) LoveYouAll Xx...Reviews would be nice, they will stop me being bored!