Today it was raining.
There was no talk of any rain in the forecast, but Alec didn't mind. He enjoyed the rainy days. It gave him a reason to walk around the apartment nude and an excuse to smoke indoors. With the flick of his thumb he put a flame to his joint and proceeded to stand outside on the balcony, rain be damned. The view of the city brought on a sudden wave of nostalgia. The scent of pouring rain and gloomy skies that hung above reminded him of home. He was beginning to think that he had strayed too far from home.
He places what's left of his smoke into an ashtray that rests on top of a table set, and takes a deep breath. Inhale, exhale. As the rain begins to descend faster, he faces the clouds with his arms outstretched wide. He loses all train of thought. His body is covered with tears of the dead and in a matter of seconds, he becomes very lightheaded.
His arms drop to his sides and he stumbles a little, almost losing his balance completely. His eyes suddenly become heavy, his vision blurs, and he just can't seem to stand up straight. Passing out in the freezing rain naked wasn't exactly what he had planned to do that day but the inevitable was the inevitable. Before his body could collide with the ground, a pair of arms stops him from falling backwards on his head.
Alec is certain that he has been touched by an angel. Their fingers were soft to the touch but carried enough force to drag his body inside onto the wooden floor. Soon those same fingers leave and he manages to whimper. Alec has yet to form words, so he sticks to grunts and moans till then. His body remains limp. The ringing is his ears grows louder with each passing second.
He begins to notice that the room is spinning, instantly signaling a dull ache in his head. The longer he stares at the spinning ceiling fan the quicker the bile rises in his throat. Deep breaths and shut eyes are the only remedies to help ease his nausea.
Then he is forced to sit up, a swift motion that only irritates his stomach even more. Thankfully, there is a trash bin placed in front of him in case he caved in. Alec shook his head at the thought of wasting the delicious breakfast that was made several hours ago. Then, a voice, one full of solicitude and reassurance, called out to him from behind. "That's it, tiger. Breathe. In…and out. In…and out."
Instinctively, Alec tried to match his breathing with the beat of this person's voice. A couple of minutes in and he had successfully regained the ability to breathe and defused the relentless urge to puke. His body is wrapped in a large towel after being wiped down by several other towels. The angel with the voice brings him into their embrace and Alec feels like he's suffocating again.
"Don't you ever scare me like that again. Ever." A small hand starts to trace circles on his back. "I won't always be there to help you when it happens. You know?" He isn't really listening but he nods anyway. He's too focused on the soothing motions being made on his back.
A sigh fills the air. "Come on. Let's get you some clothes. I don't want you catching a cold." Alec is hoisted to his feet but continues to stare at the droplets of raining sliding down the windows. "Do you think you can walk?" His response comes out as a mumble, not loud enough for the other person to hear. "Can you walk?" they asked again.
"I said I can walk." He shoves the person off of him and staggers towards the bedroom in search of clothes. With this newfound strength he quickly slips on a pair of sweatpants so loose that they hang at his hips.
"Why don't you find some tighter pants to put on? I don't need to see your happy trail." A figure stands in the doorway with their arms crossed against their chest; a grin hides behind multicolored colored bangs. He was shorter compared to the Alec and was scrawnier in build. He wore faded basketball shorts with a sleeveless red tank top. Alec turned his head to look at him but dismisses the boy with a wave of his hand.
"Go away. I thought you were going to take a shower." The boy at the door switches position and leans on the door frame with his hands in the pockets of his shorts. "I was going to take a shower. Until I noticed a man streaking outside on the balcony with a joint in his mouth." "Did you like what you saw? Did you enjoy watching me pass out in the rain?"
The boy scoffs in annoyance, rolling his eyes. "Is that a yes?" asks Alec as he walks over to the boy with a sly grin. "I'm going to go take my shower. Don't follow me in this time." He pushes himself off the door frame then pivots towards the bathroom. Alec, bored out of his mind, decides follows the boy into the shared bathroom.
"What did I just say, Alexander?" He watches in the doorway as the boy turns the faucet on. The boy then attempts to shove Alec out the door but doing so was a bad idea from the start. He huffs and Alec grins even more. Frustrated, the boy takes his hands off of Alec's chest and begins to hit him with his fists.
"Leave, Alexander! I need to shower! Get out, damn it!" A snicker from Alec quickly turned into an uncontrollable laugh. "Oh my god Magnus," he reaches for Magnus's hands, "you're so cute." "Let go of me you pervert." Alec continued to laugh, too caught up in the moment to notice exactly what he was doing. "I said let go!" Magnus yanks his hands away from Alec but it's no use. His grip was too strong.
When Magnus yanked his arms it had seemed to snap Alec back to reality. He looks down at the smaller hands in his palms, his smile disappearing. This catches Magnus' attention. "Alexander?" At the mention of his name, he looks at Magnus frowning. "Uh," he puts his hands down slowly, "sorry. Go ahead and uh, take your shower." He leaves the bathroom.
All of the fun was gone and the atmosphere was replaced with a thick tension. For what reasons, Magnus doesn't know. He closes the door behind him and just assumes that Alec is still reeling from being out in the rain.
Alec scrambles through his sock drawer in search of a cigarette, a joint, something. His desperate movements aren't getting him anywhere. He needs something, anything to distract him.
It all pays off when he finds a pack stuck in between a pair of socks. He takes the pack out but can't seem to grab one cigarette. His hands are shaking so bad that he fumbles with the lighter as he tries to light one. "Damn it." Eventually he gives up and throws both the lighter and the pack back inside the drawer.
Alec decides to lay on the bed and wait for Magnus to finish. Thanks to Magnus and his five minute showers, he doesn't have to wait very long. He walks through the bedroom door with a towel around his waist.
Silently, Alec watches him go through his separate drawers, picking out things to wear. First, he puts his binder on. As he is putting it on, he comes to an alarming conclusion, and Alec notices it too.
"What's wrong, Magnus?" he asks, sitting upright on the edge of the bed closest to his roommate. There's a pause, one long enough to make Alec worry more than he should. "It's too tight." "That's impossible. I bought you that like three months ago. I thought you were done growing." "Well apparently I'm not. It's too tight, Alexander." he states in a pleading tone. Magnus looks down towards the binder with a frown. He doesn't speak. He just stares down at his chest with a dejected look. Alec picks up on this and pulls his arm. "Come here."
Magnus allows himself to be pulled. He stands in between Alec's legs, towel still around his waist, and looks down. "Now," starts Alec, intertwining his fingers with Magnus's, "I can order you a new one tomorrow. We'll get the measurements right this time. How does that sound?" Magnus doesn't reply, but instead looks at him with tears in his eyes. Alec sighs.
"Listen to me. You have an amazing body. So your binder's a little too tight. That's okay, we can replace it. But I don't want you to hate yourself for it. You are beautiful inside and out. Don't think otherwise." He wipes a stray tear from Magnus' cheek with his knuckle.
"I know, I know. I just have to stay positive. My time will come." Alec's face falters at the last four words. "I have to learn to be stronger. And not just for me, but for other people too, you know?" He quickly fixes his face into what is supposed to be a smile. "Yeah." This puts a smile to Magnus's lips. "Thank you, Alexander." Magnus bends down to place a kiss on Alec's forehead, his bangs brushing against his cheek. Alec forces himself to smile for his boyfriend, despite going numb on the inside.
The rain continued to pour down in the streets of Manhattan.
Magnus was in the kitchen making dinner and Alec was laying down on the couch reading a book he's read over a thousand times before. A sudden chill tore through the living room, making Alec drop his book. "Magnus, did you turn the AC on?" he asks grabbing a blanket from one of the closets, making no effort to check the room temperature or change it. He wraps it around his body and walk into the kitchen where Magnus was.
"Aren't you cold?" Alec asks appearing next to him with a blanket over his shoulders. Magnus shook his head, busily preparing their plates. "You hungry? Dinner's ready." Alec surveyed the plates and nodded in approval. "Looks good. What is it?" Magnus' scoff catches him off guard. "None other than your favorite! I gave it a bit of a kick, too. It was too dry the last time we had it."
Alec's face faltered for the second time that day. Yet somehow he kept his composure. "Yeah. My mom made it. It was my birthday." "I had so much fun meeting your mom! She is such a sweetheart. Hopefully I can see her again soon." Alec swallows hard. Magnus places both of the plates on the table and walks back over to the stove.
"Dang it!" he exclaims. "I left the candle lighter on the pit." Magnus then runs out into the rain to retrieve the lighter. When he walks back in, he lights a small candle and places it on top of the counter. Then he puts the lighter away in its respected place.
Alec's starting to feel lightheaded again. Magnus notices his silence and stops mid walk to take a good look at his boyfriend. "Alexander? You okay there? Come on, smile. I made your favorite."
He reaches for Alec and cups his face, pulling it closer to his own. "Do you remember? My birthday?" he asks, his voice beginning to shake. They lock their eyes on each other. "Of course I remember your birthday. September 12th. We went out to eat; just you, me and the guys. We took two separate cars because Nathan has a freakin' Kia with no seats in the back." A lump forms in the back of Alec's throat as tears threaten to fall.
"Those were good times, huh?" He can't hold his tears back anymore. A few drops escape his eyes and Magnus is there to pick them up. "What's wrong? Why the tears? I just finished making the best meal of all time."
"I miss you." Alec whispered, a single tear running down his cheek. Magnus quickly wipes it away with his thumb, but stares at him in confusion. "What are you talking about? I'm right here."
"You know what I'm talking about." Alec whispers again, tears spilling from his eyes. Never in his life had he felt as hopeless as he did in that moment. Magnus just blinks in confusion. He didn't understand why Alec was suddenly so upset. "Alexander," he says, "What's going –?" Alec leaned forward, pressing his lips against Magnus'. Magnus freezes. He didn't know how to react. But it was over as soon as it started.
"I can't do this anymore, Magnus." Alec, whispers, his face stained with tears. "Do what? This started like ten seconds ago." "I can't keep pretending anymore." Alec's voice raises to a yell, and a frantic look crosses his face. "People think I'm going crazy, Magnus! You need to leave. You need to leave me alone – move on. Go where you're supposed to go when you die."
"Alexander what are you saying? I'm not dead. I'm standing right here." When Magnus reaches for his left hand, Alec is quick to remove himself from the boy.
"Just look at yourself! You're dead, I saw it. I went to your funeral! You were murdered!" he sobs. "Get the hell away from me. I can't think straight!" Alec practically runs into the bedroom, only to slam the door and lock it.
Magnus didn't understand what he had meant. None of it. It isn't until he realized that his clothes were dry. Not a single drop of rain had touched him.