Found this hidden on me computer I wrote it a year ago...
You could be happy and I won't know but you weren't happy the day I watched you go, and all of the things that I wish loops til it's madness in my head
Derek couldn't help but watch her, it had been over a year since their painful break-up on the day of Cristina's non-wedding and he still watched her, observed her, tried to read her as she spoke to him regarding a patient or as she spoke with others but he couldn't read her or understand her anymore she had changed. Her face was always like a mask that she wore around him, refusing to let him in ever again and he knew he had hurt her, with some of his choice words that day abd maybe even some earlier but it had to be said, he couldn't live a lie especially with her. On occasions he saw snippets of her happiness, her laughing with her friends, at Joe's and even sometimes the way hse looked at Mark, Derek hoped he made her happy after all he never could
Is it too late to remind you how we were, not our last days of silent screaming blur, most of what i remember makes me sure I should've stopped you from walking out the door
He wished he could tell her he still loved her and missed her after all it hadn't all been bad some of their moments together had been his happiest but he'd let her go instead of fighting, he just let her walk away and not a moment passed when he didn't regret it but he'd made his choice and she'd moved on but a small part of him still hoped that maybe, just maybe she still felt the same way too
You could be happy i hope you are, you made me happier than I'd been by far, somehow everything I own smells of you and for the tiniest moment it's all not true
He hoped she had found happiness and if he should believe gossip which on this occasion he did, she had been sleeping with Mark but he saw the stolen glances between them, the secret looks they hoped no-one saw and as the months had passed they had changed from looks of lust to looks of love, he was glad she had moved on, he just wish he could too, everything around him, in the trailer, in his car, at work reminded him of her, the lavender smell from her conditioner, still scented her pillow every so faintly, a pillow he should wash but right now it's too raw and he's not ready to let go
Do the things that you always wanted to without me there to hold you back, don't think just do, more than anything I want to see you girl take a glorious bite out of the whole world
He didn't resent her finding love again, he couldn't not when he still loved her too, sometimes he'd wonder what life would have been like if she'd never ended things, if they'd just stuck it out but it was too late now It did please him that she chose Neuro as her speciality, despite their relationship, he was glad she was proving to the world she could do it, she could be the fantastic surgeon he always knew she had it in her to be, maybe better than himself or her mother and he knew in years to come Meredith Grey would be THE top Neurosurgeon in the country and when she was he would be proud to have been her mentor and proud that at least he was able to help her achieve something great in that part of her life, even though he failed her in others.
You should be happy no matter what
Enjoy :)