Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock…
The loud ticking of the clock hanging upon the kitchen wall was almost deafening without any other sound to accompany it. The full moon shone brilliantly through the window, casting the room in a luminescent glow. It seemed the only time the mansion would ever get peace and quiet was during the night, where all of the smashers would be asleep without another care in the world.
… At least, all of the smashers should have been asleep. The clock's ticking was barely enough to cover the noise of a single person tiptoeing his way inside of the kitchen, looking around sneakily in case he was being followed.
"All right, I'm in," he smirked to himself. "And I didn't wake anyone up this time. Perfect."
He allowed himself this moment of victory before getting to the task at hand. A cookie jar was placed high on top of the refrigerator to prevent any of the smaller smashers and children from reaching it, but it was no problem for him. Quickly and quietly he snatched the jar and cradled it close to his chest; the treasure he so desired was just inside…
The top was removed swiftly, leaving no barrier between him and the cookies within. He smirked and reached a hand inside, and just before the tips of his fingers could touch the first cookie—
"Captain Douglas Falcon!"
Falcon swore and dropped the vase. Luckily for him (and by extension, all of the other smashers), it landed on his foot and was saved from shattering into millions of little pieces. The pain in his foot was almost excruciating, but he managed to keep from shouting out and turned to the person that had caught him.
The lights turned on at the exact same moment as the person's exclamation, and Falcon wasn't exactly sure who he was looking at. A white mask covered her face, and a white hood connected to the collar of her outfit was pulled over her head. A bright purple ribbon gleamed as the brooch placed upon her chest, and she seemed to be wearing a light pink sailor fuku from one of Marth's animes. The mystery woman also wore lavender thigh high boots and elbow length gloves, along with a darker purple skirt that almost seemed to be too small for her. Light blue eyes glared at the thief from beneath the mask, and Falcon hesitated.
"… Uh," he started intelligently, "Do I know you, by any chance…?"
"Captain Douglas Falcon," the female said again. Falcon had a feeling he knew who this voice belonged to, but he couldn't exactly place it… "You dare steal one of the cookies that Zelda so lovingly made approximately seven hours ago? Every single smasher got one cookie each and would be getting another tomorrow, but you couldn't wait, could you? How do you feel about this?"
Falcon blinked. "I'm… not sure."
"Guilty, is the emotion you should be feeling!" The woman snapped, and he took a step back. She fumbled around with her fingers for a moment before magically summoning a bright pink staff.
"What the hell is that—"
"You have ten seconds to put that cookie back in the jar and put the jar back on top of the refrigerator!" The newcomer ordered, thrusting the staff out in front of her as a weapon. "Do it now, Falcon!"
"Uh, okay." Horribly confused and bewildered, Falcon complied. Easily he set the jar back on top of the fridge and turned to face the person that had caught him once more. "So, uh… I'm just going to go out on a limb and say I know you. Why are you wearing that get up…? Please don't be Marth. I'll scream if you're Marth."
"My identity isn't important," she responded. There was something about that voice that reminded Falcon of someone he knew, yet something still seemed off… was this person using a voice changer? "What is important is the crime you were about to commit."
"What crime? I just wanted a midnight snack!"
"A cookie, without asking the person who made that snack!" The woman snapped back. "Do you know just how heartbroken Zelda would be, to see one cookie missing from the jar? One person tomorrow wouldn't be able to eat that cookie and would be sad, and then the entire mansion would be in an uproar over who ate it. And you would just be sitting in your room, gloating about what a good job you did. But no! I am here to stop you!"
Falcon scratched his head. He had stayed up just to sneak another cookie out, but obviously that plan didn't work out very well. He even left his helmet back in his room because he was so sure he wouldn't get caught! Usually he wouldn't be seen dead without that thing. The only person who had ever seen him without it was his roommate –
"You're thinking of things completely unrelated to the matter at hand!"
"How the hell did you know what I was thinking?"
"You had a dazed look in your eye, and I can tell all. Now are you going to cooperate peacefully, or am I going to have to use force?"
"But I already have cooperated peacefully—"
"Force it is!" Suddenly and without warning, the newcomer jabbed the staff out in front of her and into Falcon's stomach, forcing the man back with an 'oof!' Quickly, she raised the weapon over her head and slammed it onto the 'criminal's head, sending him slumping downwards in an unconscious heap. Satisfied that her work was done, the bringer of justice stepped back, a content smile on her face.
She pulled her hood back, revealing light blonde hair that flowed down to the middle of her back. The mask was removed shortly after, and the dainty face of Peach shone through. "What a good night's work," she told herself giddily. "I think I'm really starting to get the hang of this whole 'magical girl' business!" She giggled and looked down at Falcon's unresponsive body. "Hm, now what to do with you…?"
There was the option of just simply dragging him back to his room, but that would risk waking the others up with the noise. Knowing just how curious some of them could be, that wouldn't do. She could end up just leaving the poor man there, but she didn't like to leave her messes behind either. Was it even possible for someone like her to lift someone as big as Falcon?
"I'll have to make it work; it's my only choice!" She said resolvedly to herself and leaned over to pick the man up. Somehow the magical girl outfit seemed to make her feel stronger, and she found that she was able to carry him with relative ease. This just makes my job easier!
Peach didn't know how much of a light sleeper Falcon's roommate was, but as long as she was in and out before she could arouse any suspicion, she didn't care. She bit her lip and flew up the stairs as fast as her legs could carry her. Admittedly, she did probably look a little silly, carrying someone twice her size. But no one else was awake, so nothing mattered.
The door to Marth and Ike's bedroom opened the moment she passed and she hissed under her breath, unceremoniously dumping Falcon onto the floor. A disgruntled blue haired swordsman stared at her, clad in soft, silky pajamas.
"… Do I know you?" Ike narrowed his eyes, trying to make out the blurry figure in front of him. Peach mentally sighed in relief; he was too tired to tell who she was.
She shook her head. "No. You do not."
They stayed there for a few more minutes before Ike finally nodded. "Okay." He turned and went back inside of his room, locking the door behind him.
Peach smiled, a surge of confidence welling within her due to the victory. Then she remembered the task at hand, and went back to hauling Falcon across the floor. His room has to be close by… I can't have another close call like that, the magical girl thought to herself in disdain.
Finally, she came upon the door to the room she knew to be the one. Briefly she considered setting the man back down so she could open it, but decided to kick it open instead. It was faster.
"Sorry," she whispered to whoever was around to listen before kneeling over and dragging Falcon inside of the room by his feet. Quickly she tossed him onto the bed, and turned to make her escape.
"Ow! What the—Falcon, what are you doing?"
Peach's eyes widened and she turned. Her mistake was immediately apparent. Wrong bed, wrong bed!
As Captain Olimar struggled to push the much larger captain lying unconsciously on top of him away, the magical girl slowly and quietly tiptoed her way out the door. A blue Pikmin stared at her retreating figure curiously and tilted its head. Curiosity getting the better of it, it hopped down from Olimar's bed (as the Pikmin refused to sleep anywhere away from their leader) and clambered onto the edge of Peach's skirt. With its small body and light weight, it went completely unnoticed by the woman.
"I can't close the door now, Olimar will know something's up," Peach frowned to herself, thinking with her chin in the palm of her hand. "Maybe tonight wasn't such a total success after all… But at least I did stop a crime!" Victoriously she twirled her overly large staff, almost smashing it into the wall behind her. "Oops. I should be more careful about that…"
OoO
"Pit, would you mind helping me out a bit over here?"
"Sure thing, princess!" The angel smiled happily as he quickly made his way down to the kitchen where he was summoned. He didn't know what Zelda wanted from him, but he felt that he didn't really mind. After all, who would turn down a request from someone like her? She was one of the nicest smashers in the mansion! And Pit did love to be polite and courteous.
Not five minutes later, he arrived at his destination. "Yes, Zelda, what did you ne—" His voice abruptly cut off as he stared at the sight in front of him.
Zelda stood in front of the sink, arms crossed in front of her chest. A stern expression was upon her face, and she stared down at Link, who was sprawled out against the kitchen floor. A white liquid had splashed all over the Hylian and the walls of the kitchen, and one look at the empty bottle in Link's hand told Pit exactly what had happened.
"Link here had a little, ah… accident," Zelda groaned. "There was a note taped to the cookie jar saying that Falcon had tried taking what didn't belong to him last night. We all know that Link loves my cookies, so… naturally, he was very upset. He took the milk I told Wolf to finish off five months ago and threatened to shove it down Falcon's throat, but he slipped, and… this happened."
"I… see…" Pit made a face at the foul stench of the kitchen. Five months ago? That milk was way past its expiration date… And now Zelda expected him to clean it up. "Um, Zelda… If I may ask, why did you call for me specifically? If you want this mess cleaned up thoroughly, you could have asked Nana, or if you just want the most of it gone as soon as possible, Sonic. I'm not really sure why I'm needed…"
"You're the only person I know who wouldn't actively complain about it all week," Zelda smiled. "I'm going to bring Link to the bathroom to get him washed up, and you can clean up his mess. I'm making a batch of muffins this time, and I'll give you three as reward for doing this."
Pit cheered up instantly. "Oh, yes! I'd love that!"
"I thought you would. Now let's go, Link. Let's not keep the bath waiting." Link made an unintelligible noise but allowed the brunette to pick him up off the floor and drag him away. Once Pit was sure they were gone, he put his hands on his hips and inspected the mess.
"Tsk, tsk… This really isn't good. And my nose is going to fall off," he pouted. "But I must do it! For the muffins!"
As he set about to start the tedious task he had been assigned, a certain blonde haired princess passed the kitchen entrance and poked her head inside to investigate the source of the foul smell. "Pit? … Why is there milk all over the place?"
The angel groaned, "Blame Link. It's all his fault… Sorry about this mess, Peach. I know you had plans to use the kitchen after Zelda, but I'm afraid that's going to have to wait."
"It's alright," Peach smiled. "Mario invited me to a tea party this afternoon anyway, and I'm fine with being able to stay a little longer. Are you sure you don't need any help, though?"
"Nah, I got this!" He gave her a reassuring smile and a thumbs up. She nodded at him and turned to leave, but a blue spot on her dress caught Pit's eye and he called out to her before she was gone. "Hey, um, Peach. What's that on the back of your dress?"
"Huh?" Absentmindedly she swatted behind herself at her dress, feeling nothing but the smooth fabric of the outfit and air. Eventually, however, her hand did catch on something and she yelped, jumping backwards. She lifted her arm to see a blue Pikmin clinging onto her glove, dangling in the air.
Pit frowned. "What a perverted Pikmin."
While the angel tsked and shook his head over the questionable morals of the plant creature, Peach internally panicked. Oh, no! The only time this Pikmin could have latched onto me was this morning when I was dropping Falcon off… Can Olimar actually talk to the Pikmin? Can he understand them? Oh, I hope not… Then he'd know my secret, and I can't let that happen!
Furrowing her eyebrows, her other hand lashed out and grabbed the poor creature before it could even squeak and shoved it down the front of her dress. Pit stared at her. Peach stared back.
"Not a word of this to anyone," and she quickly ran off, pink heels clicking along the floor.
Briefly the angel wondered if the milk could wait – his curiosity was peaked and he really wanted to know what was with the blonde princess – but ultimately decided that Zelda would have his head if he left the spill unattended. Sighing, he shook his head. He'd ask her later.
Samus Aran leaned back in her chair, propping her legs up onto the table. No matter how many times Meta Knight told her it was bad manners to do so, she would continue to do it anyway. They all lived together, and thus they would just have to get used to her lifestyle. It wasn't very often that she was able to kick back and relax, being a bounty hunter and all.
She opened her magazine and smiled softly. Moments like these, where she was able to be alone without anyone (namely Captain Falcon and/or Snake) bothering her, were her favorite. All to herself, without another care in the world… such was the best and most preferable lifestyle.
As soon as she heard frantic tapping on the wooden door, however, Samus knew her peace was not to last. She groaned and rolled her legs off the table, setting the magazine off to the side. It wasn't as if she could just ignore the rampant knocking and carry on with her business as usual; her secluded area was not a secret to anyone. Most smashers were just simply too afraid of her to interrupt.
"Who is it?" She called out as soon as she made it to the door. Her hand lay on the doorknob; if she liked the person enough, maybe she would consider letting them inside.
"Samus, I need your help," came the muffled voice of Princess Peach. The space hunter raised an eyebrow and unlocked the door, allowing the blonde ruler inside. Peach nodded gratefully and walked in, hands clutching at her chest as she did so.
Samus was mildly interested. "Is there any particular reason you're holding your chest, Peach? Or is that part of your problem?"
"Well, you see—" before the princess could explain, the blue Pikmin popped out, practically gasping for air. Peach's face heated up, and Samus' expression remained deadpan.
"You seem to have a Pikmin lodged between your breasts, Peach."
"You think I don't know that?" The other blonde hissed. "I'm trying to get rid of it."
Samus wasted no time in responding. "You could always kill it. Want me to do it for you? I do it all the time in my matches against Olimar."
"No, that is a horrible thing to do!" Peach pouted. "I don't want to kill it, but I don't want it going back to Olimar either. You see, Samus, this Pikmin… it knows too much. I'm afraid it'll somehow, magically, transfer what it knows to Olimar's antenna or something and then he'll know what this Pikmin knows. And that would be bad! I don't want Olimar knowing what this Pikmin knows!"
"Well, what does it know?"
"I can't tell you that, because if I do end up killing the Pikmin, I'd have to kill you too."
"Haha. That was funny."
"That wasn't a joke."
"I know."
They stared at each other in mutual silence for a few moments. Peach was running ideas through her head over what to do about the plant creature while Samus was merely thinking of ways to get the pink princess out of her secret room so she could go back to reading in peace. Suddenly, however, something clicked in the bounty hunter's mind, and she spoke her thoughts aloud.
"Wait. So say this Pikmin does manage to transfer the information it knows to Olimar. Does that mean you'll have to kill him too?"
"Samus—"
"And if Olimar tells someone, then you'd have to kill them as well. And then soon you'd have to kill everyone."
"I am not going to kill anyone!"
"But you said it's a possibility."
"I don't even know why I considered asking you of all people to help."
"Because I am the only person worth asking," Samus replied, and held her chin in her hand in contemplation. "Hm. If you don't want to kill it, keeping it seems to be out of the equation as well since you don't want Olimar to know you have it, right?"
"Right." Peach bit her lip. This thing is giving me so much trouble! "I know he's going to go around asking for it eventually, because Master Hand only allows him to have six Pikmin out at a time. He only has five with him right now, and he'll know it isn't dead because he won't be able to pull out another! And eventually he'll trace it to me, and… Samus, you have to help me."
Samus sighed. All she wanted to do was read… "Okay, Peach. Listen. Who do you hate the most right now?"
"Hate? I don't really hate anyone…"
"Do you happen to be angry at anyone right now? Maybe someone screwed you over in a brawl or something. It can be anyone. Except Olimar, of course. My plan won't work if he's the one you want to frame."
Peach blinked. "Frame? We're framing people now?"
"It's either them or you," Samus shrugged. "Now choose someone. As long as it isn't Olimar or me."
"Well, then…" The pink princess sighed. "How about Snake? No reason in particular, but I don't talk to him much, so I guess I'd be the last person he'd suspect…"
Before she could stop herself, Samus felt a large grin form on her face. "That's… actually pretty perfect, Peach. I've been meaning to get rid of him for a while now." Peach decided that she didn't quite like the expression the other blonde was currently wearing. "Here's what you have to do…"
OoO
Captain Olimar frowned, sitting up in his bed. He had spent the entire day looking for a missing Pikmin, only for his search to come up fruitless. As it stood, the thing was still missing and he hadn't a single clue on where it could possibly even be.
It most definitely was not the best day ever for the Hocotatian.
First he had been rudely awoken by his roommate practically molesting him on his own bed, and it took the small space captain hours just to get the other man off. Sometimes he really hated being the smallest smasher in the mansion, even moreso than the shortest Pokémon.
Then, after he had noticed the missing Pikmin and started looking for it, he had decided to take a little break from his search. He walked straight into the kitchen only to slip and nearly crack his helmet open on a ton of spilled milk. A disgruntled Pit nearly tossed him out (an easy feat, comparing the sheer size of both Olimar and the angel) and he was told not to come back for the rest of the day… which he spent looking for the blue Pikmin.
"It's such a hassle keeping everyone in check," Olimar sighed to himself, ignoring the deafening snores coming from his roommate's bed. The space captain himself couldn't sleep, so he decided he'd stay awake in case the blue Pikmin decided to come back… Unlikely, he thought.
Disgruntled, annoyed, and in a fully-fledged state of insomnia, Captain Olimar dropped down from his bed and silently decided to continue his search for the missing Pikmin. Carefully he walked around Falcon's bed in case the much larger male decided to spontaneously roll on him from the bed, and made his way out the door. Olimar decided he didn't need to bring any of the five Pikmin he still had; he could do it on his own.
Tap, tap, tap…
His pointed ears twitched at the sounds coming from the kitchen below. With a soft frown set on his face, he descended the large staircase (which for him was almost a treacherous task, going up and down the flights of steps every single day and was almost life-threatening). Finally, after a few minutes, he had made it to the bottom, and he quickly ran towards the source of the noise.
The light at the tip of his helmet would have been a surefire giveaway to his appearance and position in the darkness, but luckily for him the kitchen light was on. Whoever was inside was busy cooking something apparently, as he heard the clacks and scratches of metal and wood. Cautiously he peered his head around the corner, and nearly fell over at what he saw.
Someone, he couldn't tell who, was busy chopping something on the wooden cutting board. The outlandish outfit was practically insane, but was revealing enough to show the telltale slim and feminine figure of the mystery person. A white hood cloaked the back of their head, and he couldn't quite tell who it was…
And then suddenly, an all too familiar cry reached his ears, and he panicked.
"Hey!"
The mystery person immediately dropped the knife and swiveled around to face him, hood falling backwards as she did so. Soft pink hair and baby blue eyes were revealed in the kitchen light, and Olimar's eyes nearly bugged out of his head.
"… Princess Peach?"
Peach frowned. Shit. "No! I know not of whom you speak!" She crossed her arms and turned to the side. He doesn't know me, he doesn't know me, he doesn't know me!
"That is… an interesting outfit you're wearing, princess," Olimar said awkwardly, not buying the magical girl's reaction at all. "If you don't mind, what were you doing with my Pikmin?" There was no way he wouldn't be able to pinpoint the source of that familiar screech.
"I was…" Lie, lie, lie! Make something up, or he'll be mad at you forever! "I really don't know what you're talking about, Olimar." Smooth.
She wasn't trying to pretend to be someone else, though, so perhaps that was a start. But as if things couldn't get any worse for the poor magical girl, a familiar angel poked his head inside, curious at all the commotion.
"Hey, Peach! Olimar! What are you two—" His eyes widened as he took in the sight of the princess. "Whoa."
"Go away!" Peach hissed and grabbed the wooden cutting board, ready to fling it at the nosy angel. Pit raised his hands and slowly backed away, not wanting to provoke the woman any more than he already had. What did I even do? He thought pitifully to himself.
Olimar tilted his head to the side as he noticed an azure ghostly wisp of a being he was once familiar with rise to the bottom of the cabinets before it vanished into nothing, leaving not a single trace behind. "… Peach. Did you just kill my Pikmin?"
Peach frowned. "… I was trying to make it into a cupcake for Snake to eat… it wasn't supposed to die until he ate it." Even though I didn't want to kill it, technically it would be Snake who did it in in the end, not me… But even she knew that was hopeless wishing.
"Okay, forget the Pikmin, what the heck are you wearing?" Pit stopped himself from using an alternate word; an angel should never say such things, after all. "And why?"
The princess stared at the two males, unsure of what she should do. She really didn't want to reveal her secret (especially after working all day to avoid getting caught by Olimar, damn it!), but… "Alright, if you must know… I am a magical girl." She held her breath.
There was a moment of silence before Pit spoke up once more, "like in one of Marth's animes?"
"Yes. Exactly."
"So what do you even do?"
"I go around and prevent people from breaking the rules, that's what!" Peach smiled triumphantly, pointing her staff towards the both of them. "It was I who stopped Captain Falcon from raiding Zelda's jar of cookies last night; if it weren't for me, we would have had a cookie crisis today!"
"… So you're the reason I had to clean up that giant mess," Pit groaned. "If you hadn't left that note, Link wouldn't have grabbed the milk and spilled it everywhere…"
"… Did you throw Falcon on top of me last night?" Olimar asked. His hand moved to scratch his head, but it only connected with cold glass.
"Yes and yes," Peach grinned. "That was all me. You're welcome. But now that both of you know my secret and who I am… I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill the two of you. Damn it, I hate it when Samus predicts things like this."
Pit backed up even further, hands raised. "Whoa, isn't that a bit rash? We promise we won't te—well, I promise I won't tell, I don't know about Olimar—but you can spare me!"
"Hey!" Olimar frowned.
"I actually trust Olimar more than you, Pit," the magical girl shook her head. "But anyway! There is nothing you two can do! So just hold still while I think of places to hide your bodies."
"Wait, wait," Olimar sighed. "Isn't there some way we can compromise? You aren't really going to hurt us… right?"
Peach stared at him. "Silly, silly little Olimar. Of course I am."
"Oh, come on!" Pit groaned. "I'm sure we can come up with some sort of agreement." In honesty, he wasn't really sure how Peach expected to kill them both – it was two smashers against one. An apparently magical one, but still. And one that was a veteran of the mansion, compared to his and the Hocotatian's newness… But he was sure he would still be able to take her on. At least, he hoped.
Peach stopped in her advances and stuck out her bottom lip. "Hm. Maybe… I got it. I'll let you two live if you can do something for me."
"Yeah, what is it?" Pit leaned it, eager. He was always such a sucker for doing favors.
Olimar groaned; this could not end well.
"You two are going to have to become my assistants. It's the only way, because then you'll have to hide this from everyone else, too. And yes, Olimar, this is a big deal! I can't have everyone knowing who I am and what I'm doing! I am the hero Smash Mansion needs, because we have people like Falcon living here!" Peach said passionately. "So, what do you say?"
Pit thought for a moment. "That actually doesn't sound too bad. I'm in!"
"What about you, Olimar?"
Olimar frowned. "And… what exactly will being assistants of yours entail?"
Peach blinked and processed his words in his mind for a moment. "Talk normally for once. And I guess having two assistants is better than going it alone, right? We'd get things done faster that way. And Olimar, this could benefit you too. You won't have to wake up to Falcon laying on top of you anymore."
The Hocotatian took a moment to think. "That would be nice, actually."
"So? What do you say?"
"I am still uncertain…"
Peach pursed her lips and her voice started to strain. "Make a contract with me."
"What?"
"Just do it! Or would you rather I kill you instead?"
Olimar sighed. "Fine, fine. I'll become your assistant."
"Yes," Peach did a victory pump. "Now I'll need to take today off to create outfits for you two. Aw, I can just imagine it now! It'd be the most adorable thing ever!"
Both males paled. "I really don't like the sound of that," Pit said.
"I concur…"
"It won't be that bad… You'll just become magical girls alongside me, hehe," Peach giggled. Pit and Olimar stole a glance at each other and shivered. "Well then, I guess it's off to bed since my plan went way out of hand," the magical girl yawned and sighed. "Good night, you two! We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow! Keep an eye out for anyone doing anything suspicious, and all will be peaceful."
"… Right, like me spending my morning cleaning up milk five months past its expiration date was peaceful," Pit muttered sarcastically.
"You bet it was!"
The angel shook his head and made his way out of the kitchen, finally going to bed in anticipation of what would await him the next day. Peach happily followed suit, content with not having to kill anyone. … That she remembered, anyway.
"… Hey," Olimar spoke, even though he was the only one left in the kitchen. "What about my Pikmin!?"
OoO
A/N: I don't even know where I'm going with this story, but I guess… It'll go places, if I let it.
I hope you enjoyed it. C: (Hopefully I won't take as long to update and finish this as I did One Last Dance, heh…)