Chapter 1
The Chase
"Kira! Stop this now, or I'll have to destroy you!" Black hair held beads of sweat as Athrun Zala gunned his red Gundam, the Aegis, and threw himself forward in a desperate attempt to end the fighting between them. Why they'd even continued was beyond his comprehension at the moment. Yes, Kira Yamato had killed his dear friend Nicol and scarred Ysak. But it was Kira, after all, his childhood friend, the one and only person he'd ever had those strange feelings for. He shook his head in the cockpit, lights flashed at him from all directions, as he tried to keep his mind focused on the battle.
He watched in horror as the Strike lifted its weapon, a sword made of glowing green, and lurched forward. He cringed as the warning lights flashed and robotic voices roared at him. He'd lost the arm of his machine. He could see it on the cockpit screen spinning down into the sea below them. In a fit of rage and pain, he screamed and allowed his nervous system to surrender to the machines control.
The Aegis came forward, full throttle, to obliterate the intended target. The Strike was impaled, mercilessly, against its weight. The pilot shrieked. Tears filled his violet eyes, "Athrun!"
Both Gundams danced together for a brief moment, as if caught up in an invisible ballroom in the brilliance of a clear blue sky. Then, almost silently, they began to fall.
Athrun was vaguely aware of the hold he'd put on the Strike. He wouldn't let it go, couldn't let Kira escape him again. It was as if his machine did what he'd always longed to do, hold onto the one he could never forget. And so down they spiraled, into a future neither one could avoid.
As his machine plummeted, Athrun felt a sudden jerk. The Gundam released his mind. The Strike had fired its engines once again and was slowing them. His coordinates had changed; he was being dragged. What on Earth was Kira doing, he wondered? Whatever it was, it didn't seem threatening, so he'd allow it.
He quickly scanned with penetrating green eyes at his instruments. The damage was extensive; he would not have been unable to fly on his own. Did Kira know this? Was Kira saving him? Or, was Kira's machine as damaged as his own and merely using the Aegis somehow to save himself?
He felt a jarring sensation and looked out once again through his monitors. They were on land, but where, he had no idea. Then another monitor showing a different angle revealed a boy in a blue Earth Alliance Forces uniform with chestnut hair running off into the safety of brush and palm trees below him.
Athrun reacted quickly. He unbuckled himself and hit the appropriate buttons to allow his escape. In only a few seconds, he was on the ground, sprinting toward his friend, his enemy, his Kira.
Tendrils from ferns stung his face as they whipped him while he ran. He wouldn't be deterred; he could see the bouncing head of his prey ahead of him. Kira was fast, but not that fast, he thought with a faint chuckle. Much to his surprise, a jagged granite cliff rose out of nowhere, from behind a grove of swaying palms. He watched and slowed his pace as Kira turned every which way, like a cornered animal, looking for an outlet.
Athrun panted as he stopped, only a few feet now from the boy he used to know so well. "What are you going to do now?" he teased.
Kira's eyes were wide with fear. "Athrun, why did you follow me? Why didn't you go back with the others?" He paused for a moment. Then his expression became pained. "Do you hate me so much?" his voice hitched as he spoke.
Athrun felt a vice-like grip in his chest. No, of course he didn't hate Kira; he could never hate Kira. Why had he followed? He was unsure himself, really. "B-because I, I--"
Kira lunged at his foe. His body hit Athrun's with a brutal force, throwing them both backward onto the hard sand. They bounced, Kira on top of Athrun, and slid a few inches before stopping. Kira immediately straddled Athrun, pinning the ZAFT commander's arms under his elbows. Athrun's red uniform strained against his grip. Kira's face hung low over his adversary.
Athrun was stunned, how did Kira take advantage of the situation so quickly, he wondered? Because he'd let his guard down, he realized. He'd let himself go to that place for a second, the place where longing and craving ate at his soul. He looked up into Kira's eyes. They were brimming with tears. He stared, fascinated that his old friend would be weeping. But why, he asked himself?
Kira abruptly released his hold and practically jumped off Athrun. He sat in awkward silence beside him, hugging his legs to his chest, and placed his forehead to his knees.
Athrun took his chance without thinking. He propelled himself up and forced Kira sideways and down onto his back, slamming his own body on top of his friend. He'd acted so quickly, he hadn't realized his arousal until it pressed against Kira's hip. A sudden pulse of pleasure rocked through him. His desire took hold, years of unfulfilled fantasy rushed to the surface, years of unrequited love. His lips crushed Kira's with a heated, harsh kiss. He felt the boy beneath him struggle, mumbling against his mouth. But still, he continued. His tongue thrust out, probing, attempting to penetrate. His hips ground down, taking what was not readily given.
Kira's eyes were wide, searching, then, they closed, slowly, surrendering to the advances of the boy above him. His arms were freed; they arced upward. His hands ran a timid trail up the back of the aggressor. They pulled downward, as if suddenly clutching at something dear.
Athrun felt Kira's submission, felt the sudden urgency of his friend's lips, of his tongue, of his erection thrusting back into him. He heard Kira moan, low and sensual. It sent him deeper into his obsession, further into a place where prohibition was not an option. He couldn't think; he could only taste, and feel, and experience the exquisite pleasure that was only his Kira.
Athrun's hands began to roam down Kira's lean muscular body. He tilted sideways, just enough to grasp the zipper and yank it down, exposing the soft skin underneath. He thrust his hand inside and let it devour what his lips could not. He teased a nipple into a hard nub and felt Kira arch into the sensation.
A low groan escaped Kira and his hips rocked against Athrun's with more persistence. He seemed to strain against the tight confines of his uniform. "Athrun wh-what are you doing?"
Athrun smiled, "You waited this long to ask?" He wouldn't be deterred by ridiculous questions, not now. He had what he wanted and he was damned if he would give it up. He could feel his friend's need beneath him, luring him to do more, to bring it to a sweet finish. He reached down between them and stroked hard on Kira's erection, through the thin covering of his uniform. His palm ran up and down, over and over, each stroke bringing a new thrust of Kira's hips.
"M-more," Kira moaned. His mouth hungrily kissed and sucked at Athrun's neck, sending shivers through his friend's body. Kira's hands began to reach and struggle for a position between the other's legs.
Athrun felt the probing, eager fingers of his friend as they claimed his length. He bucked and groaned loudly as they twisted and rubbed, sending increasingly intense waves through his body. He was already sensitive, almost too sensitive. His breathing was ragged as he pulled away. His hands were trembling when he reached up and pulled his own zipper down. He sat up momentarily and practically ripped his uniform down and off, kicking away his boots in the process. When he looked back at Kira, he saw he was doing the same. His friend's eyes gazed back at him with craving, a hunger only for him. The thought made him grin, he'd never have thought in a thousand years this would actually happen, or that Kira would have allowed it. But it was and he did.
Athrun pressed his now naked body to Kira's. His erection pumped against the soft skin of his friend's taut stomach. He leaned in and kissed softly at first, then more persistently as Kira's lips and mouth claimed his. In an instant, they were writhing together, a furious motion of limbs and mounting desire.
Athrun quickly licked his palm and dove down to stroke Kira's erection. He gave it a steady, hard pressure as he felt his friend buck beneath him. Now shaking, Kira did the same for Athrun. The delicious tension built in Athrun's groin as his friend pleasured him, their tongue's once again probing, their mouths sucking at every inch of skin.
Athrun felt his release gaining momentum, could feel the insistent humming threaten to overtake him. Only a little more, he thought. He pumped harder on Kira; he wanted them to experience their climax together. He felt Kira's body shudder and grow rigid. As his friend's seed poured out over his fingers, his own peak erupted, strong and voracious. The contractions pulsed through him, making the moan in his throat pierce the air around them to mix with Kira's sharp gasps.
It all slowed and Athrun lay dazed, still breathing raggedly, against Kira's lean chest. Once his senses returned, he pushed himself up onto his haunches and reached for a discarded sock. Quickly, he cleaned himself and offered the soiled sock to Kira. He watched as Kira cleaned himself in the same manner.
Athrun still didn't allow himself to think about what he'd just done, it was still too fresh and wondrous. Instead, he lay back down on Kira, propped up by an elbow, and felt his friend's arm wrap around him. He felt nothing but bliss; he wouldn't allow anything else to ruin this moment. Bringing his hand up, he brushed the long brown bangs away to gaze into his friend's eyes, then, caressed his cheek. He was shocked to see tears glistening in Kira's eyes in the vanishing sunlight, faint traces ran down the sides of his face. "Kira, d-did I force you?" The thought made him cringe inside, but he didn't have any other answer for what he saw.
Kira shifted his gaze away quickly. "No, I just . . . I never knew." He then locked his gaze back onto Athrun's.
Athrun was shocked, Kira's eyes were so intense - it hurt to look at them. His mind clamored for a reply. His voice screamed in his head, never knew what? How much he'd admired him? How possessed he'd always been by him? What? "Kira, I-I . . . damn." He pushed himself up and shook his head slightly, as if it would clear his mind of all the churning emotions threatening to boil over.
Athrun hastily grabbed his uniform and undergarment. He pushed his legs into them and struggled to bring the uniform up over his shoulders. Warm hands rested on his shoulders and stopped him. He felt Kira's soft breath whisper against his ear. His friend's naked body pressed soothingly against his back.
"Athrun, you don't have to run from me. I'm not the enemy. I'm still just me, just Kira. Please, talk to me, tell me what this is, what just happened?" He tilted his head forward, placing his forehead on Athrun's shoulder and sighed.
Athrun closed his eyes. He took in the feel of Kira, so close. "I-I don't know. What do you want me to say? That I love you? You know I do, you know I always have." He felt Kira's breath puff against his back with a sharp gasp. He whirled around and forcefully drew Kira into his chest, his hands clenched his friends shoulders. "Don't pretend you didn't know. Why do you think I tried so hard to get you to stop fighting for the Naturals? Why do you think I just stood there, weak, while you killed Nicol, while you injured Yzak?"
"I-I don't know. I-I thought you wanted me dead." Kira's agony showed on his face, new tears came to the surface and rolled down his cheeks. "H-his name w-was Nicol?" He pushed his face against Athrun's chest and clung in desperation to his friend's torso, making Athrun let go of his shoulders. "I never wanted to kill anybody, I never wanted to be a part of this war. B-but my friends . . . they need me. If I don't protect them, you'll destroy them, won't you?" The tears stopped and he lifted his head. His expression was accusing, suddenly. His lips were pursed, as if holding back something he shouldn't say.
Athrun felt the daggers from Kira's words puncture his heart. Yes, they were on opposite sides of a bloody war with no end in sight, no hope for reconciliation. He replied in a smooth whisper, "Kira, I don't want to kill any more than you do. But, I have to do what is necessary."
"Then, will you kill me too?" He pulled away quickly, as if Athrun's touch was immensely painful. Anger and fear flared in his eyes.
Athrun shook his head slowly, "No, no, of course not. I can't." He sat forward, his weight on straight arms. He flinched, as Kira seemed to cringe and crawl backwards, away from him. "Don't you see?" He began to crawl forwards, stalking.
Kira reached down and seized his uniform, then, draped it over his nakedness. His terrified gaze never left Athrun's.
"S-stop, don't move away from me. S-stay, please, I won't let you go." Athrun pleaded.
Kira stopped. He sat with his knees drawn up and lowered his head.
Athrun crouched beside him, wrapped his arms around Kira and drew him as close as he could. "Listen, let's not talk about it. We have some time before they find us. Let's just . . . pretend like the war doesn't exist. Let's pretend we're the only ones, this is our time, our place. Just once, let's have each other. You feel something for me too, right? I mean, maybe not as much, but you must feel something. Please?" His vision blurred, it surprised him. He struggled and pushed the tears back. He was stronger than this, wasn't he?
Kira lifted his head and gazed into Athrun's wet eyes. He suddenly dropped the uniform into his lap as he pulled his friend and lover close. "Damn-it Athrun, I love you too, I always have."
They sat for a few minutes, drinking in each other's embrace, memorizing the feel of the other. "What should we do?" Kira asked, suddenly.
Athrun released Kira. He gazed into his eyes, searching for some semblance of the words he'd spoken. Why had he never seen it before, he wondered? Did it even matter now? "How about we get you dressed and then we check out what rations are in the Gundams." He smiled faintly. He hoped to move forward and leave any discussion of war and killing for another day.
Kira's head tilted to the side, quizzically. "What about the distress signals?"
"Keep them off. At least until we're ready." Athrun leaned in close and gave Kira a lingering kiss.
Kira closed his eyes. When Athrun's kiss ended, his eyes slowly opened and he licked his lips. "I'm not sure we'll ever be ready."