All Are Parents!
Summary: The Naruto gang are all parents! "Say, Sakura, I wanna play," "Sasuke, I said no! For goodness sake-" "Tenten, your baby's puke!" "Tatsuya! Come back here!" "Mom, Kaida burnt the kitchen!" "Why can't I have a girlfriend?!" Oh, the frustration!
Contents: Humor, Parent life, mild cursing and some lusty thoughts
Chappy One: Uchiha Children! You expect them to be emos but they're clowns, yeah!
It was a glorious morning, the sun was shining brightly, the birds were chirping happily and there was a dead rooster lying nearby the Uchiha Household-
Wait a sec! A DEAD rooster? Now that was not included in my story plot. Oh well, hula-people, we'll continue our glorious morning story. As I was saying – well, other than that dead rooster – the Uchiha Household was a huge mansion with beautiful sculptures of the Uchiha Symbol, and there were pretty, expensive vases arranged neatly in the backyard for showing-off purposes. The occupants in the said mansion were having a very peaceful and enjoyable breakfast –
Clang!
What the heck?
"Tatsuya! Come back here!" A woman known as Haruno Sakura – oh, sorry, Sasuke – I mean, Uchiha Sakura was shouting towards a boy with spiky pink hair.
Cock-a-doodle-doo!
Cock-a-doodle-doo!
Cock-a-doo-
Somebody eat the rooster!
BURP!
Thank you, as I was saying, she was chasing a boy with spiky, elegant rosette pink hair. Nah, I was just joking, he had bluish black hair like his brooding dad. Tatsuya was running around the dining room carrying his baby sister.
"Hee Hee!" Miako, laughed happily. She loved playing superwoman with her brother.
"Okay! Launching Miako to the airport!"
Psshieeeeeeeeewww!!
Clang!
"Gotcha!"
BAM!
WHAM!
Cock-a-doodle-doo!
...Eh?
Bounce!
Bounce!
Boing-boing! Boing-boing!
He threw Baby Miako towards Sasuke; who abandoned his porridge, capture Miako with his hands and accidentally slipped on the chair. Miako zoomed towards the sofa and bounced twice on two pillows and landed right on Sakura's chest. Miako squeezed her mother's huge chest and Sakura yelped. She put her baby on a sofa nearby.
Fuming, Sakura advance towards Tatsuya the clown.
"How many times have I told you NOT TO THROW YOUR SISTER LIKE THAT?!!! DO YOU WANT TO BE THROWN TO THE DEPTHS OF HELL LIKE I DID TO YOUR FATHER LAST WEEK?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Tatsuya and Sasuke shuddered at the memory of last week.
Flashback:
The Uchihas were spending time contentedly in the living room. Sasuke came out of the room with a big frame that had Itachi's dead head plastered in it. Tatsuya and Jin averted their eyes towards the frame with shinig eyes, and Sakura looked horrified.
"Sasuke! I told you to throw THAT away!"
Miako was trying to kiss Itachi's head. Apparently, she fell in love with it and decided to marry it. The other four sweat-dropped.
Gin came out of the kitchen and gasped with shock when she saw the picture.
"What the () is that? Dad, where d'you get that () head of our () satanic ()?!!!!!!!!!!!" She swore, apparently she took the swearing habit from her father. Her older sister, Jin's twin Sachiko looked disapprovingly at her and stepped on her head and squashing it with her foot. Miako repeated Gin's word and said "F---! F---! You f---ing daddy!" She pointed a stubby finger towards a taken aback Sasuke. Sakura stifled her laughter. Tatsuya and Jin sniggered uncontrollably.
"Gin," Sasuke said deadly, causing all six of them to shudder. "If you ever curse in front of your sister again I will make sure that you will eat vegetables for the rest of the week."
Gin fainted on the spot. For the love of God, NO! Veggies are evil! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIIIIIIIIIILLLLL!!
Anyway, back to Itachi's head.
"Sasuke, you can't put THAT in the living room!"
"Who says?"
"Eh?"
"I'm putting it in the dining room,"
"That's worse than Naruto losing his appetite!"
"Dad, people will puke when they eat, you're not supposed to see that while you're eating,"
"Sachiko, this is a memory preserved for your late uncle."
"I thought you killed him."
"That's why I'm about to hang him there. Souvenir of my success."
"Sasuke, you shouldn't set an example like this to your children-"
"I don't care,"
"Well, I don't like to have a friggin picture in the dining room!"
"It'll serve Itachi right!"
"For Heaven's sake, Sasuke -"
"I know he's in Hell, this is a souvenir for my -"
"STOP BABBLING NONSENSE, YOU BAKA!"
"CAN'T I PUT HIS FRIGGIN PICTURE THERE?"
"Yay! Baka! Friggin! F---!" Miako said happily.
"OF COURSE YOU CAN'T IT'S A DINING ROOM!"
"I DON'T CARE TIGHT-ASS!" Sasuke said, smirking to see Sakura blushing.
"Don't call me that," Sakura said, embarrassed.
Tatsuya, Jin, Sachiko and Gin had their notebooks out and were jotting down whatever their parents were saying. Each had big, thick spectacles on.
"I got the tight-ass," Gin muttered.
"Should you really hang your victim's head in the dining room, Jin?" Sachiko asked her twin brother.
"Maybe. Not sure,"
"Let's see what else mom and dad are saying." Tatsuya said.
Unknown to them all, Miako was hugging and kissing Itachi's head. She took it and brought it to the nursery and had great fun introducing it to her teddy bears. Then she kissed the head again. The crows outside sweat-dropped and had a conversation in crow language.
Ahou, ahou, ahou (Man, this family's psycho!)!
Ahou, Ark, Ark, Ahou, (Don't worry, they are from the start,)
Ahou, ahou, ark, ark, ahou?
Ahou, crow, meow-meow, ahou, ark!
Meow-meow? Where did that came from?
Ahou aho-
"Shut the friggin hell up, moron!" Miako shouted; these crows were clearly ruining her moment.
...Wait, how is she able to talk? And she cursed better than me...I am humiliated!!! Curse you!
Anyway, back to Sasuke and Sakura's argument.
"SHANNARO!!"
Sasuke was punched into the ground and headed straight to Sakura's Hell.
End of Flashback
"So, Tatsuya," Sakura said sweetly. "The next time you throw Miako like that again I will hang YOUR head in the living room,"
Tatsuya shuddered. His siblings sweat-dropped.
"You're a moron, Tatsuya," Jin muttered coolly.
"Shut up!"
"Clearly, you should spend less time opening your damned mouth."
"Clearly, you should shut up, baka."
"Clearly, BOTH OF YOU SHOULD BE QUIET AND FINISH YOUR FOOD," Sachiko said icily. She had inherited her mother's intimidating anger. Both Jin and Tatsuya shut their big freaking mouths up.
Gin was refusing to eat porridge, because there were something green inside.
"Mom, there's broccoli in this porridge! Ew!
"Gin-chan, you should eat them, vegetables are good for health." Sakura advised her anti-vegetable daughter.
"I don't want to! I want to slaughter a chicken and make his blood ooze out, pull out the feathers until he's all bald, slice his head and-"
BAM!
There were three big bumps on Gin's head.
"IDIOT, DON'T TALK DISGUSTING THINGS WHEN EATING!" Tatsuya fumed.
"Baka," Jin said.
"Gin, I've lost my appetite now," Sachiko muttered.
"Eh? But you have to finish the porridges all up!" Sakura said. "Then you'll grow big strong bones like the TV said!"
Cricket-cricket.
"Mom, don't be so childish," Sachiko said, sweat-dropping.
"But the TV..."
"Sakura, eat. Don't bother about them not finishing their porridge, they'll have lunch later,"
"B-but I don't want my children to be sick,"
"Mom, 'Yakitate!! Japan' is starting!" Tatsuya said artfully.
"Yay!" Sakura said, and then she skipped happily towards the TV. Her family sweat-dropped; how come a twenty-nine year old woman like her act like a three year old kid? Oh, for the love of God, is the world coming to an end?
"That's the reason why I married her," Sasuke explained towards his children.
"What's so good about marrying such a childish woman?" Jin frowned.
"Jin, you'll find out when you're fifteen,"
"Why?"
"Fifteen is the age of happiness, mark my words," Sasuke said, and then he noticed that Miako was tugging on his pants softly.
"Daddy!" Miako said happily.
"HOLY CRAP!"
Miako was having Itachi's head-frame and was showing it proudly to her flabbergasted father. Gin swore again.
"What the (')?"
"Stop swearing in front of your sister, moron!" Tatsuya hissed.
"Miako! Give that back to daddy!"
WHAM!
BANG!
POW!
Clang!
"Yakitate Japan," Sakura sang.
Kpow!
Psshhhhieww!
BANG!
BUSH!!!
Para para para!
"Miako, don't-"
"Where did she get the gun from?" Jin said.
"Dad, I told you to keep it away!"
KAPOWW!
"No! Not my precious kunai set!" Sachiko shouted.
Clang!
Shatter!!
"My beautiful shuriken set is ruined as well!!!!"
Para-para-para!
"My ass!"
"Gin, don't swear-"
BOOOM!!
"Yakitate Japan,"
After thirty minutes of suffering from Hell; Sasuke managed to grab back Itachi's head from a lovesick Miako, Jin took the shotgun from the said baby and kept it inside his room to kill the first person to irritate him today, Sachiko was wallowing in front of her broken kunai set, Gin and Tatsuya were grabbing hold of their one-year-old baby sister. Feeling very confused and irritated; Jin went for training with Kakashi-sensei and Sachiko sulked and released her anger by boxing with her training teacher, Anko. Gin and Tatsuya fled from cleaning and Sasuke was forced to finish the whole job – alone. Sakura was now watching Bottle Fairy and was dancing together with the rhythm childishly.
"Ah, Oshiete Sensei-san..."
"Obeningyou, ningeikai, naitayo..."
"It's now you and me, Miako," Sasuke said. Then he noticed that Miako had fled and was dancing together with her mother.
"Correction, it's now only me," Sasuke muttered again. Being a parent is tough; he regretted having too much sex with Sakura. But that wasn't too much; since he married with her he had sex only for three times; the first time Jin and Sachiko was born, the second time it was Gin and Tatsuya (They're twins as well) and the third time was Miako. And damn, Sakura's a good child-bearer. Once he had sex she was pregnant!
But then; he didn't regret it.
Oh well, at least he still had those porn movies featuring a naked Sakura from the age of fifteen until twenty. Recently, Sasuke don't have much time to record Sakura naked since the arrival of his four children.
For the least he had Icha-Icha, right?
--
It was two pm. Sakura's anime shows had ended and her children were still training. Miako was already asleep, thanks to her parents who didn't want to play with her and it made her bored. Sakura herself was almost asleep, until Sasuke pounced on her.
"Say, Sakura, I wanna play," He purred.
"Sasuke, I said no! For goodness sake-"
"But why?"
"Our children will be back soon! And, I...I don't want them to see us..."
"Come on!"
"No, I'm tired,"
"But Sakura,"
"Sasuke-kun, I said NO."
"Fine," Sasuke scowled, leaving her wife to sleep peacefully. What's so wrong about having some fun once in a while? They haven't done that in nine freaking years already and Sasuke was suffering! Then, he remembered of the porn videos. He quietly took them out of his hiding place and inserted the tape in the video-player. He clicked the play button and Sakura appeared on the monitor screen. She was laughing, all the while revealing her cleavage. Sasuke watched it intently, and his nose bled when more and more adult scenes featuring Sakura kept popping out. After one hour, the show ended and Sasuke's face was red and his nose was bleeding severely. Now that he thought about it; Sakura looked jut as young as she was when she's eighteen.
His sons returned and were puzzled to see their father like that.
"Whoa dad, who did you fought with?" Tatsuya asked.
His daughters followed suit.
"Dad, which guy did you beat the crap out?" Gin said.
--
As the fateful day cleared and the sun disappeared, night came. The Uchiha Household, which was once a great, grand mansion, was now bearing bits of broken vases outside because of two happy brothers playing happily around the garden.
"Fuck you, Tatsuya! Get your shitty ass right here now!" Jin shouted.
...Or maybe not so friendly.
Another precious vase broke and Sachiko was calmly sitting in the house, sipping tea while watching her brother's antics with amusement. Sasuke was on duty and was patrolling around Konoha area with two other ANBU members; and this father of five was bound to get home very late. Tatsuya had accidentally ambushed Jin's room while the fourteen-year-old was wiping his weaponry, and had found a picture of a fourteen-year-old girl Jin was fond of under his bed by pure coincidence. When Jin saw him holding the picture of the girl; he blushed six shades of red and then suddenly turned into an angered demon with red Sharingan eyes. Tatsuya was now running away from his furious brother.
"You damned moron, give that back to me!"
"No way in hell!!" Thirteen-year-old Tatsuya shouted gleefully, waving the picture in front of his brother.
"You'll pay!" Jin shouted, throwing his kunai smartly towards his younger brother. Tatsuya evaded from it, and stuck his tongue at Jin. Uchiha Jin was the oldest son of Uchiha Sasuke and Uchiha Sakura. He was fourteen year old and his birthday is on the 28th of March, the same date as his mother's birthday. The reason was still unknown. Jin's name meant jewel or super-excellent, and he grew up to be just as excellent as his name. He had his father's bluish black hair but it's far spikier than Sasuke, and his hair grew downwards. He has black eyes as well, and, like his father, he had gained a fair number of female admirers. Jin shared the same attitude as his father; but he was actually easily embarrassed and angered. Jin hated pretending people and he's scared of his twin sister Sachiko's anger beyond anything.
His younger brother, Uchiha Tatsuya was a great source of annoyance to him. Each day, without fail, this thirteen-year-old version of Sasuke was always making fun of his brother. Tatsuya was very different than his brother; whilst Jin likes quiet and peace, he loves noises and chaos. Tatsuya was far sporting and cheerful than his brother. His smile turned most sexily and Jin-like, earning fan girls and his best friend is Naruto's second son named Makoto. Although Tatsuya was not really that hyperactive; his hobby is making chaos and he hated it most when his twin sister Gin swore in front of Miako. Tatsuya means dragon and he was scared of the thought that he would someday be an emo like his brother. Tatsuya loves eating fish and crab.
"Come and get me, sweetie-pie!" Tatsuya chuckled, jumping on top of the mansion's roof. Sachiko giggled. She was Jin's younger twin sister and between her siblings and family; she possessed the most rationality and was sensible enough to know that both Jin and Tatsuya were doing something stupid. Although she was calm in a lot of situation, she was two times scarier than both Sakura and Tsunade's anger combined when angered. Sachiko doesn't like Jiraiya or Kakashi that much, because she had a shrewd idea that they were perverts. Sachiko is very pretty like her mother and had nice, big breasts that turned her admirers crazy. Ironically, Sachiko hated big breasts and was ashamed of it; and had once buried Tatsuya in the ground with one small push when the idiot called her 'Big-boobs', a name she despised so much. Her name means child of joy.
The second youngest sister was Uchiha Gin, meaning silver. Gin was silent like Jin as well, but she is one to be considered the most normal in the house. She possessed some of Tatsuya's hyper-activeness but lacked sense and responsibility like Sachiko. Gin can be sarcastic at times but she really can't feel any furious anger inside, and she never mind if anybody had wronged her. She's a forgiving girl, something very rare among her siblings. Gin's bad habit is cursing, because she spent the most time with her father since she was little. Sasuke often swore in front of her without censoring anything, so she has grown up to have a habit of swearing similar to her father, too. Gin was a bit tomboyish and had sharp green eyes and a bored expression on her face most of the time. She had long hair like her sister because she didn't bother to cut it off. Gin can be very lazy, but she is honest and obeys orders from anybody except those she thought as unworthy to obey to. As an Uchiha who had an eighteen-year-old-looking mother although she was actually twenty nine, Gin had some fans too. Gin is a strict anti-veggies carnivore. She loves chicken and she thinks alarm clocks are eviler than veggies.
Miako is the latest and youngest child of Uchiha Sasuke and Uchiha Sakura. Her attitude was unable to be identified yet; but she can learn to talk very fast, especially when concerning sexual and cursing terms her family frequently used. Miako's name means child of the night.
Back to Tatsuya and Jin's brother-bonding:
"Tatsuya, if I ever get my hands on you, you're toast!"
"Somebody's pissed of," Tatsuya sang.
"Shut the hell up!"
"Ooooooooooooh, who had a picture of a girl under his bed? JIN!!!"
Sachiko giggled again, whilst Jin blushed a pale pink. Throwing two more shuriken at his brother but not meaning to hurt him; Jin smirked in satisfaction when the shuriken landed right on Tatsuya's navy blue shirt. He struggled to get away but his skillful brother reached his place in two seconds. The sound of beating could be heard from miles away.
Sasuke, who was patrolling in the woods cursed when he accidentally kicked a solid, hard rock.
"Tatsuya must have done something to Jin, I bet he's toast." He mumbled.
Tatsuya returned to his room with big bumps and bruises, the result of Jin's torture. Jin had managed to secure the picture his brother stole, and before he could do anything Sachiko snatched it from him; both her and Gin watched it with interest. Gin snickered.
"So, you like Mika," She said, stifling a giggle. Sachiko, however, laughed openly in a polite manner.
"I knew it! Gin, do you know why he likes her?"
Jin was feeling very embarrassed, turning redder every second. Even Tatsuya was listening with interest; bumps and the word 'toast' never worked on him. The only way to teach him a lesson is force him to eat rabbit meat for twenty-three days, four times a day in one hour, thirty-three minutes and two seconds.
"It's because Mika's hard to get," Sachiko explained.
"I get it!" Tatsuya said gleefully.
"I don't understand," Gin frowned.
"That's because you're no male, even how tomboyish you are," Sasuke said, interrupting their conversation. He had returned from his work fairly early today.
"Dad!" Gin said happily.
"Where's your mom? I'm starving," Sasuke said.
"She's in the kitchen, trying to pull away Itachi-ahou's head-frame from Miako who seemed to be in love with it. You better go help her dad, before Miako does something unexplainable," Tatsuya rambled.
CLANG!
"..."
"What the fuck?"
"Kyaaah!!"
"And there she goes, squeezing mom's boobs. Right, Big-boobs?"
KA-BAAM!
"Moron," Jin muttered.
---
Do you like it? I did this for fun! I love creating crazy families, and my Sim family is now in utter chaos!! Do you play The Sims 2?
Nakano Miki-Chan
(Central Moon)
Japanese Corner:
Ahou Fool
Jin Super Excellent
Sachiko Child of Joy
Tatsuya Dragon-to-be
Gin Silver
Miako Child of the Night
Mika New moon
Bottle Fairy is a cute anime which gives you a lot of information about Japanese customs. It features four fairies (Kururu, Chiriri, Sarara, Hororo) Sensei-san, and a girl who often teaches the fairies.
Yakitate!! Japan is a lovable bread-making anime. Asuma Kazama's ambition to create breads by the name 'Japan', filled with hilarious moments. In the end of the show, there's always information on breads.
One nice Japanese name I contribute per chapter: Shirayuki
Shirayuki means 'White Snow'. It can also mean Snow White. Shira means white and Yuki means snow.
If you don't review I am so gonna recruit an army of Chinese 'Keong-Sees' (Something like zombies) and ask them to jump to your house and eat you head! Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then I'm gonna steal your PCs and PS2s and sell them!!! Muahahahaha! I like bunnies.
How's my evil laugh?