Ok, so this was the story I had written about 4x08, Heartbreak Hotel (thanks, by the way, to everyone who let me know what the name of the episode was). I know Alexis is strong and doesn't care what people think, but when I saw this episode I couldn't help but thinking that I would not have had the courage when I was a teenager to stand up and stop the party. So, this is what came to my mind. I will admit, this is SO not where I thought the story was going to go when I started writing it, but that's half the fun! I will tell you I did try very hard to stay true to the characters but, after all, this is fiction. So, if there is something that seems a little unrealistic, please keep that in mind-I was just havin fun with it! This is what I wanted to happen when I was watching the episode.
Disclaimer: Do I really need to tell you I don't own em'?
I hope all of you wrestling through Hurricane Sandy are staying safe! Steph
Alexis looked around the loft—how had things gotten so out of hand? It looked like half the school was here….and the loud music and the drinks. She saw someone knock down the lamp on top of the piano and she groaned. She walked up to Jewels and Paige. "Guys this is getting crazy. How did this happen?"
"Oh come on Lex, have some fun. You know your dad wouldn't care. He's like…the coolest dad ever."
And then they walked off…laughing with the guys running around with her dads model sailboat. "Yeah but I care…" she muttered. She ran through the possibilities in her head and she could only think of one thing to do. She ran to the hallway bathroom, promptly locking it and pulling her phone out of her back pocket. She scrolled her contacts and quickly found the number she was looking for. "I cannot believe I have to do this…" she said to herself as the phone rang. When it went to voicemail she hung up and then immediately dialed again, "Come on…come on…pick up. Please…please pick…"
"Beckett," came the reply.
"Oh Kate thank God. I called and you didn't pick up and I…"
"Woah Lex calm down. My phone was on my desk. I was just leaving the station and realized I forgot it so I had to come back for it. Is everything…"
Before she could finish Alexis interrupted, "Kate I need your help. I…I'm sorry to bother you but I…Grams is out of town…and so is dad. And he said he was just going with the boys so I figured you were in town and you're the only other person I could call. I didn't know what else to do. Kate please tell me you're in town. I'm sorry to ask but I don't know…."
"Alexis! Slow down sweetie. Now…what's going on?" Kate asked as she started walking faster toward her car.
"Ugh…I can't believe I'm about to tell this to a cop…"
"Alexis it's just me, you can tell me anything you know that."
She groaned again, "Ok…well my dad was trying to get me to stop sulking about Ashley, so he told me to invite a few of my friends over for the night. Well, it turns out he was going to be gone the whole night. I probably shouldn't have but we decided to invite a few guys from school over. A few. It wasn't…it wasn't supposed to turn into this I swear."
"Alexis what happened?"
"They told everyone to come over here Kate! They tweeted it, facebooked it, texted it…whatever you can think of! And now there is like…half the school in our loft and its getting way out of hand and I don't know what to do and…oh my dad is going to kill me!" Kate sighed as she began speeding toward the loft…this wasn't like Alexis. She couldn't believe she did this. Alexis continued her plea, "Kate I promise you this wasn't supposed to happen…it was just supposed to be a couple of people I…I don't even know who or how…"
"Ok Alexis I'm on my way over there right now just relax."
"But Kate…if you come over everyone's gonna think I called the cops and it'll be a mess and I'll be the laughing stock of the school…"
"Not if you put your game face on."
"What?" Alexis asked confused.
"Look, this is what's gonna happen. I'm going to let myself in with the spare key your dad gave me for emergencies. You…act like you're totally surprised to see me. I'll say your dad called…told me he wanted me to check up on you since he had to be gone overnight. I'll act totally surprised and angry by the party. You just need to get mad at me…yell at me…whatever, I don't care. Just act like you didn't know I was coming and you're mad I'm there ok. They won't know I promise."
"Are you serious Kate? Why…why would you do that?"
"Lex I'm a cop…I'm used to being the bad guy. I don't care what a bunch of teenagers think. Make me out to be the bad guy ok…they'll have no idea you called me."
"No that's not what I mean…Why why would you help me after…"
"Alexis we'll talk about that later okay?"
"Okay…"Alexis started but then jumped at another crash, "Kate just hurry…please!"
"I'll be there as soon as I can. Just be ready to act your ass off ok?"
Alexis laughed, "Well then, let me apologize in advance for what I'll say."
Kate laughed, "Advance apology accepted. Now, go out there and act like you're having fun."
Alexis let out a breath, "Ok ok…see you in a bit."
"Bye Lex."
"Bye ." Alexis hung up the phone and put it in her back pocket, taking a deep breath…, "Ok…here goes nothing….gram I'll make you proud." She said to herself. She walked out of the bathroom and went to get a drink. She grabbed a red cup and walked over to her friends, finding it easier to relax now that she knew help was coming, "Hey what are we talking about over here?"
Jewels looked at her shocked, "Umm…did you actually decide to let loose?"
Alexis smiled, "You know…you were right. My dad wouldn't care…so why should I? Let's just have fun when we can right!?"
"Exactly what we've been trying to get you to do!"
"Well, now you succeeded!" Alexis walked over and turned the music up a little more and started dancing. Not long after that she saw the door begin to open. 'Thank God' she thought. Alexis turned to meet Kate's gaze. Kate walked in and turned the stereo off then walked up to her. She had to hand it to her, Kate had a great poker face. She looked TOTALLY surprised…and very very angry. Now…she had to put her poker face on. "Kate! What…what are you doing here? I…"
"Can it Alexis!" she hissed, "What the hell is going on here."
Wow she was good, "Nothing Kate! It's none of your business! Why are you even here?"
"It is my business when your father asks me to come check on you and I come to find this!"
"Kate…"
"What were you thinking young lady?!"
"It doesn't matter!" Alexis said starting to yell, "Just leave ok…we're just having a little fun. No harm done. Just go!"
"WHAT! Alexis you're crazy if you think I'm leaving. Now, I want everyone out of here!"
One of the kids walked over to them, "You don't have to answer to her Lex. Hey lady…who do you think you are just coming in here? You don't have the right to tell her, or us, what to do."
'Wow' Kate thought, 'this kid is gutsy.' She opened her jacket to reveal her badge and the kids eyes grew wide. "Actually, I do have that right."
The kid looked at Alexis, "Is…is this the detective your dad shadows?"
Alexis gave Kate a glare, "Unfortunately….yes."
Kate glared back at her, "And unfortunately for all of you, the party is over."
"Kate!" Alexis yelled, "You can't do that!"
"Oh yes I can Alexis and you know it."
"Kate!"
"Now, I want all of you out—NOW!"
All the kids were looking at Alexis. She had to do something to finish selling it. She took a breath and looked Kate in the eyes, "I can't believe you would do this to me. I hate you, you know that. I wish my dad never started shadowing you!"
Kate looked at Alexis, stunned. Kate knew she was acting but…she also knew there had to be some truth in the last part of that statement…especially with everything that's happened recently. "Well, that I can deal with," she said softly, "I can't deal with you not being safe." Kate looked around at everyone and raised her voice, "What are you all still doing here!? I said OUT! Unless you want me to call in my team, I suggest you all leave!"
People started gathering their stuff and running out the door. Paige and Jewels walked up to Alexis.
"Tough break Lex…" Paige said.
Alexis glared at Kate again, "Yeah…"
Kate walked up to them, "That includes you two."
"Oh come on Detective Beckett…" Jewels argued.
"Girls, unless you want me to call your parents and tell them what happened here tonight I would stop arguing, cut your losses, and leave."
Alexis just shook her head at Kate, giving her a dirty look, "I'm sorry guys." She said softly to her friends.
"Hey it's not your fault your dads muse decided to crash," Paige shrugged, "We'll hang another time ok."
Alexis shook her head and smiled, "Definitely. We'll make this up. Bye guys." Paige and Jewels waived to Alexis as they walked toward the door and shut it behind them, being the last ones out.
Alexis sat down on the couch once everyone was gone and took a deep breath, "God this is such a mess." She said gripping the cup she was still holding.
Kate went and sat down next to her, "Lex what were you thinking?"
"Kate it honestly wasn't supposed to be like this. It was just supposed to be a few people. Honest!"
Kate sighed. She knew Alexis, and she knew she would never do this on purpose. She was just happy she had asked for help. "Ok. Ok, I'm just glad you called me. That wasn't an easy decision to make and I'm really, really proud of you"
"Thanks. And thank you for coming." Alexis said as set her cup on the coffee table.
"I'll always come Alexis."
"How?"
Kate looked at her confused, "How what?"
"How can you just drop everything and come here to help me after how I've been treating you? How can you still care enough to do that after what a jerk I've been? I…you…how do you not hate me?"
"Alexis…"
Alexis interrupted her, "I know my dad's told you about what's been going on. I know he told you I've been mad about him shadowing you and…and playing cop because damn it Kate I swear he's gonna get himself killed. I know it's not your fault but…but I've been so angry and I know you are the reason he is still there. Even though logically I know no one could convince my dad of something he didn't want to do and he is there because he wants to be and he wouldn't step down even if you asked but, Kate, he's there because of you and I just…I just get so worried and…"
Kate put a hand on her shoulder, "Sweetie, take a breath ok?"
Alexis nodded and did as she was told, then continued, clearly frustrated. "I…I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't blame you Kate honestly I don't. It's not your fault…none of what's happened is your fault…and I know that. I know that my dad is pig headed and stubborn and…"Kate laughed at this while Alexis went on, "and no one could drag him away. But I just really don't want him to get hurt, or worse, and I've treated you so horribly and you come down here to help me, without even hesitating and I don't know why I've been so angry because it isn't your fault and…why am I mad? I just…"
"Whoa ok Alexis calm down honey. Can I talk now?"
Alexis sighed, "Sure…"
"Ok, to answer your first question, nothing you could do could make me stop caring about you. No matter what you do, or how you treat me, I'm always going to be here for you….you got that?" Alexis just nodded, shocked. "And…and I also have an answer to your second question if you want it." Again, Alexis just nodded. "Ok, but first I need to tell you a story." Alexis looked at her, clearly puzzled as she talked, "After my mom was murdered my dad, he couldn't handle it and he…he started drinking. It started out innocently enough. He said it was just a few drinks to make him feel better; just a few drinks to help him relax when he was really upset. He almost lost himself in it Alexis. I had lost my mom and suddenly I found myself worrying about losing my dad too."
"Kate, why are you telling me this?"
"Because…because I want you to know that I understand what it's like to worry about losing a parent, that I know where you're coming from. It's scary as hell Alexis, I know that. So, to answer your question, you are really worried about your dad but anger…its…it's an easier emotion to handle."
"Huh?" Alexis asked confused.
Kate smiled, "Sweetie, when you're worried about someone because you care about them it can be consuming right? You think about it all the time, constantly wondering if they're ok…"
"Yeah…."
"Well, sometimes our emotions try and protect us. Being angry with someone…it's easier than worrying about them. If you're mad at them, you can tell yourself you don't care…so you don't need to worry." She spoke even softer, "but…the problem with that is no matter what you tell yourself you still worry…huh?" Alexis looked down, refusing to look Kate in the eyes. Kate bent her head to make Alexis look at her, "Right?" she asked gently.
Alexis finally met Kate's gaze and shook her head, "No. No it's not…it's just…I…ugh I don't know."
"It's ok Alexis."
"It's ok?" Alexis said, getting a little defensive. "How is it ok? How is any of this ok? How is it ok when tomorrow my dad will be walking right back out there where he could…oh I don't know—get locked in a freezer? Kidnapped by a psychopath? Alexis kept listing off things that had happened, her voice getting increasingly louder, "almost blown up by a dirty bomb? Held at gunpoint by a hit man? Try and jump in front of a…" she stopped short and slapped a hand over her mouth; her eyes widening in surprise. She hadn't meant to say it like that but…but she was frustrated and upset and on a roll and it just…came out…
Kate suddenly had a lump in her throat. Oh, she had been dreading this conversation. She knew it would come up eventually; that it had to come up eventually, but she was still dreading it…almost as much as she was dreading the conversation she knew would come when Castle found out what she really remembered from that day. She wasn't ready for either of these conversations, but it looked like she didn't really have a choice for this one—it was out there now and she had to deal with it. She was a big girl right? She could do this. But when she saw the fear in Alexis' eyes her stomach dropped and her mouth went dry. Damn it—she dealt with serial killers and crooks and rapists every day…she could damn well have a conversation with a 17 year old! She could. She could. She could. She swallowed hard and took a deep breath before finished Alexis' sentence for her. "…a bullet that was meant for me?" she said softly. If the situation was different, Kate would have laughed at the surprised look on Alexis' face. Apparently, being blunt and coming right out and saying it wasn't what Alexis was expecting.
Alexis stammered, not knowing what to say, "Kate I…I'm so…I didn't…didn't mean, I just…"
Kate gave Alexis a soft smile and put a hand on her arm to stop her, "Alexis, relax. I know what you meant sweetie."
"Kate I am so glad that you're ok. I can't…I can't tell you how relieved I was when you woke up. I just…when dad tackled you and there was all the blood we…I didn't know who had been shot and for a second I really…I thought…"
Kate squeezed Alexis' arm in support, "I know honey."
"But that's just it Kate…you don't know! You don't know what it was like to not hear from you for three months! You don't know what it was like not knowing if you were ok! You don't know how worried we all were, especially dad! You don't know because you weren't there! You weren't there! Dad trusted you. I trusted you. We trusted you and you…you…"
"I ran away."
"Well I…I was gonna say you left but…"
"But I didn't just leave. I ran away." Kate took another deep breath, "You're right Alexis, I don't know. I don't know and I wasn't there and you have every right to be upset with me."
"I'm…"
"Alexis…"
"I…ok maybe I am a little." She admitted. "It's just, I know you were healing and you needed time. I know and I get that Kate but…we were just so worried and you didn't even call and dad was going crazy. I understand you needed space and you needed to get better but you…you couldn't have at least called? Just to let us know you were ok?"
Kate ran a hand through her hair, trying to think of the best way to explain what had been going through her mind. She wanted to tell the girl the truth, but everything she came up with just sounded like an excuse. "Alexis I feel like I don't…I don't have a good enough answer for you. I don't want to make excuses because your right, I could have called. I should have called."
"Then why didn't you?"
Kate couldn't help but let out a light chuckle. Man, that was a loaded question. "Oh Alexis, if it were only that simple…"
"Could you maybe at least try and explain it?"
Kate nodded and tried to remember everything she and Doctor Burke had talked about. She may not be ready for this conversation…but she had been working towards it. Maybe that would be enough? "I was overwhelmed and afraid and I just…the only thing I knew to do was run."
"You were scared?" Alexis asked in disbelief, a little bit of the fight leaving her voice. She couldn't blame the detective for being afraid after everything that had happened, but Kate was the strongest person she had ever met and for her to admit to being afraid…that was big.
Kate gave her a timid smile, "Yeah I was."
"Of the guys that shot you?"
"Yeah that. That and the case and Roy had just been killed and….and other things I need to talk about with your dad before I tell you, but Alexis? No matter how scared I was, no matter how overwhelmed—I still should have at least called. I should have called and I'm sorry. I really am truly sorry." Alexis just nodded, so Kate continued. "I broke your trust and I can't just erase that, but I hope, in time, I can earn it back. I made a mistake and I didn't handle things right. I can sit here and list all the reasons why I acted the way I did but none of them change that fact, none of them make it okay. All I can say is I'm so, so very sorry." Again, Alexis nodded and Kate's voice got softer, "And getting back to what we were talking about earlier….like I said, I know what it's like to worry about a parent. I know how hard it is and I'm sorry that you have to go through that. But I swear to you, I will do everything in my power to protect him and keep him safe." Alexis looked back down and Kate sighed, "You want him to stop shadowing me don't you?" she asked tentatively.
Alexis looked back up at Kate, "If it were your dad, wouldn't you?"
Kate gave her a small smile, "Fair enough."
"I just…I know how much he loves it and I see how good it is for him. I see how happy it makes him—how happy you make him." Kate sucked in a breath at that but kept her mouth shut, letting Alexis continue. "And I want him to be happy, I really do. But he…he's my dad."
"I understand Alexis. I know what it's like to lose a parent. Of all people, I understand. I'm not gonna make you a promise I can't keep and say nothing will ever happen to your dad. But I will say this; I have always done whatever I could—whatever it took—to make sure your dad came home to you at night. I promise I will never stop doing that; and that is a promise I can keep."
Alexis considered the woman before her. She still had reservations about her dad putting himself in danger, of course—probably always would. And she still didn't completely trust the detective again—that would definitely take some time and they had more to talk about. However, looking at the sincerity in Kate's eyes, one thing she did trust was that Kate didn't want her to go through what she did—and she would do anything she could to keep that from happening. After a few minutes of silence Alexis finally responded. "Thank you."
Kate gave her a confused look, "For what?"
"For this—for talking to me, for being honest with me, for not just trying to make it ok and offer excuses, for apologizing, for saying you'll do anything you can to keep my dad safe…and for helping me tonight."
"You already thanked me for that. And I told you, I'll always be here to help you, no matter what. Okay? I know you don't have a reason to believe that right now but if you'll let me, I'll do whatever I can to prove it to you."
Alexis smiled. She couldn't fully trust Kate yet but that, she could do. "Okay." Unfortunately, the smile quickly faded as she looked around the house, "Man this place is a mess! This is going to take me all night to clean up!"
Kate patted Alexis' leg as she stood up, "Well then, I guess we should get started."
"We?" Alexis asked, clearly surprised.
"Yes 'we'." Kate said, then her voice took on a serious tone, "Although…maybe I should make you clean this up on your own…then you'll learn your lesson about throwing a party when your father is out of town!"
Alexis shot up, "Oh come on! You know I didn't mean for this to happen! You wouldn't really leave me here alone with all this…" Alexis took in Kate's stern expression and added nervously, "Would you?" Kate broke out in laughter at the girl's fearful expression, unable to keep it in any longer. Alexis' mouth fell open in disbelief as she realized Kate was messing with her. "Oh now that was just mean!"
"It was funny from where I'm standing," Kate continued laughing. Alexis just started at her and put her hands on her hips. "Ok, ok…stop glaring at me and go get some trash bags, we'll start by getting rid of all these plastic cups." Alexis let out a resigned 'humph', but laughed as she turned to get the trash bags. Kate rolled her eyes at the young girl and as Alexis started walking away she stopped her. "Hey, Alexis?"
The teen quickly turned around to look at her, "Hmm?"
"Are we ok?"
"No," Alexis said simply. As the detectives face fell Alexis gave her a reassuring smile, "But we will be." she added, and then turned to walked to the kitchen.
Kate smiled. She knew this didn't fix everything. She knew she still had to have a very long talk with Rick. She knew she would have to work hard to earn back Alexis' trust, and Rick's trust. She knew that it would take some time. She knew that, even though she had come a long way in therapy, she still had miles to go. No, this didn't fix everything. This didn't make everything okay, but Like Alexis said—it would be.
AANNNNDDDDD?