Hello! Ever since shit wen't down in the episode "Seeing Red", I've been reeling. I mean, Blake and Yang just stabbed a bitch, and not just any bitch, but the bitch who not only took Yangs arm, but was emotionally, and maybe even physically abusive to Blake for the majority of her life. Imagine the character development that's going to come from that! The phycological stuff. I just had to write about it.
Diving into the minds of characters is my favorite thing to do. And in this one-shot, we're gonna travel down the mind of Blake, and see her reflect on everything that happened between her and Adam.
Now, warning, we got descriptions of emotional and physical abuse, psychotic grooming, rape, and all around uncomfortable stuff. If it's a potential trigger for you, please don't read. I want you all to have a safe fanfiction-reading experience, and if this one shot will hinder that, then avoid it.
If you do, however, decide to read it, take it with a grain of salt. I haven't really been in abusive relationships, nor have I experienced the extended cruelty of racism, as I am a white girl. Blake's narrative is drawn from the experiences of some friends of mine, some things I've read, and my general understanding of phycology and human relationships, be it healthy or toxic. If I'm doing something wrong, please tell me. I want to portray it accurately. But, considering I felt slightly uncomfortable while I was writing this one-shot makes me feel like I'm doing something right.
Also, if you find yourself in similar situations to the one here, don't be afraid to reach out for help. I will give it best I can, if you want it from me, though I recommend going to a professional, and not my teenaged, uneducated, unqualified self.
Several disclaimers: I don't own RWBY. That is a RoosterTeeth thing. I also will say, I am not much of a shipper either. I enjoy cannon ships (as I am an EdWin trash), but my general principle is that if it's not confirmed, then don't get attached. I DO NOT ship Adam and Blake. Adam is a piece of shit, and Blake deserves better. Now, I'm kinda neutral on the whole Bumblebee matter as far as shipping goes, but that aside, I love Blake and Yangs relationship. Wether it's friendship/sisterhood, or something romantic, I don't care, cause I love it either way. Your closest friend comforting you after the two of you stab a bitch is something I can live for.
With that all said and done, leave a review if you enjoyed that in any way.
And without further ado, on with the show!
The Boy With Blood-Red Hair
The income was so little they where practically slaves. They where sent into the most unstable of the dust mines, where not even the lowest paid human worker would be sent. Her husband died there. She organized a union with the others like her, and for that, they branded her 10-year-old son across the face. He was a beautiful boy with the most beautiful blue eyes. They marred his face with their mark, burning one of his eyes, leaving the beautiful blue a fleshy mess.
There was a shipment of dust heading to Menagerie. He would be safe there. So, while her son slept peacefully, unknowing of his mother's plans, she hid him within the crates and placed him on the ship.
The ship soon left. She never saw her son again. But she died thinking he was living a better life than he ever would at the mines.
When he woke up from his sleep, he realized he wasn't in his bed. Instead, he was sitting in a large crate filled with powdered dust, of what type, he wasn't sure.
The brand mark on his eye still stung, but the feeling of pain on his face was trumped by his panic.
"Mom!" He called out, unsure what to do. He started crying, the salt from his tears causing his wounded eye to scream in absolute agony. The little boy pounded on the dust box, screaming as loud as his little voice could scream.
Just as he was about to give up, the box was finally opened.
The first thing the boy noticed about the sailor who opened the box was that he was human, or at least looked very human to him. The little boy cowered away from the man, terror racking his bones.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He screamed on instinct. "Please don't hurt me! I'm sorry,"
But the sailor wasn't focused on the boys screams. "What happened to your face, wee lad?"
The little boy stopped screaming, but he continued to whimper, tucking himself into the corner of the box.
The sailor frowned, before lifting the boy out of the box. The child was rather tall, though he had very little flesh on his bones. Other noticeable features was his sapphire blue eye, branded face, blood-red hair, and the two little bull horns sticking up from his head.
This boy was a fanus. This peaked the sailors curiosity. He had seen fanus before on his frequent trips to Menagerie, but had never really had an opportunity to talk to one on more personal levels. Always one to hear a good story, the sailor found himself excited that he found this little boy on his ship.
He led the boy to the ship infirmary to get some ice and ointment on the kids facial wound. "So, what's your name, lad?"
The little boy hesitated, saying nothing.
"You don't have to tell me your whole name. Just give me something to call you,"
With a slight bit of hesitation, and a nervous stutter, the little boy muttered out "Adam,"
"Adam, ey?" The sailor hummed. "I got a nephew named Adam. He's got a family now. Member of congress at Vacuo. I say Adam is a name of good luck,"
The ship's doctor, who was also human, dressed his brand with an appropriate amount of ointment, cleaning, and bandages, to keep the cold and salty sea air from harming his face. Adam let out a small sigh of relief to have the wound dressed. He looked up at the two humans curiously. He had never been treated nicely by humans before.
"You two are human, right?" Adam questioned. After all, he had known chameleon fanus that looked so human that as long as they didn't change colors, they could fool everyone.
"Yep," the sailor answered simply, however.
Adam took a moment to process this. "But..." he hummed, before deciding to keep his mouth shut. If they hadn't noticed he was fanus yet, he wouldn't wanna alert them to it now.
"But your a fanus," the doctor filled in for him, however. "We can tell by your horns," she explained. "It doesn't really matter to us, Adam. Your still a person. And you seem like a good kid too,"
The little boy looked away from them, as if expecting their kindness to suddenly transform into a whip of bitter poison. As much as Adam hoped these humans where genially kind, as they seemed to be, he was still weary. He couldn't trust humans. Not after they sent his father to his death in the mines, and branded his face to punish his mother.
The boat ride to Menagerie took a total of two weeks. During that time, Adam was fed, given clothes, and a place to sleep. In exchange, he occasionally helped the other crew members with their chores, though he was never given anything unreasonable to do. The crew where all human, and most treated him with kindness and respect. The few who didn't where often chewed out by their fellow crew members, so they didn't harass the little fanus as much as they wanted to. Even still, Adam kept in mind that the crew members where human. At any moment, they would turn on him. So he made sure not to be too trusting of them.
The ship's captain had, on multiple occasions, tried to get the young boy to tell him his story, but Adam always refused to say a word. He found the questions uncomfortable; where are your parents, how'd you get that scar on your face, where did you come from? He didn't want to tell the captain that he had no father, because back at the mines, children without father's where picked on more by their human peers than children without fathers. He didn't want to mention how one moment he was asleep in his bed and the next moment he was sitting in a dust crate on a ship to Menagerie, because he didn't want to think about his mother abandoning him, for it left a sting in his heart, even if he had come to the conclusion that she did so in order to free him from their prison. He didn't want to mention the scar and how he got it, or where he came from in the first place, because he knew that if he did, the human sailors would send him right back to the hell he was in, and his mother's efforts to save him would've been in vain.
The sailors could feel the distrust radiating from the little fanus boy. And while they didn't blame him, considering he was likely from Atlas; the kingdom that treated the fanus harshest; they where starting to feel slightly uncomfortable with the child's antics. He constantly glared at them, as if waiting for them to transform into a monster and eat him. He would hardly talk to anyone. He preferred to be alone, so the crew members tried their best to give him personal space, but whenever he was with one of them, they could feel his glower radiating from the tiny body.
The crew where becoming worried. Adam's presence gave them feelings of stress and melancholy, and while such emotions where not as Grim-attracting as fear and anger, it wasn't keeping them away either. Small sea-type grim would sometimes jump up to the deck and try to attack, and the piranha like grim had to be removed from the hall of the boat often, less they bore a hole through it.
Needless to say, when the crew finally arrived to Menagerie, they where more than happy to hand the little boy over to the other fanus.
The captain sighed in regret as they saw Adam off. "I wish the lad was a bit more open to us. Maybe we could've helped him through things," He turned to his first mate, confessing; "I hope that someday he'll see the kindness in humans. Fanus are a minority, so he'll be seeing humans often,"
And with that, the ship soon left, and little Adam Taurus was guided down the dirt path to the Belladonna mansion at the center of Menagerie.
To my home.
I was six years old when I met the boy with blood-red hair. Back then, I was bouncy and bubbly, with a big imagination, and a desire to make friends. The cat ears that sat upon the top of my head, marking me as a fanus, often wiggled and twitched without my control, or maybe with it, I don't remember. It was quite hard for me to teach my wiggly ears to stay stiff, in order to appropriately hide under the bow. Though, it was quite easy for Adam to convince me that I needed him, and only him, in order to do anything.
I don't know when the relationship between us turned toxic. All I know is that it was too late for me when I finally did notice. And it took me a while to recover when I left. It was so hard to reclaim my independence, but it happened, eventually. Though, I shouldn't complain. If I where smarter, or stronger, I would've been able to keep my control in tact.
There I go again, blaming myself. Everything was my fault, when it came to me and Adam. I was wrong to complain; he had a bigger burden than I did. I was wrong to criticize; I didn't know what it was like to be in his shoes. And I was wrong to feel uncomfortable, scared, or regretful; because I was being too emotional, or I was looking at it the wrong way, or I was against the cause, or, whatever. Fuck it. I don't even want to remember all the things he told me to convince me I was wrong.
When I first saw Adam, he was all I could see. It wasn't hard to see why though; I was six years old, dressed in a tutu, with a plastic tiara on my head. I thought I was a princess, and I had always dreamed of a prince charming. And then, in steps the tall, ten-year-old boy, with a handsome face, a beautiful blue eye, and brilliant blood-red hair. The bandages over his other eye hinted of something roguish, making me think of the bold and beautiful anti-hero's covered in scars, dealing with a tragic past that gave them hearts of stone, that slowly turn warm upon the meeting of a fair maiden, as he sweeps her off her feet, and relents to her his tales. She comforts him through his pain, and their love proves strong enough to heal him.
Yeah, I was really into fairy tales. I was a romantic, with boys on my mind, and true love in my dreams. God, I was a fool.
But at that moment, my six-year-old self simply saw a prince charming. And back then, he was. I am ashamed of how strongly that illusion continued to carry when he began to torment me.
"Blake, this is Adam Taurus," My father said. As tall as Adam was, my father was still significantly taller. He was the biggest man I knew; something I would always brag about. It's funny that his size was what I chose to show off about my dad, instead of other things, such as how he was elected ruler of Menagerie, or how he created the White Fang; an organization created to stand up for the fanus who where oppressed, and couldn't always fight for themselves.
I wasn't the least bit shy back then, nor was I impulsive, or rude. I can imagine Ruby hiding behind the nearest adult if she where in my place, or Yang blurting out "what happened to your face?" the first moment she saw him. Instead, I introduced myself to this Adam Taurus, telling him things about myself that I thought important, and shaking his hand.
"I'm Blake Belladonna," I said. "I'm six years old, and that's my dad. My favorite food is macaroni and cheese, and my favorite color is purple!"
I remember Adam quirking an eyebrow at me, blushing slightly when I didn't let go of his hand after shaking it. Instead, I had gripped it tightly, and started to pull him away from my father. "I'll show you around the house!" I promised him. And soon, I was dragging him everywhere, briefly entering a room, telling him what the room was, and then running out. I don't know how he was able to keep up with me.
"And this is my room!" I finally cried, showing him the place in the house I called mine. It was a nice room; spacious, and had a balcony. The walls where lavender, with silhouette of princesses from all the different fairy tales I red painted onto the walls. Books and dresses littered the room, as did fairy lights, and my bed had a vailed net over it, looking like a place a princess would sleep in.
It then occurred to me that my room looked extremely girly. I had never noticed this before, but I had never really brought a young boy to my room before.
But Adam neither wrinkled his nose in disgust, or teased me for the decorations. Instead, his eyes where drawn right to the balcony, where I had a view of the tropical garden that made up the border between my house and that of the neighbors. "It's beautiful!" he said in awe.
It took quite a bit of maturity for me to realize that he was talking about the view, and not my cotton-candy room. But back then, I wasn't the wiser. And at that moment, my stupid six-year-old self was convinced he was "the one".
Holy shit, was I naive.
It took Adam two months to call me his friend, and a year for him to finally show me why he kept his face covered - first with bandages, and then with an eye patch. Six years after we met, he asked me if I wanted to go on a date. And I remember being happy then.
For the first two months, I wouldn't leave his side. I was always dragging him around Menagerie, showing him all my favorite locations. He was in fifth grade, while I was in first, but our school was small, so all the grades had recess together. I would always beg him to play with me. For the first couple days of school he did, until he met friends of his own. I have a feeling that around that time he was just hoping that I would bug off. I was four years younger than him, wouldn't leave him alone, and not to mention was a little first-grade girl. Of corse he would chose the other fifth grade boys to hang out with over me.
I stopped asking him to play with me for a while. I'd simply watch, sadly, as he played ball with the other ten-year-old boys. I was small, and couldn't roughhouse along with them.
I started leaving him alone at home, too. He was living with us, and had his own room, and everything, but I would constantly invade it. If he locked the door, I simply picked the lock with a paper-clip and busted right on in. But I stopped. And when I stopped my persistent bothering, and bugging, that's when he started to miss it.
"Hey Blake," He said one day at school. "You wanna play with me and my friends?"
"Really?" I asked. "But, why would you want to play with me?"
"Because we're friends,"
And there was no going back from there.
I was seven years old, and he was eleven. It was the April 23rd, raining, and a Saturday. Adam had been oddly quiet all day, and I was starting to worry about that. I remember I had been going through my clothes, and placing all the princess dresses that no longer fit me into a give-away bin, all the while wondering what I saw in some of those dresses in the first place. I was growing out of fairy tales at that time, with my new favorite books being science-fiction stories, so I wasn't really attached to any of the dresses anymore.
"Hey, Blake?" I suddenly heard Adam say. I turned around to see him standing at the door, still wearing his pajamas. He was barefoot, even though my parents had been making him wear slippers to keep his feet from getting cold on our floors. His hair was a mess, and it seemed as if something had gotten stuck on his left horn.
"Hey, Adam," I replied, giving him a small smile. I still had a crush on him at that time, but I was older, and able to handle myself better, at least in public presence. I still cringe at my young self, who would write his name in hearts all over my diary. Ignorance was bliss, back then.
"Can I tell you a secrete, Blake?"
I nodded yes, and he walked over to me, practically collapsing onto his knees. He was taller than me, and older too, but at that moment, he looked so small, and so frail. It looked as if he would shatter into a million pieces.
He placed his shaking hands into mine, turning his face away from me. "I'm scared, Blake," He told me.
I frowned. Being afraid was common, and I saw no shame in it. Though, I guess it was different for Adam, who had been taught to act brave in the face of danger since a young age. Letting your tormenters know that they got to you was strictly forbidden, especially for the fanus of Atlas. "Scared of what?"
"That they'll find me! And that they'll send me back! And that... that..." He couldn't finish his sentence. Soon he was crying, and loudly at that. He had thrown himself onto me, gripping my smaller body like his life depended on it. Pain echoed out in his voice. So I did the only thing I thought of; I held him. Whispered words of comfort into his ear. He was in great pain, and I was determined to ease it. "It's ok, Adam. Your here. We'll protect you. I won't leave you, I promis,"
Those words sealed my fate.
When he calmed down, he told me his story. He had already told a part of it to my dad in private; the parts he was comfortable telling, at least. He told me how his parents worked in the dust mines in Atlas, and how a cave-in had killed his father, as well as many other fanus workers. He told me how they only ever sent fanus to mine in the most dangerous of areas. And he told me that his mother formed a workers union, which was quickly suppressed. And how, in order to punish his mother for her actions, they scarred him forever.
He finally took off the eye patch.
Across his eye, was the scar left from the hot-iron brand. The letters "SDC" where easily readable. The eye he was branded on itself was scared red, in a flesh-like, painful manner.
And I suddenly understood what my mother and father where talking about when they said that being a fanus meant I was going to face a lot of challenges down the road.
I remember that I started crying the moment I saw Adam's face. I remember that he cried too, because he thought I was crying because his face was scary. He was apologizing over and over, but I eventually calmed down enough to tell him I was crying because of what was done to him, not because his face scared me in any sort of way.
That day changed me. I through out all the princess dresses, and had my room repainted. My books on fairy tales where soon lost to books on history, social matters, and anything else I needed to know if I where going to reshape the world into a place where no one had to suffer like Adam had again. I told my parents that I wanted to join the White Fang. That I wanted to go with them on all of their international trips, stand at the front line of every march, protest, and campaign for equal rights for fanus and humans alike. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to make the world better.
Adam stood by my side every protest we made. Every club to the head forced upon us by the police. Every kick, bruise, and stomp. We stood together. And through the pain, I felt stronger. I look back now, and realize that I felt stronger because I was pressing on, enduring, refusing to back down from the hell we where given. But back then, I thought that the reason I felt strong was because of him.
I was thirteen when Adam and I started dating. I don't think my parents ever liked it, probably because of the age gap, but we had been in love for a while, so the transition was rather easy. So easy that nothing my parents said to either of us could convince us not to take that step. Still, they tried their best to guide us through the complicated thing called relationships.
The White Fang movement was bigger than ever. Information on the treatment of Fanus at the Schnee Dust Company had finally been made public, and the backlash was magnificent. A liberal magazine known as "Truth" was published by a retired fanus activist, and it's popularity was constantly growing. Change in goverment and in the more stubborn people was not occurring, but the people who had never really been unkind to fanus now knew what was happening to us. And with that knowledge, they where able to do something about it. That was also around the time I met Ilia, and she soon became my best friend. Things where going well for me.
Until Adam killed a man for the first time.
Imagine that; only seventeen years old, and killing someone. He did it to save my father. Our second in command, Sienna Conn, had praised him for his quick thinking.
He felt guilty as hell.
He cried in front of me that night. He never cried in front of anyone but me. And I rarely cried in front of anyone but him. Back then, our relationship was still healthy. We needed each other, because we needed someone to cry in front of, and in turn, we would build each other back up; convince each other that everything would be okay. It was how it was.
I wish I didn't kiss him that night, though. Maybe everything would've been different if I saved it for some other time. I had been wanting to kiss him for a while, and I wanted desperately to show him that I still loved him, even after what he did. But I shouldn't have done it that night.
I felt like I was in heaven when we shared that kiss. It was my first, and I was thirteen-years-old. Of corse it would feel like heaven to me. I hate how much I loved it. I hate how I still love it even now.
I told this to Yang, once. How ashamed I am to still look at that kiss with fondness after everything that came after it. Yang assured me it was normal, that I was fine, that every shitty thing that happened between us was his fault, not mine. But I still hate myself for enjoying the memory. And I still blame myself for everything that went wrong, because if I didn't kiss him then, then maybe he wouldn't have gone downhill after the first man he murdered.
It was a hideous cycle. Adam would kill someone, Sienna Conn would give him an excuse for his actions, he would come to me and cry, and I would tell him that it was okay; it didn't matter; he had no other choice; I still loved him, no matter what. We would kiss, and he would feel better, and the whole fucking cycle would start all over again.
I was in his trap. I didn't know it yet, but I already was. He would kill, and Sienna would award him, giving him leadership, and power. Then he would come to me, and get rewarded even more. I gave him physical and sensual contact; the kind that any boy his age would crave. I guess I'm to blame for that, though, my friends would probably tell me otherwise, if I ever confessed to such a thing. Everyone around me is always trying to convince me it wasn't my fault. I don't believe them. Not one bit.
The only reasoning I can come up with for Adam's behavior is that he was terrified I would leave him. When he was a child, he feared being sent back to the mines in Atlas, so he clung to me, so he wouldn't have to go. I was his safe space, and he was mine, I guess. It's the only reasoning I have. It's also what he told me. He needed me, and when he cried in front of me the day he first killed a man; the time when he actually did feel remorse for his actions; he had been so relived to find out that I still loved him.
Every day, he asked me to promis him I wouldn't leave him. That I wouldn't abandon him for anything. And every day, I said I would promis.
And when my parents left the White Fang, seeing it's downfall before it happened, they tried to get me to leave with them. Both for my sake legally, and for my mentality. I'm not even sure if Adam knew what he was doing at that point, but he was becoming very possessive of me. He would rarely leave me alone, and constantly had me make the same promis. My parents saw that. They wanted me out, before the toxin had a chance to flow out, instead of coming out in little drips every so often.
I called them horrible things. I screamed at them. I insisted that I knew what I was doing; that everything was fine; that Adam was fine. I regret everything.
One day, I actually did confronted Adam about his kill count. Told him that I didn't like how he was killing people. That he took too many lives to call his actions a spur of the moment reaction; a fight or flight kind of thing. I was fourteen at the time, and it had been a year and a half since we shared our first kiss. I wish I confronted him sooner. But I kept telling myself that Adam wasn't a murderer; he was just fighting for his life; doing all of these horrible things because he had no other choice. But I started to wonder if he did actually have a choice. So I confronted him.
He didn't cry this time, like he had all the last times. It seemed as if he where angry. I immediately regretted confronting him at that moment; I didn't want to make him angry. He was already so angry all the time. I never wanted to see him angry at me. And here he was.
"Blake, I'm sorry," He snapped, not sounding sorry in the least. "I told you, it was an accident,"
I wanted to back down at that moment. Keep him from getting angry. But the braver part of me knew I had to press on. Maybe I could save Adam if I did. Turns out, it was too little, and too late.
"Was it?" I snapped back. "This wasn't the first time humans have died on missions you've led," Why Sienna Conn was letting an eighteen year old lead missions is beyond me, though I didn't see the problem back then. I didn't know how little children understood. How much I had to learn. "How many more accidents are there going to be?"
"I don't know!" Adam shouted. "I'm out there fighting for us, and when you fight, people get hurt! What, do you want me to just abandon our cause? Like your parents"
"No!" I insisted. "I'm not saying that I..." I backed down, loosing my will to fight him. He was good at that; taking my will to fight from me. "I don't know," I confessed, sadly.
"I'm sorry," Adam told me, his voice soft and kind again. "I shouldn't have brought them up,"
And he was reeling me back in.
"I just get scared when it feels like you don't believe in me anymore,"
And making me feel guilty. Like I was out of line. I touched his shoulder, affectionately, looking at the mask that covered his scar. He hated showing it. But he knew I loved to look him in his eyes. That beautiful sapphire blue that I used to get lost in.
"Thank you, Blake," He said, smiling. "It's good to know I still got you,"
My heart fluttered, but my stomach dropped to the floor.
That night, he came to my tent. "I'm sorry for getting angry," Adam told me. "I shouldn't have snapped like that. I was afraid you where going to leave,"
"But I promised you I wouldn't," I told him. I remember feeling disappointed at the time. It stung to think he trusted me so little he really thought I'd break that promis I made.
But then he sat on my bed, and kissed me. Softly at first, before slowly growing more passionate and aggressive. It was alright at first; just like most of our other kisses. I enjoyed it, as did he, and it was fine.
Then he started to pull off my shirt.
I freaked out. Screaming and jumping off my bed, quickly putting my shirt back on, face red and hot.
"Blake, wait, I'm sorry!" Adam had called out for me. "I shouldn't have—"
But I had already ran out the tent.
I told Ilia about what happened later that night. She gave me advice I should've listened to.
"If Adam ever does something you don't like, you should not feel required to stay with him. And you should never feel guilty for that,"
I wish I listened. I wish I had just packed up everything right then and left. Found my parents. Fought in a different way. Or, at the very least, ask Ilia, or maybe even Sienna to help me confront him. I know they would've helped me, Sienna's favoritism aside. I know they could've protected me from his manipulation. But I guess I was just in to deep.
For a while, I had thought that if I had just let Adam do what he wanted, and not have freaked out, then things would've been different. But books on phycology from Beacon's library has helped me understand better. I still have that thought, but at least I know it's not logical.
Sienna Conn had taken leadership when my parents left. And she had very different ideas of how to get things done. Her philosophy was fear. If humans feared the fanus, then they wouldn't mess with the fanus. She wasn't wrong. Her strategy did work; government changes where made, and brutality, at least publicly, became much less frequent.
But I hated how mothers would protectively heard their children closer to them whenever they saw the cat ears on the top of my head. I hated how people would whisper hate behind my back but nervously offer all they can to me the moment I turned around.
But I don't think Adam hated that. He was becoming drunk on power by then, I think. He loved to watch the humans cower in fear whenever he glared at them. He loved how no one dared to mess with him. I guess, after what he suffered in the mines, them simply leaving him alone was enough for him.
He reminded me of this when I questioned him. "You where lucky, Blake," He told me. "You where raised in Menagerie. You never had to walk amongst humans in constant fear that they will beat the living daylights out of you. I have. I've seen the shit they put our brothers and sisters through, with no remorse! This is why we have to strike back the way we do. This is why we can't trust any human,"
"But not all humans are like that," I told him. "Look at Vacuo, and Vale. The president of Vacuo is a fanus herself! And at Vale—"
"Humans did this to me," He said bitterly, taking off his mask. And that would shut me up.
I loved to see his eyes, and he knew this. He would take off his mask whenever he wanted to draw me in with his sapphire orb, or guilt me for my questions with his scar. Such a simple tactic. I didn't even realize what he did until I read the phycology books at Beacon.
I finally understood what Adam was doing to me when I was fifteen, and we had a fight. A real one, with our weapons and fist. He had conducted a mission, but wouldn't tell me what he was doing. All I knew was that we where in Atlas, and we had task to perform.
I did my part. I didn't know why I had to do what I did, but I did it. I invaded the Atlas call tower with a few teammates and temporarily shut down communications in a certain area. The area contained the Schnee family mansion; which concerned me. But I thought we where simply going to steal some things, or free some fanus.
I was shocked when Adam finally arrived back at camp with the Schnee heiress, bound, gagged, and blindfolded.
I never told Weiss that this was actually our first meeting, not the incident in the Beacon court yard involving Ruby and the exploding dust. But I think, at this point, Weiss probably has already figured it out.
I never said a word. I was too stunned to do so. In fact, I don't think I talked the whole night. Not when Weiss was kicked around by some of the more aggressive members. Not when they tied her to a chair and made her beg for her father to save her across video chat. And not when she was locked in a cage in the middle of the forest, where her muffled screams could be heard, along with the angered roars of the Grim.
Adam told me that her fear would lead the grim away from our camp, and keep them from getting us. I was still speechless.
It's not like this was the worst thing Adam had done. But most of the crimes he committed I heard of through word of mouth. I never actually saw him to anything. But, the image of Adam's smug grin as he walked into camp with his hostage, dropped her onto the ground, and kicked her in the stomach, seeming pleased with himself the entire time. It's burned into my memory.
I didn't eat that night, nor did I sleep. I probably should've eaten, because I would've been more prepared for the incoming fight. After struggling to fall asleep, I slipped out of bed while nobody was awake to watch me. Gamble Shroud gripped tightly in my hands, I head straight to where I knew the cage was kept.
Weiss was still bound, gagged, and blindfolded. Tears stained her cheeks, and there was an Ursai scratching at the cage. I was finally able to observe the collar on her neck that was made specially to block semblances. Of corse she'd be terrified. They left her helpless.
I killed the bear-like thing with ease. It wasn't very big, or old, so I found it an easy opponent. I then opened the cage, still saying nothing.
I never spoke a word around Weiss. Not when I knocked her out with a kick to the back of the head, and not when I carried her back to the front gates of the her mansion. I simply dropped her off by the front door step, rang the bell, and hid myself, waiting for someone to find her.
I left when I saw a servant grab her unconscious body and take her inside.
"That was stupid,"
I knew the voice, but I spun around to see the face anyways. Adam.
"That was cruel," I responded. "Do you always look so pleased with yourself when you hurt people? I thought you only killed as a last resort!"
"Blake, anytime you bring this topic up, it's always the same thing. Don't hurt the humans. Should I show you what they did to me?" He snapped, pealing the mask off again.
There was hatred in his eyes. The SDC marked on his face seemed to burn in the light trailing into the forest from the Schnee mansion.
I fell to my knees.
"Adam, I hate this!" I finally confessed, tears spilling from my eyes. "I hate hurting people! I hate watching you hurt people! I don't care that they're human! I wanted to live in a world where people wouldn't be cruel. I wanted to live in a world where nobody— Fanus or human — would be hurt the way you where! And this is not what I wanted!"
He placed his hand on my shoulder, and wrapped his arms around me. I felt his thumb trail up and down my back in a motion of comfort. "Shh, shh," He whispered. "It's ok. I'm here. I'll give you the world you dreamed of. You just need to trust me, Blake. I'm doing this all for you,"
I believed him again. That why I came back after our fight. But before then...
"Then do it without me," I told him. "I don't want to do this anymore. I just wanna go home. I wanna leave the White Fang,"
"No, no, don't do that, Blake," He told me, not releasing me. His embrace was becoming tighter. My ribs where being squeezed together. It was getting hard to breath. "You belong here, with us, with me. I need you if I'm going to make your dream come true. You have to stay. You promised you would stay,"
What he was doing was no longer a hug. It was clogging my windpipes. I felt like I was being crushed to death. Everything was crashing down around me. The boy with the blood-red hair that I had fell in love with long ago was gone, but I didn't want to see that. There was just this beast, with his cruel smile, as he beat up a defenseless girl. It wasn't her fault her last name was "Schnee". It wasn't her fault her parents ran a cruel business. She didn't make the decision to brand Adam across the face when he was a child.
I think this was the moment it all shattered.
"No!" I shouted, pushing myself away from him. He was shocked at this movement, so I was able to get away. "I don't want to be here! I'm leaving!"
His movement was quick. In less than a flash, he stood up, and hit me across the face. The blow was so hard I fell down. It stung.
"Help me!" I screamed, getting up and running away. Fear pulsed through my body, and my muscles ached. But Adam was faster than I was, and I was working on little food. I felt his hand wrap around my wrist.
And suddenly, I had somehow teleported myself a few feet away from him. I never told anyone about how late I was when it came to unlocking my semblance. But I was thankful it chose this moment to show. I could jump out from my own body, leaving shadows behind.
Adam lunged at me again, and I activated my semblance again. The more I did this action, the easier it was, and soon, I found myself leaving my shadow to take the hit for the entire corse of our chase.
"Stop running from this, Blake!" Adam snapped at me. "You belong with the White Fang! You need us!"
I kept running.
"What's going to happen if you go home?" He shouted, his voice chasing me constantly. "Your parents don't understand you, not like I do! Who are you going to cry in front of? Do you really think they can give you the kind of comfort I can!?"
I believed in what he said. At that moment, I truly believed that Adam was the only person who could give me that kind of comfort. Who could give me any form of love or understanding. I had completely forgotten what it was like to be held by my parents. I hadn't seen them in so long.
"What do you have besides us?" Adam continued to shout. "What about your dream, Blake!? I'm the only one who can make that dream come to reality! No one know's you quite like I do. Anything else would be imperfect!"
I kept running, shouting for help once more. Leaping out of my shadows whenever Adam caught up to me.
"And what will I do without you? " Adam told her. "I need you, Blake! Without you, I will waste away. Without you, I loose my will to live! Do you want to do that to me?"
"Stop!" I cried, desperately.
"And what will you do without me?" Adam questioned. "You need me to complete your dream. I am your strength. Your courage. Without me, you will crumble into nothing! The world is cruel, Blake. Without me, by your side, protecting you, you will slowly drown in their hate. And you will loath the world your living in! Do you really want to live in a world without love, Blake?! Without me!?"
"Leave me alone!" I cried out again, forcing myself to run. Fighting against his words. They where settling, however, and slowing me down. I was running out of steam.
He grabbed my wrist, and this time, I couldn't use my semblance in time to avoid him. I started punching his wrist, hoping to get him off me, but he just grabbed the other hand. Going for the cheap shot, I kicked him in the crotch, and ran off as soon as he let go of me.
With a leap, I managed to land on the first branch of a tree. I tried to jump to the next branch, but Adam grabbed my legs, dragging me back down. I fell onto the ground with a hard thud, thanking my Aura for saving me from breaking my bones.
Before I could get up, Adam slammed his foot into my back. To counter this, I used all my strength to twist my body around, swinging my legs, and landing a kick to his shoulder. I then jumped away from my shadow, using my semblance as thrust, before getting up and running away again.
I soon heard him jumping through the trees. He was catching up fast. When he caught up, he jumped down in front of me, drawing his sword, and sending a blast of red waves all around, cutting the trees down so that they blocked my path. And he stood there, sword pointed at me.
"I didn't want to do this, Blake," He told me, sadly. "But you leave me no choice,"
I grabbed my Gamble Shroud as quick as I could.
He jumped at me with his sword, clashing it onto mine. We pushed back, before he jumped in again. The two weapons violently smashed into each other, and I used my semblance when I could.
However, he hit me with one of his red waves, and I felt my aura deplete as I was thrown back and violently slammed into the tree trunk behind me, my weapons left where I once was.
Exhausted, I stood up, as Adam approached. "You didn't have to make me do this, Blake," He told her. "You could've just listened to me. You could've behaved,"
"I just want out! Is that so much to ask for!" I protested.
Adam put his sword away, and I found myself in a fist fight with him. He went for a swing, which I blocked, but was to slow to stop his jab to my stomach. I tried to punch back, but it was futile. Adam was faster, stronger, older, and bigger than I was. He was also more prepared to fight than I was. Logic states that I wouldn't win anyways. But my defeat during that particular fight had made me feel so utterly weak and small. I remember my legs giving out, and my strength leaving me. And I was crying.
The moment I couldn't fight, however, Adam's tone changed completely. He whispered words of comfort, cradled me in his arms, and told me that I didn't need to cry. That I was still okay. That he still loved me. And I was sucked back in. I was suddenly apologizing for the fight; for trying to leave. I was suddenly taking all the blame. I even apologized for returning Weiss to her family, and ruining his mission. The amount of hatred for myself I had at that moment was beyond everything. But Adam wasn't done yet.
He didn't take me back to camp. Instead, he broke into a motel in one of the shadier streets in Atlas and we stayed there for the night.
He placed an ice pack on my cheek where he had hit me. He ran a fingers down each and every bruise that was forming from the fight. "Don't leave me again, Blake. I don't want to have to hurt you like that again,"
The weight of exhaustion was heavy. "Adam, I just wanna go to sleep. Can you leave me alone so I can sleep?" I'm not sure why I thought we would've given me what I wanted.
"No, Blake," He whispered softly. "We can't let the night end like that. Do you want to sleep on something like that? We need to make up first,"
Before I could protest, he was kissing me. There was no joy in this kiss. It was harsh, and angry, and painful, and I could barley even breath properly. And then he started to take off my clothes.
"Adam, stop, please," I begged.
"You need to trust me, Blake," He told me, now taking off his own clothes. "I think you don't quite understand what your actions might have caused. I need to make you understand. I would never do anything to hurt you, Blake. Let me make you understand,"
I could barely fight it. I was too tired. All I could do was cry, and beg him to stop, as all our clothes came off.
"Stop it, Blake. Your being ridiculous," He told me. I had curled up into a ball in attempt to protect myself, and he was attempting to pull it apart. "After the night we had, it's only fair you give me this. You nearly broke my heart, Blake. I love you, but I need you to show that you love me,"
I had tried to convince myself what he did wasn't rape. In the end, I finally just let him do it, after all. But that was my own idiotic clinging, and the lies I was telling myself to believe that Adam wasn't abusing me. That this was all normal. I was convinced it was normal.
Every three days after that incident, he would come into my tent, and we would do it again. And every time we did it, I hated it more and more.
And I thought I was wrong for hating it.
For three months, Adam didn't leave my side. And if he did, it was only for five minutes or so, and never when a friend of mine, like Ilia, was around.
I don't think she ever knew. I never told her. And Adam had been so deep into my head at the time that anytime she'd look at him with suspicion, I'd tell her off.
Those three months where the worst months of my life. I could hardly avoid him. Most nights, he would make me sleep in his bed, with him. And anytime he wanted to do it with me, I had to drop everything I was doing, and do it, or suffer verbal abuse.
It was never physical, I noticed. The other white fang members would've caught on if it was physical. They all just thought I was lovesick. I wouldn't tell them what was truly going on inside my head. I wouldn't tell them I thought I was nothing without Adam. That I hated myself every time a sane thought, such as escaping all of it, flew into my head. I wanted to die. When I said this to Adam, he told me I was being ridiculous. Overreacting. Whatever other things he liked to say during his fucking verbal beatdowns. And when his words left me in tears; as they often did, he would turn soft again, and comfort me, telling me that he loved me no matter what, and that I loved him, and that everything he did was for me, and yadda yadda yadda. BULLSHIT! IT WAS ALL BULLSHIT!
I decided to run away when I overheard a conversation between two of my campmates, though I don't remember who.
"Gosh, I wish I had a girl like Blake. Adam's gotta be thanking his lucky stars to have someone as devoted to him as she is," One of them, a male, said.
"I ain't so sure Adam's thanking anything," The second, the female, replied. "She gives him a lot, and he doesn't seem to be giving much back,"
"Oh, come on! Your just jealous," The male quipped back. "I mean, they never leave each other's sides. Who wouldn't envy that?"
"Not me, I like my alone time," The female scoffed. "If a man won't respect my boundaries, I'm calling toxic bullshit on his ass,"
And I could no longer deny it. Despite Adam's warped voice in my head telling me over and over that all was fine, and that I was in the wrong, I started telling myself I had to listen to reason.
I started wearing the bow over my ears. If I was going to leave, I wanted to make sure I wouldn't be recognized by either human or fanus as a member of the white fang. So I would make the world think I was human. And people would be kind to me, the way that human's where never kind to fanus. In a way, I would have my dream. Not in the way I wanted it, but it was the closest I was ever going to get.
I trained my ears to stop wiggling involuntarily. I practiced fighting as often as possible. I trained myself to know the in's and outs of my semblance. I read whatever I could get my hands on. It was difficult to hide my true ambitions from Adam, but through some miracle, I managed to do so anyways.
The two of us raided a train shipping both dust and tech from Atlas to the nearest sea port. Adam and I fought through the security measures together. And finally, I had the chance to make my break for it. I got as close to the engine as possible, while Adam was still a cart behind. Then I cut it off.
"Blake!" He called out to me, as the train soon left him a blip in the distance. Soon as he was out of sight, I let myself cry, one final time, for everything that had happened to me.
I was fifteen. In a week, I would be sixteen. Then I would join Beacon academy when I was seventeen. It took me two years to figure out how to survive on my own. Two years to learn to live without Adam. And it took going to Beacon, and meeting my team, and all my friends, to learn how to rely and trust other people.
I read the phycology books at Beacon's library. I learned how everything he did to me was flat out abuse. He groomed me into his loyal slave and I took the bait; hook, line, and sinker. I had never felt so ashamed. He manipulated me, abused me, brainwashed me, harassed me, raped me, and GODDAMNIT I LET HIM.
I know what my friends would say. It wasn't my fault. I didn't "let" him do anything. Adam, and Adam alone, is to blame for all the shit he put me through. And my common sense tells me that they're right. But that twisted voice, Adam's voice, that still lingers in my brain like a nasty scar that refuses to heal, says otherwise.
And now, the boy with blood-red hair is gone. I stabbed him in the front. Yang stabbed him in the back. His body dropped, hit the rocks, and then fell into the freezing waters. He's dead. There's no doubt about that in my mind.
And I'm crying. And I don't know why. All the memories of him, good and bad, flash through my head, and I wonder if I'll become just like him. This was the first straw, after all; his decent downwards. He killed someone, not because he wanted to, but because his fight or flight instincts kicked in and that was the result. He came to me and sobbed hard, guilt gripping every inch of his body. And here I am, doing the same thing. And here is Yang, coming over to comfort me like I did for him.
Maybe it's different. She killed him too. Perhaps, with our shared crime, we can keep each other checked and balanced. But for now, I just feel lost, and empty.
After everything I've been through. After how strong I've become. Just when I thought that finally, Adam was out of my head, I feel him again, telling me I'm worthless. That I am only something when I am by his side. And now he's dead, and I am, and forever will be, nothing.
Yang continues to hold me. She whispers words of comfort to me. They are genuine, but Adam's words where genuine once.
I have a long road ahead of me.
Edit: After some consideration, I decided to turn this into a two-shot. I realized that the conclusion needs a bit more than just being left on a sad note. I want to write about Blake coming to terms with everything. I have to wait till Sunday to see the V6 finale, then, when seeing how the episode turns out, I'll write accordingly. Either way, we'll get the final chapter of this thing some time next week. Look forwards to it!
~MotherUniverse signing out.