Sasuke Has No Fangirls

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, I would be living in Tokyo by now.

This dedicated to Kigura and all the Itachi fans.

Sasuke stubbed his toe on a bench.

"Ow! Itachi, I'll kill you!"

"What does Itachi have to do with this?" Naruto asked.

"I stubbed my toe! I blame him!"

"… Right then."

"Sasuke-kun? What does Itachi look like?" Sakura wondered. Grumbling, Sasuke took out picture from his wallet. Sakura's eyes widened.

"SO…SEXY!" Sasuke's eye twitched.

"I have to show Ino-pig!" Sakura ran off. After a pause, Naruto and Sasuke started crying.

"I'll never have a chance now!" Naruto sobbed.

"One of my beloved fangirls left!"

"Why did… wait, what? I thought you hated fangirls!"

"… Well, I can play hard to get… sometimes."

"… Right then… Why Sakura-chan?"

"Ino-pig!" Ino looked up and saw Sakura running towards her, waving a picture in her hand.

"It's Sasuke-kun's older brother1" Ino took the picture and her eyes almost fell out.

"SWEET LORD, HE'S HOT!" They ran off to a picture shop and made hundreds of copies.

Tenten was making out with Neji when Sakura and Ino ran up.

"Look! It's Sasuke's older brother, Itachi!" Tenten's mouth dropped open.

"So pwetty!" Neji crossed his arms.

"I thought you liked me!"

"But you're not Itachi! You're a white eyed freak!" Neji glared at her.

Tenten ran off with Sakura and Ino, leaving a very disgruntled Neji. They showed Hinata, who started drooling and left Kiba, and every other female they could find.

Soon, all the girls in Konoha had a picture of Itachi and Neji and Sasuke had become fangirlless. Even toymakers made Itachi plush dolls for better business, and, of course, every girl had one of those too.

All the guys sat at Ichiraku's, pouting. Shikamaru was just glad Temari wasn't there to see "The Picture" and ditch him. Lee and Naruto were moping around about Sakura, Sasuke was sobbing about the loss of fangirls, Neji was going emo about Tenten, Kiba was squeezing the life out of Akamaru, thinking he was Hinata, Shino's inner personality was laughing his head off at them, and Chouji wasn't even paying attention since he was stuffing his face with ramen.

Itachi strolled through the Konoha gates, whistling happily.

"OMG! Is that him?" Itachi froze.

"SHIT! I have fangirls?"

"Sasuke, your brother must die." Neji muttered. The ditched ones nodded.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK I'VE BEEN TRAINING FOR!"

"But now we can help!" Naruto told him.

"No. It is my duty… as an AVENGER!" Sasuke cried striking a superman pose.

"…."

"SWEET LORD SAVE ME!" Itachi screamed as he ran by. All the girls in Konoha were chasing him. Ayame squealed and joined in. Sasuke grinned evilly.

"I correct myself. Let him suffer, THEN I'll kill him!"

"We." The rest put in. Sasuke sighed.

"Right, let him suffer, then WE'LL kill him!"