I do not own any of these characters except the one I made up. This story is rated K+ for extra Kramer.
Jerry was sitting on his couch watching TV when his door opened with the sound of skidding feet. "Hey, Kramer," he said without even turning to look.
"Hey, Jerry," was the response. He continued to watch his show while hearing someone fumbling around in the kitchen. Then Kramer said, "Hey do you happen to have some fresh bananas around here?"
Jerry shook his head without looking away from the screen. "No, Elaine ate the last one yesterday. There's some oranges in the fridge."
"No, it's gotta be bananas," Kramer said, sighing. "I guess I have no choice but to go to the store and buy some. Will you watch Popeye for a few minutes?"
"Sure, wait what? I'm watching Scooby-doo, not Popeye," Jerry said, turning around. He looked at Kramer, then he looked over at the chimp that Kramer had just sat on the counter. Then he looked at Kramer again.
"What is that?" he asked.
"This is Popeye," Kramer answered. "He came in through my open window last night while I was asleep. I was a little worried at first, but after a few minutes we had become great friends. He's almost like the little brother that I never had, but wish I did. I'm going to let him live with me."
Jerry was silent for a second. "First of all, get him off the counter. There should never be direct butt-to-kitchen surface contact in this apartment." Kramer picked the monkey up and carried hip over to the couch.
"Are you happy now?" Kramer asked, sitting down beside his new friend.
"No, I am not happy," Jerry said with a face that was not happy. "Don't you ever watch nature shows or read books. Don't you know that those things get as strong as ten men put together?"
Kramer shrugged. "So, that just means that he could help me move my furniture around. I like lots of space. I could keep at it until I could fit a toilet in every room of the house. That's an idea that's been rolling around in my head for a while. A toilet in every room! It'll be a revolution, Jerry, a revolution! No more lines at parties and if one clogs up, you just move to next one. And, best of all, if you get tired of the couch, you just move to the toilet and watch TV. I can't wait!"
"Well, if I ever needed a reason not to visit your apartment, I just got one." Jerry looked down at the monkey that was sitting beside Kramer. "Make that two reasons." Jerry paused and took a breath. "Look, Kramer, this is not a goldfish. It's not even a dog. It takes professionals to take care of animals like this and the only thing that you're professional at is-- well like I said, people are trained to care for wild animals. Remember the old phrase, 'If you love it, set it free.' You must let Popeye go back to his people."
Kramer's face contorted and he started to cry. "I don't want to give him up. I don't want to lose my brother. We only started to become family. Don't break up our family Jerry, please don't break up our family."
"Well, I do agree that you look like family, I'll give you that." There was a knock at the door. "Don't let it out of your sight, Kramer," Jerry said as he started walking over towards the door. "The last thing we need is that monkey running around the building." Jerry opened the door.
"Hello, Jerry."
"Hello, Newman."
"Kramer called me this morning and said that he wanted to show me something." Newman stepped into the apartment and saw Kramer standing beside the couch. "Hey, what was it you wanted to show-- hurrk!!"
Just as Newman was about to finish his sentence, Jerry saw something flying through the air and right past his head. The next thing he saw was that something collide with Newman's face that could be described as a freshly baked mud pie. Newman started coughing and clawing at his face. Then he turned and ran from the room. Jerry heard him screaming, "Not again!" as he ran down the hall.
Jerry turned and looked at Kramer with a confused expression. Kramer gave Jerry a confused shrug. They both looked at Popeye who gave them a chimpish smile.
After taking a moment to gather his composure, Jerry said, "You know, I would really hate to be labeled a home-wrecker, so I have decided to bestow my blessings upon your family. I don't want anything to become between you and your brother."
Kramer gave a big and said, "Giddy-up!" He grabbed Jerry's hand and and shook it hard.
"Calm down K-man, no thanks necessary." Popeye walked over to Jerry and extended his hand for Jerry to shake. Jerry gave him a thumbs up. "I make it a personal policy never to shake hands with something that handles feces on daily basis. But you do deserve something for nailing Newman like you did."
"Well, I'm going to the store and get some bananas," Kramer said. He looked down at Popeye. "You mind your Uncle Jerry while I'm gone." He then left the room.
Jerry stared down at the wild animal his friend had just left him with. Then he slightly started. "Wait, did he just call me a monkey's uncle?"