Here's a Halloween story...strange and not at all true!
This fic was on my page many years ago, the page is gone so I m putting the fic here. If you ve read it before, or not, I hope you enjoy it.
Sailor Moon, the Sailor Moon characters are the property of any number of people who could fork out the money for the rights to them!
SEX CRAZED FLESH EATING LESBIAN ZOMBIES FROM OUTER SPACE!
By Yorkie
From the time I was a very small child dressed in my latest Halloween costume, my Mother would always say..."Now honey, stay with your brother and his friends while you're out trick or treating, you don't want the sex crazed flesh eating lesbian zombies from outer space to get you!"
"Yeah Mom." I would roll my eyes and figure the old lady had her curlers wrapped too tight again.
"That's a good girl." She would pat me on the head and hand me a pillowcase to collect my treats in.
"Now you have fun!"
I always hated carrying a pillowcase to collect goodies in, but Mom said it was best to take one because the bottom wouldn't fall out. Then as I was leaving the house, she would always drop a brown paper bag in the bottom.
"You open this in the event of an emergency." She would say.
There were times when I really questioned her sanity.
So off we went, the eight of us. Me, my brother and six of his geeky friends. The combined I.Q.
of these jokers was less than zero. Every year they would dress in the same costumes.
Rich was a pirate, Joey was a football player, Steve dressed as an old woman, Ralph had a thread bare Dracula costume, Tim sported a Zorro outfit and Chuck was a hunchback. Every now and then Chuck's hump would slide out from under his costume and we would have to stop for repairs.
These guys were the most disgusting creatures to every climb out of the primordial broth. They would have belching contests and then they would move on to the 'who can make the best gas passing sounds with the most creative part of their body' competition. Joey was the favorite, he could make sick sounds with the back of his knees.
Trick or treating was rather embarrassing for me, I never got to wear what I wanted...a princess costume would have been nice...hell, I would have settled for a sheet with two eyeholes cut out. But lucky me, I had to wear whatever my Mom thought was cute or original. This year for instance...I was Mrs. Potato Head. Oh the joy of being dressed in brown burlap with facial features that kept falling off!
The only thing worse than the costume was the attention it would draw. One woman came to the door with a bucket of candy...
"Oh my what a cute...ah, honey come here and take a look at this costume!"
Her old man staggered over to the door and belched. "It's a turd...with lips!"
I heard if from the guys for the rest of the night. "Yo...turd lips!" Ha, ha...I hated trick or treating.
We had been out annoying the locals for a few hours when we reached Mockingbird Lane. The guys thought it would be fun to poke around in the old deserted mansion at the end of the block. I myself thought it would be a good idea to go home, crawl out of my god forsaken costume and into my warm bed. I was out voted and off to the old mansion we went.
1313 Mockingbird Lane had been abandoned many years ago and rumor had it that the place was haunted. We stood outside the rusted wrought iron gates staring at the house.
"You go in." Joey said shoving my brother.
"No, you go in." My brother shoved back.
There were cries of 'you chicken' and the accompanying arm flaps and clucking sounds,
before they all decided to go in. I felt it my duty to go with them just to keep them from getting into too much trouble.
We made our way up the old wooden front stairs and up to the massive front door with its huge brass knockers. Rich gave the door a slight push and it opened with a loud screeching sound, the hinges were rusted beyond belief. Inside was a large staircase with carved wooden gargoyles mounted on the bottom posts. It was creepy and the entire place was covered with cobwebs.
"This is great!" My brother announced rather loudly.
"Shhh!" Tim cautioned.
"Who's gonna hear, this place is deserted." Chuck pushed passed the rest of us and stood at the bottom of the stair case. "I'm going up." We all swallowed and watched him with horror as he mounted the first few steps. "Well, you guys coming or not?" He said over his shoulder.
Having already been the butt of very unsavory turd jokes that night, I decided to take the plunge. "I'll go." I climbed up and stood next to Chuck. The boys eyed me nervously. "What's the matter, you guys scared?"
Now no self-respecting boy was going to let a younger girl get away with a remark like that! They looked at each other for a moment then clamored up the stairs after us.
The upstairs hall branched off to the right and the left.
Four of us took the right, four took the left. I went left with Chuck, Tim and Steve. There were two huge windows on either end of the hall and the bright full moon shone in. Chuck took the lead, I'll never forget the way the light bounced off his hump to cast an eerie hunchback shadow on the decaying walls. He stood in front of the door at the end of the hall.
"I'll take this room." He said, his voice wavering just a little. "You guys take those other rooms."
"What are we looking for?" I asked. The boys stared at me like I was nuts.
"Nothing!" Steve said, his old lady wig jiggling wildly.
"Girls!" Tim added with a shake of his head.
I shrugged and opened the door in front of me. "I'll take this room." I steadied myself for what ever lay behind the old green wooden door.
The door opened without so much as a moan, inside was a bedroom done in pastel florals. The room was immaculate, no spider webs in here, soft candle light filtered through the chamber. The bed covers had been turned down and a tea service was sitting on a small table in front of the marble fireplace. This just didn't seem right, not in a deserted house. I put my hand on the porcelain teapot, it was warm; I yanked it back fast. My eyes were wide with fear, someone lived here! Not only that, they would no doubt be back soon for their tea. I ran to the door...it was locked...I was trapped! Then I heard voices...oh no! I did the only thing I could, I slid under the bed.
To my absolute horror I noticed that Mrs. Potato Head's lips were missing. They were lying in the middle of the floor, puckered and bright red for all the world to see. I gasped terrified; there were footsteps in the room.
"Darling, would you like your tea now?" A soft feminine voice asked.
"Later." Came a more husky reply. "You know what I want now."
I saw feet next to the bed, then I heard kissing sounds and moans. Oh yuck, they were going to do the nasty and I was going to hear it! Clothes fell to the floor and the mattress above me creaked ever so slightly as the two crawled into bed. There were cries of 'OH YES' and the mattress bounced up and down in rhythm with the bodies. Then the most vulgar thing happened, a leg fell onto the floor.
"Haruka, you're leg has fallen off again." Came the soft voice from the bed.
"Damn!" The husky voice replied, a hand reached down and pulled the leg back up. "I hate when this happens."
"You realize what this means don't you? We need to feed on some nice soft flesh."
"Well, Michiru..." There was someone getting out of the bed. "it is Halloween." A naked person stood in front of the large bedroom window. "There's plenty of tender children to choose from." It pulled back the curtains and the moonlight poured in. I could see now that it was a tall blonde woman.
The other woman climbed out of the bed and joined her partner in front of the window, the two embraced. "What's on the menu for tonight Haruka?"
The blonde looked out the window. "Girls my dear, soft young virginal girls." She ran her hands down the back of the smaller girls frame. It had the same sound as two pieces of sandpaper being rubbed together. "They'll put moisture back in your skin."
"I am a bit dry." The other girl commented.
They started to kiss and the blonde's gaze drifted over to that hideous pair of lips lying on the floor. My stomach curled in fear as my heart leapt into my throat...she's seen it!
She broke off the kiss and smiled. "It looks like we have company my sweet!"
The green haired girl turned and saw the lips too, a cruel smile graced her parched mouth. "Yes, it would seem so!"
I was dead meat! Seeing no other course of action than panic, I slid out of my costume just as the blonde reached under the bed and pulled it out.
"Empty?" She hissed with disappointment as she held the burlap in her hands.
"Check under the bed dear." The other said.
I had squirmed to the other side, all that stood between us now was a queen-size bed. I held on to my goodie bag for dear life, if worse came too worse maybe I could knock off a few of their body parts with it.
"Aha!" The tall woman exclaimed as she saw me standing there shivering. "Well, it looks as though lunch has come to us Michiru."
"How nice of you to deliver." The smaller girl's eyes glowed in the harsh moonlight.
"Who are you?" I screamed trying to buy time.
The soft voice intoned. "Why we're sex crazed flesh eating lesbian zombies from outer space."
"The kind your Mother always warned you about." The blonde added.
My Mother was right about something? That was the worst shock of all!
"Stay back!" I yelled at the advancing ghouls. "I'm not afraid to use this!" I swung my goodie bag in the air and hit the blonde. To my absolute joy her arm went flying across the room.
"How rude!" The smaller girl yelled. "You come into our home and attack us!" She advanced on me. "For that reason alone you deserve to die."
I grabbed a pillow from the bed and hurled it at the long haired zombie. It took off half of her face!
"How annoying!" She shrieked as she picked up the mangled flesh and placed it back on her head. I watch in sick amazement as the flesh seemed to heal itself. "You can't do any permanent damage to us, you foolish mortal!"
The taller woman had re-attached her arm and was heading for me again. This time I spun my bag of candy in the air, to my utter despair the bottom of the pillow case broke open and candy shot in every direction. A few of the bigger bars of chocolate hit the zombies and dented a few pieces of their skin but that was about all.
The blonde smiled wide. "You're unarmed now, and at our mercy."
"Mercy? Darling what's that?" The two fiends laughed together.
The one called Haruka grabbed me by the arm and threw me against the far wall. "It's time to tenderize this meat!" She chuckled evilly.
I shook my head to clear it, then I noticed the small brown paper bag that my Mom had placed in the bottom of my pillow case. She always said to open it in the event of an emergency, the present situation seemed to qualify!
I tore open the bag, inside was a Spring Day douche! What the hell did she expect me to do with this? On the front of the cute little flowered box was a note written in my Mother's hand. "Kills sex crazed flesh eating lesbian zombies from outer space." I hoped she was right!
I yanked the lid off the box and with shaking hands attached the applicator. The two were both just a few feet away from me now. I waited until they were within inches.
"What do you think Michiru, is she tender enough now?"
The smaller woman smiled, I could smell her death breath.
"She looks soft enough."
"Think so?" I jumped to my feet and squirted the douche in their eyes. They screamed and covered their faces. Smoke poured from their burned out eye sockets.
"Damn you!" The tall one shouted.
"I'm melting!" The other one screamed as they both turned into puddles of slime on the bedroom floor. I stared in disbelief, my hands were still shaking.
The door to the bedroom burst open and my brother fell inside.
"Why didn't you answer me?" He shouted as he stood up.
"What happened?" Chuck entered the room. "We've been calling you and..." He stared at the puddle on the floor and the empty douche bottle in my hand.
I tried to catch my breath. "I just killed a couple of sex crazed flesh eating lesbian zombies from outer space."
The guys looked at me and broke out laughing. "You've been hanging around Mom too much!" My brother snickered.
"But I really did!" I whined at my big brother.
I was the butt of even worse jokes than the 'turd lips' all the way home, but it didn't matter...I was safe and sound.
Years have passed since that dreadful Halloween night, and I've learned a few things along the way.
1. Always let your kids pick their own Halloween costumes.
2. Those geeky guys your big brother hangs out with can turn into really cute men.
3. Always buy the economy size Spring Day douches, you never know when you'll run into a sex crazed flesh eating lesbian zombie from outer space!
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