Just a little tag for Mayhem on the Cross to break out of the End in the Beginning mould I keep writing. :) Inspiration comes from my friend's song called, Alone. I cried when I first heard it.
Enjoy.
Disclaimer: Bones fanfic writing has overtaken study for very important exams. And yet, I still don't own anything. Sad times.
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The Significance in Life
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Sometimes, when I was a kid, I used to toy with the idea of suicide. I knew that I shouldn't have. I knew that. I knew that things would get better, I knew this. I knew that people would miss me if I was no longer there. I knew I had friends, I knew I had family. I knew I had support.
I had everything in the world to fight for.
But when I was young and cynical, I would wonder in that moment how much I really meant to the world. How significant were my problems in the greater scheme of things? How much was I worth?
My father told me I was worthless. My mother told me I wasn't. The two most influential people in my world disagreed on something that meant so much to me. I needed to know what I meant to my parents. I remember that hurting more than anything else could. The feeling of not knowing what I was; who I was.
My identity was a big blank.
I was Seeley Booth.
Big deal.
I remember once, sitting on a cliff face by myself. I could hear laughter and joy coming from below me on the sandy shores of the sunny beach. A light breeze pushed me forwards a little. Carried on it was the sound of my father yelling at my younger brother. It had suddenly seemed much colder on that cliff face.
My father's voice was constantly raised these days. He had always been so loving and kind and gentle when Jared and I were younger. I heard my parents talking about money not long ago though. That was the first night I had seen my dad hit my mum. I tried to stop it, but he's twice the size of me and so much stronger.
I had gone to school the next day with a black eye. People thought it was cool. I didn't tell them what it was from. I didn't tell anyone.
I wondered what injuries I would get from the cliff face.
Broken bones, definitely, scratches, bruises...
I wondered what would happen, if I jumped.
Just jumped into the cool blue ocean.
It looked so serene and peaceful. The waves lapping against the rocks. Surely it would drown out the sound of my father slapping my mother for buying ice cream for myself and my brother.
If only I could just jump.
Would the ocean notice me? In all its magnificence, would the ocean notice me, a sixteen year old boy who's just trying to escape his life? Would it care about my past? Would it care that I was bleeding and broken? Or would I be as insignificant as I was now? I edged closer.
A hand on my shoulder caught me off guard. I turned around, expecting to see my father. Expecting to feel his harsh back hand for walking off without warning anyone. I had come to expect that in my life. The thought made me want to edge even closer.
But it was my grandfather.
He took me by the hand and pulled me away from the edge. No words passed between us and yet I understood. I would always have someone who thought I was significant, even if the world or the ocean didn't.
When Bones tells me about her foster parents who locked her up, I look at her with the same look my grandfather gave me. We both have scars that need to be healed. We both know more about each other than anyone else and yet, still nothing.
Nothing of the horrors either one of us faced as children.
But no matter what I knew something would always be constant.
It didn't matter what scars she bore. What scars I bore.
She will always be significant in someone's eyes.
She will always be significant in my eyes.
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Reviews make my world turn. :) Bet you feel obligated now. Lol. :)
xx