Disclaimer: No, I do not own the show House

Disclaimer: No, I do not own the show House. How I wish I did, but somebody else thought up of a crazy doctor show first. :)

A/N: Just some random things I thought up … while I was 'doing homework'. I had a writer's block with my Chinese essay, so this helped. A bit.

Mostly, it wasted time, but oh well.

:P Enjoy!

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Ways to Make House Want to Sedate You

1. Grab his cane and run off, screaming wildly "CAN'T CATCH ME!" and laughing like a maniac.

2. Spike his coffee.

3. Convince Wilson that his guitar wants to be broken to little bits.

4. Get Cuddy to wear big, lumpy and non-revealing sweaters for a month.

5. Fake respiratory distress in the middle of the crowded waiting room and collapse into House's arms. Conveniently spill the urine sample you were currently holding all over him.

6. Refuse to answer his questions when he's trying to treat you unless he let's you play with his cane.

7. When he finally gives in and gives you the cane, bang it all over (including his head) and shriek in delight.

8. When he demands it back, lapse into a depressed silence and mutter things like "Nobody understands me," Or "This cane is my only friend," while hugging it tightly.

9. Sedate him and dye his hair neon pink and green while he's comatose.

10. Get Cameron to lecture him on racism.

11. Get Foreman to lecture him on racism.

12. Get Chase to lecture him on racism.

13. Get them all to lecture him on racism at the same time.

14. Switch his Vicodin with gummy bears.

15. Lock him in an observation room as you sit in the room below and make him watch as you crush his Vicodin under your shoe, one by one.

16. Eat his lunch.

17. When he takes Wilson's lunch instead, snatch it back and tell him "Stealing is wrong."

18. If he goes searching for other people's lunches, bind him with four point restraints in a surgical chair.

19. When he asks to take a urine sample, fill the cup up with apple juice instead. When he comes to get it, say "Hmm… I'm thirsty." And drink it. Watch as he goes ballistic. Grin maniacally.

20. Buy a teddy bear and refuse to let him do any tests until he takes an MRI of it.

21. Sign all the forms he gives you with the words 'House Sucks'.

22. Use the Wilson technique: Saw halfway through his cane and wait until he snaps it in half with his weight and falls flat on his face.

23. And the final torture: Give him no patients to treat for as long as he can take without going insane. Which is about a week, give or take a day.

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A/N: Well, I'll see how people like that!

Please review!