Your name is John Egbert, and you're too young to die. You've put too much effort into this game to lose it all now. You've fought too many battles and reached too many new levels; contrarily your potential has just begun to shine.
So when you see a message of "great going egbert" from Dave, you sigh heavily and lean back in your computer chair while typing a simple "shut up dave."
The boss was too strong for your group and you forgot that you're not that great at MMOs. Luckily, Rose's avatar is a necromancer so she's able to send you a resurrection offer. As you click "ACCEPT," a fourth player trots up from behind Jade's arcane mage. You've seen it before: a rogue whose player likes to type in all caps.
"YOU'RE SERIOUSLY LOSING ALREADY?" pops up in the chat window. Karkat likes to bother your group a lot. For the most part you tolerate it, but sometimes Jade has to keep him in line. Dave types "god no" and Jade's avatar sighs in a comically over-exaggerated manner. Normally you wouldn't mind his commentary, but it's a little humiliating right after he saw your pixellated corpse. You won't live this down for a while. Karkat has some kind of inferiority complex and he copes with it by taking people down – at least, that's what you believe. He could just be a jerk.
You hunch forward to type a rather slow reply to him. "aren't you too high level to be here anyway?"
"GOING THROUGH OLD USELESS QUESTS" is his snappy reply. Jade takes over the conversation by asking for help on the ones they share, and suddenly Karkat is multitasking because you receive a private message from him. It isn't rare or surprising, but the words let you know something is up.
"MEET AT YOUR HIVE TONIGHT." It looks like a demand, but Karkat knows it's always iffy when the two of you try to meet up. It all depends on what your father will allow and how he can get out of his hive without getting caught. He also calls your house a "hive" so you remember how ridiculous he thinks human terminology is.
Hm. Tonight isn't a school night. Your dad should be alright with it. "i think it'll be ok." you reply. "dave is moving tomorrow and i'm going to meet up with him to help so you can't stay late."
After giving Jade some details on defeating the boss that slaughtered you a few minutes ago, he asks, "STRIDER IS MOVING?"
"yeah!"
Dave lives in Texas but he's moving to your city this weekend. He couldn't tell you why because he didn't know either: his older brother is so elusive. Thankfully, Dave seems to be cool with moving. Dave is cool about pretty much everything.
"TO D.C.?" Karkat pries further.
"uh huh."
"WONDERFUL." His all-caps text screams sarcasm almost literally. "REMIND ME NOT TO LEAVE THE CLUSTER WHEN HE'S AROUND."
The cluster is where all the troll hives are gathered. In D.C. it just so happens to be near the center of the city, which was debated for a long time by government officials until they decided to let it slide. With necessary security precautions, of course. In your rather simple and conveniently explanatory thoughts, you don't see the message at first when Karkat sends it. "THAT'S RIGHT, YOU'VE NEVER MET HIM FOR REAL. TELL ME IF HE'S AN ASSWIPE IN PERSON TOO."
You laugh a little at that. "if he is, i am so totally making you meet him." you tease. Dave will probably be really awesome and you're looking forward to seeing what the Stiller shades you mailed him look like on his face. You kind of picture a greaser-looking guy minus the cigarette. You are convinced that Dave is John Travolta. Possibly even cooler, like Danny Zuko times ten and with turntables instead of Grease Lightning. Then you realize you fantasize about your friends way too much.
Karkat's "FUCK YOU" makes you chuckle again. The private conversation ends there. The group, now five of you, continues with the quests – which are made more complicated by frequent troll rage fits. After a few hours, Dave has to leave to finish packing. None of you want to leave him in the dust so you decide you'll continue the questing next time he can get online. Karkat doesn't care since he's a higher level but he logs out so he can meet up with you. This is a normal occurrence because apparently Gamzee is becoming difficult to talk to. That makes you a temporary moirail until he "gets his thinkpan straight." Karkat refuses to call it therapy but you think that's totally what it is. He calls the meetings "fruitless feeling jams" instead.
It's about a half hour before an impatient fist slams on the door downstairs. You rush to answer it. On the doorstep is Karkat Vantas, of course. He's a little on the short side and he's kind of gangly, but he stands firm like every other troll you've seen. He's squinting because the sun is just starting to go down and trolls are nocturnal, which means he woke up early today. ...Or tonight. Whatever applies to him. He's glaring at you and complains as usual: "Took you long enough." His voice sounds almost like he's stuck in an eternal growl and it isn't as loud as one would expect because of his quirk, but you've heard him yell before and you know not to underestimate his temper. He slides past you into the house, bumping his shoulder against yours rather aggressively. It took you a while to get used to his mannerisms the first few times you met but now you're accustomed to it and it's just one of those things you have to let go. He stomps around the living room and frowns at all of the jester figurines and whimsical pictures framed on the walls. It's part of his routine every time he visits. After he's finished showing his discontent by scrunching up his small nose, he directs his attention to you.
"Hi, Karkat." you greet him because he hasn't really started a conversation yet. He was the one to request a meeting so you thought he would have been the one to speak first.
"I came all the way here for a 'Hi, Karkat?'" he fumes. "Did you not realize it's only—what, six thirty? I should just be WAKING UP." His tone suddenly becomes more hostile and worthy of his typing style.
Eyebrows knitting together in a mixture of concern and irritation, you put your hands on your hips. "You're the one that wanted to come here," you remind him. "What's bugging you this time? Wait – let's go to my room first. Dad will probably have a fit if you start cursing around him." The troll simply grunts and makes a show of stomping up the stairs to your bedroom and you follow, lagging a second behind to give him some space. He tends to be pretty excessive in his motions when he's angry. You make sure to shut the door behind you for extra security and he only starts to speak again when you turn to look at him.
"What the fuck is wrong with Makara?" he spits, both literally and in a manner of diction. "All of a sudden he's avoiding Trollian like he ACTUALLY has shit to do other than sit around his hive all day drowning in slime and soda. I went to his hive and he told me he was busy. BUSY. WHAT COULD HE POSSIBLY BE BUSY WITH?" By now you know that he won't give you time to reply so all you can do is listen. While he raves, he throws his hands up in the air, out to the side, this way and that. His eyes remain wide open and he hardly blinks – trolls don't seem to blink as much as humans, or at least Karkat doesn't – and while he talks he keeps his lips pulled back to bare his jagged teeth. Sometimes he'll pull at his own hair. It's a wonder he isn't balding.
When he finishes, you can only offer a shrug because you really don't have any answers for him this time. From what you know, Gamzee is the chill troll who doesn't care about anything and is probably completely useless. "Maybe he actually has something to do," you suggest, which earns you the most condescending glower. It almost makes you feel like an idiot but then you remember that you can't take Karkat's words to heart because it's just how he is.
You can't deny that it's odd for Gamzee to actually be occupied by something. Karkat has mentioned it before but now it really seems to be bothering him. Part of it is the usual irrationality that comes with being a Vantas, however you would never turn down a friend in need. Troll moirails are important, right?
"Maybe he's having a hard time, like you," you point out. This impresses him even less and he rolls his huge yellowish-orange eyes.
"Things are bad if Makara has issues," he says. "It's creepy enough when he isn't spewing shit about miracles and deliverance. Something isn't right. It's been a long time since he let me in his hive."
"Maybe you offended him."
Karkat throws his hands in the air again. "As if that's even possible. Everything goes over his head. I will fly off the fucking HANDLE if I actually have to use trigger warnings around him." He shivers at the term – though it's more like a twitch of uncontrollable fury – because he can't stand his keeper. Kankri lives in his hive with him and you aren't sure how but they're kind of related to each other even though trolls don't have siblings. You've never met Kankri; humans don't go in the cluster much, but Karkat describes him as a "loquacious gobshite who can't shut his chute for more than two seconds." You once suggested that Karkat just kick the guy out if he's so troublesome, but he said he can't and he left it at that. It probably has something to do with not having a lusus. (Lusii are freaky white subterranean creatures that raise trolls from birth or something like that, but you've never seen one in real life.) None of the trolls you know have lusii and they each ended up with weird keepers that are like older, weirder versions of them. The formal term for it isn't actually "keeper" because there is no term for it. Trolls don't have relatives or guardians, but the so-called "keepers" are pretty close to that.
The next hour passes with Karkat continuing his infuriated speech about Gamzee. On most points, you agree with him: since they're moirails, Gamzee "avoiding" Karkat is totally uncalled for. You don't think that "strangling him until his ganderbulbs pop out" is a good idea though. At about seven thirty your father announces that dinner is ready. Karkat makes a grunt of disgust – he doesn't care for most human cuisine – and leaves. You can imagine he probably won't go straight home: not after getting so worked up. Kankri would be too difficult for him to deal with. He'll probably try to talk to Gamzee again.
After dinner, you browse through some of those Japanese prank videos on the Internet because they're the best. It gets late without you realizing it and you decide to get ready for bed so you won't be yawning all day tomorrow. Unfortunately, it's difficult to fall asleep. You can't stop wondering what Dave and his brother are like and you just stare at the ceiling for what feels like hours. So much for not being tired tomorrow.