"Your Boyfriend Sucks" -- by Allora Atwater
A/N: Don't know where the idea for this came up... it's just weird ^o^ But I wanted to try something different for a change, not your typical love triangle. And for those who're reading "A Stab in the Dark"... well, it'll be a few more days before the next chapter comes out. If I even post it... I'm reconsidering the whole idea. It certainly isn't as much fun as I thought it would be, and you guys don't seem to like it as much as the first series, so maybe I should start something new, I dunno. You tell me if you guys wanna see the rest.
Disclaimer: I don't own Irvine, Selphie, Zell, or anything in FF8 for that matter. The song "Your Boyfriend Sucks" belongs to The Ataris.
I've never enjoyed peace and quiet as much as I have right now. I'm usually so full of energy; I have enough stamina to outlast practically anyone in Garden, even the junior classmen. But right now, I'm content just laying on my back, arms crossed behind my head, feeling the rays of the sun slip through the blinds and warm my body. Being a SeeD takes a lot out of you... maybe too much. I'm only 17 and not the most responsible teenager to begin with. My heart is usually in the right place, but I can be a little reckless sometimes. I just got back from a grueling training session in the jungle, in charge of my own squad. It leaves you with a sense of pride, of accomplishment, but it also leaves you exhausted as all hell.
I start to doze off when I hear a faint tap on the door. It's so light I can barely hear it. But I didn't become a SeeD just cause of my martial arts talent. My senses are pretty keen, and my hearing is sharp. I open my eyes and sit up.
"It's open." I mutter, rubbing a crink in the back of my neck. Selphie pokes her head in the door, lacking her usual peachiness.
"Um, sorry to bother you Zell..."
"Nah, s'alright, c'mon in Selph." She looks around in my dorm like something might jump out and bite her. Once she's satisfied scoping out the place, she slides in and closes the door. I pat the floor next to me, indicating she sit down. She smooths out the back of her dress before she sits, her posture slack as she leans her weight back on one arm.
"So what's botherin' you?" I ask, getting uncomfortable. Ever since the day she practically fell into my view with a little wave and a smile to show she wasn't injured, I had felt something towards her. I mean sure, at first I figured it was the same thing I always feel when I'm around a cute girl. Hoppin' hormones or whatever old people refer to them as. I tried so hard to keep believing that, but lately I've grown to realize that's not so true anymore. Or maybe I've known the truth all along but never chose to acknowledge it. Who the hell knows or cares, it's a lost cause.
"Well," she begins, shifting her weight to the other arm. "I wasn't sure if I should come to you for this, but Quistis is at a faculty meeting and Rinoa isn't around... and you're a guy so maybe you can help make sense of this with me..."
My muscles tighten. I know she's gonna ask me something about Irvine, I just know it. It's exactly what I don't wanna hear, the one thing I've been trying to shut off in my mind for the longest time. But over the past few months we've spent training together as SeeD's, I can't turn my back on her like that. So I bite down and listen to what she has to say.
"Go on Selph. We're practically best friends, you can talk to me about whatever."
She smiles absently. "Yeah, yeah you're right. Look at that, you've made me feel better already and I haven't told you anything yet."
My jaw twitches. I wish she'd just get on with whatever it is she has to say. I fold my arms across my chest.
"Um, alright..." she trails off, cracking her knuckles nervously. "It's about Irvine..."
I've never had anything personal against Irvine. He's a pretty decent guy, but he's got one agenda: women. I don't care how much he claims to love Selphie, he doesn't prove it. He still flirts like the ladies' man he is and Selph doesn't deserve to be some kinda side dish. When she needed someone to help organize the Garden Festival, Irvine couldn't be there but I managed to squeeze it in. When she snatched the lead role in the Garden play, I was there with her every night rehearsing lines and helping her memorize her cues. When she sprained her wrist trying to hang decorations for the Winter Ball, I was the one who rushed her to the infirmary and stayed with her while Dr. Kadowaki wrapped her up. I did everything he didn't and she still didn't see the sense of it all. Hell, maybe there is no sense in all of this.
**You're better off without him, don't call him. He's breaking your heart. You stay with your best friend, and you're waiting there, it's tearing you apart. He's lied to you a thousand times; when I was there, he kept you waiting. But I'm still here, waiting near, to catch you if you fall. I don't know why I care so much when I shouldn't care at all**
"... he seems so distant lately. I don't know if it's something I did or if he's just unhappy or what. He's not cuddly anymore, he gets snappy with me if I ask too many questions..." Tears well up in her eyes while she talks. "It's not fair Zelly!" she wails, hitting the carpet with her balled up fist. It's almost cute, if she wasn't so upset.
"Hey, listen, it's alright." I mumble, reaching out to touch the side of her face. "He's probably just got something on his mind that he doesn't wanna share with anyone right now. Even you."
"But why?" she asks, wiping angrily at her tears before they have a chance to fall. "I love him... he can tell me anything, and he knows it too."
I wish I could tell her to just forget about him, to let go of whatever it is she calls love and see that he's not the kinda guy she needs. But even I know where to draw the line, and I know I won't be doing her any good by being selfish.
"Well..." I start awkwardly. "See Selphers, sometimes guys don't wanna admit they have a problem and they kinda push it to the back of their mind and deny it when people ask..."
She looks thoughtful through her misty eyes. "Kind of like an alcoholic?"
I look at her and she cracks up. I laugh too. "Yeah basically. Irvine prob'ly just doesn't wanna seem weak in front of you no matter how much you..." my voice catches. "... no matter how much you love him."
She nods her head. "So... what d'ya think I should do about it?"
Tear your eyes away from him and see what's right in front of you, I want to say. But I don't. She doesn't get it, doesn't see that with each little question she's jabbing at my heart. I hate it, I wish I didn't have to feel this way. Feelings are stupid, they take over at the wrong moments, in the wrong places.
"I dunno..." I stutter. She scoots close to me and rest her head on my shoulder. I feel a few tears soak through my shirt, and I drape an arm around her, welcoming her in.
"Zelly, you have no idea how much I put up with for him. I never call him on his flirting habits cause I know that's a second nature to him. I never make him feel like he needs to check in with me, I don't put him on a leash. It's not like I ask for much --"
I subconsciously kiss the top of her head; it feels like it's the right thing to do, and she doesn't seem to mind it. I know what she's saying, I know she doesn't deserve to be stuck in that kind of a relationship. I can't believe she doesn't see me... at least in the way I want her to. I hold my tongue and let her continue.
"I know he loves me Zell... but he can't show it. And it makes me really mad!" she yells, hitting my chest to emphasize her point. I pretend like it doesn't hurt. "He can't even tell me when something's wrong, he just takes it out on me for trying to help him! Doesn't he get it?" Funny... that's what I've been thinking about her. She doesn't get it. She hits me again. "It's just not fair!"
Selphie finally looks up, kinda sheepish, like she's just realized that she's been attacking me.
"Sorry," she utters, rubbing my chest where she hit it. "I shouldn't take out my problems on you."
The feelings... her in my arms, her head against my shoulder, her hand trying to allieviate the pain she caused... they don't make sense. I can barely form the thoughts, much less organize em.
"Selphie," I whisper, feeling myself blush. "You can tell me anything. You know I'll always be here for you, more than that jerk ever will. Cause unlike him, I really care about you, you know that..."
She tenses up but I can't stop now that the dam has broke. I know I'll end up making an ass of myself, it's just a matter of time.
"I know." she nods, tucking her head beneath my chin. "You've been there more times than you should've. I've really taken you for granted. I wish there was something I could do..."
She looks up at me. Something she could do...
"You could kiss me." I blurt out. Great, if she didn't think you were stupid before, she's gonna think you're an idiot AND a perv now Zell. But she seizes the opportunity and lures me in until I feel her lips against mine. It only lasts a few seconds but I feel a wave of heat sweep through my insides and a chill run along my spine. She breaks it off and her mouth hovers scant milimeters above my own.
"I love you..." I whisper. I don't know why I say it. It just seems so right at the moment, the right thing to say, whether or not I feel it. It's one of those times where you feel trapped in a movie, where only the cliched lines seem to fit. 'I love you' is prob'ly the biggest cliche in history. And for some reason it seems to fit in right about there.
Selphie doesn't see it that way though. She jumps back, scrambling to her feet, a wild look in her eyes.
"Don't say that, don't say something you don't mean Zell. Don't say something both of us are gonna regret."
I look down, my mouth opening but no words coming out. I feel so stupid; I've said some pretty moronic things in my life before. Like the time at the Dollet TV tower I made the mistake of revealing our origins and endangering everyone at Garden. But I never woulda guessed that the first time I said 'I love you' to a girl, it would be something I'd regret, something I wouldn't mean.
"Selph, you're... you're right. I'm sorry I didnt mean for --"
"No, no," she waves her hand dismissively. "No one's fault here... let's just... just put all of this behind us for now okay? I'm gonna go find Irvy and talk to him." she fidgets with the hem of her dress. "Thanks Zell."
She turns to leave, popping her head back in before she goes.
"You're a good kisser." she winks, blushes, and shuts the door. I put my head in my hands.
**Finally got the nerve to tell you how much you mean to me. You said that I was your best friend, a real sweet guy, but that's all I'd ever be. And I'm still here, waiting near, to catch you if you fall. I don't know why I care so much when I shouldn't care at all**
Later on that week, I'm sitting in the cafeteria for my lunch break. Selphie and I haven't talked since our little incident, but the moment she crosses my mind, I see her and Irvine linking arms, walking towards the Quad. Selphie is telling him about her plans for the next big Garden Festival, using her hands excessively as she talks. She bounces around him and takes the hat from his head, putting it on her own. He casually agrees to join the Festival Committee, if it makes her happy. She twirls around gleefully before grabbing his hand again.
I guess true love withstands all odds. Maybe I underestimated what they had, maybe I was too blinded by my own feelings that I couldn't see how well off the two really were. I still care about her; that won't just go away. She and I have been through a lot; we became SeeD's together. Of course, after our kiss, things got weird. But she hasn't told anyone and neither have I. It's our secret. Who knows, maybe after she kissed me, she realized that Irvine really was the man for her. I hate to think of myself as a decoy in their relationship, but if I helped them mend their differences, I guess it's okay. As long as she's happy then I don't care if she's with me, or Irvine, or some hotdog vendor on the streets of Balamb.
They pass by me and Irvine waves. I wave back, smiling a little. Selphie looks at me for a minute before she cracks, her eyes telling me she hasn't forgotten, but her smile telling me she's lost in bliss. And that's fine. I can handle being the sidekick. I can be there for her if she gets hurt, or if she needs moral support, or if she needs encouragement. I can be there when she needs someone to confide in. I can be the one to catch her when she falls. But I can never take his place. And from that telltale grin on her face, I don't think I'd wanna try.
**I don't know why I care so much when I shouldn't care at all**
Well, sue me alright, this was done on very little sleep! And once again, I was inspired by a song. *Shrugs* It just seemed to work. Sorry if it's a little rushed.
A/N: Don't know where the idea for this came up... it's just weird ^o^ But I wanted to try something different for a change, not your typical love triangle. And for those who're reading "A Stab in the Dark"... well, it'll be a few more days before the next chapter comes out. If I even post it... I'm reconsidering the whole idea. It certainly isn't as much fun as I thought it would be, and you guys don't seem to like it as much as the first series, so maybe I should start something new, I dunno. You tell me if you guys wanna see the rest.
Disclaimer: I don't own Irvine, Selphie, Zell, or anything in FF8 for that matter. The song "Your Boyfriend Sucks" belongs to The Ataris.
I've never enjoyed peace and quiet as much as I have right now. I'm usually so full of energy; I have enough stamina to outlast practically anyone in Garden, even the junior classmen. But right now, I'm content just laying on my back, arms crossed behind my head, feeling the rays of the sun slip through the blinds and warm my body. Being a SeeD takes a lot out of you... maybe too much. I'm only 17 and not the most responsible teenager to begin with. My heart is usually in the right place, but I can be a little reckless sometimes. I just got back from a grueling training session in the jungle, in charge of my own squad. It leaves you with a sense of pride, of accomplishment, but it also leaves you exhausted as all hell.
I start to doze off when I hear a faint tap on the door. It's so light I can barely hear it. But I didn't become a SeeD just cause of my martial arts talent. My senses are pretty keen, and my hearing is sharp. I open my eyes and sit up.
"It's open." I mutter, rubbing a crink in the back of my neck. Selphie pokes her head in the door, lacking her usual peachiness.
"Um, sorry to bother you Zell..."
"Nah, s'alright, c'mon in Selph." She looks around in my dorm like something might jump out and bite her. Once she's satisfied scoping out the place, she slides in and closes the door. I pat the floor next to me, indicating she sit down. She smooths out the back of her dress before she sits, her posture slack as she leans her weight back on one arm.
"So what's botherin' you?" I ask, getting uncomfortable. Ever since the day she practically fell into my view with a little wave and a smile to show she wasn't injured, I had felt something towards her. I mean sure, at first I figured it was the same thing I always feel when I'm around a cute girl. Hoppin' hormones or whatever old people refer to them as. I tried so hard to keep believing that, but lately I've grown to realize that's not so true anymore. Or maybe I've known the truth all along but never chose to acknowledge it. Who the hell knows or cares, it's a lost cause.
"Well," she begins, shifting her weight to the other arm. "I wasn't sure if I should come to you for this, but Quistis is at a faculty meeting and Rinoa isn't around... and you're a guy so maybe you can help make sense of this with me..."
My muscles tighten. I know she's gonna ask me something about Irvine, I just know it. It's exactly what I don't wanna hear, the one thing I've been trying to shut off in my mind for the longest time. But over the past few months we've spent training together as SeeD's, I can't turn my back on her like that. So I bite down and listen to what she has to say.
"Go on Selph. We're practically best friends, you can talk to me about whatever."
She smiles absently. "Yeah, yeah you're right. Look at that, you've made me feel better already and I haven't told you anything yet."
My jaw twitches. I wish she'd just get on with whatever it is she has to say. I fold my arms across my chest.
"Um, alright..." she trails off, cracking her knuckles nervously. "It's about Irvine..."
I've never had anything personal against Irvine. He's a pretty decent guy, but he's got one agenda: women. I don't care how much he claims to love Selphie, he doesn't prove it. He still flirts like the ladies' man he is and Selph doesn't deserve to be some kinda side dish. When she needed someone to help organize the Garden Festival, Irvine couldn't be there but I managed to squeeze it in. When she snatched the lead role in the Garden play, I was there with her every night rehearsing lines and helping her memorize her cues. When she sprained her wrist trying to hang decorations for the Winter Ball, I was the one who rushed her to the infirmary and stayed with her while Dr. Kadowaki wrapped her up. I did everything he didn't and she still didn't see the sense of it all. Hell, maybe there is no sense in all of this.
**You're better off without him, don't call him. He's breaking your heart. You stay with your best friend, and you're waiting there, it's tearing you apart. He's lied to you a thousand times; when I was there, he kept you waiting. But I'm still here, waiting near, to catch you if you fall. I don't know why I care so much when I shouldn't care at all**
"... he seems so distant lately. I don't know if it's something I did or if he's just unhappy or what. He's not cuddly anymore, he gets snappy with me if I ask too many questions..." Tears well up in her eyes while she talks. "It's not fair Zelly!" she wails, hitting the carpet with her balled up fist. It's almost cute, if she wasn't so upset.
"Hey, listen, it's alright." I mumble, reaching out to touch the side of her face. "He's probably just got something on his mind that he doesn't wanna share with anyone right now. Even you."
"But why?" she asks, wiping angrily at her tears before they have a chance to fall. "I love him... he can tell me anything, and he knows it too."
I wish I could tell her to just forget about him, to let go of whatever it is she calls love and see that he's not the kinda guy she needs. But even I know where to draw the line, and I know I won't be doing her any good by being selfish.
"Well..." I start awkwardly. "See Selphers, sometimes guys don't wanna admit they have a problem and they kinda push it to the back of their mind and deny it when people ask..."
She looks thoughtful through her misty eyes. "Kind of like an alcoholic?"
I look at her and she cracks up. I laugh too. "Yeah basically. Irvine prob'ly just doesn't wanna seem weak in front of you no matter how much you..." my voice catches. "... no matter how much you love him."
She nods her head. "So... what d'ya think I should do about it?"
Tear your eyes away from him and see what's right in front of you, I want to say. But I don't. She doesn't get it, doesn't see that with each little question she's jabbing at my heart. I hate it, I wish I didn't have to feel this way. Feelings are stupid, they take over at the wrong moments, in the wrong places.
"I dunno..." I stutter. She scoots close to me and rest her head on my shoulder. I feel a few tears soak through my shirt, and I drape an arm around her, welcoming her in.
"Zelly, you have no idea how much I put up with for him. I never call him on his flirting habits cause I know that's a second nature to him. I never make him feel like he needs to check in with me, I don't put him on a leash. It's not like I ask for much --"
I subconsciously kiss the top of her head; it feels like it's the right thing to do, and she doesn't seem to mind it. I know what she's saying, I know she doesn't deserve to be stuck in that kind of a relationship. I can't believe she doesn't see me... at least in the way I want her to. I hold my tongue and let her continue.
"I know he loves me Zell... but he can't show it. And it makes me really mad!" she yells, hitting my chest to emphasize her point. I pretend like it doesn't hurt. "He can't even tell me when something's wrong, he just takes it out on me for trying to help him! Doesn't he get it?" Funny... that's what I've been thinking about her. She doesn't get it. She hits me again. "It's just not fair!"
Selphie finally looks up, kinda sheepish, like she's just realized that she's been attacking me.
"Sorry," she utters, rubbing my chest where she hit it. "I shouldn't take out my problems on you."
The feelings... her in my arms, her head against my shoulder, her hand trying to allieviate the pain she caused... they don't make sense. I can barely form the thoughts, much less organize em.
"Selphie," I whisper, feeling myself blush. "You can tell me anything. You know I'll always be here for you, more than that jerk ever will. Cause unlike him, I really care about you, you know that..."
She tenses up but I can't stop now that the dam has broke. I know I'll end up making an ass of myself, it's just a matter of time.
"I know." she nods, tucking her head beneath my chin. "You've been there more times than you should've. I've really taken you for granted. I wish there was something I could do..."
She looks up at me. Something she could do...
"You could kiss me." I blurt out. Great, if she didn't think you were stupid before, she's gonna think you're an idiot AND a perv now Zell. But she seizes the opportunity and lures me in until I feel her lips against mine. It only lasts a few seconds but I feel a wave of heat sweep through my insides and a chill run along my spine. She breaks it off and her mouth hovers scant milimeters above my own.
"I love you..." I whisper. I don't know why I say it. It just seems so right at the moment, the right thing to say, whether or not I feel it. It's one of those times where you feel trapped in a movie, where only the cliched lines seem to fit. 'I love you' is prob'ly the biggest cliche in history. And for some reason it seems to fit in right about there.
Selphie doesn't see it that way though. She jumps back, scrambling to her feet, a wild look in her eyes.
"Don't say that, don't say something you don't mean Zell. Don't say something both of us are gonna regret."
I look down, my mouth opening but no words coming out. I feel so stupid; I've said some pretty moronic things in my life before. Like the time at the Dollet TV tower I made the mistake of revealing our origins and endangering everyone at Garden. But I never woulda guessed that the first time I said 'I love you' to a girl, it would be something I'd regret, something I wouldn't mean.
"Selph, you're... you're right. I'm sorry I didnt mean for --"
"No, no," she waves her hand dismissively. "No one's fault here... let's just... just put all of this behind us for now okay? I'm gonna go find Irvy and talk to him." she fidgets with the hem of her dress. "Thanks Zell."
She turns to leave, popping her head back in before she goes.
"You're a good kisser." she winks, blushes, and shuts the door. I put my head in my hands.
**Finally got the nerve to tell you how much you mean to me. You said that I was your best friend, a real sweet guy, but that's all I'd ever be. And I'm still here, waiting near, to catch you if you fall. I don't know why I care so much when I shouldn't care at all**
Later on that week, I'm sitting in the cafeteria for my lunch break. Selphie and I haven't talked since our little incident, but the moment she crosses my mind, I see her and Irvine linking arms, walking towards the Quad. Selphie is telling him about her plans for the next big Garden Festival, using her hands excessively as she talks. She bounces around him and takes the hat from his head, putting it on her own. He casually agrees to join the Festival Committee, if it makes her happy. She twirls around gleefully before grabbing his hand again.
I guess true love withstands all odds. Maybe I underestimated what they had, maybe I was too blinded by my own feelings that I couldn't see how well off the two really were. I still care about her; that won't just go away. She and I have been through a lot; we became SeeD's together. Of course, after our kiss, things got weird. But she hasn't told anyone and neither have I. It's our secret. Who knows, maybe after she kissed me, she realized that Irvine really was the man for her. I hate to think of myself as a decoy in their relationship, but if I helped them mend their differences, I guess it's okay. As long as she's happy then I don't care if she's with me, or Irvine, or some hotdog vendor on the streets of Balamb.
They pass by me and Irvine waves. I wave back, smiling a little. Selphie looks at me for a minute before she cracks, her eyes telling me she hasn't forgotten, but her smile telling me she's lost in bliss. And that's fine. I can handle being the sidekick. I can be there for her if she gets hurt, or if she needs moral support, or if she needs encouragement. I can be there when she needs someone to confide in. I can be the one to catch her when she falls. But I can never take his place. And from that telltale grin on her face, I don't think I'd wanna try.
**I don't know why I care so much when I shouldn't care at all**
Well, sue me alright, this was done on very little sleep! And once again, I was inspired by a song. *Shrugs* It just seemed to work. Sorry if it's a little rushed.