the elemental
cycle xiii: deep water
Water splashed on the well-worn stone steps, some of it splattering on his boots. It didn't matter. Wet boots were the least of his troubles now.
It
was nightfall, and darkness enveloped Seifer like a well-known lover, shading
over the folds of his coat and trousers. Although there were buildings nearby,
and the Balamb Hotel as well, the darkness seemed to have claimed this little
spot for its own and refused to relinquish it.
Running
one gloved hand through his hair, Seifer let out a sigh. Damn but he felt...
hollow. Empty, with a hole inside where his dreams used to be. It felt like
Ultimecia had reached her clawed hands right through him and ripped out his
'romantic' dream, and all the others had followed it out to keep it company.
Right
now, the young ex-knight fervently wished that he had never heard of Rinoa
Heartilly. If he hadn't known Rinoa, he wouldn't have gone haring off to Deling
to help the Timber Owls. Subsequently, he'd never been taken by Edea.
Seifer
scowled. 'Taken'. He hadn't been taken by Edea, she'd fished for him and he'd
taken it, hook, line and sinker. Damn his stupid dreams. Useless. Bloody damn
useless...
He
felt weird. When he was still under Ultimecia's control, it felt like she had
been pulling him, a steady light pull that drove him to the brink of oblivion
and kept him there. Pulled his soul as far away from his body as he could, kept
him apart, but never leaving. Gone but not dead. What an irony.
He
felt dead. The hand holding him back from infinity had vanished, and he'd
fallen in.
The
posse - he bore no ill will towards them for leaving him - it was inevitable,
he guessed. Even Raijin would have noticed that Seifer was somewhere other than
himself by then. Of course it was Fujin who noticed first. Even through the fog
that shrouded his brain he'd noticed the disquieted looks he'd gotten from the
silver-haired girl.
Damn,
my life is one big bloody mess.
Suddenly
the darkness seemed oppressive. Standing in one violent, angry movement, Seifer
stalked out, to the end of the pier where he'd sat fishing days before. It dark
here as well, but it was a quiet, airy kind of dark, one that welcomed and hid
him rather than smothering him.
Darkness
being different? Am I going mad?
Seifer
buried his head in his hands, feeling the leather of his gloves on his cheek.
Slowly he became aware of soft footsteps behind him. He knew who it was, of
course. There was only one person in the vicinity that walked like that. Soft,
hesitant, almost soundless, like its maker.
'...What
is it, Fuj?'
Fujin
didn't respond, and finally Seifer turned to look at her. The young woman was
standing behind him on the pier, silver-white hair blowing in the wind, hands
clasped behind her back, a 'million-miles away' look on her face.
Rising
to his feet, the young man waved two fingers in front of her face in curiosity.
Fujin jumped, backing away a step, her hands coming up to grab at his.
'Hey!'
She
let go.
'...Sorry...'
Seifer looked at his second-in-command, really looked, and saw the
shadows under her eyes, the strange look in that ruby-pink eye, a look that
spoke of sadness and more, the way she wound long, pale fingers around each
other worriedly.
'You
okay?'
Fujin
nodded wordlessly.
'Seifer,
I...' the young woman started to say, then stopped, unable to continue. Seifer
felt his thoughts crawling to a stop as he realized what she wanted to say.
He
knew what she wanted, needed, and she knew that he knew, and he knew that she
knew that he knew, and Hyne he couldn't, couldn't subject her to...
Seifer wondered what had led to this. Even after all that he had put them through...
No...
No matter how I feel, I can't - can't... I don't deserve her...
'...I'm
sorry... I can't... I can't...' Words failed him this time.
'...Why?'
Enough emotion in there to break his heart, but he steeled himself against it.
For her sake.
'I...
dammit Fuu, you know! After all I've done, all that's happened... I can't...
you can't... I'm hated throughout the world, for Hyne's sake!'
Fujin
stared at him for an awfully long time, and he wondered for a moment what she
would do.
'It
doesn't matter-'
'It
does matter, Fujin! I won't let you go through it, because I care!
I don't - I - anyone but me, dammit! It's not for us!'
Everything
froze for a moment. Time stopped. It seemed as if he was in time compression
again, everything fragmented and unclear, no sensation, no feeling...
Fujin
made a slight choking sound, as if in desperation. Whirling, the girl headed
away, a blur of blue and gray and black in his teary eyes.
Teary?
Questing
fingers found what they were looking for, and he brought them to his cheek.
There was wetness on the leather. Up ahead, the bluish-grayish-dark figure that
was his best friend, that he'd loved, that he'd spurned vanished into the
shadows.
She'd
haunt him forever.
Only one more to go...