Author's Note: If You've never played, or at least SEEN Command & Conquer, then go get another story!
Disclaimer: Command and Conquer, Cain, GDI, NOD, and the GDI symbol, belong to Westwood. All the soilders, Lieutenant Masterson, RSVPeters, and Etcetera Simmons belong to me. And the lawyer joke belongs to Willow Mann (I'm 96% sure on that)
"TEN HUT!" Shouted the GDI Recruiting Officer "You all have had a tough 2 months of boot camp. But, only 8 out of you 20 of you wetnoses will make it! ATTENTION!"
Anxiety spread over the rookie wannabees, Becoming a member of the Global Defense Innitiative was one of the worlds greatest honors any man could have
"THE LUCKY ONES ARE..." started the officer "A.D. Moins!"
"Yes sir!" he yelled. the officer always called the soilders by first and middle initals and last names, they had learned
"M.S. Bonner!"
"Yes sir!"
"A.P. Rodgers!"
"Yes sir!"
"R.S.V. Peters!"
"Und, yes sir!"
"D.J. Clarke!"
"Yes'ir!"
"M.M. Hollander!"
"SIR YES SIR!"
"K.A. Capp!"
"Yes sir!"
"Great," said a soilder in the ranks "That figures."
"Don't worry 'bout it, Ectcetera, there's still 1 more slot" replied a veteran
"Yeah," he replied "With 6,000,000,000 to 1 odds"
"E.T.C. Simmons!"
"6,000,000,000 to 1, eh?" said the veteran
"Yes sir!" he called out
"Better luck next time WETNOSES!" Taunted the recruiting officer "Men! MOVE OUT!"
All the new soilders waited in the foyer, waiting for the traditional tatoo, in a way, the GDI branded all their men like that. Our hero waited for his turn, and listened to the names called out, and his friends all came out with a bloody reverse palm. Andy Moins, Marc Bonner, Arnold Rodgers, Reugett Peters, Dave Clarke, Mack Hollander, Kris Capp, and finaly "ERIC SIMMONS!" His full name was Eric Theodore-Clancy Simmons, but everyone called him "Etcetera Simmons" because his signin sheet said "E.T.C. Simmons" and the name stuck.
Eric sat down in the chair, and waited... until someone that looked like Rodney Dangerfield in drag same out. "Hullo, I'm Ringo Timmitz, you must be Eric Simmons?" And Eric half expected him to say 'I don't get no respect!'
"Yeah, that's me"
"Enough with the chitchat," said Ringo "Put your fist in this tray, and keep it clenched, no matter what." "Oh," he added "It might sting a little."
"A little?" Eric asked skepticly
"Ok," confessed Ringo "It's gonna hurt like hell."
Eric balled up his fist and put it into the graphite tray, which contoured his knuckles perfectly. Then, Ringo pulled down a duplicate of the top part, with the glowinf tubes, and the pulsing wires. Ringo fastend down 2 straps on 3 sides and walked over to a machine. Eric could feel the 5,000 nanoscopic needles resting on his hand, threatening to break through at any time. Ringo pulled up a plastic case, flipped a switch, pressed a couple keys, gingerly turned a knob, pressed some buttons on his watch, and then slammed his fist down on the neon green start button. The instant Ringo pressed that button, Eric could feel the needles pulsating, at 60 times a second, the pain made each second seem like an eternity, the super thin titanium pylons snapping through his sinew, scraping his bone, sawing away at his nerves, like shotgun shells, being thrown out faster then you could dream, like a thousand sewing machines, all working at top speed, then Eric let out an incredible blood curdling scream, and ringo presses a button on his watch, and slammed his fist down on the stop button. Eric looked at his hand, He saw fresh, red blood flowing over his knuckles, he knew he was gonna be bitchin with his knuckle for weeks. And he saw the tatoo, the GDI symbol, with the marble grey background, and the tiberium colored sillouhette of the eagle, it had printed twice around the perimiter, at the bottom, in big, gold letters, it read GDI
"There we go!" said Ringo "Now get down to the recruiting office, HOP TO!"
As Eric ran, he thought about his boyhood dreans, Eric always admired his dad, Sam, Who was a soilder in the 4th division, oh, and to become an honored member of the GDI, Just like pop, and to get a phat tatoo, just like pop, and who knows, maybe be a spy, Just like pop, we'll have to see.
"Allright maggots! listen up!" shouted Their new platoon commander "Just because you're in the GDI does NOT mean you're a war hero. so LET'S GET A FEW THINGS STREIGHT! FIRST OFFF! My name is Lieutanant First Class Roy Masterson! Second off! You will address me as Sir, Lieutenant, or Commander! Third! Slackers, bigshots, hoods, perverts, and Smart-Asses WILL NOT BE TOLERATED! Fourth! In battle you have 2 main objectives; destroy the brotherhood of NOD, and keeping civillians alive! Fifth! Punishments for those listed above will not be taken lenient, if you do not meet your quota 5 or more times YOU WILL BE DEMOTED! If you assign yourself a mission that fails so miserably that it actually HELPS the NOD troops, YOU WILL BE DEMOTED! If you are caught with an unregistered weapon, or booze, they will be confiscated, and you will be charged 5,000 pushups to be done within 3 hours under supervision! If you are caught with any pornagraphic material, or having any form of sexual Intercourse on Barracks grounds, YOU WILL BE COURT MARSHALED! THIS IS WHY WE GIVE YOU A 1 WEEK LEAVE!!! If you Lip off to your commander, you will recieve a dishonorable discharge! And lastly, anyone caught intentionally commiting a malevolent act against peers or elders will be COURT MARSHALED OR EXECUTED BY MEANS OF TESLA COIL depending on the severity of the crime. Now, you're lucky, it's 8'o clock now, 8 'o clock is quiting time. first, you are required to set a bedtime at the front desk, between 10:30 and 11:00. If you have trouble getting up in the morning, i suggest you get to bed early. Got that?"
"SIR YES SIR!" They all shouted
"Now, you wanna hear my lawyer joke?"
"SIR YES SIR!"
"Okay, so it's like this" he starts "It's like this, a lawyer gets this new, really sweet new Jaguar, this macho cool $500,000 car, and he's drivin it to work, and he parks it on the curb. So then, this big rig comes along and rips the door off and he cries 'DAMNIT, MY NEW CAR! HOW AM I GONNA LIVE!!!!!!!' and a jogger standing nearby says 'You lawyers are so possesionistic' and he says 'What the hell are you talkin about?' and the jogger says 'Well, look down and you'll see it took off your hand too' so he looks at his bloody stump and screams 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! MY ROLEX!!! MY SPORTSCOAT!!!"
Everyone burst into a fit of laughter, including Lieutennant Masterson, "Allright, maggots get into your goddam bunks, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!"
Eric's bedtime was 11, because 18 hours and 4 hours of sleep were the same to him. he was between Rugget Peters and Marc Bonner. As much as he tried, eric couldn't make conversation, he was too damn tired! And...he...fell...asleep... ... ... ...
Disclaimer: Command and Conquer, Cain, GDI, NOD, and the GDI symbol, belong to Westwood. All the soilders, Lieutenant Masterson, RSVPeters, and Etcetera Simmons belong to me. And the lawyer joke belongs to Willow Mann (I'm 96% sure on that)
"TEN HUT!" Shouted the GDI Recruiting Officer "You all have had a tough 2 months of boot camp. But, only 8 out of you 20 of you wetnoses will make it! ATTENTION!"
Anxiety spread over the rookie wannabees, Becoming a member of the Global Defense Innitiative was one of the worlds greatest honors any man could have
"THE LUCKY ONES ARE..." started the officer "A.D. Moins!"
"Yes sir!" he yelled. the officer always called the soilders by first and middle initals and last names, they had learned
"M.S. Bonner!"
"Yes sir!"
"A.P. Rodgers!"
"Yes sir!"
"R.S.V. Peters!"
"Und, yes sir!"
"D.J. Clarke!"
"Yes'ir!"
"M.M. Hollander!"
"SIR YES SIR!"
"K.A. Capp!"
"Yes sir!"
"Great," said a soilder in the ranks "That figures."
"Don't worry 'bout it, Ectcetera, there's still 1 more slot" replied a veteran
"Yeah," he replied "With 6,000,000,000 to 1 odds"
"E.T.C. Simmons!"
"6,000,000,000 to 1, eh?" said the veteran
"Yes sir!" he called out
"Better luck next time WETNOSES!" Taunted the recruiting officer "Men! MOVE OUT!"
All the new soilders waited in the foyer, waiting for the traditional tatoo, in a way, the GDI branded all their men like that. Our hero waited for his turn, and listened to the names called out, and his friends all came out with a bloody reverse palm. Andy Moins, Marc Bonner, Arnold Rodgers, Reugett Peters, Dave Clarke, Mack Hollander, Kris Capp, and finaly "ERIC SIMMONS!" His full name was Eric Theodore-Clancy Simmons, but everyone called him "Etcetera Simmons" because his signin sheet said "E.T.C. Simmons" and the name stuck.
Eric sat down in the chair, and waited... until someone that looked like Rodney Dangerfield in drag same out. "Hullo, I'm Ringo Timmitz, you must be Eric Simmons?" And Eric half expected him to say 'I don't get no respect!'
"Yeah, that's me"
"Enough with the chitchat," said Ringo "Put your fist in this tray, and keep it clenched, no matter what." "Oh," he added "It might sting a little."
"A little?" Eric asked skepticly
"Ok," confessed Ringo "It's gonna hurt like hell."
Eric balled up his fist and put it into the graphite tray, which contoured his knuckles perfectly. Then, Ringo pulled down a duplicate of the top part, with the glowinf tubes, and the pulsing wires. Ringo fastend down 2 straps on 3 sides and walked over to a machine. Eric could feel the 5,000 nanoscopic needles resting on his hand, threatening to break through at any time. Ringo pulled up a plastic case, flipped a switch, pressed a couple keys, gingerly turned a knob, pressed some buttons on his watch, and then slammed his fist down on the neon green start button. The instant Ringo pressed that button, Eric could feel the needles pulsating, at 60 times a second, the pain made each second seem like an eternity, the super thin titanium pylons snapping through his sinew, scraping his bone, sawing away at his nerves, like shotgun shells, being thrown out faster then you could dream, like a thousand sewing machines, all working at top speed, then Eric let out an incredible blood curdling scream, and ringo presses a button on his watch, and slammed his fist down on the stop button. Eric looked at his hand, He saw fresh, red blood flowing over his knuckles, he knew he was gonna be bitchin with his knuckle for weeks. And he saw the tatoo, the GDI symbol, with the marble grey background, and the tiberium colored sillouhette of the eagle, it had printed twice around the perimiter, at the bottom, in big, gold letters, it read GDI
"There we go!" said Ringo "Now get down to the recruiting office, HOP TO!"
As Eric ran, he thought about his boyhood dreans, Eric always admired his dad, Sam, Who was a soilder in the 4th division, oh, and to become an honored member of the GDI, Just like pop, and to get a phat tatoo, just like pop, and who knows, maybe be a spy, Just like pop, we'll have to see.
"Allright maggots! listen up!" shouted Their new platoon commander "Just because you're in the GDI does NOT mean you're a war hero. so LET'S GET A FEW THINGS STREIGHT! FIRST OFFF! My name is Lieutanant First Class Roy Masterson! Second off! You will address me as Sir, Lieutenant, or Commander! Third! Slackers, bigshots, hoods, perverts, and Smart-Asses WILL NOT BE TOLERATED! Fourth! In battle you have 2 main objectives; destroy the brotherhood of NOD, and keeping civillians alive! Fifth! Punishments for those listed above will not be taken lenient, if you do not meet your quota 5 or more times YOU WILL BE DEMOTED! If you assign yourself a mission that fails so miserably that it actually HELPS the NOD troops, YOU WILL BE DEMOTED! If you are caught with an unregistered weapon, or booze, they will be confiscated, and you will be charged 5,000 pushups to be done within 3 hours under supervision! If you are caught with any pornagraphic material, or having any form of sexual Intercourse on Barracks grounds, YOU WILL BE COURT MARSHALED! THIS IS WHY WE GIVE YOU A 1 WEEK LEAVE!!! If you Lip off to your commander, you will recieve a dishonorable discharge! And lastly, anyone caught intentionally commiting a malevolent act against peers or elders will be COURT MARSHALED OR EXECUTED BY MEANS OF TESLA COIL depending on the severity of the crime. Now, you're lucky, it's 8'o clock now, 8 'o clock is quiting time. first, you are required to set a bedtime at the front desk, between 10:30 and 11:00. If you have trouble getting up in the morning, i suggest you get to bed early. Got that?"
"SIR YES SIR!" They all shouted
"Now, you wanna hear my lawyer joke?"
"SIR YES SIR!"
"Okay, so it's like this" he starts "It's like this, a lawyer gets this new, really sweet new Jaguar, this macho cool $500,000 car, and he's drivin it to work, and he parks it on the curb. So then, this big rig comes along and rips the door off and he cries 'DAMNIT, MY NEW CAR! HOW AM I GONNA LIVE!!!!!!!' and a jogger standing nearby says 'You lawyers are so possesionistic' and he says 'What the hell are you talkin about?' and the jogger says 'Well, look down and you'll see it took off your hand too' so he looks at his bloody stump and screams 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! MY ROLEX!!! MY SPORTSCOAT!!!"
Everyone burst into a fit of laughter, including Lieutennant Masterson, "Allright, maggots get into your goddam bunks, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!"
Eric's bedtime was 11, because 18 hours and 4 hours of sleep were the same to him. he was between Rugget Peters and Marc Bonner. As much as he tried, eric couldn't make conversation, he was too damn tired! And...he...fell...asleep... ... ... ...