Andra here! Now, this story is mine, and features various characters from various animes who have been FORCED onto my Dating Game Show. This'll be fun!
Marik: For who?
Andra: EVERYONE!
Marik: ((Sarcastically)) Riiiight.
Andra: Marik... Do the disclaimer. NOW.
Marik: Whore. Andra doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Insane Clown Posse's Dating Game song that appears in this chapter.
Andra: Good boy.
The lights suddenly turned off, and then flashed on in a brilliant purple display that. Then, all the flashes came together to form on one big flash that read 'Anime Dating Game!' The announcer came on stage, her brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, wearing a man's tux. A lot could be said about the green-eyed announcer, but she was just some random bimbo the author hired to do the job. Anywhosawhatsit, the announcer-lady calmed everyone down and talked with her preppy, snobbish, slightly nasaly voice.
"Like, oh my god!" she said, her voice shortly accompanied by obnoxious preppy laughter. "Like, welcome to the..." the woman trailed off and stuttered all around the word 'anime', like a freakishly freaky person. Suddenly, a huge orange flame appeared and roasted her whole body.
"That'll teach you to take my job," Ishizu said, putting the flame thrower down and walking onstage. "Hello everyone! Welcome to the Anime Dating Game!" she said, smiling. The sign for the crowd to applaud came on, and they listened because there were explosives underneath their seats, and they had no choice. "Let's meet today's contestants! Contestant number one is a schitzophrenic serial killer Egyptian who says he loves to bathe in blood. Let's find out if his charm will work on our bachelor. Let's have your first question!"
The bachelor, that's the beautiful emerald-eyed Ryou, looked at his cue card, pushing his ivory hair out of his face. "Contestant number one... I believe first impressions last forever. So, let's say you were to come over to my parents' house And have dinner with me and my family. Tell me what you'd do to make that first impression really stay," Ryou said, looking at the wall seperating him from the contestants.
Contestant #1 blinked and then thought about it for a moment, before replying, a smirk on his face. "Let's see, hmm, well I'd have to think about it. I might show up in a tux, ha! But I doubt it. I'd probably just show up naked like I always do, and look your mama in the eye and tell her fuck you! Hurry up bitch I'm hungry. I smell spaghetti. I'd pinch her limpy ass and tell her get the food ready! Your dad would probably start trippin, and get me pissed, I'd have to walk up and bust him in his fuckin lips! It's dinner time! We're hearin' grace from your mother. I pull a 40 out and pour some for your little brother. I'm standing staring at your sister, I'll tell you this. You know for only 13 she got some big tits! After that, your dad would try to jump again. And only this time I'd put the 40 to his chin! After your mom does the dishes and the silverwear, I'd dry fuck her till I nut in my underwear!"
Both Ryou and Ishizu stared at the wall for a moment and then Ishizu cleared her throat. "Right... Now let's meet contestant number two! He's a psychopathic derranged crackhead freak, who works for the Dark Carnival. He says women call him stretch nuts..." the Egyptian woman shook her head. "Bachelor, let's hear your question."
Ryou looked up, swallowed, and then looked back down at the cue card. "I like a man who's not afraid to show his true emotions. A man who expresses himself in his own special way. Number two, if you fell in love with me, exactly how would you let me know?" After asking, Ryou stared at the cue card, one eyebrow raised elegantly. Note to self: Next time, just jump off a bridge.
Contestant #2 stared at the wall, then rolled his eyes. "First thing, I could never love you. You sound like a richy bitch, yo fuck you! But if I did, I'd probably show you that I care by takin all these other motha fuckers outta here! I'd go through your phone book and whack 'em all. And find contestant number one and break his fuckin jaw-" Contestant number one let out a "What?" at this - "Anyone who looked at ya would have to pay. I'd be blowin fucking nuggets off all day. I'd grab your titties, and stretch 'em down past your waist. Let 'em go, and watch em both spring up in your face. I'd sing love songs to ya, the best I can, get ya naked and hit it like a caveman. Then we'd go through the beach and walk in the sand. I'd throw a little sand in your face and say I'm just playin. As you spit it all out, I'll rub your back, grab your underwear and wedge it up your ass crack!" he said, smirking.
Both Ishizu and Ryou stared at the wall, even more shocked. Ishizu spoke before Ryou could. "It sounds like contestant number two is just over-flowing with sensitivity, Bachelor. It's a tough choice so far. Bachelor, let's have your last question and see which one is gonna win the right to your next date." Ishizu said.
Ryou blinked in slight confusion, but shrugged and looked down at the cue card. "Okay, if we were at a dance club and you both noticed me at the same time, tell me, how would you each get my attention and what would your pick up lines be? Whoever's the smoothest wins!" Suddenly Ryou remembered something, though it was too late to do anything about it. Isn't there a third contestant?
Contestant number one grinned and cracked his neck. "Okay, first, I'd slide up to the bar and tell you that I can't believe how fuckin' fat you are. I'd tell you that I like the way you make your titties shake, and if you lost a little weight you'd look like Ricki Lake." The audience gasped and looked over at Ryou, who was a bright red.
Contestant number two had a quick comeback, however. "Fuck that! You'd be jackin me quick! I'd order you a drink, and stir it with my dick. And then to get your attention in a crowded place, I'd simply walk up and stick my nuts in your face!"
"Yeah, freak her with your nuts. Yeah that'll get her!" Contestant number one sneered.
"Tell her that she's fat, yeah, that'll work even better!" Contestant number two argued.
"Look, fuck you. I gotta strong rap shit. You don't want contestant number two, he's mad whack. I walked into a bar, and there he was, standing up on a bucket -eeeuuugghhh- trying to fuck it. It was a big fucking smelly ass farm llama!" Contestant number one said, glaring at number two.
"Damn dog!" Number two replied, staring at number one with an oddly respectful look.
"How you gonna diss yo momma?" Number one shot back.
Ryou looked at Ishizu. "Isn't there a third choice? AND I'M A BOY!" he asked, a sort of hope in his voice. Ishizu blinked then nodded. "Yes there is, Bachelor! Contestant number three is a normal person, compared to our other two. He says he hates his other half and enjoys strawberries."
"Strawberries!?" Number two intterupted. "That's girly."
"Yeah! And I'll bet that 'other half' of his is a sexy beast," number one replied.
"Go fuck each other," number three's voice popped up.
"Bachelor, we're running out of time," Ishizu pointed out. "You'll need to make your choice." Ryou blinked and then nodded. "I've decided!" he said. Ishizu nodded. "Contestant Number Three!"
"WHAT?!" screamed both number one and number two. Ishizu grinned. "Let's see contestant numbers one and two!" Ishizu said. The wall lifted up to reveal a rather angry Marik and Bakura. Ryou's eyes widened and he hid behind Ishizu. As Marik walked past, he flicked Ishizu off. Bakura looked at Ryou, a savage glint in his eye. "You're gonna get it, hikari," he stated. Ryou whimpered slightly. Ishizu rolled her eyes.
"Now, let's meet your date!" she said. Malik came up, hands behind his head. "Hey Ryou," he said calmly. Ryou smiled. "Hello Malik!" The blonde walked up to the whitenette and calmly kissed him, full-force, on the lips. Ryou smiled and wrapped his arms around Malik's neck, kissing back, purring slightly. "Let's go," Malik said, winking at Ryou. Ishizu watched them walk off stage and then turned to the crowd.
"Tune in for the next episode, featuring characters from Naruto! Bye bye now," Ishizu waved as she walked off stage, and the lights turned off again, illumanating the 'Anime Dating Game' sign once more before flickering off.
YAY! That's it, it's over!!!!!!! I already have this story planned out, so it should come rather quickly. Next chapter: Masashi Kishimoto's Naruto!
Ciao!
Andra Aroukii