A Harry Potter Sermon
by Prathdrake
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A/N: Yeah. This is a SUSHI challenge. I only won second place last time. I WILL TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME, MASTER! *voice from afar* THERE WILL BE NO NEXT TIME!!!!
Okay. The requirements were:
-Someone must have a tutu-wearing mango as a very loved pet
-Cornelius Fudge must be in it
-Someone must say "IT'S ELEMENTARY, MY DEAR CODSWALLOP!"
-Someone has to have a mustache made of peanut butter
-Someone must make an appearance wearing a towel and a shower cap.
I got the idea for this story while in church. (Well, duh! Look at the title!) Also, this story is written in play format. It works the best in that way.
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Harry walked in onto the platform wearing a black robe with a neon green collar. Then he walked up to the podium. He had a mustache made of peanut butter. He thought it made him look manly.
HARRY: Brothers and Sisters! The topic of my sermon today is...
CORNELIUS FUDGE: Sorry I'm late! My dog ate my homewo... I mean my alarm clock wasn't working!
HARRY: How DARE you interupt my sermon (then looking down at Cornelius) and wearing only a towel!
CORNELIUS: No I'm not! See... I'm also wearing a showercap!
HARRY: How DARE you insult me! You shall be condeeeeeeeeeeemned!
Suddenly a large finger came out of the sky and touched Cornelius. He keeled over, dead.
HARRY: And now for my sermon. Brothers and Sisters! There is an eeeeeeeevil among us! Oh yes!
CHOIR: Oh, evil,evil,evil,evil,evil,evil...(continues while Harry is speaking)
HARRY: And do you want to know what this evil is?!
CONGREGATION: Oh tell us great one!
HARRY: It's elementary, my dear coswallops! But n-onetheless,you th-th-th-th-th-thirst for kn-owledge! And you shall a-have your knowledge!
The e-VILE among us is... Brothers and Sisters, I say again, THE evil among US is... a sinner named...Voldemort!
CONGREGATION: (Gasps)
HARRY: Oh yes! None other than that...imbecile unworthy to be a Christian! We m-m-m-m- must a-raise our v-oices and our wands against h-him!
CHOIR:Ra-a-a-a-a-a-i-i-i-se against hi-im!
HARRY: We must not stop a-seeking to a-destroy him until he r-eally is deeeeeeestrooooooyed!
Even if he a-burns down our houses! Even if he sets m-obs on us! And even...Brothers and Sisters, I say "and even"! Even if... he steals our tutu-wearing mangos from us, which I hold mine v-ery dear, we shall NOT GIVE UP!
CONGREGATION: (Cheers)
CHOIR: N-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O! We shall not give uuuuuuuuup!
HARRY: Lemme hear ya cry! Lemme hear ya ROAR it! Will-you-give-up?
CONGREGATION: No!
HARRY: Sh-all we win?
CONGREGATION: Yes!
HARRY: And a-what shall we dooooooo with him?
CONGREGATION: Send him back to where he came from!
HARRY: (Looks thoughtfully) Y'know, Brothers and Sisters, I neva thought o' that one... But it'll doooooooooo!
CONGREGATION: (Cheers)
HARRY: Be here tonight with your p-itchforks and your w-ands! Oh there's gonna be a MOB tonight! As sure as this sc-ar is oooooooooon my head! Now we will have a song by the choir while Hermione collects you tithes! Choir, if you please...
CHOIR: (Goes into some weird rendition of "Mary Had A Little Lamb")
After a bunch of coin giving (and stealing) Hermione came back up the aisle and dumped the pan into a box just as the choir finished.
HARRY: Brothers and Sisters! Now go! To your h-ouses and pr-ay! About what was a-said here today!
People start to leave while the organ plays. One of the last to leave is a tall man with black hair and a snake-like nose.
Voldemort: (Under his breath) Some mob they'll make!
THE END
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A/N: I enjoyed writing that. Please review.
********************************************************************************
by Prathdrake
********************************************************************************
A/N: Yeah. This is a SUSHI challenge. I only won second place last time. I WILL TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME, MASTER! *voice from afar* THERE WILL BE NO NEXT TIME!!!!
Okay. The requirements were:
-Someone must have a tutu-wearing mango as a very loved pet
-Cornelius Fudge must be in it
-Someone must say "IT'S ELEMENTARY, MY DEAR CODSWALLOP!"
-Someone has to have a mustache made of peanut butter
-Someone must make an appearance wearing a towel and a shower cap.
I got the idea for this story while in church. (Well, duh! Look at the title!) Also, this story is written in play format. It works the best in that way.
********************************************************************************
Harry walked in onto the platform wearing a black robe with a neon green collar. Then he walked up to the podium. He had a mustache made of peanut butter. He thought it made him look manly.
HARRY: Brothers and Sisters! The topic of my sermon today is...
CORNELIUS FUDGE: Sorry I'm late! My dog ate my homewo... I mean my alarm clock wasn't working!
HARRY: How DARE you interupt my sermon (then looking down at Cornelius) and wearing only a towel!
CORNELIUS: No I'm not! See... I'm also wearing a showercap!
HARRY: How DARE you insult me! You shall be condeeeeeeeeeeemned!
Suddenly a large finger came out of the sky and touched Cornelius. He keeled over, dead.
HARRY: And now for my sermon. Brothers and Sisters! There is an eeeeeeeevil among us! Oh yes!
CHOIR: Oh, evil,evil,evil,evil,evil,evil...(continues while Harry is speaking)
HARRY: And do you want to know what this evil is?!
CONGREGATION: Oh tell us great one!
HARRY: It's elementary, my dear coswallops! But n-onetheless,you th-th-th-th-th-thirst for kn-owledge! And you shall a-have your knowledge!
The e-VILE among us is... Brothers and Sisters, I say again, THE evil among US is... a sinner named...Voldemort!
CONGREGATION: (Gasps)
HARRY: Oh yes! None other than that...imbecile unworthy to be a Christian! We m-m-m-m- must a-raise our v-oices and our wands against h-him!
CHOIR:Ra-a-a-a-a-a-i-i-i-se against hi-im!
HARRY: We must not stop a-seeking to a-destroy him until he r-eally is deeeeeeestrooooooyed!
Even if he a-burns down our houses! Even if he sets m-obs on us! And even...Brothers and Sisters, I say "and even"! Even if... he steals our tutu-wearing mangos from us, which I hold mine v-ery dear, we shall NOT GIVE UP!
CONGREGATION: (Cheers)
CHOIR: N-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O! We shall not give uuuuuuuuup!
HARRY: Lemme hear ya cry! Lemme hear ya ROAR it! Will-you-give-up?
CONGREGATION: No!
HARRY: Sh-all we win?
CONGREGATION: Yes!
HARRY: And a-what shall we dooooooo with him?
CONGREGATION: Send him back to where he came from!
HARRY: (Looks thoughtfully) Y'know, Brothers and Sisters, I neva thought o' that one... But it'll doooooooooo!
CONGREGATION: (Cheers)
HARRY: Be here tonight with your p-itchforks and your w-ands! Oh there's gonna be a MOB tonight! As sure as this sc-ar is oooooooooon my head! Now we will have a song by the choir while Hermione collects you tithes! Choir, if you please...
CHOIR: (Goes into some weird rendition of "Mary Had A Little Lamb")
After a bunch of coin giving (and stealing) Hermione came back up the aisle and dumped the pan into a box just as the choir finished.
HARRY: Brothers and Sisters! Now go! To your h-ouses and pr-ay! About what was a-said here today!
People start to leave while the organ plays. One of the last to leave is a tall man with black hair and a snake-like nose.
Voldemort: (Under his breath) Some mob they'll make!
THE END
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A/N: I enjoyed writing that. Please review.
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