Because of You
By gia-x.
We did the unthinkable. We went on a date, a real date, just Hikari and I. It went so well too, everything went so perfectly. I didn't even say anything stupid.
When I walked Hikari to her door, I didn't trip, she didn't slap me, and Taichi didn't come out to kick my ass.
Instead, she kissed me on the cheek and said everything I wanted to hear except "Let's do it." She said she had a great time and loved spending time with me, but she never said she loved me.
This is her way of rejecting me. She treats me as though I've been rejected many times before. People always think that of me. I don't know why, but they all do.
They don't know that I always get what I want. Okay, not always, but it always works out for me in the end.
Until now.
I just want to be with her.
No I don't, that's a lie. I have
her friendship already, but I'm selfish. I want more. She doesn't want to hurt me, but she does it by saying no.
She doesn't want to use me, because it would be unfair to me. Sweet Hikari doesn't know that I long to be
used by her. I tell her that before she
walks through the door, and she smiles with a dead gaze.
If she won't have, then who would? No one compares to her. No one could mean so much to me as she does.
Hikari loves the beach and the beach loves her. It may love her more than she wants it too, but it will never care more than what I feel for her.
Being near the water, makes me feel closer to Hikari. When I touch the waves, I feel her skin. I can grow crazy by thinking how I think, I realize this and frighteningly I don't care.
I splash into her watery embrace and listen to the crashing waves calling me or do they even speak my name? Of course they don't, they call to fucking Takeru while mocking my presence with her devilish innocence.
You would think that I would return to reality and leave the ocean behind. You would think that, but I can't and I don't. Instead I swim on for no apparent reason, except for Hikari. She is right to pity me.
I swim on to get away, but I can't get away from her. I want to cry, I need to cry, but I don't want her to see my fragile state. It's no use because I'm crazy inside. It's no use because she kills me. I have always withered from her touch and it's no different in the sea. I can't see anything, but her skin. It's so sad, cos I knew along that this is how I would end.