Something I can Never Have, a degrassi fanfic

Something I can never have..

So this is my first story. I will make mistakes, and when I do I'm happy to be corrected in a kind non- A-hole ish way. Other wise jump off a bridge and die.

I own nada.

-Lady Ink

I still recall the taste of your tears

Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.

My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore

Scraping through my head till I don't want to sleep, anymore.

A tear dripped down Clare's soft face. This was a nightly thing. Smile. Pretend it's all okay. Pretend it doesn't matter that she's not sure she'll find something like him -something at all- again.

Pretend she's not hurting each moment of each day.

Oh it's not as if she's never happy. She can smile and feel joy. But.. In the midst of EVERY conversation that makes her smile or grin,

there comes that moment.

She would be in this great conversation with someone, talking about something she could laugh about.

And then his name would be on her lips. Just a casual comment.

"Eli used to do that all the time"

followed by a common giggle.

But the laughter dies.

The happy sparkle in her eyes fades, and she smiles a bit too brightly to cover it.

You'll make this all go away

I just want something,

I just want something I can never have.

We all know the feeling of our minds screaming "All I need is him, and it'll be perfect! Just let us be together on more time, and I'll never ask for anything again.

But I will.

Because I think I need him so much.

Love him so much.

How can I do this..?

You always were the one to show me how

Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now

This thing is slowly taking me apart

Grey would be the color if I had a heart.

I took a moment to realize there was a cool texture under my fingertips.

Plastic.

Headphones.

God I miss him.

Come on tell me

You'll make this all go away

I'm down to just one thing

And I'm starting to scare myself

You'll make this all go away

I just want something

I just want something I can never have.

The hardest part of not being with you, is how I can tell you're not hurting anymore.

I can tell this hurts you so much less.

Even if I am the one to end it..

In this place it seems like much a shame

Though it all looks so different now

I know it's still the same

And everywhere I look you're all I see

Just a fading reminder of who I used to be

Ending up in places I didn't believe I'd ever go to again was a common problem. I'd start to think about him, his wonderful awkward smile, and suddenly I'd be here. At the park. Where we shared our first kiss.

Come on tell me

You'll make this all go away

I'm down to just one thing

And I'm starting to scare myself

You'll make this all go away

I just want something

I just want something I can never have.

But you don't want me anymore. You have better things.

Her.

And not me.

Not anymore.

Never again..