Hey. I just thought of this one time and thought it would be funny so here goes...
Backstory:
In this little fic Sam and Jack are married.
How to Torment Jack O'Neill
"Okay, you are so going to die!" Sam O'Neill shouted as she stormed into their bedroom.
"What did I do now honey?" her husband replied from the other side of the room, with a big O'Neill grin plastered on his face.
"You blew up my laptop!" She shouted back.
"I did not!" Jack replied, his face looking even more guilty with every passing second.
'He's lying.' Sam thought as she stared into his eyes.
'She knows I'm lying.' thought Jack as he returned the stare.
"I know you did and I can prove it." Sam said breaking the silence.
"How?" Jack challenged.
"I know I can, I'm a woman." She replied.
For a second Jack looked worried, then a triumph smile broke through.
"You can't, you love the sex too much."
For a second Sam looked stumped, but then, a smile tugging at her mouth she strode out the room into the living room.
Jack, who was now interested in what she was going to do, followed.
Sam, knowing exactly what she was doing walked straight over to the DVD shelf…
and pulled out Jack's favourite season of The Simpsons.
Jack sensing immediate danger watched her draw out his beloved boxset of The Simpsons and hold it out of his reach.
"You wouldn't." he whispered, his eyes never leaving the hand which held the holy grail, his loved heirloom, his treasure.
Sam, a triumphant smile spreading across her features said,
"I'm thinking of fire."
Then, the great Jack O'Neill, the one who saved the planet countless times, dropped onto his knees and begged for forgiveness.
"Please, please don't!" he pleaded, then realising she wasn't going to give up said,
"Okay, okay it was me! You spend to much time on the damn thing! Please give it back!"
Sam signed and dropped the DVD into it's owners hands, who hugged it to his chest.
"I'm going to have to lock my whole set away, none of them are safe while she's around." Jack whispered to the DVD in his hands.
"That teaches him to blow up my laptop." smirked Sam as she left her husband checking over his DVD.
'And thats how you Torment Jack O'Neill.' she thought.