How to Deal with Being Immortal
By: Arthur Kirkland
Welcome to my absolutely and most definitely inclusive hand written guide on how to deal with being immortal. If you are reading this guide, you are either immortal, wish to obtain immortality, or was bored as hell (as I was, when I wrote this guide) and decided to read this piece of shit for profuse amounts of laughter – which I hope to provide. However, I cannot guarantee a happy ending because keep in forethought that this is a guide and not some disillusioned made up fantasy. What I can guarantee is multiple character deaths, very awkward situations, and various in depth talks of my personal relationships and how I deal with them.
This guide includes (but is not limited to) four crucial tips on how to deal with being an all-mighty immortal being.
A short contextual summary:
Prologue: The Thing You Are Reading Right now
The Beginning: A brief History on Arthur Kirkland, the immortal demi-god of time
1. Immortality: You're immortal. Now what do you do?
2. Friends: Useful advice that helps you deal with your friends, whether you are or are not immortal
A Small Excerpt: How to Obtain immortality
3. They're dead: Your friends are now dead. How do you cope with it?
4. How to become immortal: Apparently it's all the rage
I have written this guide to help new-coming immortals deal with the trials and tribulations of being basically invincible. It is also to help non-immortals understand that just because you are immortal does not mean that you are impervious to emotional damage. You will find that sticks and stones cannot break my bones but your words – especially your last words, can have an everlasting effect on me.
You will find that you will change your identity multiple times – for obvious reasons that I will not care to explain.
You will also find that when your two best friends die right before your eyes it can have a very profound effect that may or may not be the catalyst to your road down this accursed life of immortality and self-destruction.
So without further ado, turn the next page and discover the all aspects about me, immortality, and my not so immortal companions!
(Note: to me, the term guide and personal journal are synonymous. I am a demi-god of time, try not to lecture me on the English language)