I've had this idea in my head for a few days and i feel like i need to get it down and let you all read it. I can't promise that its great and i can't promise that it's going to end up sweet and cuddly. I was listening to Blue October's song hate me and well it made sense in my head.

Anyway i leave it to you to tell me what you think, laugh about it, cry about it just tell me.

Disclaimer. I do not own any characters from jkr and i don't own any music in this.

PS. I recommend you listen to the song like i did while writing it.

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head

They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed

She sat in her room with her knees up to her chest. she couldn't stop crying. How could it have happened. She'd been at hogwarts for three months and she still couldn't get over it. The smell, the voices and worst the sight.

Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone

Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home

They knew, of course they knew but they couldn't understand. How could they? They couldn't save her from this and honestly she didn't want them to.

She put the bottle to her lips again and took another swing of the bitter alcohol. It was the honestly the only thing that blocked the voices, the images.

There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain

An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?

They say that karma hits back ten times worse, she wondered if they were paying for what they'd done. Or maybe she was the one paying for something.

Her eyes were dull. Se wasn't the same girl she had once been and everyone noticed, even Malfoy.

And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?

And will you never try to reach me?

Seventh year and she was head girl. she should have been so happy at the beginning of the summer but she wasn't. She was actually very miserable about it. she had wanted it so bad but her spirit was so shot that it really didn't matter anymore.

It is I that wanted space

All she wanted to do was disappear. She couldn't though, they might have taken most of her but she would not deny her responsibilities.

Hate me today

Hate me tomorrow

Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

She was a good enough actress to pull of being normal but there was something missing.

A noise from her common room stirred her depressing thoughts, Malfoy. Why had Dumbledore made him head boy? He always had some girl or his body guards up here. Last year he was so involved in something that no one ever did figure out and now he was the new golden boy seeing as how Harry was so damn busy looking for those horaxus.

Hate me in ways

Yeah ways hard to swallow

Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

In her drunken state she wasn't thinking clearly. sure she was pretty sure Malfoy was a death eater and maybe they were having meetings in his room but she didn't care, she was tired of having to hear them.

She got up staggering slightly and she put the bottle down on her desk, that was the only thing no one knew about. She wanted to keep it that way.

I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with

The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again

In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night

She got to the door wearing a tank top and a pair of old jeans, her hair was in a loose bun and she actually looked very nice without even trying. She'd changed so much over the summer.

Everyone had really noticed after Bill and Fleur's wedding. She'd worn that beautiful blue dress that went down to her knees, she'd been so happy then but that was before. Poor bill, he'd been scared so badly after an attack at the school but there was still no answer about what had really happened. they'd almost lost him and dumbledore but luckily no one had died.

While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight

You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate

You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take

"Malfoy!" She called out into the head's common room. Five people turned to look at her, she was right Malfoy had brought his little gang up. "What the hell did i tell you the last time? keep it down."

The boy, well man she was talking to stared at her with a blank expression. Draco Malfoy was well passed the faze of calling her mudblood and insulting her but he kept doing it for his own personal reasons.

So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind

And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

"It's my commom room too Granger." She heard him say smoothly.

She walked into the room, her eyes were blood shot and it didn't escape anyone. Not even Crabbe and Goyle. And they were pretty thick.

"Crying again Granger?" Pansy taunted, "Did your boyfriend Weasley dump you again?"

Hate me today

No one in the room knew how it happened but one second Hermione was at her end of the room and the next Pansy was against the wall with Hermione's hand around her throat.

"What was that Parkinson?" She hissed, one thing alcohol did to Hermione was bring out the primal in her. No one, especially not Pansy was going to taunt her in the state she was in.

Hate me tomorrow

"N-nothing." she stammered but Hermione did not loosen her grip. The other people in the room just stared but then took a look at their leader as if asking what to do.

Draco had ordered the to back off Hermione, he didn't explain why. He didn't have to actually no one dared to ask. He was torn.

He knew he had to help Pansy but the other part of him thought she deserved it for disobeying him.

Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

"Granger put her down." He finally said in a firm voice. Hermione did not budge.

"Make me."She growled. Draco did not understand what was wrong with her. She wasn't the same girl that he'd known all these years. She was different. She didn't taunt back, she just took it most of the time and went on without a shred of emotion. the only time he saw anything remotely like a real human emotion was when she was in her room and would come out mad about the noise.

"Granger i told you already put her down." He looked at the other's and motioned for them to leave. They did so as quickly and as quietly as possible. No one dared ask questions to Draco anymore.

He walked over to where the two girls were and pulled granger off the slytherin. Hermione flinched at his touch and Pansy ran out the room into the corridors without a single word.

Hate me in ways

"Don't touch me." she said with a tremble. Draco was confused. He was done playing this game that was for sure. He'd had a rough summer and he'd come back here hoping for peace instead the one person he thought would always remain sane was completely and utterly changed. For the worse.

"what is it Granger?" He asked quietly. He liked her, there was no getting around it. he'd realised it after he'd gone back home for the summer. He'd been punished for not doing the task he'd been asked and he'd had a lot of time to think things over.

She was the woman he wanted, to have, own, possess and most importantly love. strange how near death experiences can change you.

"It's not your concern." She said and strode back towards her room. He was quick on her heels though. This wasn't going to go away. the gryffindor princess had soemthing to hide.

Yeah ways hard to swallow

As she made it to the door she pushed it with a lot of force but Draco caught it before it closed. she didn't realize and went straight back for the bottle. she took a large swing relieved that they were gone. Damn it Malfoy why did you have to live with me? She thought to herself.

Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

Something else was stirring though in the very back part of her mind. She was attracted to him, she could admit that because she knew it was true. It was amazing he'd taunt her and part of her would jump at the challenge. she had once confessed to Ginny that she thought that he was almost the ideal mate.

When Ginny had asked why almost she'd simply replied because he's untouchable. That was of course a long time ago.

Draco watched as she drank from the bootle. He knew what she was doing and suddenly got angry.

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave

Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made

"what the hell are you doing?" He demanded storming into her room.

"Get out of my room, i already told you it's non of your concern." She yelled all of a sudden. she was angry, angry that he was in her room, that he was so damn persistant on knowing what was wrong but worse that he'd caught her.

"No, what the hell are you doing and yes it is my bloody concern." He yelled back getting angrier. No not her. anyone else but please not her

And like a baby boy I never was a man

Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand

And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"

"Since when did the mighty Draco Malfoy give a damn about mudblood Hermione Granger?" she asked in a taunting voice. she was frightened of him, she'd been frightened of all men since, since them. No man could get near her without her fèeling like she would scream. Not even her own father.

"Granger, tell me what fuck is wrong." He said getting closer.

"Back off, get away from me and no i will not tell you what's wrong." She said stepping back.

He'd noticed it over the last few months. Harry and Ron had been careful to keep a safe distance whenever around her. always asking before they got too near but Draco didn't understand why and he was pretty sure if he aske them they'd tell him to sod off.

Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be

She was drinking again. He could tell it was something strong because she would make a face as it went down.

"Give me that." He siad grabbing the bottle from her. He tossed it on the ground and clear liquid spilled all over the floor. Hermione let out a growl of frustration but just walked over to her wardrobe and pulled out another bottle.

She was about to open it but Draco stopped her and spun her around throwing that bottle onto the ground too.

and then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

"Let go of me you bastard, don't touch me." she screamed but it wasn't Draco she was screaing at it was someone else.

"No listen to me what is it. damn it granger tell me what the fuck it is." He demanded shaking her slightly and then finally right in front of his eyes the tears started falling. she was too drunk to control it anymore and he was being so damn persistant. she looked at him with big wet tears running down her face.

Hate me today

"I was raped, you stupid bastard. There are you happy now? i told you. I was bloody raped by three muggles. You love that don't you? My own people did it to me." she screamed beating into his chest.

He just stared at her in disbelief. Her eyes were closed and she put her head in her hands sobbing louder. Part of him was still in shock as he watched her, another part was raging but the part that succeeded them all was the part that pulled her close to him and just held her.

Hate me tomorrow

You had to understand what they'd gone through that summer to understand why they were here, together not face to face in a war but together finding some sort of comfort from the reality of the world and for the very first time Hermione let it out.

Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

All the pain, all the anger and all the loneliness she'd come to surround herself with. She'd said it, she'd never been able to before. Her parents had told her friends not her.

Hate me in ways

"I hate them, i hate them so much." She cried.

Yeah ways hard to swallow

"I hate them too." He whispered into her hair. Though she didn't hear him over her sobs

Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

Well that's the first chapter, tell me what you think and i'll post the next one. I hope you all liked it.