Disclaimer: The basic principles and all of the actual brilliance belongs to J.K.R - the rest is just me making a social statement

She glanced in the mirror at her reflection.
What she found there was far from perfection

From the poem "Wasted Youth"

June

I'm obsessed with mirrors. Every time I walk past one, I can't help but look into

it. What I see disgusts me: an ugly face on an obese body. I have a plain face with dull

dirty blond hair and boring brown eyes, but that's not the worst of it.

My body is bigger than a beluga whale. I hate the way my arms jiggle

when I move, and how skin bulges from under my chin. My thighs are so

huge I feel like I'm going to sink into the floor. They're thunder thighs – disgusting. I have skin hanging of the edge of my jeans I can hardly bear to look at it. Stretch marks scar the sides of my waist, and I've never even been through pregnancy. My hips carry more fat than bone or muscle. They're wider than my shoulders, which are wide enough as it is.

My fingers are stumpy and stout. They're huge masses of fat, just like the

rest of my body. I could never even fit a ring on my pinky finger. But who'd give me a ring anyway? Who'd even dare to look in my direction? My image would only make them vomit.

I have collar bones that are so covered in fat, they aren't visible. A person

would barely be able to tell I even have bones. My cheeks are puffy, like a baby's. They don't do well on my face, which requires narrow, thin cheeks to look even the slightest bit pretty. But I will never be pretty. Never.

I'm nothing more than an ugly face on an obese body. That's all I see

when I look into a mirror. And I always trust what a mirror shows me. After all, a mirror never lies.

July

Mother agrees.

Later

She hasn't said it straightforward, but she's implied it. She keeps talking about this friend's beautiful daughter, or that co-worker's niece with the perfect body. How does she stay so fit, Mom would like to know. And, don't you think so too Jenny? Wouldn't her tips be useful?

To tell the truth, I'd die to know Mrs. Hafter's niece's tips. I wish I could be that skinny. But wishing is all I'll ever accomplish. I will never be as skinny as Mrs. Hafter's niece.

I've started on a diet. I want to loose twenty pounds.

July- Another day

Mom's hosting this big dinner party for her company so she's sending me to Dad's two weeks early. Dad's upset about it. My parents aren't the type of divorced couples who argue about who's going to have the kid because they want her so much. They argue about who's going to have the kid because they don't want her at all.

But whatever, I'm just glad to get away from Mother's. It's always swarming with beautiful people. I feel like the ugly duckling. The fat ugly duckling.

I've been decreasing my proportions, but I've still been eating balanced meals. But I've been staying away from the sugars and fats. I haven't eaten junk food in such a long time. The diet isn't working though. I need to try something new. Something that will produce results.

July – At dad's

What Mother was discreet about, Dad was very direct about. "You're getting fatter," were a few of the first words out of his mouth when he saw me. After that came a serious of insults criticizing my performance in school. Why aren't I on the Quidditch team? Dad is so anxious to get me to join the Quidditch team.

He may have been a great beater in his day, but I'm not meant to fly on a broom. I haven't tried since first year, but that's not the point. Besides, I'm so fat I'd probably weigh the broom down anyway.

July – still

I'm fat. There is no other way to say it. My hips are so wide I probably won't fit through doorways. My arms are simply blubber – no bone whatsoever. My whole body is simply blubber, but especially my thighs. It's seems as if everything I eat goes straight to my thighs.

My new diet is this: a piece of fruit in the morning, salad at lunch, and no dinner. Why do I need to eat dinner? It's unnecessary. It's just another excuse for me to eat and gain weight.

I've been exercising too. I take an hour long jog along the street everyday. I'm very strict about my diet. All I ever have to drink is water. And that doesn't have any calories.

I think I've gained weight. Even on this strict diet I'm as huge as a hippopotamus. No I'm bigger than that. I'm as big as an elephant. I'll just have to exercise more. And no more dressing on the salad

July- When will this stupid month be over?

I've stopped with the dressing and now I'm exercising three hours a day. Hard core exercise too. But still, the results aren't what I'd like them to be. I think I've gained weight. I wonder if there is a weight loss potion. Oh what wonders that would do for me! I'm just going to have to stop eating lunch too. Well, I'll have a piece of fruit. But not a banana. That's too much sugar. I'll have a half of a grapefruit for breakfast and the other half for lunch.

July – ahhhhh

This month is just an extra thirty days on the calendar for me to gain more weight. And I have gained weight. I'm sure of it.

July – stupid Julius Caesar

Dad wants to send me back to Mom's on August 2. She doesn't want me back until August 24. She's hosting a party on the 14th and doesn't need me in the house. The 24th is a bad day for Dad. He can bring me back on the 26th. But that's bad for Mom because she has a lunch date with the Private Practice Healers Club.

Do they ever bother to ask me when I want to go back to Mom's? No, they just figure I don't care. I'm just a doll they can send from place to place. I don't have any feelings. None whatsoever.

I don't want to go back to Mom's at all. She's always pressing me into joining this club at school or that club at school. Or I could help her plan holiday parties when I come home for break. Or I could plan a school dance.

Dad's house is nice and quiet. No one bothers me. I can do whatever I want. No one is constantly hanging over my shoulder. And he has his own lake. It's a good swimming lake. Oh that's brilliant. Swimming burns 350 to 420 calories an hour. I'll start swimming in the lake. I'll use a disillusionment spell so no one sees my ugly body in a bathing suit. I don't think anybody is around, but I'll do it just to be safe. All the fish in the lake will probably swim away when they see me. And I'll make a giant splash when I get in the water.

I wish my parents would let me decide what to do once in a while. They picked my classes for me. And they'll probably pick my career for me.

August- finally

I've decided to stop eating. It's the only way I'll ever loose weight.

August

I'm going back to Mom's on August 20th. I'm not going to be there for the party!

August

I went to Diagon Alley to get my books today. I saw Victoria Hague and Lily Evans. They're both in my year and in my house. They're so skinny and pretty. I'll never be like them. They didn't talk to me. I wonder why (meant with utmost sarcasm).

August – at Mom's

I think I've gained weight. But how can I? I haven't been eating. I feel like crap. No one loves me. Mom doesn't, Dad doesn't, no one does.

August – school starts soon and I'll get out of this hell

I have this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wish I could get rid of it, but I don't know how. I've tried a few spells, but none of them have worked. I feel awful.

August – 3 days until school.

Oh only 3 days left. Three gloomy, depressing, miserable days.

August – 2 days

I don't want to go back to school looking like this. I'm so fat. I don't want people to see me. Only two people will pay attention to me. My friends: Alexis Boroughs and Paige Lapointe. But I don't really think they are my friends. They always exclude me and haven't contacted me all summer. They probably don't want to talk to me because I'm so fat.

At least I'll get out of Mom's. I can be invisible at Hogwarts. I've done it before. In third year for two months when Paige and Alexis weren't talking to me. I'll be invisible. That's it. I'll survive through my ability to be invisible.

August – 1 day

It's finally school time. I've been isolated from people my age for so long I don't know how I'll cope back in civilization.

My biggest worry is how people are going to view me. I know I'll be excluded from groups because of my weight. No one wants to walk around in the company of an elephant.

I think I'm gaining weight from water. It's the only reasonable explanation. I haven't been eating anything. I'll admit I had a peach yesterday, but it was only one peach. I must be gaining weight from that one peach. Or from the water.

September. – at school

I sat alone on the train. All I did was read my text books. Lily Evans came in for a minute to say hi and tell me to change into my robes. She was nice. To me. It must be because she pities me for being so fat and not having any friends.

I was right about Paige and Alexis. They didn't talk to me at all. I went to say hi, but they didn't even look at me. They probably couldn't bear looking at my horrible body.

Last year the feast looked so tempting and I couldn't help, but to eat everything. This year it looked repulsing. Not even the smells were good. I'm proud I can control myself around food. I sat alone. I didn't put any food on my plate.

When we got back to the dormitories, Victoria told me I looked unhealthy. It's probably because I'm so fat. Obesity is unhealthy. Then she said something unexpected. She said we should be friends. Lily isn't sleeping in our dormitory this year and Victoria is all alone. She doesn't like Paige and Alexis. I didn't know how to respond. I just nodded and went to sleep.

If I am going to be friends with Victoria I'll have to loose a lot of weight. Victoria is to pretty and thin to be friends with someone fat and ugly like me. I'll have to work a lot harder to loose weight now that Victoria wants to be friends with me. Even if she does only want to be my friend because she feels bad for me.

School – day one

I woke up early this morning and went for a jog from the school to the Quidditch pitch and back. Twice. I skipped breakfast. Then I took a shower in the Quidditch locker rooms. I didn't want anyone to see me come out of the shower. And no one was in the Quidditch locker rooms. It was perfect.

Victoria asked me where I was during breakfast during Transfiguration – which we have first. I told her I went early then I went to the library to study. Lily said she was in the library too, but she didn't see me. I didn't know what to say so I shrugged. Lily and Victoria exchanged glances. They probably talk about me behind my back. Still, it's nice to have someone to talk to. Even if they don't sincerely like me.

Did I mention that Lily wanted to be friends with me too? I have two friends now. But they are nicer then Paige and Alexis. I had always thought Victoria and Lily would be rude because they were pretty, but they aren't. Paige and Alexis are much meaner than Victoria and Lily. And Paige and Alexis were more shallow and materialistic too. They were always saying how skinny people were and insinuated that I was fat. It made me really self conscious.

Sometimes I wish Victoria and Lily would tell me I was fat. I think that would help me be more determined to loose weight. But they don't. They don't even seem to care about weight. They never talk about weight. For a while I thought they didn't care about weight. But that was stupid. Everybodycares about weight.

School – day two

I wish I hadn't come back to school. There are so many people who are skinny and pretty here. So many people to look down upon me because of my weight. So many people to compare myself to. I hate it. I feel even fatter than I did at home.

In some ways it's good that there are so many skinny beautiful people here. It motivates me to become skinnier. I work out a lot. But I wish I could just be invisible until I was skinny.

I hate the teachers. They're constantly watching us. It's so annoying

September

I feel bad letting Victoria and Lily talk to someone like me. I've lost my period. Am I pregnant? I can't possibly be. I'm a virgin. I'll have to check anyway. There's a potion I'll use to find out.

September

I'm not pregnant. But I'm cold. Victoria and Lily don't think it's cold. But I think it is freezing.

Lily told me I was really skinny today. I was so pleased with myself so I ate a yogurt at lunch. I think I gained weight from it. I wish Lily hadn't said it. I'm going to get so fat now.

All I want is to be skinny. That's all I really want. To be skinny. If I'm skinny I'll be happy. So all I want is to be skinny.

A/N: A good start? Hopefully. tell me what you think of it. Reviews are always, always loved