Disclaimer- The Producers is a product of Mel Brooks' imagination, not mine. I own every character here except for Mr. DuBois, who is from the original movie.
Lorenzo St. DuBois, better known as L.S.D to his friends, was having a nifty time. Because of his and others speeches about love, hate, and the power of a flower, all the nations of the world had thrown their firearms aside and come together as one. He was presently conversing with the president of Russia.
"L.S.D honey, you need to wake up!" said the Russian president suddenly in a surprisingly feminine voice.
The peace lover stared at him in awe. "Mr. President, you sound a lot like my girlfriend."
"That's because it is me!" exclaimed the president. He started to shake him.
L.S.D opened his eyes and saw a plain looking girl peering down at him. Her long light, brown hair was mostly behind her ears, but some strands were hanging in front of her face. "Hey, baby! What are you doing here in my crash pad?" asked L.S.D. He propped himself up on his mattress to be eye level with her.
His girlfriend, whose name was Persephone Chastity Perrault or P.C.P for short, sighed softly. "I came over to because you asked me to."
L.S.D took in what she just said. His face lightened up as he remembered. "Oh yeah! Now I remember why I asked you to come over. I had that psychedelic dream again, baby."
"The one about free love?" asked P.C.P.
"No, baby! The other one!"
His girlfriend gasped. "The one where your cymbals chase you?" She placed a supporting arm around him. "I told you not to take that stuff before you went to bed."
L.S.D shivered at the thought of that nightmare. "Not that one P.C.P, baby! The one where the world abandons their violent agendas and chooses peace and harmony."
P.C.P smiled and nodded in agreement with what he said. "That ones my favorite, honey."
"I know it is. And that's why I asked you over here, baby. To help me spread our philosophy of love power." He looked eagerly behind P.C.P. "Did you bring the stuff I asked you to bring, baby?"
His girlfriend reached behind herself and brought forward a basket full of daisies. "Yeah, honey. I brought the exact flowers you wanted." She looked at him questioningly. "What are we going to do with them, L.S.D?"
He beamed when she asked that question. "We're going to walk around and hand these flowers around to everyone we meet, baby. By accepting the flowers, they are taking our branch of love. If enough people receive them, then our dreams of unity will be closer. Then no one will doubt the power of a sweet flower."
P.C.P's eyes glistened with tears. "That's so beautiful, Lorenzo."
L.S.D held up his hands. "Whoah, whoah, whoah, baby! I told you that I like L.S.D better. Lorenzo just doesn't sound right from you. You know what I mean, baby?"
P.C.P nodded sheepishly. "Just like how I don't want you to call me Persephone." She glanced out the window. "Let's head out now, honey and spread around those flowers." She picked up the basket and straightened up.
L.S.D nodded and got off his mattress. "Alright, baby." He holds up a finger. "Let me got get my pendant first." He then searched around his apartment for awhile. He finally lifted a Campbell's soup can on a string from a pile of clothes on the floor. "My lucky charm," whispered the man. He placed it around his neck and faced his girlfriend. He holds his arms out to her. "Now I'm ready, baby!"
They both walked out of his apartment, made their way out of the building, and emerged into the glorious day. They then held hands and walked down the sidewalk.
-----o-----
L.S.D and P.C.P's attempt at spreading their philosophy of love power had been received with mixed reactions. Some had taken the flowers with confused looks and uneasy grins. Others merely just tossed the flowers aside and called the couple either 'dirty hippies' or 'freeloading beatniks'. Then there were the few who actually put the flowers on themselves and beamed genuinely at the two. Overall, the couple was content at having tried.
"As long as we got the message across, baby. That's all that matters," said L.S.D.
So it was while they were making their way back to L.S.D's apartment that they spotted an example of strife and discord in the world. A cop and some other man were arguing over what seemed to be a ticket.
"Give me a break! I only parked over the time limit by stinking minutes!" yelled the man.
The cop huffed in agitation. "It's still over the time limit ,and that is why you are getting this ticket!"
The would be recipient of the ticket pointed his finger into the large cop's abdomen. "Well," he tore up the ticket in front of the officer's eyes, threw it down on the ground, and spat on it, "I ain't payin'! Now maybe you can run along and fine some other person with ridiculous charges!" He pats the officer's stomach. "Maybe you'll even lose some weight while you're at it."
This caused the cop to become very red faced. "That's it, sir! I am taking you in under charges of assaulting an officer!"
"You'll have to beat me first before you ever take me in!" screamed the man in reply.
"I guess I'll just have to if you are resisting arrest!" retorted the officer. He started to reach for his nightstick.
L.S.D ran forward at this point ,flowers in hand, to prevent the fight. "Don't fight, man! It spreads the negativity around!" He came between the two men just in time to receive a blow to the head from the cop's nightstick. The blow forced him to sit on the ground with a dazed expression.
P.C.P ran towards him. "L.S.D! Are you okay?"
He looked at her with one hand placed on his head where the nightstick had struck him. "I'm fine, P.C.P," reassured the man.
The officer's shock at having hit the wrong man turned to disgust at these acronyms. "Carrying drugs on your person, eh?" That will earn you a trip downtown." He reached to take hold of P.C.P when L.S.D spoke up.
"Hold on, baby! We're straight!" He held up his palms and looked earnest. "I swear it, man."
"Then what's all this about LSD and PCP?" questioned the officer.
The couple looked at each other for a moment and then realized what the officer was talking about. L.S.D started laughing. "No, man! You misunderstood our meaning. Those are our names, baby!"
The officer raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "Your names, eh?"
P.C.P nodded. "Yeah, man. I'm Persephone Chastity Perrault."
"And I'm Lorenzo St. DuBois!" exclaimed L.S.D.
The cop muttered their names and acronyms over and over. "Let me see some identification," demanded the cop after thinking over it for awhile.
L.S.D got nervous, but P.C.P presented two sets of ID to the officer. She turned her head back to her boyfriend. "Don't worry, honey. Remember that you gave me your extra set in case you forgot to carry it around?"
His expression brightened up. "Oh yeah! Thanks a lot, baby! You are just the most happening chick around."
The officer went over the papers , occasionally looking at the couple. He sighed and handed them back the papers. "Everything looks to be in order. You two just go on your way now." He twirled his nightstick around. "And as for you..." He turned to where the man with ticket had been, but he was gone. "What! What that..." He started yelling obscenities into the air.
The couple heard these words as they walked away. L.S.D shook his head. "You see what violence does, baby. It distracts people from the truth!"
"But you were the one who got violated, L.S.D, and you're still as focused as ever!" pointed out P.C.P.
L.S.D thought over this and his face lightened up. "You're right again, P.C.P!" He gestured his arm in the direction of his home. "Let's keep going forward."
So once again the couple started walking towards L.S.D's home. They had once again taken up giving out flowers to fellow passersby on the sidewalk. It was while doing this that they happened upon a disgruntled garbageman.
"Lousy people never know what they're supposed to be throwing away. Always saving up and then throwing it out," muttered the garbage man.
P.C.P stepped towards him and presented a flower to him. "Here man. Take this flower."
The garbage man looked back forth between the flower and the person offering it. "Go away you lousy beatnik." He then went back to his duties.
L.S.D came forward. "Hey, baby, we're just trying to give some enlightenment to you. And maybe some overpowering senses as well." He did a sweeping motion with his arms.
The garbageman got tense at the last four words. He slowly turned around to face the two again. "You sayin' that I smell?" He pointed at the flower. "This your way of putting an air freshener around me? My odor is 'overpowering' to you?"
L.S.D. waved his arms around. "No, baby! That's not what-"
"I'll give you something over powering!" interrupted the garbageman. He suddenly lifted a trash can that was still full and tossed it's contents towards L.S.D. He would have gotten hit by most of the refuse, if he had not of ducked. So the bulk of the garbage, which consisted mostly of damp newspapers, landed on P.C.P.
"Hey, man! What was that for?" yelled L.S.D. He clenched his fists and approached the garbage man.
The garbage man also moved closer to the flower loving man. "You'd better watch yourself before I stuff the both of you in a can," threatened the trash man.
Before L.S.D could respond to the threat, P.C.P pulled him back. "No, L.S.D! You gotta resist!" She continued to keep tugging him away from the trash man. "I'll be fine, baby. No big deal."
L.S.D looked at her uncertainly. "You sure, baby?"
P.C.P nodded. "It was just newspapers." She started to peel off the the papers that had clung to her.
"I just wish I could've done something P.C.P, baby." L.S.D looked wistfully in the direction of the trash man. He turned back to his girlfriend and helped her by peeling off any remaining paper.
"He'll get what's coming to him, honey. Karma has it's way of striking back. It's like a-"
"Boomerang!" completed L.S.D.
P.C.P nodded in agreement. "Exactly."
"No, baby! I mean Boomerang!" And he slapped a piece of paper that he had just peeled off of his girlfriend.
P.C.P read the article that her boyfriend was pointing out. "Boomerang. The story of karma and the affects it has."
L.S.D grinned as she read. "Don't it sound cool, P.C.P?"
His girlfriend nodded slowly. "Yeah, it sounds great." She returned his smile. "There needs to be more plays with messages like that. It'll teach people how to act and stuff."
L.S.D nodded in agreement. "It would. It really would." He sighed and picked off some more paper. Then he offered her his arm. "Come on, baby. Let's keep going."
She took his arm ,and the couple one again made their way toward L.S.D's apartment.
-----o-----
L.S.D and P.C.P had made it back to his apartment without any further incidents. They were just sitting together on his mattress admiring a daisy, when they heard a knock at the door.
"Come on in, baby! The door's always unlocked," announced the tenant.
The door opened and in came a normally built, middle aged man with very thick glasses.
L.S.D waved at the man who had entered. "Hey, man!" He turned to his girlfriend. "You remember my landlord, baby?"
The landlord, Mr. Rosings, shook his head. "Mr. DuBois, I've been your landlord since you have moved in here. Of course I am familiar with Miss Perrault."
The tenant grimaced at the use of his last name. "Man, how many times have I told you? It's L.S.D! Maybe even Lorenzo at times, but never-" he frowned, "Mr. DuBois." He stuck out his tongue to show his distaste. "That was my father's name, man." L.S.D then placed an arm around his girlfriend's shoulders. "And you have to call her P.C.P."
"Or Persephone," added P.C.P.
"Or that," agreed L.S.D. "But not Miss Perrault." He made another face to show his distaste.
"It makes me feel like a secretary," commented P.C.P.
The landlord just rolled his eyes at them. "Okay, Lorenzo. I'm here to collect the rent."
L.S.D gasped and placed both of his hands to his head in shock. "Is that due already, man?"
Mr. Rosings sighed. "Yes, Lorenzo. It is that time of the month again." He looked at his tenant in annoyance. "Let me guess, you don't have it...again."
L.S.D waved his hands defensively. "No, man! It's not that! It's just that...well...well..." His voice trailed off as he could find no explanation.
His landlord just sighed again. "Just admit that you don't have the rent, Mr. DuBois."
"L.S.D or Lorenzo," corrected L.S.D.
"Lorenzo," said Mr. Rosings in a sarcastic tone.
"Well I just haven't been able to get any money, baby. I've been busy telling people about the flowers, man."
The landlord stared at him after this explanation. "You still on about those flowers?"
"It's a really beautiful thing," replied P.C.P.
Mr. Rosings looked at her. "Is that so Persephone?" asked the landlord in a quiet voice. "Well let me just tell you that flowers are not going to help you out that much in life." His voice started to grow in volume. "Flowers aren't going to help keep a roof over your heads! Flowers aren't going to feed you, and they will certainly not," he was practically yelling by now, "pay the rent!"
L.S.D rose up from the mattress. "They may not do any of that, but flowers do help bring about love unlike the greed that money brings up!" He shook the daisy in front of the Mr. Rosings' face. "These flowers will open people's eyes, and their essence will rule the world!"
Mr. Rosings gave him a critical look. He asked in his normal tone of voice,"You wanna know what I think about your flowers?" He grabbed the basket with what flowers were left and started marching towards the bathroom.
L.S.D looked after him with a horrified expression. "What are you doing to my flowers, man?" He and his girlfriend followed after the landlord and were shocked to see him holding the remaining flowers over the toilet. "What are you doing, man?" asked the flower loving man again.
"I'm simply just showing you what I think of your flowers," replied the landlord. And before either of the flower loving couple could stop him, he threw the flowers into the toilet and flushed it.
L.S.D darted forward just in time to see the flowers swirl down the tube and disappear. He grabbed his hair in horror. "Man! Why did you do that? You destroyed my flowers! Just like everything else. You're dragging me down!"
"Anything else of yours that's been destroyed is probably your own fault," replied Mr. Rosings. He wagged a finger at his tenant. "Now if you don't want any more flowers running through the sewers, I suggest you start paying up." He narrowed his eyes at him. "I've been lenient enough, but now I'm putting my foot down. If you don't pay up next week, I swear that I'll toss you into the gutters along with your flowers." He walked past P.C.P ,who had a hand to her mouth from the removal of the flowers, and started to go through the front door. At the threshold he called out mockingly, "Until next week, Mr. DuBois."
P.C.P looked at the spot where Mr. Rosings had just said his farewells and released a huff. She then turned back to where her boyfriend, who was still staring into the toilet in dismay. She shuffled towards him, patted him soothingly on the back, and took his arm. She then lead him back to his mattress, where he lay down and she sat on the edge. "I'm real sorry that he did that, L.S.D. It's a real downer."
"Feel sorry for the flowers, baby," said her boyfriend in a depressed tone. He held his arms straight into the air. "They're flowing through the gutters right now getting all dirtied up by the muck. Then that water gets filtered so you can drink it. We are drinkin' the flowers, baby! Then that water goes through our system and back into the sewers. It's a never ending process, P.C.P!" cried L.S.D. "The poor flowers are stuck in cycle of filth and grime forever!"
P.C.P's face becomes saddened by this explanation. "Well," she started out slowly, "I guess you'll have to pay your rent if you don't want that awful man to destroy any more flowers."
"But how, baby, how?" L.S.D turned to his side and propped himself up on an elbow. "I don't know how to."
"Something will show itself," reassured P.C.P. "You've been so good trying to show people the way of the flower, that I'm sure something will turn up."
"Like a boomerang!" shouted L.S.D as he fully sat up on the mattress. "Remember that play I showed you about earlier?"
P.C.P turned towards him and nodded in remembrance.
"Well I saw in that paper that they're holding auditions, baby! I could try out!"
His girlfriend's face brightened up at this suggestion. "Yeah! I could dig that!"
L.S.D nodded enthusiastically. "It's a theme I could get into, and I have had some experience in plays before." He put his fist up and shook it. "I'd also get enough money to feed that man!"
"And I could get the girls to come help with your audition!" offered P.C.P. She was absolutely beaming by now.
L.S.D's eyes were glazed over as another thought struck him. "People would also find out about our philosophy of love power."
P.C.P gasped at this statement. "Oh, Lorenzo! You're always thinking above and beyond."
L.S.D lost the glazed expression and pursed his lips into a line. "Now what did I tell you, Persephone?"
She blushed. "Sorry, L.S.D."
He smiled good natured at her. "It's all good, baby." He got off the mattress and stood up. "We need to get ready for this audition. The paper said it was an open one, so I think it would be cool to go in a few days."
"I'll call Mary and Wanda today and tell them to come by so we can rehearse," said his girlfriend. She looked up at him questioningly. "What song do you want us to play for your audition?"
He squinted his eyes in concentration before answering. "I just thought up these psychedelic lyrics, and I thought you girls could play it to that tune we made up."
P.C.P smiled and nodded. "That sounds perfect, L.S.D." She also stood up from the mattress. "Let me go call the girls right now."
So the couple went about preparing for an audition that they hoped would change many things. Unfortunately, they were unaware of the fact that the advertisement they had seen for iBoomerangi was a month old. The theater they would be heading to would not be holding auditions for Boomerang ,but rather, for another play entitled Springtime for Hitler.
A/N- If you would like to see how Lorenzo St. DuBois did, just go to YouTube and type in Lorenzo St. Dubois in the search engine. Better yet, rent the original The Producers at your local video rental store. Thanks for reading!