Author: Koi Lungfish
Disclaimer: Based on characters and situations from The Transformers ((c) 1986 Hasbro, Ltd). Used without permission. Text (c) 2007, Koi Lung Fish (Mark of Lung. All Rights Reserved.)
Continuity: G1 cartoon, Season 2.
"This is seriously lacking in fun-ness," Air Raid complained, up to his waist in filthy water and trying not to let his gun get wet.
"You're telling me?" Inferno replied, pushing the whippy tree-branches away from his shoulders as he struggled to stay upright in the swamp-muck. In the distance, guns boomed and jets roared; the dense trees muffled the sound. "You ain't the one getting stuck here!" An unseen bird saw fit to punctuate his remark with a horrible screech that made the three of them freeze for a second, Air Raid raising his gun uncertainly.
"Huh, wish Sludge was here," Snarl grumbled, feeling around in the murk with his hands, already muddy to the shoulders.
"Yeesh, what do we need that lumbering bozo for?" Air Raid asked, gingerly dipping his free hand in the water. "We've already got Inferno."
"Fly off and crash," Inferno grumbled, slushing through the water and churning up the mud. Half-seen things moved in his wake, sunlight glinting on wet scales before the water closed over them again.
"Him Sludge like this sort of place. Make him feel smaller." Snarl grunted, straightening up to peel the tangled mats of rotting vegetation from his hands. "Me Snarl prefer dry land."
"Yeah, well, me Air Raid prefer no land at all, thanks," Air Raid said.
"And me Inferno prefer not sinking up to my shoulders in mud!" the third member of the little party continued, grabbing a handful of tree and trying to haul his big feet out of the silt. Three small monkeys screamed at him as he threatened to dislodge them, then ran off, disappearing into the foliage.
"How you get so stuck?" Snarl wondered. "Me Snarl bigger than you and not stuck."
"My knees don't bend so far as yours, I guess," Inferno said. "And your feet're bigger."
"And I'm just getting my engines soaked," Air Raid complained. "If you two hadn't taken a shot at me -"
"You look like Seeker when jet!" Snarl snapped, surging through the water, still feeling around with his hands. There was a loud splash behind him; all three turned, but saw nothing except bright rings in the water, expanding, and a hint of scaly tail.
"Aww, don't take on so!" Inferno said, trying to pacify the Aerialbot. "I didn't hit you."
"You shot at me!" Air Raid screamed.
"I thought you were Skywarp!" Inferno looked sheepish, finally loosening his feet from the mud. The monkeys screamed and one threw a nut at him. It bounced of his helmet with a low tunk. "You kinda look the same from underneath."
"What?" yelled Air Raid, voice wavering between appalled and flattered.
"Hey, you're both big black F-15s with white bits," Inferno said with a shrug. "I can't tell the difference when you're flying over my head that fast."
"You could have radioed me!" Air Raid wailed. "Instead you take a shot at me and I end up ditching into this filthy swamp, and then you two blunder in looking to beat me up and get stuck!"
"Me Snarl not stuck," the Dinobot muttered, ignored as he groped elbow-deep in the water. The broad leaves of the water-plants stuck to him, scaling him in bright green.
"I can't radio nobody with this stupid jammer going!" Inferno yelled back.
"Stupid Autobots," Snarl opined, almost face-deep in the water. Waterweeds hung from the golden plates on his back, trailing around his neck and around his elbows.
"Hey, watch who you're calling what!" Air Raid yelled. "Dumb dino."
"You no call Snarl dumb dino, or Snarl give you swamp bath," Snarl rumbled, standing up straight to look down at the Aerialbot.
"Like this could get any worse," Air Raid said, voice thinning to a miserable whine. He patted around the surface water dispiritedly. "We're never going to find that jammer like this."
"If we don't find that jammer, we ain't radioing for help, and if we ain't radioing for help, we're gonna be lost in here for months," Inferno said, waving his rifle-arm at Air Raid whilst fumbling underwater with the other hand. "So quit bellyaching about your finish and get searching!"
"Who're you, giving orders?" Air Raid hollered. "I don't take orders from you!"
"That weren't an order, I were just stating the plain banging obvious!" Inferno yelled back, sloshing unsteadily in the thick mud.
"Yeah, well, you're an idiot!" Air Raid shouted.
"You little runt! I oughta dunk you in this lot head first!" Inferno replied, using the trees to pull himself up straight.
"Me Snarl dunk you both in a minute," came the sooth response. "Me getting fed up of bickering Autobots."
"Aww, rivet you," Air Raid grumbled. "We're never gonna find this jammer. Who says it's even in this area? It's probably Soundwave, sitting up a tree ten miles away, nice and safe and dry."
"Red Alert sent me and Snarl out here because he traced the jammer to this area," Inferno replied hotly. "You ain't calling Red Alert a fool, are you?"
"If he's so sure, why isn't he here?" Air Raid snapped.
"Because ... " Inferno trailed off, looking rather embarrassed. "Well, he said the jammer was over this way, so I kinda went running off even though he told me not to, and I guess he kinda got left behind."
"Oh, swell, so you're not even on a filed flight-path," Air Raid grumbled. "Yeesh, this just goes from bad to worse. Dumb Autobots."
"Bicker, bicker," Snarl said quietly, flinging a rotting tree to one side and ignoring Air Raid's squawk of protest over being splashed.
"Hey, Air Raid, if you don't move around, you ain't gonna find nothing," Inferno called mockingly.
Air Raid glared, having not moved from his nice shallow mud-pool since he stood up. "Bolt off," he said, took two steps forwards, and fell over, going under completely. Snarl looked over his shoulder, frowning.
Inferno let out a loud laugh and strode over to haul the flailing Aerialbot back to the surface. "You all right there, buddy?" he asked.
"Do I look all right?" Air Raid screamed, waving his dripping gun. "Ow, ow, ow."
"Watch out for them weeds," Inferno nodded.
"It wasn't weeds," Air Raid snapped. "And let go of me!" Inferno let go and Air Raid promptly lost his footing, slithered, and sat down hard. "Hey, there's something -" He dived back into the silted darkness.
"Him turn into Sludge," Snarl said, half amused, half wishful, as he stumped over to investigate, dragging a mat of waterweeds like a ragged cloak.
"He's gone and got water in his processors," Inferno said, shaking his head.
"Rivet you," Air Raid spluttered as he surfaced, dragging a weedy mass of metal. "Tada!" He hauled it up.
"That ain't no jammer," Inferno said, staring at the rotting, spiky ball as the three of them bent close to look at it. "I kinda think that's a -"
Five minutes later, Red Alert found them, all sprawled on their backs in the water and groaning as they scraped the mud, powder and shrapnel off their faces.
"I appreciate the high-volume signal," Red Alert said, helping push Inferno to his feet, "But was it really necessary to blow an abandoned mine up in your faces?"
Author's notes & addenda:
Feedback always welcomed.