note: the song in the story is "what hurts the most" by rascal flatts i recomend listening to it (and i changed a couple words fromt the lyrics to fit the story)
Sara had seen Grissom run out of the doctor's house, and had followed him. She thought that she had lost him until she saw his Denali pulled over near where they had found the first body. Worried she had gotten out of her own vehicle and had stumbled over the rough terrain towards the lights of what looked like another vehicle. What she saw when she came closer made her sick to her stomach. More sick than any decomp, or decapitated body they had ever discovered.
There in the arms of Grissom, where she had always dreamed of being, was Lady Heather. His arms were wrapped around her, and his hand cradled her head, as she cried. Completely mortified she turned quickly and ran back to her truck. Not wanting to be discovered by either Grissom or Lady Heather, she put the keys in the ignition and drove, without stopping, until she got back to the lab.
Sitting in the drivers seat in the middle of the parking lot, Sara covered her face in her hands and wept. Wept for what she realized could never be hers; Gill Grissom. She cried for what seemed like hours until she hears a soft knock on the glass of the window.
Wiping her eyes, she looked up to see Catherine standing outside. Rolling down her window, she tried to rub at the redness on her face from the tears, only making it worse.
"Sara honey are you alright?"
"I'm uhh…I'm fine Cath."
"Sara. I'm women. I can sense emotional vibrations. That and the fact that you've been icomunicado for 2 hours, and your sitting in your truck in the middle of the parking lot, with a tear-streaked face."
Catherine and Sara hadn't gotten off to a great start, when Sara had first come to Vegas, but they had learned to work it out, and could now rely on each other for feminine support.
Sighing Sara unlocked the passenger door. "Alright Cath you win. Hop in and I'll tell you everything."
Later that day …
It was the end of shift and Sara was in the locker room, when Grissom walked in. Sara breathed in deeply and let it out slowly. "We need to talk."
Sara stayed where she was, but turned her head to look at him. "Talk?"
"What you saw in the desert earlier on was…"
Sara inhaled sharply. She hadn't expected him to talk about that. Hell she didn't even think that he had seen her. "Griss I don't want to talk about that. It's over. Just forget about it." She shut her locker and headed for the door, but stopped short, when she felt his hand on her arm.
"Sara, Catherine told me what happened." Sara froze. Crap! So much for relying on her. "I know what you're doing Sara. You're becoming emotionally involved. Maybe not the same way as with the victims, but your letting your emotions get in the way of your judgment of Lady Heather." At the mention of that name, Sara's eyes darted to his, and glared at him coldly. Just when she opened her mouth to speak, Grissom continued. "Sara in our line of work, we cannot afford to become emotionally involved, or be biased o prejudice against certain suspects, victims or other people pertaining to the case."
She was angry, fuming. Her breathing was shaky and her eyes were ice. "You just don't get it Grissom! You don't get me!" She walked out of the door and down the hallway. She stopped and turned around just long enough for, "Lady Heather….. and what happened today in the desert… that's not gets me." And by the time that the words and registered in his mind, Sara was out the doors and driving away.
Those last few words of hers had confused him more than any philosophical analogy that he had ever read. That's not what gets me.
It was two days later that Grissom walked into the lab, as usual a couple hours early for shift. As he headed down the hall toward his office he could have sworn than he heard a guitar playing softly somewhere. Looking around he saw nothing as to the origin of the music. But when he looked around again he saw a small light on, probably a desk lamp, at the far back of one of the computer labs, even though all the other lights in that room were off. Strange he thought. Someone must have left the light on. But when he got closer he saw that though the room appeared to be empty, there was someone in there. Someone was sitting on a stool close to the light and strumming on a guitar. He stood there in the doorway for a few minutes, and was surprised to see that it was Sara, and even more surprised when she started singing some soft lyrics along with the guitar melody.
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you now still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me
What hurts the most
Is being so close.
And having so much to say.
And watching you walk away.
And ever knowing.
What could have been.
And not seeing that loving you,
Is what I was trying to do.
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most,
Is being so close.
And having so much to say.
And watching you walk away.
And ever knowing.
What could have been.
And not seeing that loving you,
Is what I was trying to do.
Her voice was beautiful and gentle, yet filled with a great sadness. As he looked closer he could just make out her face in the light, glistening with tears. She was crying as she was singing her heartache.
What hurts the most,
Is being so close.
And having so much to say.
And watching you walk away.
And ever knowing.
What could have been.
You didn't see that loving you,
Is what I was trying to do.
Despite the fact that she didn't even know that he was there and listening to her song, he knew, somewhere deep down inside of him that that song was about him. And he also knew that he loved Sara. He always had. Since the day that he first met her, even though he doubted that he would ever be able to tell her. And he also knew that what had happened between him and Lady Heather years ago, and just recently in the desert, had been a mistake, and that he would do anything to take them back.
Knowing that had to do something, he knocked softly on the door. She almost jumped out of her seat, hadn't it been for the guitar lying across her lap. "I never knew that you played the guitar."
She looked at him coldly. "You told me once that I needed to find a diversion."
He rubbed the back of his neck. "I did didn't I?"
Sara stood up and placed the guitar on the table. "I see you've found yours." Her tone was bitter and hurt.
Grissom walked to her, "Lady Heather isn't my diversion."
She glared at him, anger flaring in her eyes. "What is she then."
"Sara," he took in and let out a deep breath. "What happened between Lady Heather and myself in the desert earlier on was a mistake. She needed comforting and I comforted her, but I could only think of how I wished it were you in my arms, and that it was you that I was comforting, because God knows, I should have comforted you in past circumstances. Sara –"
"Do you know how long I've wanted and waited for you? So many times I was so close, but lost." Soft, sparkling tears started trickling slowly down her cheeks. She sniffed slightly, looked at the ceiling to collect her thoughts then back at Grissom. "You ignoring hurts, but I cope. Your words with secret meanings cut deep, but I make it through. Seeing you with other woman is barely bearable. But knowing that I was once close, that I once meant something, that there are things that I should have told you, and that I'll never know what "this" could have been…. That's what's killing me. That's what hurts the most."
The tears, now rapidly falling down her face, caused Sara to turn her head. She didn't want him to see her like this. She was strong and she knew she should be stronger.
His heart tore in two when he saw her like this. He hadn't meant to hurt her so badly. But he had been scared. She caused him to feel things that he had never felt before. Whenever she was around, he lost control of his mind and body. Surprises and the unpredictable bothered him, and despite the fact that he like they way he felt around her, part of him was saying "no", to regain control.
The past few years had been a ferocious battle between his heart and mind, but Grissom had the feeling that his heart was starting to win. "Sara," he whispered. He walked over to her and spun her around gently, pulling her into his arms. He wrapped his arms around her small body and rubbed her back softly.
Even though her mind kept telling her that she was mad, that she hated him, and that he could hurt her, her heart convinced her to relax. Leaning into his chest she cried some more. "Why Grissom? Why not me?"
He hugged her tighter, as a few small tears fell from his face. "I wanted you. I wanted "this". But….."
He let go of her and held onto her shoulders, keeping her at arms length, forcing her to look straight into his eyes.
"Sara every time you walk into a room, or your name is mentioned, or our bodies touch, both my mind, body and heart react. I lose complete control of my thoughts. No matter how hard I try, they keep drifting to you and words leave my head. My skin burns and tingles wherever you touch me, and I can rarely find my voice. My pulse increases dramatically, and my heart screams out for more….for you. And I like it. I wouldn't want anything else. But something inside of me is scared. All these feelings are new, and unpredictable. I don't know what I'll do when I'm around you, and that scares me. I'm not use to not being in control."
Sara put her hands on top of his, rubbing his skin. "Then let your heart take control."
It took a few seconds for her words to really sink in, but once they did, all the walls surrounding his heart crumbled, his heart was free and it was hers. He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it gently, causing Sara to release a small gasp of pleasure.
Drawing her back to him, he placed his hands on either side of her face and wiped away the last few tears with his thumbs. Their faces were barely inches apart, and moving as one, both of them closed it with a fiery and passionate kiss. All the passion that they had kept inside of them all these years was finally released in a sudden rush. Each was surprised by the electricity surging through them. When they broke apart for air, Grissom pulled her tightly into a loving hug, while they gulped down fresh air.
"How close are you now?" he asked, eyes twinkling.
Giving him her brightest Sara-smile she replied, "all the way" before leaning in for another kiss.