It's my third annual Christmas story! This should be between three-five chapters and I hope you all enjoy.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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"Why do you keep doing this to me?!" he swore drunkenly. "I gave you everything I had and you left me with nothing! I knew you were a bitch but this is rid…ridicu…stupid words."

Sheriff Liz Forbes stared at the man from the hood of her car as he continued yelling at the gorgeous headstone. This was the third time she'd been called in the past three months and she wondered how long this particular stage would last. In a weird way he'd grieved appropriately and seemed to be moving on but now he spent an odd amount of time swearing at a headstone.

Everyone knew the story of the local wedding of the century when Katherine Pierce-Gilbert married Damon Salvatore. It had been only a matter of time when Katherine looked over at the elder boy, nineteen to her sixteen, and realized he was a much better catch than her current boyfriend, Stefan. Damon Salvatore was the heir to the Salvatore fortune and soon to be the wealthiest bachelor in Mystic Falls. She had bided her time with the younger Salvatore until that April night Giuseppe Salvatore had that fatal heart attack.

It had only been a matter of time before the young girl had the man completely around her finger. History buffs at the time made cracks about the similarities between stories surrounding that tragic love story Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn. Katherine kept that poor man at arm's length for nearly three years. At the age of eighteen she agreed to marriage and they spent two years planning the wedding of the century. Well, she spent two years figuring out how to spend the most money she possibly could while Damon found joy in the idea of a loving wife and growing family.

Within three years their happy façade fell apart when Damon found his scheming wife in bed with his business partner. She wanted a divorce, told him she was pregnant with the man's baby, and demanded enough money to compensate her for three years spent in boredom. For the first time in Damon's life his anger roared to the forefront. He threw the two out and swore she'd never get a dime from him. The last time he saw her had been rain-soaked and sputtering in anger.

As the coffee cup emptied Liz threw the cup in the nearby trash can and contemplated how to handle a volatile man who was clearly drunk at 2:15 in the afternoon. Normally she'd just tuck him in the back of the squad car and drive him home. In the days of Katherine she had done that just twice and both times he had seemed much better. Without even a semblance of a happy home life he was just that much bitter in the morning when she stopped by to drop off his car keys. Now it was the drunk tank for him until one of his friends could come and get him. That was not a fight she wished to have the week before Christmas.

She swore when the bottle shattered on the headstone and leapt to her feet, motioning nearby mourners to please step farther away. He slumped to the ground in a heap and beat his head against the headstone until he stopped moving all together. With a sigh she pulled out her cell phone and called the one number that might keep him out of the drunk tank.

"Mystic Falls Tribune! How may I direct your call?" a friendly voice asked.

"Caroline can you transfer me?" she sighed. Her daughter was doing one of those silly part-time jobs while she tried to establish herself as the reigning party planner in Mystic Falls. The small town didn't really have that sort of business but with the annual parties and celebrations by the leading families, it was a business that could find great success. For now she was stuck dreaming of the day she would be called to plan the annual Founder's Day festivities.

"Mom?" the voice asked quietly. "Seriously? Again?"

"You have no idea how much I do not want to deal with this right now but here I am," she replied. "So…"

"No problem," she replied. "Good luck with Damon!"

"I'll try," Liz said before she got some horrible pop song as the hold music. Why that man thought anyone would like to listen to this nonsense was beyond her. Why Mystic Falls needed some fancy man from Baltimore to run their little newspaper was beyond her but old Nick had burst into town trying to bring all sorts of cheer to the small town. He was a nice old man but a strange one to be sure.

"Caroline I do not want you to set me up with that sexy, newly divorced bartender so if you could, stop calling," a voice said tiredly.

"It's Liz," Liz said with a laugh.

"Again?" the feminine voice asked. "Seriously?"

"We all act surprised when we all have come to expect it," Liz replied. "Can you get away?"

"Yeah," she replied. "I was going to leave at two thirty to cover the tree lighting but…Nick can send someone else. I'll be there in ten minutes."

"You are a lifesaver," Liz said happily.

"You've said that each time and somehow I don't feel any better," she groaned. "Try to sober him up."

"I'll try but we're just kidding ourselves."

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Everyone knew how much of a bitch Katherine could be to just about everyone. Katherine had been such a brilliant force of nature she was often thought to be the only Gilbert girl in town. Most of the time her six-minute older twin was forgotten in a haze of what the locals called "Kat Kraze" until the girl did something like help out at the local hospital.

Elena Gilbert was just as beautiful if not slightly more radiant due to her normalcy. She was the girl next door and the quintessential woman to marry in a small town. She was the kindest, most self-sacrificing girl in the entire town yet held men in some type of absolute astonishment when she smiled. No matter how many times men tried to date her she typically sent them away with a kind word. She was looking for the one and saw no point dating those she knew weren't right. For the time being she found happiness in her job and her friends while caring for her brother-in-law when he got a bit drunk.

It was how she found him that day, slumped in front of Katherine's headstone completely and utterly smashed. With a quick wave to Liz and an adjustment of her coat collar, she stomped through the snow to slide onto the dry patch next to him. He hardly lifted his head as she tucked herself against him softly.

"Why were you drinking this time?" she asked gently. She'd heard a variety of reasons each time she came to get him which ranged from grief to the bottle made him mad. That one had been her favorite but she never told him out of fear he would use it again.

"I'm no longer a man," he slurred. His head dropped to her shoulder harshly but she shook it off as she wrapped her arms around him. "She took my manhood! Make her give it back!"

"Damon this didn't work when Stefan stole your truck when you were seven and it certainly won't work now," she replied.

"No more long sentences," he moaned as he crawled into her embrace, pressing his face into her breasts. It was a usual location for him to burrow but she still found it a tad off-putting when she found herself aroused by her brother-in-law…when he was drunk.

"What is the problem exactly?" she asked.

"It doesn't work anymore," he whined.

"What doesn't…?" she asked softly. "Your penis doesn't work!?"

"I hope that yell was really a whisper," he mumbled.

"Um…no it was a bit…loud," she admitted as she saw Liz doubled over in laughter. "Sorry."

"No problem…" he whispered. "Can you fix it?"

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I have about 700 words of the next "His" chapter done so that will post in the next day or so. I also have half a chapter of "Small Time Charm" completed but it's putting me through the wringer so a bit longer for that one. I hope you will enjoy this humorous little story for Christmas and pray Elena figures out how to fix Damon's little problem...

Thanks!