What have I done?
I kept asking myself this question over and over as I stared out the window of the plane. I saw clouds underneath me, I knew we must be close to Italy.
Italy.
I had spent the last 3 hours of the plane ride crying. We had been on the plane for 8 hours, so we only had about 3 more to go. I took off my hoodie and laid it over my face so my dad thought I was sleeping. In actuality, I was crying hysterically but trying hard not to make noise. He wouldn't have heard me, even if I had. He had this earphones in, he was probably listening to some podcast about Science and Math. The two subjects I loathe.
I gave up everything. Spencer, Freddy, Sam... iCarly. I threw my whole life away in a matter of seconds. My dad offered to take me to a foreign place, and I just... Said yes. No real thought was put into it. I didn't take the time to think this whole situation through. I'm going to live with this man that I hardly know. A man who I am complete opposites with. I love him, of course and sure, it's great to see him. The thing is, though, seeing him occasionally is what's so great about his visits. They're so quick and so rare that I don't have time to get bored with him. I didn't think about the possibility of me getting bored with him when I agreed to go to Italy. The offer was so out of nowhere and so spontaneous and I was so in the moment. It was unfair of him to spring that on me. I am so afraid I am going to grow to dislike with him within a few months because we are so different. I was raised by Spencer from the time I was eleven. Spencer is the father I've always known. Spencer was able to break away from my fathers strict way of living. My father was raised by a sergeant who believed in rules and discipline and didn't believe in having fun. My granddad was my grandmothers second husband, of course. I will probably hardly ever see him, my father, I mean. he works like 14 hour days. I didn't even pack half of the stuff in my room, now that I think about it. The new room that Spencer had just redecorated for me. i can say bye bye for now to all of his hard work. What if people in Italy make fun of me because of iCarly? Sam won't be there to protect me. What if I have no friends? What have I done?
I reached under my hoodie and rubbed my eyes. I was afraid my father would see that I was crying. I lifted the hoodie from my face and quickly bent down to grab my laptop from under my seat. "Hey, look who's up!" My father said. I closed my eyes tightly and sighed. I had hoped he was asleep.
"Haha, yeah..." I said, not getting up from the position I was in because I didn't want to show him my red, puffy eyes.
"What are you doing down there, sweetie?" My dad asked, puzzled. I brought my hand down to wipe away some more tears that were falling down my face.
"Just grabbing my laptop." I said, picking it up and sitting up straight. It was then he saw my face.
"Your eyes are all red and puffy. Have you been crying, sweetie?"
"No... No... They... Um, they always look like that when I wake up." I lied, squeezing my eyes shut. I was the worst liar.
"Oh, well... Okay." Good thing my dad was also really gullible. He reached for my hand, in a fatherly sort of way. "I am so glad you're coming with me to Italy." He said with all the sincerity in his voice. I looked at him square in the eyes. I couldn't lie. I couldn't pull it off. I loved my dad, but not in a father daughter sort of way. I used to love him that way, and thats how he loves me, and thats how I thought I loved him when I agreed to go to Italy, but now I realize I only love him like I would love a pet hamster or a friend from my past that I had forgotten all about because I hadn't seen them in seven years. I searched his eyes for some sort of uneasiness about my lack of response. I saw none. He thought I was just as excited as he was.
I sighed. "Mmhmm." I said it in a way where it almost sounded as if I was agreeing, but I couldn't bring myself to actually agree. I just wanted these next few months to be over with. I opened my laptop, which was still turned on from the last time I had used it, and opened the Internet. I turned to dad and saw a flash of sadness in his eyes. He may have sensed my uneasiness, but the thought quickly left his mind when he saw the website I was logging onto. iCarly. I had only logged onto the site about 30 times over this entire plane ride, hoping that somehow, someway, a video of Sam would come on explaining that just because I had left, doesn't mean the show is ending. She would still make videos that I and all the fans could watch. No such luck.
"You really love that website don't you?" No duh. I nodded my head. I just wanted my dad to be happy. I didn't want him to feel bad. I scrolled down the page. There I saw the big red letters on the bottom of the screen. The all too familiar words that I had seen every time I logged onto that site.
This website is going to be down indefinitely starting Monday. There is no promise that the show will continue in the future.
That was the first time I had read that last sentence.