Of Motorcycles and Men
It had been a good dinner, a most excellent meal, shared with infinite joy and love among the closest of friends, the staunchest of comrades. And although the hosts of the occasion were by no means wealthy, they were comfortable enough, for this was war and war demanded certain creature sacrifices, especially when one was hiding from the enemy. But Lily Evans Potter, belly rounded in the fullness of her first pregnancy, (her only pregnancy, alas, but that was knowledge not possessed by these happy diners on this glorious occasion) cheeks blooming with the awareness of the magical new life which she carried within her, could do the most amazing things with the least materials - an advantage to be had from a muggle upbringing such as she had enjoyed.
Sirius Black couldn't help but exclaim over the taco soup which Lily had concocted, complete with black beans and kernels of tender corn, and just enough spice to make it interesting without causing one to reach for the fire extinguisher to put out one's tonsils (probably a sop to her enceinte condition, lest she contract a horrible case of heartburn which would keep her up - and in sympathetic turn James - into the wee hours of the night. "This is really outstanding, Lily, you have to give me your recipe. Siriusly!"
James laughed at that, the idea of Sirius Black gathering recipes like some sort of housewife amused him no end. But truth be told, Sirius had learned to cook years ago while hiding out in the kitchen of #12 Grimmauld (to keep out of the way of his parents), watching the house elves' activities with great interest and asking innumerable questions, until they began to show him how to do it himself, a secret best kept from Walburga and Orion Black. And since he and Remus Lupin - his best friend/longtime lover - were sharing a flat of their own, and Remus had admittedly poor cooking skills, Sirius' knowledge came in quite handy, allowing the two of them to remain very well fed indeed.
Sirius scowled, shooting him a dark look. "What's so funny, Prongs?" he asked, "did someone just show you a picture of yourself?"
"No, it was a picture of you," James returned, unfazed, ducking when Sirius threw one of the pillows from the floor where he and Remus were comfortably cuddled together to where James and Lily sat upon the couch. "No, Padfoot, I just find it funny to listen to you two talk about cooking and recipes like old married women, that's all. What comes next? You getting preggers?"
Now he'd gone too far. One of Sirius' top regrets, and one reason - hell, the main reason - that he had at one time encouraged Remus to find another mate, one of the female persuasion, was so that his lover could have children of his own, knowing what a wonderful father Remus would make. And that he himself was not capable of giving him progeny. Of course the lycanthrope had told him in no uncertain terms that that was not going to happen - it was Sirius or no one. But it still stung, and it was his rather inflamed Achille's heel at the moment.
Lily elbowed James in the side, glaring too for good measure, while Remus pulled Sirius closer to him, and cooed into his ear, while he affixed James with a look which clearly said he did not care for his treatment of his puppy. "We are an old married couple, and so are you," he said quietly, "so where's the harm in that, hmmm? James, you should learn to be a bit more tactful, sometimes I don't think you actually think before you speak." He softly kissed Sirius' ear, murmuring sweet nothings until he could feel him visibly relax in his embrace.
"Sorry, guess I wasn't thinking," James apologized quickly, running a chagrined hand through his messy hair. "I know you would if you could, Pads, Moony, I'm sorry that it hasn't happened, but you never know.... magic being what it is and all.... maybe some day?" he finished hopefully, his hand going to Lily's distended belly, rubbing it gently. Lily laid her hand upon his, as between them they experienced the miracle of life, and there was silence in the room for a few minutes.
"Smashing dinner," Remus said at last, in an attempt to lighten the mood, return it to its previous level of camaraderie. "First rate, don't you agree, Sirius?"
"Most excellent," Sirius agreed, regaining some measure of equilibrium, "fit for a king. Or a queen..." And he chuckled, Remus joining in, at their almost private joke. Lily smiled at the two of them benevolently, good humour once again restored - she loved to watch them together, she thought that they were so very cute.
"Why don't I go get dessert," she began rising, with some difficulty, from the sofa, using James as a brace as she struggled to her feet... only to fall back upon the cushions mere moments later, a strange look upon her face, her eyes wide, and her lips forming an o of amazement.
"Baby kicking?" James asked eagerly, for he loved to feel his wife's belly whenever his little football player began to beat a refrain from within her womb, telling his mates confidently that this one would be a quidditch player (to which Remus invariably replied, "With you as a father and Sirius as an uncle, how can he help it?")
Lily shook her head.
"Gas?" Sirius suggested helpfully, for after all they had eaten a rather bean-y meal, one calculated to produce intestinal distress in the best of wizards.
Lily shook her red head again.
"Lily, are you in labor?" Remus, the calm quiet efficient one of the three (aka the one with a clue) asked.
Lily nodded, even she as replied in an awestruck voice, "I think so. I think I might be. I mean... maybe?" Suddenly the young witch didn't sound quite so self-assured any more.
The room exploded into pandemonium.
"Call the mediwitch!" James screamed.
"Boil water!" Sirius added, having seen that in some muggle movie he had watched with Remus - he had no idea what it meant, but it seemed to possess some importance in the matter of giving birth.
"Calm down!" Remus advised, kneeling beside Lily who had stretched out on the couch, her fingers laced over her belly.
"Call the mediwitch how? You never got hooked up for the floo network," Sirius reminded him, as he began to run about like a chicken with its head cut off. Make that two chickens, as James began to forget what it was he was supposed to do when this happened.
"Lily, have you been having contractions for a while?" Remus asked her, taking her hand and gently squeezing her fingers, in order to get her to focus on what he was saying.
"Not really," she said, turning her head to regard her friend, "Just this one, maybe a couple others...."
"Then let's time them, shall we? he suggested, pulling a muggle timepiece from his pocket - a gift from his parents upon his leaving Hogwarts. "You tell me when the next one begins, and I'll start it, hmmmm?"
Under his knowing tutelage (where did he acquire his knowledge?), Lily began to quiet down, so he was free to turn his attention to his other companions, who were simply knocking things about in their mad galloping about the small cottage.
"Gentlemen!" he chided them. "James, come here, hold Lily's feet. Sirius, come sit next to me...."
"But Remus," the animagus began to whine, "I need to...."
"Sirius!" in a sharp tone. Sirius ceased his arguing, and obediently took his place beside his lover. That tone meant no argument would be brooked, so it was useless to attempt to do so, from long experience with the werewolf.
"I didn't expect it so soon," James began, having also done as he was told, now rubbing his pregnant wife's feet with concern. "I mean, it's not quite time, is it?"
"Close enough," Remus observed dryly, "babies have their own timetables for when they arrive, Jamie, they aren't trains, you know..."
"I know, but bloody hell, we have to take Lily to St. Mungo's, but we can't apparate, she's too far along...." The mediwitch had made it clear that Lily was no longer to apparate or be apparated until after the child's birth. "What are we going to do, carry her to the nearest floo?"
Sirius' head perked up, as the perfect solution came to him. "I have my bike!' he said brightly, and to his mind, the problem was thus solved.
"What, do you intend to ride for help?" James asked skeptically, while Lily, being a bit more astute, began to shake her head. "Oh no, Sirius Black, not that..... never that....."
Remus too was shaking his tawny head. "No, Sirius, I have to agree, I'm afraid I don't think that is a very good idea..."
James looked from Lily to Remus to Sirius, comprehension dawning upon his face. "You want to put Lily... on the back... of your bike? In her condition?"
"No," Sirius replied sarcastically, "I thought I'd wait til after the baby is born. Assuming you lot want to deliver him right here?" He turned to his boyfriend, lip already pushing out into pout position. "Why ever not? Don't you trust me?" Oh oh, Sirius had just thrown out the big T word. How could Remus respond to that and not make him upset?
So he deftly changed the subject instead. "Lily, any more pains?" he asked, turning his attention to the witch, which drew all eyes toward her as well.
"No," she shook her head. "Nothing." She looked into Remus' eyes, saw the love and trust and assurance there, read the near panic in the miens of her husband and of his best friend, and her logical mind took over, chasing away her fears of possible impending childbirth. She knew what she had to do, and she wasn't afraid to do it. She returned Remus' look with a knowing one of her own, even as she said to Sirius (whom at one time she had truly not been able to stand, but whom she had learned to love over the years, once she had gotten to really know him), "Sirius, tell me about your motorcycle, how you got it, and everything...." As if she'd never heard the tale before.
"But Lily, you alre----" James begun, until she gave him a not-so-subtle dig with her foot, in a spot too close for comfort, and he ceased speaking immediately, catching on to what she and Remus already understood.
Sirius remained oblivious of what she was trying to do, his eyes beginning to glow, for he loved that bike so very much, and he never tired of telling the story of how he came by it, as well as other wondrous and adventurous tales which featured the big black Indian.
"Well, if you insist," he began, scooting over beside Remus even more, for he generally found that stories were better told in close proximity to his lover, "as you know, the summer after our sixth year at Hogwarts, I was no longer living at Grimmauld..." (for reasons which everyone knew, of course, which needed no further explanation or reference) "Remus and I had gotten our flat - the same one we live in now, in fact, and over the summer he stayed there most of the time, although if his parents really knew what we were already doing, I don't think they would have been quite so agreeable about letting him stay...."
"Sirius, do you really need to be so graphic?" the lycanthrope's face suffused with colour, which the others were kind enough to pretend not to see.
"What?" Sirius asked innocently. "I never said fuck, now did I?"
Now Remus was almost purple, and wondering if maybe they should find a way to change the subject, but he simply said, "Please move on, love, I think they remember...."
"No, tell us more," James began mischievously, which earned him another near-miss with Lily's foot.
"Any more pains?" Remus interrupted, hopefully.
"No," Lily shook her head.
"Go on, Siri," he urged his lover, praying he would get past that aspect of the story quickly. Which he did.
"As you know, I had received some money from my Uncle Alphard when I . . . left home. . . but there wasn't a whole lot left after I got the flat, but we got by. Remus and I didn't go out a lot, cause we couldn't afford to, but we did walk around the city a lot, and we went to free places, like museums and bargain shops, and free days at the theater. It was all good, cause we were together, and that was all that mattered..." Here he paused to reach for Remus' lips, and there was a slight intermission for the kiss, before he continued his story.
"Sometimes we would go to second hand shops to see what we could find, and sometimes we found the most interesting things. Especially books, we got a lot of Remus' books there, when we couldn't afford to go to Stolen Hours (the used book store where Remus now worked part-time, one of the few jobs he'd ever been able to obtain and hold on to). We were going to one in particular one day, because Remus wanted to look for a new tea pot. Ours was a bit dingedup, needed replacing....."
"Why was it dinged up, Sirius?" James snickered, while Remus covered up a bit of laughter with a cough, even as Sirius reddened.
"I don't remember," he insisted, "and it's irrelevant to the story..."
"Because you got pissy with Remus and he bounced it off your skull?" James proceeded to fill in the blanks, and now Lily was laughing, protesting, "Keep that up and I'll have an accident..."
Sirius clammed up for all of two minutes, while Remus played peacemaker once more, giving James a shake of the head as if to say to lay off of his puppy, and after Sirius' fur was smoothed satisfactorily, he continued.
"At any rate," he resumed, "before we came to the second hand shop...."
"I don't believe we ever did make the shop, come to think of it," Remus interjected in a thoughtful voice.
"Ahem!" Sirius cleared his throat. "As I was saying, before we reached the shop, we had to pass by this muggle junk yard, and that is when I saw it."
"Saw what?" Remus prompted, knowing that it was his cue to ask the question.
"I saw the most beautiful thing in the world. Outside of Remus, of course," he added hastily, lest anyone forget that Remus came first. Even over the bike. James and Lily dutifully nodded, because of course they knew what he meant, and he went on.
"Who isn't a thing, but is beautiful, but it was an old Indian motorcycle, which the owner had just gotten in from somewhere. Vintage it was, although you wouldn't know it to look at it. She hadn't been properly cared for, and it showed. But still, I looked at her and I fell in love....."
"Bet that's the first time you ever said that," James snickered at his use of the feminine pronoun - it still tickled him that Sirius saw the bike as a female when his proclivities so strongly ran in the opposite direction. Lily murmured, "Hush, don't be such a schlmiel..."
"Say what?"
"Never mind, just hush...."
"I had learned about motorcycles in Muggle Studies," Sirius continued as if there had not been an interruption, "and had always wanted to have one. It was my goal and my dream to learn to ride. So when I saw the bike, I had to ask about it, don't you know?"
"We know," Remus said warmly, putting an arm about his lover tenderly, even as he mouthed to Lily, "Any pains?" and she shook her head.
"I asked the owner of the junk yard what he wanted for her, but it was too much, I knew we didn't have that, and I couldn't think of anything he was willing to take in trade. So we left, although it broke my heart to leave her. But apparently someone was being rather sneaky, cause just a couple of days later, Remus and I were sitting in our flat, and he said, I think I hear a noise, oy, go see what it is, Sirius..."
"I've never said oy in my life," Remus protested, "you're embellishing....."
"Well, it's my story to embellish, and I like it so it stays," Sirius insisted adamantly, repeating it for good measure, "Remus said oy, go see what it is, Sirius, I think it came from the back yard. So of course being the brave lad that I am..."
James guffawed at that one, but held his tongue.
".... I went out to see what was going on, and lo and behold, there she stood..."
"The queen?" James asked hopefully.
"No, you git, my bike. Remus had gone behind my back and haggled with the owner until they'd reached a price that he would agree to and we could afford, and he brought her home for me...." Sirius dabbed at his eyes at that moment, and the others pretended they hadn't seen a thing, until he was finished, clearing his throat of its sudden thickness.
"I went to work on her, I fixed her up, tinkered with her for hours, polished her until she shone. And then I decided to add a few extras that the muggles never thought of, but would if they could. I used my prodigious knowledge of charms (more guffawing from Mr. Potter) to enchant her into a flying bike, the most beautiful bike anyone had ever seen. And not only that, we discovered that even when on the ground, she was useful for quite a few reasons, for example...."
"Sirius, I don't think they need to hear all the stories," Remus interjected hastily, his cheeks reddening once more, afraid he knew what Sirius was about to say, as he attempted to scramble to his knees, perhaps preparatory to flight. James was no help, knowing how to push Sirius' buttons, "What reasons?" Even though he really didn't want to hear their more risque tales of sex on the bike either, both because he'd heard them all/seen some of them (accidentally)/knew more than he wished to know on the subject as it was. But the sound of Lily's voice arrested all movement, and any further conversation on that point, as she said in a rather dreamy voice, "I know why men like motorcycles so much...."
All three swiveled their heads to regard her, amazed at her words, and wondering where this had come from, and where it was going.
"Men like to ride motorcycles because they are loud and noisy and because they like to have all that power between their legs, like a pseudo cock...."
Three mouths dropped open in amazement, mostly because of Lily's profanity (she never used words like that, she considered it vulgar), as because of her viewpoint.
"They wh-what....?" Sirius stammered.
"They pretend that it's like a giant prick," she repeated, "theirs. Big and bad and all-powerful. And they use the controls like they're giving themselves a handjob...."
Now they were beyond surprised, amazed, and even flabbergasted. Pregnancy, and possible labor, seemed to be bringing out a hidden side in Lily Potter, one which they weren't sure they were comfortable with.
"They're big noisy toys, and they are used by big noisy boys," she concluded, beginning to yawn. "The pains have stopped, I think it was just false labor, so if you'll excuse me, I think I'd like to go to bed. Come back tomorrow, for dessert," she promised, "If you don't mind...." She began to swing her legs off of the couch, James hastily rising to help her finish the movement to her feet.
"Perhaps you should see the medi-witch tomorrow, to be safe?" Remus suggested, "you know, as a precaution?"
"She's scheduled to come by anyway," Lily nodded, "don't worry, I'll let her know all about it, what happened tonight, the pains...."
"Good," Remus seemed satisfied, as he reached for Sirius' hand. "C'mon, love, let's go home. We can stop back in tomorrow and make sure everything's fine..."
"But... are you... " Sirius faltered, then gave up, as he and Remus both came to their feet, and Remus whispered into his ear, "I want you... on the bike.... now...." Sirius stopped protesting immediately, and suddenly, he couldn't leave fast enough to suit him, which produced a sleepy laugh from Lily. James just looked baffled, until she whispered something into his ear, then he reddened, and coughed, and muttered something about too much information.
The couple turned in the direction of their bedroom, until Lily paused, looked at James, and said, "Now's as good a time as any, go ahead." Remus and Sirius looked at one another in perplexity at her words.
James cleared his throat importantly. "Sirius, we've given it a good deal of thought, and we'd like you to be the baby's godfather."
Sirius looked as if he'd been gobsmacked. Remus beamed at him, knowing how much that meant to him, to have James and Lily express such confidence in him, in that way. "Me? You want ME to me godfather? But... but... I'm a flake. I'm a goof... I don't know anything about babies....." He goggled at Remus helplessly.
"You'll learn," Lily said confidently, "we trust you, Sirius, and we trust in you."
"Godfather," Sirius repeated in amazement, as a huge grin began to spread across his face. "I can take him on my bike, teach him how to ride, it'll be fantastic!"
"First things first," Lily laughed, "let him be born first." Probably tomorrow, she thought to herself, but she refrained from saying so aloud, not wishing to set off a new round of hysterics on the men's part. She yawned again, widely.
"Come on, love," Remus took Sirius firmly in hand, "time for us to leave now, let them get some sleep...."
"Oh yes, the bike," Sirius recalled, "night all!" And he almost yanked Remus out the door, Remus' good-bye fluttering behind them until they were on the bike once more, and Sirius was revving it up eagerly.
"Where shall we go?" he asked Remus. "Our backyard? That place you like beside the Thames? Somewhere else?" They had a variety of places to choose from. When you're a wizard, and can disguise your presence with privacy spells and such, the world is your sexual oyster.
"Anywhere you like, love, as long as we're together, it doesn't matter," Remus murmured softly into Sirius' ear.
Sirius let out a wild yelp of excitement as he raised the bike into the air, and they flew away from the hidden house in Godric's Hollow to have their rendezvous, and to live happily ever after.
The End