Tips From Edward Cullen, a twilight fanfic

TIPS FROM EDWARD CULLEN

Since I did a similar list for Bella Swann (I'm told it's spelled with only one "n", but who cares?), I decided I would make one for Mr. Edward, too. I don't know which of the two I can stand the least. At first I found Edward better than Bella, but now I'm not so sure. How is it that the two worst role models in literature could have gained so much fame and popularity? As far as I'm concerned, even Albert Einstein can't figure that out.

Twilight © Stephenie Meyer

Text © unicorn-skydancer08

1. When it comes to picking a girlfriend, it's the smell that counts.

2. Girls go for a man who is unpredictable. The more changeable you are, the more you appeal to them.

3. Girls find it inconceivably attractive when you just sit and stare at them all day.

4. Everything that goes wrong is the girl's fault. If you have a violent temper and suffer occasional outbursts, that's her fault, too.

5. Once you snag a girl, she is entirely your property. Finders, keepers!

6. You must show off your sparkliness at least ten times a day.

7. Always tell a girl no; she thinks that means "yes", and "go away" means "I'm all yours, baby!"

8. Use big, sophisticated words to make yourself sound more intelligent.

9. Your girlfriend should be with you, and no one else. That includes friends and family.

10. Your only real goal in life is to lounge around and look pretty.