A/N: this is AU and is a Meth story. - It is inspired by Emily Kinney's music, in particular the song Kids because I love it so much :)
For this story Beth is anywhere between the ages of 20 and 25
And Merle is in his mid forties :)
"So, tell me all your troubles
Just clear out your head
Then let's play hide and seek inside my bed
Forget the day you've had, forget the loves you've lived
Oh you and I are famous for pretending to be kids
Wash off all your grass stains, I'll pull off my shoes
Let's love like we are kids, all shiny and new."
Merle grabbed her from behind, wrapping his arms around her waist and swinging her around. Beth laughed hysterically as she held onto his arms. Eventually he stopped and set her down again but she kept a tight grip on him as she swayed a little on the spot, dizzy from being swung around so quickly.
"I said ya can't get away," he teased as he pulled her back against his chest and nibbled at her ear.
"Enough of that," she warned, but the laughs that came in between made it difficult to take her seriously. "We were supposed to go home ages ago until we – you – got distracted."
"Home, huh?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her as he grinned.
Beth blushed as she looked at the ground. "Well, yours."
Before he could say anything she twirled away from him and headed over to his truck. She was almost there when Merle grabbed her hand and pulled her round, pushing her back softly and pinning her against the side of the truck.
"What ya getting all embarrassed for, Angel?"
"Nothing," she said quietly as she glanced down between them. "Now unless you want to take me back out to those fields I suggest we go."
"Oh, that don't sound like such a bad idea," he commented as he pulled a leaf out of her hair. "But I promised ya some food afterwards, so let's go."
"We were supposed to talk too," she reminded him as he pulled away and went around to the other side of the truck.
"Yeah, Angel, I know."
They both climbed in and Merle started up the engine. On the ride back they didn't talk. Beth sat slouched with her legs out of the open window and her feet resting on the wing mirror. She fiddled with the radio as they drove. It used to annoy Merle because she could never settle on a station and by the time she did they always arrived at their destination. Now it didn't bother him so much. He always knew something was bothering her when she didn't fiddle with it.
Like always she hadn't settled on a station before they pulled up at the trailer. She sighed as she pulled her legs back inside and wound the window up. Once it was fully up she pushed the door open and jumped down from the truck. The doors slammed behind them as the they made their way over to the trailer. Merle had to unlock the door, indicating that Daryl wasn't home yet.
"Place all to ourselves," Merle announced as they stepped inside.
"None of that," she said, pointing a finger at him. "You need to go and change your clothes. Need to get those stains out."
"Ain't got enough clothes for a wash," he pointed out as he kicked his sorry excuse for a washing machine.
"Well, I'm going to at least soak them," she commented as she kicked her shoes off. "Otherwise those grass stains aren't going to come out and that's the last decent pair of jeans you own. Now, go on."
"Yes, ma'am," he chuckled softly as he headed towards the back of the trailer where his bedroom was.
While he was gone she filled up the sink, ready to soak his clothes. When he came back out he was wearing a fresh pair of jeans but no shirt. His belt was undone and the buckle made noises with every step he took. He handed his jeans over to her and as she started to soak them he grabbed a beer out of the fridge. He sat and watched her while he drank it and when he was done he grabbed the take out menus from the top drawer.
"Pizza or Chinese?"
"I thought we were going out," she commented as she pushed her hair out of her eyes using her arm.
Merle was silent for a moment. "Sure, I can take ya out somewhere. Let me just get a shirt."
"Both," she said suddenly as he went to walk away. "Let's order both."
"Nah, Angel, I said I'd take you out earlier."
"And I always end up wishing we'd stayed in," she reminded him "Let's just order in."
"If you're embarrassed just say so."
She turned around to face him, her hands soapy and dripping everywhere. "It's not like that, it's just..."
"Just what?!" He was angry now. His tone and posture gave that away easily.
"I don't want you to spend money on me," she said simply. "If we order in it's easier for me to slip you some money for it and there's usually loads left for at least another two days."
Merle's features softened then as he stepped over to her. He placed a hand on the counter either side of her. "I like spending money on ya, I don't do it much anyway."
"Well then order us a pizza and some Chinese."
He shook his head at her and kissed her nose. "The usual?"
"Extra cheese," she nodded.
He moved away from her and grabbed the phone.
A few hours later Merle and Beth were sat on the couch. She was at one end with her feet in Merle's lap who sat at the other end. There were boxes of Chinese take-out scattered along the table with some on the floor. Among them was an opened pizza box with a half eaten pizza inside. They had been watching old movies and eating away until they gave up on it.
"I couldn't eat another bite if I tried," she trained as she sunk a little further into the couch.
Merle grabbed a bit of pizza crust, munched on it them let his head fall back. "Yeah, I'm beat."
"Good, then we should talk." He rolled his head to the side to look at her. She sat up properly, drawing her knees up to her chest. "We said we'd talk."
"What's there to talk about?" he asked gruffly.
"Why you don't go into the bar anymore for starters."
"Just drop it," he mumbled under his breath as his arm rested over his face.
"There was a time when I could barely drag you out of there, hell, Daryl struggled most often than not." She moved to sit up a little better with her legs tucked under her, but she still sat back away from him. "Now all of a sudden you won't even talk about it let alone step a foot inside."
"I was off my head, that's what ya want to hear?"
"Yes," she said softly. "I want to hear everything."
He looked over at her then. She was still sat with her legs underneath her but she was leaning her side against the back of the couch, her head rested on her hand as she watched him.
"Ya ain't gonna want to hear what I've got to say, darlin'," he told her, making sure she was looking right at him when he said it. "Trust me on that."
"Merle, please, you're worrying me." She shuffled up the couch to sit closer to him. "I've been here through a lot of shit, remember? Even before we started sleeping together. I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me because I can see how much it's weighing you down."
He clicked his tongue for a moment as he watched her. "You've probably seen me on every drug going and my last night in that place was no different. Add a few shots and God knows what else to the mix and I was gone. Not gone enough though."
"What do you mean?" she asked gently.
"I saw double a lot and I struggled to walk in a straight line but that didn't stop me from..."
She had taken a hold of his hand as he spoke effectively cutting him off. She had heard countless stories and been there for some of them herself. Merle on drugs was a horrible sight and it was worse when mixed with alcohol but she put up with it because she knew what he was like when he was clean. He still drank but he had quit the drugs not long after he stopped going to the bar. Drunk Merle could still be a horrid sight but he was a lot more manageable.
"Stop you from what?" she asked, bringing him out of his thoughts.
He snatched his hand away from her. "Stop me from screwing up and lying to ya about it."
"Merle, I've seen you at your worst," she reminded him as she tried to keep the hurt expression off of her face.
As she ran her hand over his head and kissed his temple Merle pulled away from her and awkwardly got off of the couch. "Don't, don't do that. I fucked up that night and I don't deserve ya treating me like I'm some saint or some asshole who can be saved." He held up his hand as she went to interject. His expression was cold. "I didn't come home that night. I fucked some girl whose name I don't remember in the back alley, just two days after we said we'd give this thing a shot."
Beth tried to stop any emotion from giving her away as she watched him motion between the two of them. She had shown up to the trailer that night. Daryl had let her in on his way out. When the early hours of the morning arrived Beth figured Merle wasn't going to come home any time soon. She hated herself for thinking he was off with somebody else but now she knew that she had been right.
"Say something." His voice was gruff but otherwise portrayed no emotion.
"What the hell should I say?" she asked quietly as she stood up. "You want me to be angry at you, I know that because I know how guilty you feel. The fact that the following week I caught you flushing your stash tells me as much."
"'Course I want ya to be angry at me," he growled. "I should have told you weeks ago when it happened. You know what, you should just go."
As he went to walk away something inside of Beth snapped. She reached out for his hand and forced him to turn back around. "You want me to go? You're not just punishing yourself here. If you really felt that sorry for me and you're doing this for me then yes, you would have told me weeks ago. You would have been honest with me instead of lying to me."
"So you would've forgiven me back then?"
"Maybe not," she shrugged. "But I would have tried."
She dropped her hand from his and he blinked at her. "Angel?"
"We promised that no matter how shitty or hurtful the truth might be we would be honest." She tugged at the hem of her shirt contemplating what she wanted to say. "I don't want to leave, but we are clearly not good for each other. You never did do any form of relationship, I knew that walking into this, and I've clearly not got the best affect on you. This thing was a huge mistake. We should have kept things the way they were before."
Merle didn't argue. He wanted to tell her that she had been the best thing to ever happen to him but right now he knew that would be clutching at straws. Her severing the ties made it a lot easier, it meant that the choice was completely her own and he didn't have to hurt her anymore than he already had. When he didn't say anything she nodded her head a little and her eyes drifted up to look at the ceiling. He knew she was trying not to cry but he pretended not to notice. He stepped back as she moved passed him and went over to where her shoes were. She slipped them on and looked back at him.
"Let me take you home," he offered up, because he wasn't that much of an asshole to let her walk.
"I'll call for a ride," she said as she headed for the trailer door.
Before he could say anything she left. Beth forced herself not to cry until she was far enough away from the trailer. Sure she was the one to actually end things but a small part of her was hoping that Merle would argue. Whatever was between them was doomed from the start, everybody said so. They were childish, she was naive. It never occurred to her that the people who said those things might actually be right.
R&R