It Started Out With a Kiss

AN: First off, I will say that I don't think this will be a super long story. I definitely want to finish it before April 18, when the show starts back up again. I think it will be back in the format of Losing and Looking for Love, with POVs of a lot of characters, but primarily Blair, Chuck, Serena, and Dan. I will be exploring the Dair relationship-please don't hate on this story or send flames my way-because that's the path the show will be going down, at least for the next episode, and I'm not just going to ignore it. I want this story to be at least slightly realistic, and that's why I'm not going to get rid of Dair, at least not right away. The Dair choice was the show's-not mine-so please don't hate! If you can't stand reading anything about Dair, please just go to a different story, there are plenty of other wonderful stories I would be happy to point out to you. That being said, kindly read on and review if you don't mind a little Dair or find a better suited story for you if the thought makes you puke. I'm not saying there will be no C/B in this story-there will be.

Summary: Panicking, I shove Dan, who is just starting to sit up, over the side of the bed as the door opens. "Hey Serena," I say shakily. "Chuck…why are you here?" DB, CB, DS

"It started out with a kiss,
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss"

-The Killers, Mr. Brightside

Spotted: S helping a drunk C into a cab at the empire and Lonely Boy entering the Waldorf-Van der Woodsen penthouse.

They say there's no place like home; then why are C and D so far from theirs?

Xoxo,

Gossip Girl

Blair

What am I doing?

I can't stop asking myself.

A few hours ago, I kissed Dan Humphrey.

It was just supposed to prove that we were never meant to be together. It was supposed to prove that there was nothing between us.

Except….there was something. We both knew it. We had both felt it. I don't want to admit it, but…that kiss did nothing but backfire.

I sent him home, utterly bewildered. Could I really feel something for Dan Humphrey? True, we had been hanging out lately, but we're not even friends…right?

Sure, we've gone to a bunch of movies together, and museums and he came over a lot, but…okay, maybe we are friends.

But am I ready for something more? I don't think so.

Chuck and Serena.

Those two names are in my head almost as much as the confusion. Maybe I don't know what is going on with Dan, but I am in no way confused about what Chuck and Serena would think of it…whatever it is.

For Serena, it would be total betrayal. She could spend as much time running around with convicts and Columbia teachers as she wanted, but Dan had been "the one" from the beginning. Serena is always changing her mind. She can't stay with one guy for very long. But she keeps coming back to Dan, and I know that when, well if, she ever grows up, they'll be together for a long time. But then, isn't that what I thought about Chuck?

Chuck. Thinking about Serena's opinion on this hurt, but thinking about Chuck's opinion is much more painful. He would feel betrayed, too. But most of all he'd be angry. Angry that I had broken a promise. Angry that I would date someone who he hated.

Jenny Humphrey.

The name flashes through my mind and I think about her for a moment. Isn't that the same reason we broke up after Dorota had her baby? Chuck had betrayed me by being with someone I hated? Well, maybe he deserves a taste of his own medicine. And anyways, he had been with Raina. Why can't I be with Dan? It's the same thing.

But I know it really isn't. This is different. It's more personal. Somehow, I don't see Chuck getting as mad at a random guy I'm dating as at Dan. But I deserve to be happy, right? If he is going to be happy, why can't I?

No. I can't do this. I can't make this about revenge, or showing him I didn't need him. I'm not going to turn this into another one of our sick games. This has nothing to do with revenge against Chuck. This is two people against the world, deciding if it's worth it.

Is it?

I sigh in frustration as I lay in my bed. I wish more than anything that Serena could be here to help me sort out the answer. But she's close to the last person I'd get advice from on this, the last one being Chuck.

Maybe it's a sign that two of the people I cared most for would disapprove of this. Maybe they know me better than I know myself.

But I can't use that as an excuse. They would disapprove of this for all the wrong reasons. They would disapprove of it because they'd be jealous or feel betrayed. Not because I was making the wrong decision for me.

This is too complicated. Why is everything in my life so complicated?

I like complicated, I tell myself. Life would be boring without it.

When I think about it on the surface, I almost turn my nose up. Dan and Blair? Gross. How could I ever date someone who lived in a loft? And in Brooklyn, no less.

But Dan makes me feel safe, which was something Chuck has never done for me. With him everything was wild. It's was whirlwind of a romance, which is what had I loved about it. And I had loved Chuck beyond anything I had ever felt for someone.

Love, I correct myself. Love, not loved.

I don't feel the same way with Dan. I wasn't immediately attracted to him. I don't feel that same spark when we touch.

But I do feel something for him. My heart beats faster around him. I want to impress him. I want to make him laugh. And I find myself the best version of myself around him. I smile and laugh more, and I'm just a better and happier person. It is, simply said, a crush. A good, old fashioned crush.

While Dan brings out the best in me, Chuck seems to bring out a much worse version of me. Yet I'm at my happiest with him. Well, when we aren't fighting or playing a dangerous game.

I'm also not sure if I even deserved Dan. It's a strange thing to think-after all, I'm much richer and better dressed than Dan. But I've done some awful things in my life that Dan has never even come close to doing. Maybe I'm not the one who is too good for him…maybe he's the one who's too good for me.

Anyways, Dan is starstruck by Serena; could he really care so much for someone else? That someone else is me, I try to tell myself, but it's still too soon. Right now, it's just better to think of this as someone else's experience instead of mine. But could Dan really care for me like he does for Serena? I'm not sure.

But if he does…then maybe I'll finally be able to feel comfortable. I won't have to play so many games around Dan. I can just relax…I've always felt safe around him, even when we were hiding out away from all of our friends. Dan is predictable, but I like it that way.

The strange thing is, I feel like Dan's opinion would be helpful right now, but he's too involved in the problem to begin with.

Actually, he's probably feeling confused too, if he felt what I felt…maybe I can text him and ask him to come over?

I quickly text him an apology for kicking him out earlier and ask him to come over. He replies just as quickly and I wait.

Maybe together, we can finally figure things out.

Serena

"I need to see her."

He keeps saying it over and over again, like a broken record.

"Chuck, please. Just let me take you home to Nate. You don't want to see her like this."

In reality, Blair would be a big help in this situation. She always knows how to handle Chuck when there's a crisis, and I know she's stopped him from falling off the edge when things get hard. She knows exactly what to do when there's a very drunk, very upset Chuck around. I really don't know what would have happened without her after Bart died.

But right now is not a good time. I don't know what's wrong with Chuck, and I know that Blair will not exactly be happy to see him after finding out about Raina. I know it killed her, to see him so happy with someone else. She doesn't need this right now. It will just tease her. Chuck ignores her and their promise, then comes crawling back when things get hard, only to abandon her again when she tries to turn it into something.

No, I'm not letting my best friend go through that. Nate and I can handle this ourselves.

I went with Chuck in the first place to make sure everything was okay and then be home and able to talk to my best friend, but the more I think about it, the more I realize this is an awful idea.

"Excuse me," I say to the cab driver. "I'm really sorry, but do you think you could turn around and go back to the Empire?"

"No," Chuck protests. "I need to talk to Blair…"

"I know, we will," I lie. "Let's just go and get Nate first."

"I don't need Nate…I need her…"

He was persistent while drunk, but at least he wasn't currently angry while drunk. I guess he didn't have the energy to argue.

"Okay, we'll go talk to Blair," I lie again. "We're almost there."

And we are. The bright red sign of the Empire proves that we are approaching the hotel again. Nate can help me get Chuck in bed, and then we can at least delay this until the morning. Then, Nate and I can try to talk to Chuck and help him out. He may never have to go to Blair at all.

I was never any good at a scheme, but this seems like an okay plan to me.

We pull up to the hotel and I help Chuck get out of the cab. We stumble up the steps, and I call Nate to let him know we're downstairs.

"What's wrong?" he asks instantly as he approaches. "You sounded worried…"

"Chuck is-" I stop mid-sentence when I see Raina behind Nate. "Raina, hi." I say nervously. "Nate didn't tell me you were here…"

I throw Nate an angry glance and he shrugs apologetically.

"Sorry, but we were together when you called. You sounded upset, so we came down to get you…but it doesn't seem to be you who's upset."

He looks at Chuck but doesn't seem very surprised. "What is it now? Did something happen? Or did he just party a little too hard?"

"Nate, this is serious," I hiss, speaking low so that hopefully Raina won't hear. "He had this huge success party shut down, aren't you the least bit worried? Do you really think he'd go out to some bar or party after that?"

"Honestly, I left early. Why'd he shut it down?" He's starting to sound a little more worried, but not enough.

"We can't talk about this here," I say quietly. "I don't even know many details at all, but…"

I take a step closer. "It's like when Bart died," I say softly. "Well, not as bad at all, but I can see it…I can see it by the look on his face."

"Have you talked to Blair yet?" Nate asks.

"No," I say, frustrated. "But he keeps asking to see her. I had to trick-"

"Why didn't you take him to her, if he was asking? Isn't that a good thing, if he's willing to let himself be helped? He needs someone to talk to, Serena, if something's happened, and we both know that Blair fixes it best, as much as we want to be able to help him."

"You don't understand, Nate," I say impatiently. "I can't let that happen to Blair. I can't let him drag her around like this, like some kind of wet, dirty mop. If he wants to be with her, that's fine, but he can't just run to her when things get hard."

Nate nods. "I do understand, but if this is as serious as you say, then maybe we need to call Blair."

I know that he's right, but I don't want to admit it. All I can think about is protecting Blair. If Chuck really needs to talk to her, then it can at least wait until morning. I tell Nate this, and he finally agrees.

"Fine, Serena. So what should we do now…?" He gestures to Chuck, who is currently wandering back to the door.

"Chuck, stop!" I say, running towards him.

"I need to see her," he says, watching the door as he walks to it. I groan in frustration.

"Come with me," I say, managing to drag him back to Nate.

"I need you to take him upstairs," I say to Nate.

"Now?" He looks annoyed. "But Raina…"

He gestures to Raina, who has walked away to sit on a nearby couch, looking not very happy about our interruption to her date, or whatever it was.

"Send her home," I say firmly. "This is not a good time."

"What am I even supposed to do when he wakes up?"

"I'll stay with you. Let me just text Blair. Then when he wakes up we'll try to get him to talk to us about what's going on."

"You know, Chuck and I aren't exactly on great terms right now," Nate points out.

"Then fix it. You always do," I say exasperatedly.

Finally, Nate nods. He still looks annoyed, but how can he say no when Chuck needs him? He goes over to talk to Raina and I'm left alone, clutching Chuck's arm to keep him from leaving. He comes back soon enough, and Raina leaves without looking back, obviously unhappy about the current situation.

Nate hoists Chuck's arm around his shoulders and starts to drag him to their room.

I follow them uneasily, though all I really want to do is go home and talk to Blair, because between Chuck and my mom, I'm in for a whole lot of crap to deal with. I know she'll make me feel better.

At least I still have my best friend to talk to. Her life is much simpler than mine right now.

AN: Should I continue…? If I do, the part from the summary should come next chapter. Please review!