"You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You should be the one I'll always love
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken
Pieces of the life I had before
Before you..."
-Unintended, by Muse
Chapter 1: Stagnation
Thousands of eyes followed his every movement. His hands, delicately cradling a microphone between them. His feet, planted firmly on the stage, moving a step or two unconsciously as he ruled the stage. His eyes, closed lightly to envision every word his lips voiced as he sang, naturally and steadily, completely emerged in himself. His soul poured out in slow waves without his consent, enveloping the entirety of the audience. Drums, guitars, basses, he could hear it all, and he consumed it. He became one with it. He led it, floating, flying, directing, all in perfect and complete harmony. By the time his lips rested and his voice quieted, he opened his eyes, and was instantly blinded by the countless lights hitting him from every possible angle. Applause. Endless applause was directed at him from hundreds, thousands of bodies that surrounded him. His heart pumped furiously. His hands started to shake. Every single hair on his body stood on end. His pupils dilated slightly; his eyes contained a furious fire that threatened to consummate his entire being.
Levi opened his eyes slowly, adjusting to the light. His breathing was still labored from his exhilarating dream. He lay down on his bed for a while, bringing a hand to his chest, ordering his dancing heart to calm down. As he lay there, his mind brings to surface memories of his younger days. Days full of naiveté, dreams, and such raw passion and dedication that he laughed at his own past self now. If his younger self had caught a glimpse of his future, he would be sorely disappointed.
"Levi, please come to my office after you're done with that" said his fat boss.
"Yes sir", responded Levi sarcastically.
He knew this was coming. He had plenty of experience with it. Getting fired, that is.
One hour later, he walked into the fatass's office and sat down with an annoyed air. He did not make a single attempt to hide his annoyance, since he was going to be leaving that shitty place for good very soon anyway. The fatass cleared his throat and attempted to make small conversation, to which Levi rolled his eyes and cut to the chase.
"What do you want—" you fat fuck, "…Mark?"
Fatty looked at him in disbelief for a second but quickly recovered and took some papers out.
"Levi- you've gravelly offended one of our clients. I'm sure you're aware of this-"
Levi sighed again, exasperated.
"I merely told the client what you didn't have the balls to say".
The fatass turned red and threw the papers at Levi.
"Clean out your cube by the end of today and get out."
"Clean it yourself, you fat fuck"
And with that, he left.
He chuckles at the memory. Six months later and there he was at the age of twenty-four, lazing around in sweats and t-shirts all day. He'd taken a remote job to not have to deal with fat fucks anymore, at least not directly. He rarely stepped a foot outside his home nowadays, and while this lack of social contact was thoroughly welcomed, there was restlessness and a form of unease deep inside of him that he refused to acknowledge. There was something lacking, but he couldn't quite put a finger on it. What was it that he wanted? Something in him was screaming, caged. A heavy desire to reach out and grasp the world with the palm of his hand. Was it simply human nature to crave and complain? Humans were cursed creatures. Never satisfied with their endless greed, they walked around with their feet bound to a chain of unhappiness .
He pulled his phone out from under his pillow and began scrolling through his emails.
Ugh.
An in-person meeting called for his mandatory attendance first thing Monday morning next week.
Shit. Now I have to shave.
He doesn't.
…
When Monday rolled around, Levi was not the slightest bit enthused about it. He dressed in his business casual clothes. Black pants, grey button-down and no tie. His closet consisted of no less than twenty other outfits identical to the one he now wore. His hair had grown significantly over his months of carelessness. Maybe it was time for a haircut. This morning his hair had been in a Super Saiyan state that he could not possibly present at work. Thus he pulled it back in a low, short ponytail, leaving side bangs to frame his face. Giving his apartment one last look, he took his keys from the kitchen and headed out, not without a strange sensation of having left something behind.
He was early, way too early. He didn't want to be the first guy at the meeting. Most of the attendees probably didn't even know him, and hell if he was going to sit around getting interrogated. So he did what all the cubicle slaves do in the mornings to survive their mundane days- he went to Starbucks. He hated Starbucks.
I'm at Starbucks. What am I doing with my life?
Veryengrossed in his pessimistic thoughts he was, that he completely missed a pair of eyes that followed his every movement the second he stepped inside the store. After exactly thirteen minutes, he reached the head of the line, and found himself looking at a familiar countenance. He smirked involuntarily. The barista was a little taller than he remembered and had facial hair, but those distinctive features of his were unmistakable.
"Give me a large sweet tea, horsy" Levi demanded, adding that last part quietly but loud enough for the barista's nearest coworker to hear, who choked on air at the comment before muffling her laughter while she handled her customer. The barista, offended, opened his mouth to voice a retort, but then his eyes widened in recognition.
"Levi!" shouted the big idiot, causing everyone's eyes to turn their way.
"Give me my drink, Jean" said Levi casually, with a small smile, happy to see an old friend despite himself.
Jean walked around the corner with his arms open, but Levi's expression must have scared him off, because he lowered his arms and settled for an awkward hand shake instead. He laughed and pushed Levi toward a corner table.
"Go wait for your drink over there. It's on me". Levi opened his mouth to complain about paying for his own drink but noticing the stares directed at him, he rushes toward an empty table, before his name is called out for a second time today. From the corner table. Undoubtedly, this was the most social interaction he'd had all month, if not more. Turning to face that table, he once again spots a familiar face.
Why did I wake up so early today?
He'd been admittedly glad to see Jean. He hadn't seen the guy in years. But having to deal with two Jeans in one day was a different story. Approaching the table with his trademark smirk, he greeted his old friend.
"Good morning, Eren"
Eren smiled brightly at him, padding the table space for Levi to sit in.
"Levi! It's been so long!" He looked genuinely excited.
"It has."
Instead of going for the awkward hug, Eren got up from his chair and put his hands on Levi's shoulders, pushed down and successfully forced him into a sitting position. Momentarily stunned, Levi looked at his watch hoping it was time to go.
He still had twenty minutes .
"You've become even more antisocial, Levi. Are you not getting laid?"
Jean chose that moment to join the conversation as he brought Levi his tea.
"Of course he's not, just look at that hair"
Eren burst out laughing with the comment.
"And his beard! It looks like premature pubic hair" adds Eren, starting another round of laughter with Jean.
"And that mustache—"
"Are you two kids done insulting me?" interrupts Levi. The two dumbasses were getting under his skin.
For whatever reason, the two said kids start laughing at his expense once more. Irritated, he made a move to leave but Jean stopped him in the same manner Eren had previously done.
"Calm down Mr. Wolfman Wannabe. We're just fucking with you" said Jean as he walked back to the counter.
"Sorry Levi, don't listen to that idiot. But actually, I have to head to work. Is your old number still the same?"
Levi raised his eyebrows in surprise, but shook his head nonetheless. He hadn't forseen this development.
"Well, what is it?" asked Eren, taking out his phone.
Reluctantly, he exchanged numbers with his old friend.
"Let's get together again sometime!" exclaimed Eren with a smile as he left. Levi responds with a curt nod of his own.
Like hell we will.
It's not that he disliked Eren, or Jean, or any of his old friends. They were just that, old friends. A part of his past. He greatly cherished the memories he shared with them, but they didn't fit into his current lifestyle. Admittedly, he didn't know much about them anymore. But from what he'd seen today, they were still the same immature kids he knew in high school. They had too much energy that Levi himself lacked. And they reminded him of his younger self, his failed ambitions, his current state of passiveness.
He sipped his tea quietly for the next couple of minutes until his thigh vibrated. A text.
Eren: Hey Levi, it's Eren!
Levi: No shit.
He finished his tea and stood up. It was about time he went back.
"Come again, pubes!" shouted the idiot Jean.
Horrified, Levi all but ran to his car. He almost wished he'd gone straight to work that morning. On his way there, he chuckled as he remembered the two idiots. They hadn't changed one bit.
"Jeeeeeaaaaan. Go buy us chips" whined Eren, buried in a sea of blankets in his living room loveseat.
"Why do I have to? I always go!"
"Mikasa wants some too, right Mika?"
A shout was heard from the bathroom.
"Cheetos! Cheese!"
"Barbecue doritos" chipped in Levi.
Defeated, Jean grabbed his keys and wallet.
"Pffft. He can't say no to Mikasa"
"I heard that!"
"Go already Jean. Or we won't leave you any"
Jean mumbled something intelligible and left. Mikasa emerged from the bathroom moments later wearing nothing except a towel wrapped around her chest.
"You shouldn't pick on Jean so much" she said.
"Why? Afraid he's gonna kill us all someday?" teased Levi.
Eren threw a pillow at him.
"Oh shut up. He'd shoot himself by mistake first".
The three laugh.
Levi sighed. The four of them had been inseparable. He briefly wondered if Mikasa still kept in touch with the other two. Eren and Jean were evidently still on good terms with each other. If that was the case, had Levi been purposely avoided? At this point in life, he couldn't bring himself to care, but he couldn't deny that it bothered him a little. By the time he arrived at the office, he'd gotten another text from Eren.
Eren: So I was thinking, wanna get the band started up again?
Levi walked in to the office without responding.
Thirty minutes after, he was fighting furiously against his yawns. His eyes became unfocused, and his mind wandered, away from the petty office, back to eight years prior at Jean's garage.
Noise. Directionless noise. Out of tune. Out of sync. Out of rhythm. Levi strode over to Jean and snatched his guitar away.
"Dumbass. Do you ever tune this piece of shit?"
"No" was his smart response.
"Why the hell not?"
"Because you always tune it for him Levi" advised Mikasa. "You tune everyone's instruments".
"Except you. He can't tune you" said Jean, looking at Mikasa.
The three teens turned to look at him for a few seconds, speechless, then burst out laughing simultaneously.
"I swear you get lamer every day, Jean" said Eren, laughing.
Levi patted his shoulder pitifully, saying "You're good for us Jean" and went back to his bass.
Instruments tuned and laughter aside, the four took their respective spots. Eren ruled the drums. Jean, of course, played guitar, as he'd refused to play anything but that. Because according to him, it was the coolest instrument. Levi was in charge of the bass and Mikasa of the vocals.
"One, two, three" shouted Eren, and the noise began again.
Gradually, the four teens found each other and pushed their way through. It was one of those rare moments during practice when things actually went well. When the four young people put their everything into it and connected with one another. By the end of it they were a sweaty, exhausted mess. But more than anything, they were happy, triumphant.
A question directed at him broke Levi's reverie.
"What's the status on your end, Levi?"
…
After the agonizing meeting finally came to an end, he pulled out his phone and sent a response to Eren.
Levi: Sure.
Because, why hell not?
That day, he once again had a strange dream.
The four young people were passed out in Eren's living room. Pizza crumbs lay around. Empty beer bottles were seen everywhere on the floor, and there was… vomit below the unconscious Jean. Levi was drifting between a state of consciousness and unconsciousness. Mikasa slept awkwardly in a couch. Eren sat with his head against Mikasa's legs, barely awake. He was humming a melody, one whose name Levi couldn't quite recall, but he'd definitely heard it before. At the end of it, right before falling into a deep slumber, Eren whispered sorrowfully,
"You're too cruel… Levi"