Author's Notes: There aren't nearly enough Mariel of Redwall/Bellmaker fanfics out there. So here is one. This was inspired by Mike Comfort's song 'Friend No More'. It's very Mariel/Dandin.
Friend No More
" I'm so sorry..."
She sat alone in her room, resting her body on the edge of her bed. Outside, night was falling in a hurried manner, quickly blotting out the sun with its deep black ink. She could hear voices down below, where the feast was still continuing. Everybeast down in the orchard was busy celebrating the homecoming of the questers, raising a ruckus of joyous noise and laughter.
" I can't do this..."
And even through all the clamor, his voice was still echoing in her ears, strained from holding back his emotion. He had been holding back for so many years.
She jumped slightly as she heard a peal of laughter echo across the night. Hon Rosie would be down there, with Tarquin, her husband. And their children. And all those friends that she was happy to be around. Mariel, on the other paw, couldn't face them. Not after what he had said to her, after he had drawn her aside, practically dragged her through the Great Hall and up the steps, pleading with her to give him a private audience.
" I... don't want to see you right now. I'm sorry, Mariel. You're being... you're being heartless."
For the fifteenth time her heart seemed to shrink a size smaller. What had she said wrong? Why was he so angry? He had no right to call her anything bad, or glare at her like that... he didn't understand. He couldn't ever understand.
Unless she made him see... she could do it. She had such a way of turning him around to her point of view. And if he didn't want to relate to her situation, she would whack him across the head with her knotted rope, and she would for once delight in seeing him suffer. He deserved it.
Grabbing her weapon, she hurried out the door.
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Earlier that evening, the feast had just begun, with food piled across the tables and drinks spilling forth from casks. Dandin had seemed near the verge of tears. " Redwall food!" He had exclaimed. " I've never missed anything more than I've missed Redwall's food."
" Go easy on that ale, friend." But Mariel was filling her goblet up for the third time herself.
It didn't take long for Dandin's mood to change, though. She noticed that he was hardly eating, and his smiling was dimming. She didn't want to ruin anyone's fun, but Dandin was her closest friend – she needed to know what was troubling him.
" Hey, what's with the long face, Oh Sword Carrier?"
It was meant to be a joke, but had Dandin frowned. " I gave that title up a long time ago, before we went questing. Remember?"
Slightly offended by his abruptness, she had raised her nose in the air and turned away. " Fine, I won't try to make you feel better!" And she pledged to not pay him any more attention the rest of the night.
But a few moments later, she felt a paw grab hers and drag her away from the table. Startled, she had gasped. " Dandin, what's going on?"
" We need to talk."
" About what, praytell?"
" About us."
Those words made her head spin. " Us, huh?"
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It was beginning to rain by the time she got outside. Abbeybeasts were piling in, carrying what they could with them. Saxtus approached her, smiling happily. " Mariel, there you are! Where's Dandin? We haven't heard much of your story yet-,"
But she brushed past him, half-running. What story? Ah, yes... about Southsward, and the adventures they had. She had almost forgotten, as everything dimmed in sight of her current situation.
He wasn't anywhere in the orchards, or by the pond. The Main Gates hadn't been opened since their arrival. Shoulders slumped, she wandered around aimlessly, searching. Despite herself, she was beginning to feel frightened of the dark sky and pouring rain. Perhaps it would be better to wait for him inside...
" Mariel?"
The voice made her jump. She whirled her Gullwhacker around, nearly striking him across the nose. He held up his paws defensively, stepping away. " Alright! You couldn't have just told me to go away?"
" Dandin! I..." She felt her mouth curling into a smile, and struggled to stop it. " We need to talk."
" No, we don't." He looked away from her, across the Abbey grounds. In the gloom, she couldn't see the expression on his face, but she could sense the anger and hurt that it must have displayed. After a few moments of standing in the rain, he turned back to her. " Fine. Let's talk."
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He brought her to an empty room. There they sat on the edge of the bed, legs swinging back and forth. He was unusually quiet. She didn't want to worry – tonight had been one of the best of her life. But he wasn't supposed to be acting this way – he was Dandin, her best friend, who always talked and laughed and smiled gallantly. He wasn't supposed to look so... reflective.
" Mariel," he said slowly, after a few minutes of awkward silence. " I'm so glad to be back at Redwall."
" As am I."
But he continued as though she hadn't spoken. " All that time in Southsward, fighting that fox and risking my life... I'm so glad I get to come home again. If I didn't, then... I would have never been able to say anything. I couldn't have told you anywhere else but here."
" Say anything about what?" She shook her head. " Dan, this isn't like you. What's on your mind? And..." She feared to ask this question, though she didn't know why. It seemed like a key piece to the puzzle of his sudden mood, and she was beginning to get anxious. What was wrong? " And, why did you need to wait until we came back here?"
" Because I wouldn't dream of being married anywhere else but Redwall."
His words were spoken quickly, breathlessly, and they stole the air from her lungs. He wasn't saying anything... like that... he must mean something else... " Married?" In that instant, he brought his gaze up to hers, and she saw. There was something shinning there, that she hadn't realized before. It had always been there whenever he looked at her. Why hadn't she noticed sooner? " Great Seasons... Dandin... no."
" I'm so sorry..." He shook his head, rising to his footpaws with a jerk. He looked towards the ceiling, his whole body tense. " I shouldn't have said it like that. Sorry, Mariel. What I meant was... this is so hard..."
She braced herself as he turned to her. " Mariel, I'm in love with you. I know you've noticed – there's no way you can't have! I... I don't want to be your friend anymore. I want to be something greater." With a daring smile creeping over his face, he lowered himself on one knee before her. " Mariel, you're... amazing. You're lovely, brave, fierce... you're everything. Please, Mariel, take my paw."
And he held his shaking paw out to her. She stared, struck into shock...
And batted it away.
" Please stop, Dandin. I can't... think about this right now."
" Why not? I... I don't understand why you're upset..."
Was she upset? Oh, yes... tears were rolling down her face. She hadn't noticed. " Dan, you can't say this. You're my friend. And I can't... have anyone as a husband..."
" Why not?!"
The hurt in his voice rang out much clearer than any anger. She owed him an explanation. " It's just... I can't give up my freedom like that... I can't give my life away to some other creature... it's not who I am." She forced a crooked smile. " I'm too much a Warrior, I guess. I can't imagine myself as a bride..."
He stood before her, brow furrowed as he though. Then he sat beside her again, closer than before, and took her paws in his. She waited for his response with batted breath.
00000
The Gatehouse was lit by a fire, smothered in the smell of burning wood and heat from the flames. He sat nearby it, across the room from her. Sitting there, legs crossed and eyes angry, she thought he looked handsome. But was that her talking, or her desire to make things work between them?
Or maybe she had never thought to look before.
" Dan..."
" Yes?"
She sighed. " Don't be so short with me. You can't be angry."
" Oh."
Was this what they were reduced to? Only an evening's time, and they were falling apart. It didn't help that he was letting go, either. Stupid... you did this... you ruined everything.
If he was letting go, then she would fight, like always. She would force him to stop being an idiot. " Dandin. Listen."
" To what? You're excuses -,"
" Shut up." Ignoring his surprise, she took a deep breath, sitting straight in her chair with what she hoped was a commanding presence. " You're not listening to me. First off, you need to understand that I didn't mean to hurt you. Secondly, you need to accept that I don't love... well, you know. And thirdly, you need to stop glaring... and... oh, Dandin, don't look at me like that."
He had certainly stopped glaring. Instead, the hurt had returned, this time more vivid in his expression.
" I...I don't want you to be upset with me, Dan. I want you to accept the fact that I don't... well, I already said it."
" Hah." He laughed shortly, an honestly joyous sound. " You did not! You never said you didn't love me."
She gasped for air. Why was he leaving her breathless tonight? " I did so. I said it twice."
" No. You didn't." Eyes fixed on her, he rose from his chair and hopped over the table, landing before her. There he stayed, getting on one knee and staring up at her. " Say it. I want to hear you say that you don't love me."
" I don't... I don't want to make you feel worse."
" Say it."
" ... No."
" Shut up with your excuses, and say it!"
" Fine! I don't love -,"
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" I don't want to be your friend anymore."
" Wh-what? You're being childish!"
" No, Mariel. You are." His grasp on her paws tightened. " I'm going to tell you something, and I want you to not interrupt. I want you to hear this."
" I've been there for you, Mariel. I've always been there. There's been storms and rain, and I've watched you cry yourself to sleep, so afraid. While you rested, I'd hold your paw, wishing you could be happy, without your fear. I'd whisper to you - " Don't cry, my Mariel. You can always count on me". Night after night, I held you as you slept, crying in your dreams. I told you so many times. And now... I'm so sorry..."
" I can't do this. I can't stand aside and watch you live your life without me. I can't pretend that I don't love you, to make you comfortable. I mean, Mariel, did you never notice? I never said anything, but you must have seen it all."
"In all your life, you've always been searching for something to make you fulfilled. And I, on the other paw, have been searching you, waiting to see when you'd look my way, and realize everything. You never did. You never even looked my way. Don't you understand how that feels? To make believe that my heart doesn't break every time you're hurt, or when you rush off again without me?"
Tears were pouring from her eyes, and she couldn't free her paws to wipe them away. " Be... be quiet... you-you're not serious..."
" I... don't want to see you right now. I'm sorry, Mariel. You're being... you're being heartless."
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" I don't love... I'm so sorry."
His face lit up. " What's wrong? Can't you say it?"
Wiping teardew from her eyes, she shook her head. " No... I can't. I can't."
Then from outside, the loud noise of lightning penetrated the calm beat of rain. She squeaked in fright, but before she could leap up, he had his arms around her. " Shh, shh. It's okay. I'm here, Mariel. It's alright."
His voice sounded different than before. Soothing, loving, and full of something more than friendship. She let him block the fear for a moment, and in that short space of time, she realized that something else had changed. Raising her head, she looked at his eyes, and saw him smile.
" Mariel, you're blushing."
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Author's Notes: Ah, that was pretty darn sappy. Anyways, I was listening to the song over and over again writing this. That's why Dandin's 'confession' is so close to the theme of the lyrics. If you've never heard that song and want to now, ask and I'll message the link to you. It's awesome D So anyways, I hope this story was okay, please review!