Holding You Up

by tarin2014tfan

Splinter has recently passed. Leo struggles with his new duties and responsibilities. His brothers set out to show him he does not have to carry the weight of the world alone.

Holding You Up

Disclaimer- I do not own TMNT or any of the characters therein. Some VERY rich dude does.
Rating - Mature Audiences
Story Warnings- Emotional distress, Depression, Swearing, Heartache, Brotherly affection, T-cest, Sex scene, Character death (Don't like these topics? Do not read.)
Pairings -Raph X Leo, OT4 (Don't like? Do not read.)
Universe- 2007
Ages- All turtles are 23 years of age (I made them this age to account for time passage in the series storyline.)

Summary- Splinter has recently passed. Leo struggles with his new duties and responsibilities. His brothers set out to show him he does not have to carry the weight of the world alone.

Chapter credits - Song : Hold Me Up by Conrad Sewell

Bold Italics Print - Song Lyrics

Holding You Up

**WARNING** THIS STORY CONTAINS A SEX SCENE! DO NOT LIKE! DO NOT READ! **WARNING**

It had been eight months since Splinter had passed.

The rat was already old, by rodent standards, when he and the turtles had been exposed to the mutagen, and even though his mutation had given Splinter several more years, time inevitably had a way of catching up.

Splinter hadn't suffered. His illness had been short lived.

It started out as a persistent cough. No one had been overly worried at the time, Splinter had gotten a cough off and on all year long. It was part of being old, as well as being a rodent. He always recovered, albeit slowly at times.

This time was different.

Splinter's cough worsened. His chest soon rattled with congestion, causing Donnie to worry. Every breath became wheezing and labored. Mikey became somber, his brightly colored mask dimmed, showing signs of tears shed in private. Blood tinted the cloth a bright red every time their beloved father coughed.

They all knew Splinter's time with them was very short.

Early one crisp January morning, the aged rat requested the presence of his sons. He praised them. Told them how proud he was of them. How honored he was to have been their father. He charged them with a set of tasks, help one another, be there for one another, love one another, protect one another, proudly be who they were, the leader, the protector, the light, and the knowledge. With a smile on his face, and a gentle, loving touch to each of his sons, Splinter closed his eyes, and sighed his last breath.

Their father was no more.

And Leo's world turned upside down.

In a minute you can realize you lost it all

Everything suddenly became his responsibility. He was now the teacher, the advisor, the cornerstone of the family, and the leader.

He had no clue how to be those things! He still struggled with being leader more times than not! What was even more frightening was while Leo was being all those things for his brothers, who was there to now fill those roles for him? Who was now to be his teacher? His advisor? His anchor?

The only one he had had before was his father.

He felt truly alone now.

In a second you were always there to break my fall

That didn't matter. He couldn't let it matter. His brothers needed him. Now more than ever they needed guidance, someone to take charge. Someone to turn to.

They were depending on him.

There was no one else.

He had to try.

No.

He had to succeed.

Till you came and saved my life

And he did.

He let them cry on his shoulder. He let them crawl into bed with him late at night. He let them scream their frustrations out at him. He fed them. He trained them. He bandaged them body and soul. He cared for them. He slowly lifted them up. He helped them put the shattered pieces of their lives back together. He kept them a family.

All the while, Leo slowly fell apart.

In the lonely hour

He hid his tears. He spent sleepless nights afraid of the demons that haunted him alone in his room. He swallowed his worries and fears, keeping them to himself.

His brothers thought him strong, the family pillar.

He wasn't.

Inside Leo trembled, shaken to his very foundation.

In the lonely hour

He kept his worries to himself, hidden from his brothers.

He trained. He planned. He meditated. He did nothing out of the ordinary, being careful to make certain everything he presented to his family looked normal. Or as normal as possible.

Splinter had been the only one to ever be able to see through Leo's deceptions, or so the blue banded ninja thought.

Oh I'm praying for some help

XX-XX

Hearing the door to his lab creak open, Donnie looked up from his notes. The genius instantly knew something was wrong seeing the troubled look on his brother's face.

"Mikey?"

I can't do it by myself, need you now

"He's doing it again," the sea green ninja said flatly.

Donnie closed his notebook, giving his baby brother his full attention. "Who's doing what?"

Need you right now

"Leo. He's in the dojo pretending to meditate again," Mikey looked at Donnie with sad, haunted eyes. "Who's he trying to kid doing this stuff?"

As with every other time Mikey had asked him that question, Donnie didn't know what to say. And just like every time before, he opened his arms, offering the comfort his baby brother needed.

"Why does he do this?" Mikey mumbled. "He's not fooling anyone. Not now. Not anymore."

Donnie sighed. "He has his reasons."

You know there ain't nobody else

"I guess so, but..." Mikey drew a shaky breath. "Splinter was the one who died, not Leo. It feels like we lost them both though."

Donnie closed his eyes, pressing his cheek against the side of Mikey's head. "Yes," the genius agreed softly. "It does."

Who can save me from this hell

Mikey clutched at his brother's shell. "How do we get him to stop pulling away from us, Donnie? Splinter was the only one who could get through to Leo when he's like this. What can we do?"

Donnie lightly stroked Mikey's shell, doing what the genius did best, running through the massive amount of information stored in his mind, pulling up scenarios, searching for a possible solution.

Mikey felt Donnie momentarily stiffen against him. The sea green turtle felt a flash of hope. Donnie had an idea.

Need you now, I need you right now

"No, Mikey," Donnie pulled back, looking deep into baby blue eyes. "Splinter wasn't the only one," he said with a smile. "There's one other who's strong enough to get through to Leo."

XX-XX

Raph stood in the doorway of the dojo. He stared at the kneeling figure before him, trying to figure out just when his older brother started to look so old. It wasn't so much Leo's appearance that was older as it was the way the blue ninja carried himself, and right now, based on that alone, Leo was looking to be somewhere around fifty.

So hold me up, oh

The emerald turtle looked over at his two younger brothers. The corner of his mouth lifted just enough for them to notice.

"It'll be alright," he assured. "I promise."

"How can you be so sure?" Mikey asked, sounding hopeful.

I know you'll never let me down

Raphael moved to stand in front of his brothers, he reached up, wrapping them both in his well muscled arms. He kissed Donnie on the olive turtle's temple, then turned to do the same for Mikey.

"Cause I'm not gonna do it alone."

XX-XX

Need you to hold me up,

Leo's spirit was still in turmoil.

I need someone like you around

Meditating no longer brought him any sense of calm. It hadn't since Splinter died. Leo was just going through the motions to keep up appearances, nothing more.

He had all but forgotten what inner peace felt like.

So hold me up, oh

He felt the slight shift in air, someone had entered the room. They made no noise as they moved across the floor.

That ruled out Mikey.

The youngest was a skilled ninja with unmatched ability, but for some unknown reason, the orange banded turtle couldn't seem to master complete silence when he moved.

Hold me up, no

His brother, stopped in front of him, and knelt on the floor. Leo instantly knew it was Raphael. Donatello made a very slight, whistling sound every time he inhaled. It wasn't loud enough to alert an enemy, but Leo could always recognize his olive toned brother by the slight sound.

I know you'll never let me down

Slowly, Leo opened his eyes.

Raph was watching him with an uncharacteristic intensity.

"Leo," Raph's voice was gentle, but left no room for argument. "We need ta talk."

Said hold me up, oh

Raph watched the brief panic flicker across Leo's face. His brother's hazel eyes quickly scanned every inch of Raph's body for injury. Finding nothing, Leo's expression calmed, but the leaf green body remained tense.

Hold me up, no

"What's wrong? Is it Mikey? Don? Is one of them hurt?"

"No, dey're fine," Raph reassured. "It's you we're worried 'bout."

I need someone like you around

Leo tensed even more.

"I'm fine."

Raph reached out, placing a gentle hand on his brother's shoulder. "No, bro. Yer not."

Can you hold me up

He was, his mind screamed. He was fine. He had to be. He had to take care of his family. He couldn't fall apart.

There was no one else.

Leo shrugged off his brother's hand and stood, heading for the door. Raph followed, quickly blocking the way.

"I've already told you, Raphael. I'm fine," Leo made to go around his brother.

Raph grabbed Leo's arm, spinning him around. "Never knew ya ta be a liar, Leo!"

"I am NOT lying to you! I have NEVER lied to you, or anyone else in this family!"

"Ya damn well are now, bro!"

"Then tell me, Raph! Just WHO am I lying to?!"

"Yerself."

I wanna tell you secrets no ones ever heard before

The drips from the water pipes overhead sounded abnormally loud in the sudden silence. Leo blinked owlishly at his emerald skinned brother, knowing full well what Raphael was talking about.

Raph knew.

This was a conversation Leo did not want to have. Not now, not ever.

"I... I'm..." Leo was at a loss for words.

"Tell me ya ain't got yerself convinced ya have ta do dis all on yer own an' I'll apologize, walk away, an' never say another word 'bout it."

Leo wanted to. He wished he could, but as he had said earlier, he wasn't a liar.

"I have to," Leo said softly. "Without Splinter, there's no one else."

I wanna give you everything, all of my heart and more

Raph sighed deeply. Leo looked as if he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, and maybe in his own mind, he did.

Time to change that.

"Leo, when Splinter died, everyt'in' changed."

Leo flinched as if struck.

'Cause you came and saved my life

"I know things have changed, Raph. Every time we come in here for training, I'm reminded just how much everything's changed," Leo's voice sounded lost, broken.

"Ya don't have ta do it alone, Leo," Raph said softly.

"Who else is there!" Leo snapped. "If the Foot attacks, who is there to come to the rescue?! If we're taken captive by Bishop, who is there to find us!? No one! It's on me now! I'm the one who has to come up with a strategy to get us all out alive! Every time! I'm all there is, every single time from here on out! There is NO. ONE. ELSE!"

In the lonely hour

Raph was taken aback by Leo's ferocity. He had no clue it was this bad. Leo had hidden his pain and insecurities well.

In the lonely hour

"Yer not listenin' ta me, Leo," Raph hoped his age old complaint would get his older brother's attention, and from the scowl Leo shot his way, it had. "I didn't say der had ta be someone else ta do it. I said ya didn't have ta do it alone."

Oh praying for some help

Leo stared at his brother, confusion evident. "Sensei did."

"When we mutated, he was da only one a us capable a being in charge. We were jus' kids. He had ta do it alone," Raph cupped the back of Leo's head, the corners of his mouth lifting. "He didn't want dat fer you. Fer any a us. He trained us ta be a team, in everyt'in'. Don't ya remember he always had us do t'ings tagether, eat, sleep, play, hell, we even bathed tagether til we were ten. It was so none a us would ever be alone."

Leo frowned as his conflicting emotions warred with one another. He wanted to keep his brothers safe. It was his duty as oldest and leader. But to do that, Leo had to deny one very undeniable fact.

He had lost his father too.

I can't do it by myself, need you now

Just for a short time, maybe? Just long enough to grieve?

Here stood his brother, ready and willing. Should he? Should he let Raphael carry part of this burden? Was the emerald turtle strong enough? Would he lose Raph's respect? Mikey's? Donnie's?

He needed advice.

He needed his father.

Splinter was gone.

Need you right now

Leo stood there, torn, not knowing what to do.

Raph did.

The emerald turtle latched onto his brother, holding Leo as tightly as he could. "I got ya."

Leo leaned.

So hold me up, oh

"I've never dropped ya. Not once. Not 'bout ta start now either."

With a sob, Leo sagged against Raphael, letting his brother hold him up.

I know you'll never let me down

"I got ya."

"As long as ya need me to."

"Ya ain't ever alone."

XX-XX

Outside the dojo, baby blue eyes met chocolate brown.

Need you to hold me up, I

"Raph's right, bro. Splinter raised us to be a team."

Donnie smiled. "Then let's be one."

XX-XX

Leo heard the soft scuff of feet on the dojo floor. He tensed when two more pair of arms circled his shell.

I need someone like you around

"Ya don't ever stand alone, Leo," Raph whispered. "Ya got me, Donnie, an' Mikey."

"What if it's too much?"

"Then we do it together," Mikey answered, pressing his cheek to Leo's shoulder. "Like Sensei meant for us to."

So hold me up, oh

"You are allowed, Leo," Donnie murmured. "You're allowed to not be in control all the time, especially at times like this. You can be needy, clingy, or whatever else you need to be. We're here for you."

"What if... What if I let go," Leo's voice shook. "And I can't pull myself back together?"

"We'll do it fer ya," Raph whispered. "Until ya can do it yaself."

Hold me up, no

The kiss was strong, reassuring. Mikey's, soft and promising. But Donnie's. Donnie's kiss was tender, healing. It made Leo feel safe, safer than he'd felt in a long time.

Safe enough to try.

Leo relaxed against Raph's plastron.

A silent understanding passed between the three youngest.

I know you'll never let me down

The time had come.

Raph eased Leo carapace down onto the floor. The leaf green turtle's breath quickened, his hands gripping tighter to Raph's arms. If not for the uncertainty and fear shining in his hazel eyes, Raph would have thought Leo was excited.

"It'll be okay," he stroked Leo's cheek, softly brushed the blue mask aside.

No longer the leader.

No longer the one in charge.

For a little while.

Just a brother in need.

Said hold me up, oh

Leo closed his eyes, drawing a deep shuddering breath. "I'm scared."

He wasn't scared of what was about to happen. He was scared of what the future may hold. He was scared for their survival. But most of all, he was scared of failing.

Hold me up, no

"It's okay to be scared, bro," Mikey cupped Leo's face. "Remember when I was little, and you told me that? You said you'd always be there, and keep me safe."

Leo gave a barely perceptible nod.

"It's our turn now," Donnie pressed a tender kiss to Leo's forehead.

I need someone like you around

Leo fought the urge to take charge. He wasn't used to being on the receiving end. He gave. It's what he did.

His responsibility.

Can you hold me up

"We can't... Not here... Not in the dojo..."

"Yes," Raph murmured with a kiss. "We can. This is where we train. Where we learn. Where we build trust in each other."

"Splinter wouldn't approve."

So hold me up

"Splinter's not here, Leo," Donnie nuzzled the leaf green neck.

"But WE are," sea green fingers stroked his cheek.

(Don't ever let me go go go)
(Don't ever let me go go go)
(Don't ever let me go go go)

A single tear streaked the side of Leo's face.

He let go. He gave himself to his brothers, trusting them to carry him through.

And they did.

So hold me up

They held him. Whispered words of love to him. They took the shattered pieces of his spirit and eased them back into place.

He no longer felt alone.

Hold me up

He felt complete.

Whole.

Don't ever let me go go go

His fear and pain didn't stand a chance. They faded. Pushed down to something manageable. Something Leo could deal with. Something he could handle on his own if he had to.

He didn't have to.

Don't ever let me go go go

Not anymore.

So hold me up

He had his brothers. He never had to be alone again.

Splinter made sure of that.

Hold me up

Leo was strong, the strongest of the four. Not so much in body, but in spirit. Leo could handle anything on his own, given time. They knew that. They had seen it time and again.

Everyone stumbled.

(Don't ever let me go go go)
(Don't ever let me go go go)

Everyone fell.

With help, anyone could get back up.

So hold me up, oh

They were gentle.

The four turtles became one. Rising together. Standing together. Stronger than before.

Just as their father had envisioned so many years ago.

Hold me up, yeah

XX-XX

They lay together in a tangled pile of limbs. Each one touching the other, feeling content and complete.

Raph watched Leo with loving eyes, saying nothing. Words were not needed.

I know you'll never let me down

Not really.

"Thank you," he whispered.

Said hold me up, oh

"Shhh," an emerald finger brushed across leaf green lips. "Go ta sleep."

With a soft sigh, Leo closed his eyes, listening to the gently breathing of his brothers.

Hold me up, no

Peace.

He finally felt at peace.

I need someone like you around

XX-XX

He felt it again, a slight shift in the air. His eyes snapped open. Someone was there, but who? There was no one else.

He looked up.

So can you hold me up

Leo's breath hitched.

Splinter! There stood his father, watching, smiling. Approval shining on his grey furred face.

Oh baby
Oh baby

"You have done well, my son. I am proud," whispered in Leo's mind.

He wanted to reach out, but was stopped by a shake of his father's head.

So hold me up now

Leo understood. He smiled, settling back against his brothers.

I know you'll never let me down

They were his anchor now.

Hold me up

Thanks for reading.