Clay's shoes are gone.
For whatever reason, that's the first thing Sonny notices, and also the thing that will stick in his memory the most clearly after it's all over.
Clay is lying on his back in the street and he's not wearing shoes. His lips are moving, but Sonny can't tell what he's trying to say. He keeps blinking his eyes. Open. Closed. Open.
Closed.
He's got shrapnel in his leg and there's blood everywhere and he's not wearing shoes. Two minutes ago, Clay shoved a kid he'd rescued into Sonny's arms and confidently said everything would be okay, and now he's in the street dying, and his fucking shoes are gone.
"Breathe, Clay," Sonny keeps saying, stupidly, like it's a damn spell he can cast to make the kid stay alive. "Keep your eyes open. Stay with me. You're gonna be okay. Breathe. Just breathe."
Spenser doesn't answer. Doesn't show any signs of recognition; doesn't react when they press down on his leg, even though a wound like that should hurt like hell. Just keeps blinking slowly at the sky.
There's an ambulance, and a flurry of frantic motion, and then Spenser is just gone. Then there are other victims to tend to, other wounds to bandage. Sonny has a job to do and he's damn good at it, so he shoves Clay into a box in the corner of his mind, saving the worry for later.
Jason is with him. Jason will take care of him. Sonny has to help take care of everybody who hasn't made it into an ambulance yet.
Hours later, when they finally make it to the hospital, there's still no news. Now that there are no tasks left to do, the adrenaline is wearing off, leaving Sonny so exhausted his head droops. He rests his forehead on hands that feel empty and purposeless.
He won't sleep. Not till he knows.
The news, when it comes, is written all over Blackburn's face. Critical condition. Traumatic injuries. Severe bleeding. They haven't lost Clay yet, but they might still.
And he's been airlifted back to the States. He's gone. They can't see him, not for God knows how long.
A strange sense of vertigo washes over Sonny, because Clay was fine, and then he was in the street bleeding with no shoes on, and now he's been taken away to a place where he will be alone. Everyone Clay Spenser is close to is here, and he's not, and none of it makes any sense. Who in the States is gonna sit with him, talk to him, hold his hand? Not his asshole dad, that's for damn sure.
It wasn't supposed to happen like this.
Black aces over eights. Dead man's hand.
Sonny wants to punch a wall until his hand shatters. He doesn't. He needs to be able to pull a trigger.
Mandy will find the name. She'll give it to them first. And when she does, there will be a reckoning.