January 12, 2008
Dear Journal, Diary, or whatever
I can't take it anymore. Everyday I see her smile, laugh, eat, blink, walk, it is all so beautiful. Her laugh makes me shiver. Her voice is music. When I look all I see is her, no one else, no surroundings, she lights up. If she only knew, but she'll never know, never. It's so wrong, but it feels so good. She drives me crazy. She can make me so happy, but when she's gone I slowly start to die. I feel miserable. I hit my all time low when I'm not near her. I get so depressed, but then she'll call me and I'll forget, I become happy. She kills me when she gets close to me, I can't help but breathe her in. Her breathe is warm as it hits my skin, her hair falls on me, even that makes me crazy. I don't know it's been two years. So that's why I decided to write my feelings down, some website said it would help. I guess it is.
Love,
Lilly
January 30, 2008
Hey Journal,
It's been awhile sorry. I've been busy. Miley had a lot of Hannah stuff going on. But anyways I guess I'll talk about her. It wasn't like this, at one point. I saw her as a friend, I loved being around her, but maybe a little too much. It was hard to accept that I was in love with her. Yes, in love. I love to make fun of people who think there in love. They say they are, but it's a new person every few weeks. I hate when people talk about heartbreak, like they know how that feels. I need to be happy, but I'm so tired of trying to act like I'm happy. People always telling me to smile, wasn't I smiling? Don't I look happy? I'm tired of people I don't even know telling me to smile. I just want to tell them to shut the fuck up. My friends think I'm happy, that's all that matters. But lately she's been noticing that I'm not so happy. I haven't been as depressed lately maybe it's finaly going away, these feelings she gives me. I just want the pain to stop.
Write Later,
Lilly
March 10, 2008
Journal,
Today I decided to tell Oliver before I went crazy. It's great talking to you and all but…wait now I sound even more crazy. Okay so anyways I told Oliver. He wants me to tell Miley. I'm not sure but I might. I always tend to make small things she does like hug me or something like that, to make it seems like she likes me as more than a friend. It's crazy, but it makes me feel better in a strange way. If I do I will write ASAP, unless she hates me then I might tear this up. Sorry journal.
Hopefully will write in here again,
Lilly
March 20, 2008(worst day ever)
Oh journal,
Well today I finally got enough confidence to decide to tell her but guess what? She was making out with fucking Jake Ryan in the hall I almost told her, almost. Until I saw them, she could have at least fucking told me. I'm supposed to be her best friend. I honestly want to kill myself. Pay attention to the want, I want to be but can't. I couldn't do that to Oliver and my parents. Oh and I guess Miley too. Oliver really helped me get through it. Of course Miley told me about her and Jake, she was all giddy. I gave her "That's great Miles" then excused myself and went into the bathroom cried until I threw up. Well I'm going to go sleep, even though it's 7:30. But when I'm depressed I sleep.
Yours truly,
Lilly
April 20, 2008
Oliver now hates me and my parents got in a car accident on April 1st. They are dead, gone. Something I wish I was. I'm stuck with my relatives who pretty much hate me. Life sucks so bad right now. Miley is always with Jake, we barely ever see each other I feel like I'm losing everything. I can't believe my parents are dead. Man I was so depressed. Oliver got mad at me back in March, I finally gave up on him. He didn't even care my parents died. When my parents died Miley wasn't even there. She was in some fancy restraint with Jake. She called and asked if I wanted her to come. She should have said she was coming, she should want to come. She even sound annoyed. I miss my old Miley, what did Jake do to her? Well journal the relatives want me to eat, so looks like you're my only friend now. My best friend is a journal, I'm officially crazy.
Sincerely,
Lilly
May 10, 2008
Journal,
The relatives thought I was spending too much alone time so I had to hide you when they searched the room, which was everyday since April 21st until I told them I'd kill myself if they didn't stop. So that worked. So life is even worse, Oliver still hates me, and Miley hasn't talked to me in two whole weeks. I'm thinking of doing the thing I couldn't do before. No one cares about me anymore, so I won't make anyone feel bad. I'll be sure to leave one last entry if I decide to do it.
Your friend,
Lilly
June 12, 2008
Journal,
Today is the day, I'm going to do it. Miley never talks to me and Oliver still hates me. Schools all over, so no one hopefully will find out. I hope they say I moved somewhere. I'm decided just to overdose, maybe they'll think it's an accident. I just wan to be with my parents, I will soon hopefully. Well thanks journal for being there, even though you're only a book full of paper, but you're my book of paper. Remember that.
Thanks,
Lilly
Miley's P.O.V.
"Bud, Bud!" Robbie yelled.
" Coming daddy." I yelled back. I was painting my nails, which were now ruined. "What is it?"
" It's Lilly." My dad looking nervously.
" Yeah and?" I asked. I haven't talked to her in forever. I did it on purpose I just couldn't stand…
" She's dead." He said looking pale.
"What? How." I felt as though I was going to pass out.
"She overdosed." He said shaking his head.
"This is my entire fault." I said crying.
"Her aunt wants you to go to her house." He said looking as if he was going to cry.
I didn't want to, but put on some clothes and started to walk over. I was in love with Lilly you know, a lot. Jake is just here to help keep my mind off of her. I loved her so much. Now she's gone. Maybe, just maybe if I was there instead of hiding from her, she might not have killed herself. Tears were running down my face. I couldn't stop crying. The one thing I didn't want to happen happened. I lost her. I didn't even bother to knock and walked into her aunt's house. Oliver was there at the kitchen table reading something. He was crying as he closed this. He looked up at me and handed me the book. I started to read it. Every word, every line, this is how she felt. No, it can't be true. Lilly loved me, all along. her aunt handed me a note, it was from Lilly.
Dear Miley, Oliver, and whoever else,
If you care that I'm dead I'm sorry. I just couldn't take it. It was my choice not yours, don't blame yourself. I don't hate you guys. Miley if you're reading this I love you, a lot. I really do. I was going to tell you, but you said you loved Jake. Oliver, I don't even know what we argued about, but I'm sorry. Sorry guys. I love you so much Miley, and always will. And you guys better not do anything stupid, basically what I did. That is if you two care.
Love,
Lilly
"I COULD HAVE STOPPED THIS. IT'S MY FAULY SHE'S DEAD. OLIVER DON'T EVEN TALK, IT'S YOUR FAULT TOO YOU FUCKING DOUGHNUT. I LOST THE GIRL I LOVE." I yelled sobbing uncontrollably.
I ran outside, it was raining hard. I fell right in the middle of street, crying, the rain mixing with my tears. I yelled Why Lilly why? Until I couldn't yell anymore.
This idea came to me tonight. It's kind of dark, but I don't know. I'll update my other stories soon hopefully, I'm just not in the mood to go back right now. To write I need to be in a certain mood or else the story or chapter will be horrible. Well review please..