SWEENEY TODD and the Encounter with Harry Potter
CHAPTER 1: THE CUSTOMER
Sweeney Todd also known as the 'Demon Barber of Fleet Street' angrily wiped his bottom on Mrs. Lovett's dress while she stared at her bakers' oven. He also spat where he wiped for good measure before pissing in her frizzy hair which leaked waterfalls of piss. Mrs. Lovetts continued staring at the oven before turning around and saying; "I must've not dried my hair properly, it's wet and my dress stinks of the sewers." Sweeney stifled laughter as he wiped his dirt-rimmed boots on Mrs. Lovetts ass and walked up the stairs to the actual pie shop.
As Mrs. Lovetts came up, Sweeney bent over and farted in her face while she tied her bootlaces. "Smells a bit like onions in here don't you think?" she asked sweetly. Sweeney shrugged innocently and gave her the finger while she walked behind the counter to serve a customer. The customer had a long beard and wore different coloured robes with some sort of stick hidden in his belt. "May I please have a meat-pie?" the customer asked.
Mrs. Lovetts nodded and quickly got one from her small oven while smiling happily as the customer instantly took a huge bite of the brown and…purple mixture? Sweeney pissed himself while laughing in his mouth and almost vomited as the customer's face changed from one of pleasure to someone who just got kicked in the knackers. "This…pie taste kind of…smooth and…crunchy…I LOVE IT! What is your secret, McGonagall?"
"It's Lovetts and my secret is just gravy and meat," Mrs. Lovetts replied with a huge smile.
Sweeney farted with the power of a nuclear bomb and then had a hysterical laughing fit while showing the damp patch around his crotch. "WHAT YOUR SECRET?" Sweeney imitated crazily. "WELL I'LL GIVE YOU A BIG CLUE…IT'S SOMETHING ON YOUR DRESS BITCH!"
With trembling hands, Mrs. Lovetts tugged part of her dress and saw the brown glop of thick fudge and she screamed. "AAAAAHHHHH! THERE'S SHIT ON MY DRESS! THERE IS SHIT ON MY DRESS!"
"And piss in your hair," Sweeney added happily.
The customer's face changed and he spat out the mouthful out and yelled; "MAY THIS BE THE DAY YOU REMEMBER ALBUS DUMBLEDORE! ASHITA PIRELLI (A SPELL)"
Sweeny instantly felt his bowels empty themselves again and again and he felt something moving. He pulled down his pants (Mrs. Lovetts almost fainted) and saw little Pirellis; over a thousand of them chanting: I BLOW YOU A KISS! I BLOW YOU A KISS! I BLOW YOU A KISS!
Sweeney screamed like a little girl and made Mrs. Lovetts ear bleed.