A/N: Perfect Gwen song. That episode just set this up for me. Wow, I am on a songfic overload. That's just great. Ugh.
Disclaimer: I own nothing at all. Song is by Hilary Duff.
Cry
Cry love
I cried. I gave up. I had hope once, but I gave up. I cried.
Cry war
Kevin was really gone. He was too far. He was over the edge. He was just lost now. He was mine, but not anymore. He was someone else. He wasn't even Kevin anymore. I had fallen in love with him, but now he was just gone.
Cry innocence
That is lost forever more
And he wasn't safe anymore. He wasn't even innocent. He had put too many lives at risk to get away now. He was too dangerous. Ben was right. We had to put him down. For real. And I cried.
Cry joy
The battle against myself was finally over. I was freed. Kevin was going to be out of my life soon. He wasn't going to cause me any more pain. I had to be happy about it. But I wasn't. I really, really wasn't.
Cry thief
Kevin was once mine. He was a con-artist and one of the most beautiful people I knew, but he was someone else now. Someone who was dangerous and lethal. He was a killer. He was a murderer. And if I wanted him to be anything, I wanted him to be my murderer. Because I couldn't live a life without him, but I couldn't live knowing that he was in trouble and that I couldn't help him.
Cry beautiful
That is just beyond belief
He was beautiful. He was mine. He inspired me to see the world through someone else's eyes. His dark eyes. The ones that glittered when he was happy. The ones that shone when he was excited. The ones that drove me crazy when he was putting up those defenses.
So I...
Cry at the end
This was our end. This was the finale of our once blossoming romance. This was it. This was where it hit rock bottom. I was done with him and we were just over. I wasn't going to try anymore. I wasn't going to try. I had given up. I was through with him and I wasn't going back. Not again. Not when he had had all the chances I was willing to give.
Cry cause it all begins again
And no matter how many times we tried to be together…
It would always end with him. He didn't have the faith. He didn't have the trust. He didn't have it in him to stick with me through thick and thin.
Here you are,
and so am I
I had been able to stare into his eyes, now not even his own. I stared into his eyes. It hurt to know that it was him in there, and yet, at the same time, not him at all.
And we cry
So I cried. I gave up. I gave up on him. I just stopped. Kevin was important to me, but not important enough to waste my tears over. But I still cried. I cried until it hurt.
Cry alone,
And I didn't want anyone to see. That was why I wiped away all the tears before anyone could really see them. I didn't want to see him trying to hold me, trying to comfort me. He was useless. He was nothing. I wanted Kevin; I wanted him so badly.
Cry to me
Kevin was just out there on his own. He had lost everything he cared about. I could only imagine how horrible he felt.
Cry freedom
Then let yourself be free
To shed the tears
That have to flow
I had to cry. I had to let out all my anger. I had to let out all this rage. I couldn't stand knowing that Kevin was out there and he wanted me dead. I couldn't stand knowing that I loved him and he hated me. I wanted to hate him. I wanted to hate him. I wanted to spit in his face and tell him what trash he was. I wanted to tell him he was a waste. But I couldn't. I loved him too much. I loved every little bit of him, whether he was insane or not. He was still Kevin.
To hold somebody close to you
And then to let them go
When you love something, you're supposed to let it go, right?
I couldn't let him go. He was my heart. He was the only one I wanted. I wanted Kevin. He wanted me dead. I cried. I cried my eyes out. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I cried.
Cry at the end
Cry cause it all begins again
It was always destined to end. It was going to end whether we knew it or not. He was a monster, inside and out. He had control, but this was the end. This was the end of us. We were over. I wasn't going to try and hold it up anymore when he wanted me killed and when I just wanted to kiss him and see him better. Something inside of me would always have feelings for him.
Here you are
And so am I
And we cry
The tears spilled, burning in my eyes, hot as fire. It was like my gaze was filled with smoke. Everything was a blurred mess. I couldn't focus. I was a wreck. I was a mess. I cried. Waterfalls cascaded down my cheeks. I let it all fall. I let it go. It hurt, but I let out all the pain that had bottled itself up inside of me. Crying was good. I needed it all out. I needed to calm myself down.
Cry peace
I detached myself from Kevin for a long time, but seeing him again had made me just bawl my eyes out. I couldn't help all the hurt that resonated inside my heart.
Cry hate
He could hate me all he wanted, but I would still love him.
Cry faithlessness
Then just have a little faith
I believed in Kevin. I put my faith in him. I loved him. I still did. I would until the day we died. I would keep him. I wouldn't let go. He was mine and I wanted to keep him as mine. I had faith in him. I loved him. I couldn't stop myself from loving him with my whole heart.
Cry at the end
Cry cause it all begins again
He was a monster. He would be a monster. He was insane. I would keep up what little dignity I had left and carry on like I did every other day of my life. I silently let those tears spill. I let them spill. They still burned like an inferno of flames. It all hurt so bad.
Here you are
And so am I
I cried. I let it out. For the first time in a long time. I was able to calm myself down. I just cried. I let my body's rage out. I let it all die down inside of me. My tears just fell. I let them.
And we try to be true
Try cause we're only passing through
Kevin and I were done. But I would still love him with all my heart, no matter how many times he threatened my life. And I cried, right in the face of danger. That face was Kevin's. I cried. And that might've just saved me. Because I used to mean something to him. But I had no idea how long that would keep me safe.
A/N: It hurts. So raw… Please review.
~Sky