Disclaimer: Property of JE.
-.-
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God and in the face of this company to join together this man and this woman…"
The chapel was beautiful. Sunlight streamed through the stained glass windows, distorting everything in lovely, honey-dewed hues. As Stephanie gazed out at the congregation, her heart swelled with emotions. She could see her family and all her friends – Lula in a spandex wrap dress, Connie beside her looking dewy eyed. She could see Randy, the fork wielding FTA, and Mooner in the back row. It was all so perfect, a scene straight out of a sappy movie. Or, at least, it was almost perfect…
Stephanie wrenched her eyes back to the person across from her. Morelli. He looked so handsome in a tux, staring down at her with such affection in his eyes. Just looking at him chased away her lingering doubts. Morelli was good looking, kind, and – most of all – stable. So what if she only felt dull affection when she looked at him. So what if their passion had dwindled to a low simmer. One couldn't be so greedy.
"…and therefore is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly and in the fear of God…"
Stephanie fought back a yawn. Why couldn't the priest just skip all the blah blahs and go straight to the "I do's". She shifted uncomfortably in her dress. It was the most gorgeous thing, all white and satin, nipping subtly at the waist and flowing into a generous train. Everything really was most perfect. Everything she'd dreamed of. Then why, she wondered, did she feel like throwing up?
"If any man can show just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace…"
Finally. Stephanie relaxed. It was almost over.
BAM. The sudden noise echoed throughout the chapel as loud as the church bells of Notre Dame. All heads swivelled around to gawk at the source of such an intrusion.
The front doors had been flung open and a figure stood, haloed in light. He was dressed all in black and had an impressive, chiselled body. Stephanie recognized who it was. From Morelli's hiss of fury, he obviously had as well.
Ranger stepped forward. He didn't look embarrassed or nervous, despite the fact that hundreds of unfriendly eyes were trained on him. When his eyes locked with Stephanie's, they were cool and steady.
"Babe," he said.
The priest was confounded. He was a small, elderly gentleman, with a habit of forgetting his dentures. "Excuse me?" he said.
"I think Ranger has an objection," Mary Lou piped from the second aisle.
"That bastard," Morelli growled. "I'm gonna kill him."
"Do you have an objection, young man?" the priest said.
"Yes." Ranger walked forward until he stood a meter away from the alter. Stephanie could feel Morelli tensing beside her. She knew that only the witnesses prevented him from launching at Ranger and ripping his head off.
And then, Stephanie stopped thinking all together, for she could smell him, that delicious scent she'd pressed her nose to so many times. Her body yearned to reach out for him. They stared at each other. Ranger's lips quirked up into an almost unnoticeable smile.
"What do you want, Manoso?" Morelli hissed. "Stephanie's mine. She doesn't want you."
Ranger ignored him. "I'm sorry, babe," he said. "I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you. But the truth is…I was scared. Babe, you changed my life. Before, it was utterly dark and pointless, but then you came and brought light and clarity. I guess what I'm trying to say is…. I love you, Stephanie Plum."
Everyone gasped. The dark handsome man could speak! From the third aisle, Connie said: "he actually knows what her name is?"
"You're wasting your time, Manoso," Morelli sneered. "God, you're stupid. Now get out before I throw you out myself."
"Oh my god," Stephanie gasped.
"See! Now you've gotten cupcake upset!"
"Shut up, Morelli."
"What?" Joseph whirled around and stared at Stephanie.
"I'm sorry, Morelli." Stephanie wrenched her eyes off of Rangers. "I can't marry you."
"What?"
"I thought I loved you, and I did, sort of. But then I realized that I was just lying to myself. If I marry you, it'll hurt both of us. You deserve better Morelli." She leaned forward to kiss Morelli tenderly on the cheek. Just as she did so, however, her stilettos caught at the hem of her skirt and she tripped, tumbling back into Rangers arms.
The moment those strong arms wrapped around Stephanie, she realized with absolute certainty that she was doing the right thing. Their eyes locked and then their lips met, slow and tender at first and then building into something rougher and more dangerous. Morelli was so shocked that he momentarily forgot his homicidal thoughts.
"Oh, dear lord," Stephanie's mom cried.
Grandma Mazur licked her lips lasciviously.
Eventually, their lips parted. Stephanie was flushed. Ranger looked like he had a million dollar lottery ticket in his hand. He walked down the aisle, cradling Stephanie in his arms, and then out of the chapel, the door swinging behind them. For a moment, it was completely silent.
"Can't believe he managed to carry her all the way there," Joyce Barnhardt muttered.
And so they lived happily ever after. Stephanie and Ranger got married in a lavish wedding in the south of Italy and proceeded to honeymoon around the world, collecting many exciting memories, such as being chased by a herd of elephants. When they returned to Jersey, they bought a lovely, suburban house and had five very clever and mischievous children. Stephanie regained custody of Bob and taught him not to eat the Italian leather sofa.
This is how is should be dear readers, but, alas, reality inevitably blunders through.
-.-